not just for them

With all the rattling in current culture, I’d like to humbly share one of my guiding life principles. But I’ll be honest. I didn’t always think this way. Like many, when I was 22/23, fresh out of college, a new job, career, and gleefully, my to-date, far biggest paycheck, I knew I didn’t know it all; but I thought all I knew was best.

To be a tiny more transparent, I thought that, too, when I was 16 and 36 and…

I used to deeply adhere to an invariable idea of individual capability. I would hear reports from those around me, those in the news, and later on Twitter, learning of sensational, outlandish misdeeds of others. Some behavior was preposterous. Opinions and beliefs, too. It was crazy. Nefarious. Even corrupt.

I would immediately think — I might even loudly proclaim — “I would never do that.”

Never would I ever. I believed I was not capable of preposterous thinking or behavior. Like the friend I ran into on my daily walk the other day, as together we lamented the fractious state of current culture, saying, “It’s not that hard to not do stupid stuff.”

Touché. That’s what I used to believe.

Truthfully, that line of thinking made me feel better. It allowed me to be more confident, assured, emboldened, angry, prideful, you name it, believing that only another was capable of the stupid or egregious. But an unfortunate thing happens when we believe we are incapable… we then find ample reason to judge, look down on another, not engage until they grow, move full speed ahead with all of our blinders on, and we also stop seeking any common ground. We start believing that there actually does not exist any common ground… because they are different than me.

I see them as different. I’m not capable. I would never do that.

But alas, there were holes in my line of thinking…

I had a couple friends I did life with back then who went through some grievous times. Unrelated to one another, each engaged in indisputably immoral behavior — one in regard to infidelity — the other a violent crime. Each would tell you now that what they did was wrong and they were responsible for their actions. They’ve repented, but also experienced sobering consequences for their choices.

When we see such scenarios in the news, clearly, it’s easier. We don’t know them. Some would conclude regarding my two friends, “Well, AR, you must not have really known them.” But that’s not true. I did know them. Not only did I know them, I also respected them and believed them to be good, wise, compassionate, gifted people. I still do. They still did stupid stuff.

That’s when it hit me… if people that I knew and respected were capable of doing such stupid stuff, what about me? …

… if I’m pushed… if I’m passionate… if the right set of circumstances existed… am I capable of the egregious?

No doubt it would be easier to stand back, being confident, assured, emboldened, angry, prideful, you name it. No doubt it would be easier to see myself as incapable. No doubt it would be easier to withhold my love and respect and see the other as different.

But what if we’re not?

When adhering to guiding life principles, Judeo-Christian ethics have been timeless and true. In fact, they are so true it would be easy to look at divine instruction like the Ten Commandments and say, “Got it, God! I don’t really struggle with these. But it’s so great you provided these for them.” In other painfully poignant words, I used to look at life’s wisest teachings and think of how much others needed it.

We do that when we see them as different.

True that the timeless teachings of an enduring faith are personal. True that they are indeed for them. But also true is that they are indeed for me. And me is who I need to focus on first. The more I look at life through that Judeo-Christian lens, the more I see not how different I am from those both in and out of the Church — but rather, the more I realize how very much we are the same…

… how much we have in common…

… how capable we each are…

… and how much we desperately need what’s timeless and true…

Respectfully…

AR