This weekend a friend shared an honest, transparent question on Facebook.
The question was something like, “How sensitive should we be to the expectations of others in our own sharing and expression?”
She then gave the example of those who post sonogram shots of their soon-to-be-born babes and how hurtful that can be to those who are unable to have children or who have actually miscarried.
My friend’s Q was honest and authentic; she really wanted to know. How sensitive should we be?
Is it ok to wish someone a Happy Easter in the coming month, even though others may take offense at the celebration of Christ’s resurrection?
Was it ok in February to send candy hearts and all sorts of public love wishes for Valentines Day, even though for many, it’s a reminder of recent or former heartbreak?
Does that make the sincere, public expression associated with Easter, Valentines, etc. wrong?
What about the holidays that are more individualized…
Some of us celebrate marital anniversaries; some of us do not. My friend, in fact, is a soon-to-be, unwanting-to-be, divorced woman. Does that make acknowledging and celebrating our individual anniversaries — again — wrong?
My sense is that we’re not very good at this.
We’re not very good as a culture at refraining from placing our expectations upon everyone else. We’re not very good at truly putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes. Sometimes, we’re only willing to put on a few, select pairs.
Putting on someone else’s shoes, for example, means I never rub my acknowledgement, celebration, or emotion in the face of another. I recognize that some moments/events are hard for some people, and thus I am intentionally careful with any bold broadcast.
Putting on someone else’s shoes also means that I allow the emotion of another to be expressed. I don’t have to stop or diminish another’s emotion simply because I do not share it nor feel it.
Again, we’re not very good at this.
Sometimes it seems we attempt to shut down what we don’t understand. We’re not good at what we can’t relate to. We’re not good at recognizing that two different people can have two different reactions to the same kind of event…
… and…
… both emotions can be ok.
As potentially expected, my friend’s initial post created extensive conversation. (Honest, transparent questions have a way of doing that.) Some persons keyed in just to learn and grow, and arguably to flag those places in their own lives where they aren’t all that good at wearing the shoes of another…
“Where can I grow?… Do I have any blind spots? … any places where I’m really not all that gentle and kind? … any places where I am judgmental and intolerant?”
Others commented freely — some with strong opinions… some even, seemingly, with the “how-dare-you” kind of Q’s.
Sadly, my friend and I are no longer “Facebook friends.” Not because of us; we’re good. But because yesterday, after her post, she left social media.
Some were unkind in their response. Some felt no need to wear her shoes.
Respectfully…
AR