second chances?

Let’s do this a little differently today. Let me share what I want to talk about before we begin. I don’t want to get off track in the rabbit trails and red herrings. I don’t want to minimize any detail, but I also don’t want the specifics to keep us from wrestling with the underlying question. Let me be clear: the specifics are hard. The audacity is unthinkable… sobering… and nothing short of infuriating. We will not minimize the severity. I simply want to talk about an underlying angle. I want to wrestle with the excellent question of: what’s too much to pay?

I want to talk about forgiveness. And consequence. I want to address pardon… propitiation… a restart, so-to-speak. I want to talk about second chances. When do they and when do they not apply? When does a person not deserve a second chance?

And… who gets to decide that? Could different people, have different, okay ways to proceed?

Let me offer the awful example…

Joe Mixon is a 20 year old, aspiring NFL athlete. Soon after arriving on the college campus, one day after his 18th birthday, Mixon punched fellow student, Amelia Molitor, in the face, breaking multiple bones, requiring hospitalization, surgery, and a jaw wired shut. Not only did Molitor have to endure the physical recovery, she was also subject to the extended stares, shame, social media avenues attempting to blame her, and to the fans, attorneys, etc. who prioritized Mixon’s football future over Molitor’s mental and physical health.

While the horrifying incident happened three years ago, the video wasn’t released until last December, which spurred on even more stares at Molitor, more outrage directed at Mixon, and more fans and attorneys attempting to minimize Mixon’s criminal actions.

Molitor has seemingly worked hard to heal and survive. Some would say she has found a way to thrive. Part of her chosen way through was to meet not long ago with Mixon.

From Molitor on their meeting: “Joe and I were able to meet privately, without any attorneys, and talk about our experiences since that night. I am encouraged that we will both be able to move forward from here with our lives. From our private discussions I am satisfied that we are going to put this behind us and work towards helping others who may have found themselves in similar circumstances.
I greatly appreciate his apology and I think the feelings he expressed were sincere. We both could have handled things differently. I believe if we had a chance to go back to that moment in time, the situation would not have ended the way it did.”

From Mixon: “I’m thankful Mia and I were able to talk privately. I was able to apologize to her one-on-one. The way I reacted that night, that’s not me. That’s not the way I was raised. I think she understands that.
Talking together helps move us past what happened. I know I have to keep working to be a better person, and this is another step in that direction. I love working with kids, and I’m looking forward to more chances to do that kind of work. I want to lead a life that inspires them, and I hope I can lead by example from today forward.”

The initial incident was awful. The apology was also accepted. I’m also not close enough to either Mixon or Molitor to gauge the depth of sincerity nor entirety of motive.

Note that Joe Mixon is considered one of the most skilled NFL prospects — possibly, even, talent-worthy of being drafted in the top five or ten. When he was finally selected by the Bengals in the mid-second round Friday night, many were outraged — as character-worthy, prompts the controversy.

If a person chooses to never cheer for Joe Mixon, they will find no active argument from the Intramuralist. If a person chooses to jeer, they will also find no argument. But if a person feels led to give a second chance to another — investing in him, walking alongside him, providing structure and discipline and helping him grow — you will also find no argument. A second chance is not a right, but it can be beautiful, contagious, and inspiring.

Hence, this isn’t about Joe Mixon, Amelia Molitor, the Bengals, or the NFL. The question is: when does a person deserve a second chance? Who gets to decide that? And is it ok that we will have different answers to that question?

When an athlete, celebrity, public servant, felon, or friend, does actually redeem themselves… when they do grow, change, repent, and become a positive influence… when a person or relationship is redeemed or restored… is that not most beautiful?

Tough, I know, as it only starts with a second chance and the specifics are hard. I just don’t want to miss wrestling with the underlying questions… those that affect us all.

Respectfully… always…
AR

8 Replies to “second chances?”

  1. What I most like about this is that they were able to privately discuss the details of the incident, but then give a brief summary of what transpired. The summary served to lay to rest the speculation and the pointing of fingers. It also let the public know that an apologizes were given, as was forgiveness. It leaves everyone in a place they can move forward from.

    1. I must assume my heart is hardened because I
      just cannot find, accept, nor agree with what was said previously. We aren’t talking about
      a little boy who throws a stone and hits a little girl which results in a black eye.
      Then they meet on the playground and said little boy says “I’m sorry.” Are you serious? I am not programmed to think of these two incidents as having anything in common. When Jesus witnessed the group of men about to stone a young prostitute he says,
      well, we all know what he said. So what does that say about me? I am sitting here with a huge rock in my hand and a big bag full of my own serious, SERIOUS sins in the other.
      The Bible teaches us that one sin is not graver than another ( still struggling with that one) and to turn the other cheek so we can be injured again. So is Jesus telling Molitor to go meekly back to Mixon and say please hit me again? I am confused.
      I believe that not all creatures are the same. Just as I believe not all Christians are the same. We each decide how deeply we want or feel led to involve ourselves as Christians….. do I lead a bible study, attend one or just go out and have a cup of coffee? Do I volunteer all of my time to the church, some of my time or none of my time? Do I do my devotionals morning or night, etc.
      Each of these are personal decisions. They have nothing to do with how deeply we love the Lord, they don’t measure faith, nothing can; they are only samples of things we can do in our personal walk with God. But therein lies the conundrum. Christ at the center and each of us around Him in faith.
      So, does Moxin get to hit her again? Biblically yes. Biblically, no. Do we turn the other cheek or take an eye for an eye? Let’s throw in “free will.” I don’t know. Is there a statuette of limitations on forgiveness? Because that is what I need; for here I stand, confused,
      one over-sized bag full of forgiven sins over my shoulder and one huge rock in the other hand.

      Jesu

      L

    2. I must assume my heart is hardened because I
      just cannot find, accept, nor agree with what was said previously. We aren’t talking about
      a little boy who throws a stone and hits a little girl which results in a black eye.
      Then they meet on the playground and said little boy says “I’m sorry.” Are you serious? I am not programmed to think of these two incidents as having anything in common. When Jesus witnessed the group of men about to stone a young prostitute he says,
      well, we all know what he said. So what does that say about me? I am sitting here with a huge rock in my hand and a big bag full of my own serious, SERIOUS sins in the other.
      The Bible teaches us that one sin is not graver than another ( still struggling with that one) and to turn the other cheek so we can be injured again. So is Jesus telling Molitor to go meekly back to Mixon and say please hit me again? I am confused.
      I believe that not all creatures are the same. Just as I believe not all Christians are the same. We each decide how deeply we want or feel led to involve ourselves as Christians….. do I lead a bible study, attend one or just go out and have a cup of coffee? Do I volunteer all of my time to the church, some of my time or none of my time? Do I do my devotionals morning or night, etc.
      Each of these are personal decisions. They have nothing to do with how deeply we love the Lord, they don’t measure faith, nothing can; they are only samples of things we can do in our personal walk with God. But therein lies the conundrum. Christ at the center and each of us around Him in faith.
      So, does Moxin get to hit her again? Biblically, yes. Biblically, no. Do we turn the other cheek or take an eye for an eye? Let’s throw in “free will.” I don’t know. Is there a statuette of limitations on forgiveness? Because that is what I need; for here I stand, confused,
      one over-sized bag full of forgiven sins over my shoulder and one huge rock in the other hand.

      Jesu

      L

  2. I’ve been so torn about this pick by the Bengals. I’ve read the outrage and anger on social media. I’ve read how friends will no longer be cheering the Bengals on this coming season, and how the Bengals chose “winning over ethics”. I can see all of that and can agree with all of that. But, I’ve had that nagging thought… what IF this was Mixon’s only transgression (as egregious as it was) and what IF he has really paid for it and has been working on improving himself? Marvin Lewis said in his interview that they spoke with the staff at Oklahoma and really paid due diligence making certain that Mixon was on the straight and narrow. With all that said, I am in agreement with you. Second chances can be a beautiful thing. But, I have no argument against any side of this coin…

  3. How can we not forgive others when we seek forgiveness from God? Maybe there is a difference between forgiveness and second chances. I do know forgiveness is the way to relieve a load we carry when we choose not to forgive. Who wants that load?

    1. Heard a statement last night that reminded me of this blog:

      Forgiveness doesn’t change the past, but it does enlarge the future.

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