My oldest daughter asks, “Would you write a guest column for my blog?”
Sure! …what to write about?
Her sister, Nicole, is on my mind everyday. Would anyone be interested in my thoughts?
Maybe… Let’s give that a try.
Initially there was a positive — a relief. Her pain was over. No more struggle with the… ya … all that. But what a void in my psyche! Immediately you get busy with all the arrangement stuff. Lots of support yet one day down, next day level. Then the anniversaries start as April enters. A month since she died — two. Another month brings the 35th anniversary of her birth. We would always celebrate at her favorite restaurant.
A father laments with the reminder of special moments, special thoughts, special sharing. For more than a year, every other week, early on Thursday, in the car to Iowa City Medical Center…
“How is it going today?”
“Not yet Dad. I need a little time.”
Ten miles down the road the conversation starts. There were concerns lifted, issues clarified, history reviewed, faith affirmed and assured.
I have three daughters and two sons, all to whom God has given special gifts. Nicole had some exceptional qualities like no other — beginning with her always present smile, a symbol of her attitude. All four of her siblings will confirm that enthusiastically.
A few years ago she gave me a gift that seems so appropriate now. It is a book along with CD called, “Something Worth Leaving Behind.” Inside the cover she wrote:
“To Dad — From Nicole — I love you! Thank you for all you have taught me.”
I listen to the music now… with tears, for she taught me so much more than I ever taught her. She taught me how to face stage four cancer in a way I don’t think I ever could. She taught me how to not give up even though the oncologist gave her a year. She taught me to live with a confidence in difficult times and offer her “I’m fine” to the very day before she died. Yes, she also taught me to believe in important spiritual and eternal things when the going gets real tough.
And as I reflect now, she continues to teach me more.
With Both Grief and Joy…
RWM