Ah, yes, it’s a new year… time to make or not make resolutions. No pressure, friends. While we may hear bold pronouncements of wanting to eat healthier, hit the gym, or maybe even ensuring we end no more phone conversations by adding an accidental “love you” to a random person (or Verizon sales rep — ugh), resolutions are not something we make for anyone other than self.
Here, no less, my primary annual resolution in recent years has been to read more — reading from diverse authors of varied perspective, believing growth is oft prompted via the written word.
But if I respectfully strayed from the conviction that resolutions are only to be made for self — and if I could semi-humbly suggest a resolution for far more than me, I think I know what it would be…
We are a people quick to criticize. To be clear, criticism isn’t necessarily a bad thing if it’s sincere, solicited and respectfully stated. Unfortunately, much of the criticism that rampantly flows throughout today’s culture is only the first of the three.
We’ve watched people attempt to respond to such criticism — constructive or not. And even more unfortunately, we’ve watched them respond poorly…
We’ve watched people become immediately defensive…
I get it; this is easy — sometimes even our immediate, “go-to” reaction… How dare anyone would think so poorly of me?!… And just like that we stop asking questions; we stop seeking to understand; and because we’re defensive and reject whatever the other has to say, we never earnestly wrestle with any potential validity of the other’s concern.
We’ve watched the deferring of blame, pointing the finger at somebody else…
Oh, my… sign our politicians up!… One of the things that is respectfully near the top of my disappointment list in many of our elect, is that they are very slow (if that) at admitting wrongdoing. If I allow myself to be a bit facetious, I would argue that too many politicians are quick to take credit for all that is good and quicker to blame their opponent or predecessor for all that is bad. That makes no sense to me. When we defer all blame and point the finger elsewhere, we lack self-awareness. Maybe humility, too. But we again never wrestle with the potential validity of the other’s concern.
We’ve watched the tit-for-tat, Twitter fights ensue…
Yuck. Not sure quite what else to say here. Especially when leaders and celebrities fall prey to utilizing this poor method of interaction and response. When wrestling with a wise response to criticism, solid communication is important in regard to understanding what the criticism actually is and if there is any validity to it. Social media and texting are not helpful; they typically only facilitate insult faster. It is thus always disappointing to see otherwise seemingly intelligent people believe that social media rants are a prudent means in response to criticism.
So yes, if I could suggest a resolution for far more than me, it would be that we handle criticism in a wiser way…
… listen… ask questions… seek to understand… resist defensiveness… always…
… communicate in person, FaceTime, or on the phone… own what’s ours/not what’s not…
… stay calm… be respectful… apologize when necessary…
Let me be honest: I haven’t always been consistently good at this. And many/maybe most times, when the criticism was offered — especially when it was sincere, solicited and respectfully stated — it had at least some validity to it. Sometimes I handled it well; sometimes I did not. But I know, too, that apology is a strength… and a necessary skill.
Still growing. That’s why we make resolutions.
Now time to go back to reading more books.
Respectfully…
AR