the other side of me

Six weeks ago we popped the question: “what’s it like to be on the receiving end of me?”

It was a singular post, shared under the title of “The Purpose and the Question.”

As the weeks have continued, my strong sense is that it would be prudent of us to ask that more than once…

What’s it like to be on the receiving end of me?

Allow me to rephrase and push the envelope a hair further…

Do I have the guts to actually ask the question?

And do I care about the response?

Truthfully, it’d probably be easier not to ask the question. If I never hear anyone suggest that they sometimes see me as angry, arrogant, bossy, boastful, careless, cruel, defensive, harsh, hypocritical, illogical, inflexible, judgmental, narrow-minded, obstinate, overcritical, patronizing, pompous, selfish, stubborn or untrustworthy, then I never have to deal with the reality that sometimes I can be angry, arrogant, bossy, boastful, careless, cruel, defensive, harsh, hypocritical, illogical, inflexible, judgmental, narrow-minded, obstinate, overcritical, patronizing, pompous, selfish, stubborn or untrustworthy.

(And that’s only the first 20 adjectives I could think of.)

It’s not an easy question; do I have the guts to ask?

Which leads me to what’s next…

Do I care about the response?

On one hand, my sense is we might say “no.” Such follows the logic of the fictional, crazed television anchorman Howard Beale in his iconic “I’m as mad as hell and I’m not gonna take this anymore” quote. But note who is the subject of his sentence.

“I”… 

I… me… my… myself…

When we become the subject of our own sentences, we forget about the value of other people; we act as if we — me, my thoughts, beliefs and behavior— mean more. We then typically justify the demeaning of someone. And if we are justifying the demeaning of someone, we are not loving our neighbor well, we are not advocating for equality, and we are certainly not honoring the great big God of the universe. 

Living in a such a contentious, fractious time, it seems we become the subject of our sentences more frequently, although tribal insulation can shield us from such self awareness.  We are lured into believing that our thoughts, beliefs, and behavior are fully justified; hence, I don’t have to care about how anyone responds to me… I then think of the awesome words by the great, lyrical giver of truth, Sting: 

“There is no monopoly of common sense
On either side of the political fence
We share the same biology
Regardless of ideology
Believe me when I say to you
I hope the Russians love their children too.” 

Russians, Americans, Republicans, Democrats, majorities, minorities, faithful, etc., you name it… all people who at some time may be on “the other side of me.”

This week I had to apologize to someone who means a lot to me. To be clear, such isn’t an uncommon event. And since each of us have yet to walk on water — and thus we are wholeheartedly and so obviously imperfect — the process of asking and granting forgiveness should be a frequent and prudent pursuit.

But it starts with a question…

What’s it like to be on the receiving end of me?

Respectfully…

AR