all you have taught me

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My oldest daughter asks, “Would you write a guest column for my blog?”

Sure! …what to write about?

Her sister, Nicole, is on my mind everyday. Would anyone be interested in my thoughts?

Maybe… Let’s give that a try.

Initially there was a positive — a relief. Her pain was over. No more struggle with the… ya … all that. But what a void in my psyche! Immediately you get busy with all the arrangement stuff. Lots of support yet one day down, next day level. Then the anniversaries start as April enters. A month since she died — two. Another month brings the 35th anniversary of her birth. We would always celebrate at her favorite restaurant.

A father laments with the reminder of special moments, special thoughts, special sharing. For more than a year, every other week, early on Thursday, in the car to Iowa City Medical Center…

“How is it going today?”

“Not yet Dad. I need a little time.”

Ten miles down the road the conversation starts. There were concerns lifted, issues clarified, history reviewed, faith affirmed and assured.

I have three daughters and two sons, all to whom God has given special gifts. Nicole had some exceptional qualities like no other — beginning with her always present smile, a symbol of her attitude. All four of her siblings will confirm that enthusiastically.

A few years ago she gave me a gift that seems so appropriate now. It is a book along with CD called, “Something Worth Leaving Behind.” Inside the cover she wrote:

“To Dad — From Nicole — I love you! Thank you for all you have taught me.”

I listen to the music now… with tears, for she taught me so much more than I ever taught her. She taught me how to face stage four cancer in a way I don’t think I ever could. She taught me how to not give up even though the oncologist gave her a year. She taught me to live with a confidence in difficult times and offer her “I’m fine” to the very day before she died. Yes, she also taught me to believe in important spiritual and eternal things when the going gets real tough.

And as I reflect now, she continues to teach me more.

With Both Grief and Joy…
RWM

degrees of freedom

photo-1418225043143-90858d2301b4My husband, son, and I celebrated the 4th of July for the first time in three years last month. We lived in Switzerland as ex-pats while my husband completed a work contract. Returning to the United States just before Independence Day was significant in our eyes and prompted (even more) comparisons between our adopted and birth countries.

The differences between the two countries are significant in some cases, but more subtle in others. Of course, there are obvious differences in language, food, and lifestyle. July 4th and its celebration of independence brought a more subtle topic to mind: differences in personal freedom in Switzerland and the U.S. This topic has been nagging at me for a while. In Switzerland, the people tend to make decisions from a societal perspective (which sometimes limits personal choice) versus our very individualistic focus here in the U.S. I have been curious as to whether these subtle differences stem from governmental or cultural roots. It helps me sort things out when I write. So here goes…

Switzerland’s government is officially a Confederation or a Federal Republic. This is the same basic type of governmental system as the United States. Simply put, the countries are alliances of self-sufficient states (or “cantons” in Switzerland). Swiss citizens can call for a vote on any given topic if they garner a enough support from others. Or, in the case of the U.S., the citizens can lobby their representatives to vote one way or another or to introduce a new bill or law.

So, if the governments of these two countries operate in essentially the same manner, maybe the differences in personal freedom are cultural. Are the Swiss people raised to consider the effects of their actions on society before evaluating the effects on themselves, as individuals? I’m not sure, but I know now that personal freedom to make a decision for the individual absolutely exists in Switzerland, but it may come with a price.

On the surface, this societal way of thinking seems to have effective and even beautiful results. Environmentalism is promoted and encouraged by the Swiss government through monetary rewards. Cars are incredibly expensive to own and even more expensive to park. Even our apartment came with a 200 chf/month surcharge if we wanted an assigned parking place. There is a pecking order on the road: Walkers come first, then bicycles, buses, motorcycles, scooters, and finally individual cars bring up the rear. Fabulous rail and bus systems, protected mountains and land, clean lakes, and even cleaner food are the result. Swiss citizens certainly have a choice about what mode of transportation they use; they have a degree of free choice. They are encouraged, financially, to make certain decisions.

Swiss citizens recycle as much as possible. I believe this is done for environmental concerns, but also because of frugality. As the tale goes, the government urged its citizens to recycle for the good of the environment. The citizens didn’t respond to this request with a substantially higher rate of recycling. So, a group of concerned citizens called for a vote and implemented a new system that removed all trash bags from grocery shelves and replaced them with a government-made product, at a substantially higher cost. Oh, they’re great trash bags. In three years, I never had one break. One trash bag costs 1.70 chf or about $1.80 each. Compare that to the U.S. trash bag cost of 15 cents/bag, and it is clear that there is more incentive to recycle. Again, there is the choice to eschew recycling completely, but a person will pay a price (literally) for that decision.

Americans, on the other hand, have been educated about the benefits of recycling and other environmentally friendly actions. They are left then to make their own choice on the topic without immediate consequences. Many Americans make a socially conscious decision, but they do so of their own free will, without fear of financial penalty. No coercion is involved. No laws are in place. No pricey trash bags await them.

Many other examples of this idea exist. The Swiss believe in personal responsibility where the effects of their choices are concerned. Would you rather not wear a bike helmet while riding? Go ahead, but if you sustain a head injury and you weren’t wearing a helmet, the National Healthcare System may not be on the hook to pay your medical bills. You might have to assume full responsibility for them. Hate the idea of putting snow tires on your car in October? No problem if you don’t, but if you’re involved in an accident and don’t have them on your car from November 1st through April 15th, you may be liable for all the associated costs.

The Swiss also believe that children are best raised when their mothers stay at home. If a woman wants to continue work before her child(ren) are in school, she certainly has the right to do just that, but childcare is exorbitantly expensive; thus, many women stay home after their first child is born. The school day is also structured so that children go home for lunch. Most women find it difficult to hold a job that will allow them to go home for 1.5 – 2 hours during the day… another example of freedom of choice, but at a price.

America has a few population mandates itself, usually to promote population safety. Immunizations are highly encouraged and sometimes mandatory for school attendance. Car liability insurance is mandatory. Health insurance is becoming mandatory. Many Americans rail at these mandates because of the personal freedom that is subtracted from their lives. Yes, these mandates might promote a healthier and better functioning society, but Americans want the choice.

What are your thoughts? What is best in a society: personal freedom to choose no matter the consequences or personal freedom to choose with possible financial penalty if you choose the socially-selfish option? Perhaps a mix of the two is best.

Make no mistake. Our family had a ball living overseas. We traveled; we hiked; we skied. Of course, “work” was done in the usual sense. Steve did his engineer thing. I did my teacher thing. Our son, Sam, did his student thing. But other work was done, too… the kind of work that is really work-in-progress… an evolutionary process that no one really expected. Living in a different society opens you up to new ideas and perspectives… and sometimes makes you appreciate old ones.

Respectfully…
SLL

 

losing the art of friendship

photo-1436915947297-3a94186c8133What have we done?

That was the thought that went through my mind as I sat with a group of 8th grade girls. They were chatting about the usual teenage girl stuff: school, friends, and boys.

Then one of the girls commented, “My best friend and I were being silly, skipping to the school bus holding hands the other day. One of the kids at the bus stop yelled, ‘Lesbians!’ Now that rumor is all over school.”

“What did you expect?” said another.

This is not an article about sexual orientation. The topic I would like us to think about is the sexualization of simple expressions of friendship and the impact that is having on our kids. The American Psychology Association states that “sexualization occurs when:

* A person’s value comes only from his or her sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics;

* A person is held to a standard that equates physical attractiveness (narrowly defined) with being sexy;

* A person is sexually objectified —that is, made into a thing for others’ sexual use, rather than seen as a person with the capacity for independent action and decision making;

* And/or sexuality is inappropriately imposed upon a person.” (http://www.apa.org/pi/women/programs/girls/report-full.pdf)

Most of us are aware of the negative side effects of girls being over sexualized in regards to their male counterparts. (Click on above link for the full scoop.) Young girls are overly concerned about being attractive and attracted to boys, and now they seem to be dealing with relationships with female peers in a sexual context as well.

“You understand that being affectionate with friends is a totally normal things, right? It has nothing to do with whether you find that person attractive or not.” I said to blank stares. They didn’t believe me.

“When I was your age…” I started, then stopped when I got a group eye roll. My telling them of the good old days wasn’t going to help.

This conversation has been on my mind since and I have brought it up to enough teens and young adults to believe that their perception is a common one. And it made me sad.

You see, I do have strong fond memories of the girls I hung out with in 7th and 8th grade. These were the years of growth-spurts, first bras, periods and passing around books by Judy Blume. We leaned on each other for understanding and support, and laughed until milk came out our noses. At dances and skating parties we would be just as likely to partner up with each other as with a boy. Dance or skating with a boy had flirty overtones, but among ourselves there was none of that. We shared a close intimacy that allowed several of us to cram into a bathroom; one changing, one peeing and another at the mirror putting on her Bonnie Bell lip gloss.

Oh, we talked about boys, but mostly the unattainable ones whose Teen Beat pin-ups were taped to our walls. Most of our time together was spent making our own adventures: camping under a starlit sky, sleepovers that involved baking, making up dance moves and then crowding close to each other telling ghost stories, or hanging out at the local swimming hole. Our friendship was not based on being thin or fat, tall or short, curvy or flat. We were just us.

As we’ve grown up our lives paths and experiences have been as diverse as anyone’s. However, during those formative years when we were transitioning from girlhood to womanhood, our society and media wasn’t telling us that our physically displays of affection with our peers had sexual connotations. We were free to hug, touch, and run arm and arm. We were free to accept each other no matter how we were made. We learned how to be good friends, strong and reliable, and that love had very little to do with sex, but with our willingness to be there for one another.

I worry about this young generation who consider every relationship with their peers in a sexual context. I worry about their ability to be content, self-accepting and at peace.

Respectfully…

SBS

speaking at my funeral

stick-and-stonesDo you ever wonder what people will say about you at your funeral? No, I am not talking about the “she looks good”, or the “they did an amazing job” comments. I am talking about the real heartfelt comments that will come from your family or your friends — and hopefully not anytime soon. Have you done enough “good” in your life so that those chosen to speak will leave a lasting impression on those in attendance?

I watched the funeral of Officer Sonny Kim in Cincinnati last July and listened to the speakers and what they each had to say about him. How difficult it must have been for each of them to prepare their remarks because his death was so sudden, so senseless, and so tragic. Yet, Officer Kim created quite a legacy and left plenty of content simply by the way he lived his life.

If you, like me, didn’t have the good fortune to know Officer Kim in life, take the opportunity to know him in death. We can learn from his example and try to leave this community and city better than when we arrived. Make something positive happen from this tragedy.

No doubt, Officer Kim was an amazing husband, father, son, brother, mentor, teacher, and police officer. No doubt, Officer Kim touched and positively influenced many lives. No doubt, Officer Kim lived each day to the fullest. And no doubt, Officer Kim died a true hero.

In death, Officer Kim almost seems larger than life, a super hero, an immortal. In theory, it is fine for us to remember him in this way. We should. He deserves it. But in reality, he didn’t possess any super powers any more than you or I do. He loved. He cared. He displayed a genuine kindness to his fellow man. He was special. He made a difference. And he will be remembered.

Officer Kim didn’t make a conscious effort to make this world better; he did it by simply living his life. He didn’t care what race you were or what religion you practiced or how much money you had; he simply loved and cared about everyone collectively. Those that knew him, loved him. And those that didn’t know him, have come to love him in the days following his death. This has been very evident in the endless tributes and donations that have come flooding in.

If Officer Kim were here today, I would imagine that he would shy away from all of this attention. I say this only because his beautiful wife, Jessica, was quoted as saying, “you are doing too much” in response to all of the love and support shown to them in the days following his death. No, Mrs. Kim, we can never do enough to thank you and your family for sharing your Sonny with us — not only in life but in his death, as well.

He united us on a sunny, then, briefly stormy Friday afternoon in June. We were all Cincinnatians, Ohioans, and most of all Americans. We were supporters of the hundreds of law enforcement members who were a part of his funeral procession. We lined 17 miles of the city’s Montgomery Road with our American Flags, wearing our blue. It didn’t matter race or religion. It didn’t matter young or old. It didn’t matter rich or poor. We were there to honor Officer Kim and his family. We were one.

So, I ask you…what are you doing to make a difference? Do you go the extra mile? Do you take the time to enjoy the little things and/or little ones in your life? Do you go out of your way to do something nice for someone? Are you kind? Are you compassionate? Do you love? Do you care? Do you live — and I mean really live?

We all would like to think we would answer yes to all of the questions. I believe we would all choose good over bad at any point. But, if you are like me, we are constantly running by the seat of our pants. We have games and concerts and work and household matters. We have family obligations and school meetings and dinner to cook. It is hard to manage our time these days.

I challenge you to start small and do one thing each day to make this world a better place. Maybe just smile at someone, lend a hand, send a card, offer a hug, or take the time to tell someone how much they mean to you. It doesn’t have to be monumental, the smallest showings sometimes are the most memorable.

So, think again about who you would want to speak at your funeral. What do you want them to say? Reflect on this often. Start creating your content today. Be kind, be gracious, love all, care, forgive and forget, don’t judge, and laugh. Above all, go make a difference today.

Kindly…
LS

“I am your father, Luke.”

sky and columns of supreme court building in washington d.c.Before you read this column, please set aside whatever opinions you have about Obamacare and same-sex marriage. Whether you think the Affordable Care Act is the greatest piece of legislation ever or will soon become the black hole of all government debt — and whether you think same-sex marriage is long overdue social progress or the American government advocating sin — this entry won’t make sense if you read it from the perspective of whatever opinions you hold. So before you read on, please just set them aside for a few short moments….
You see, it is not the current policy on those two matters that is important; it’s the process by which they came to be.
A short civics reminder: the United States Constitution created three branches of government — the legislative branch, which passes laws, the judicial branch, which interprets laws, and the executive branch, which regardless of what it thinks about the laws that are passed or how they are interpreted, is charged with implementing those laws. After the Revolution, the founding fathers wisely divided government authority between these three equal branches of government — called the Separation of Powers — to prevent one branch from obtaining the abusive power wielded by the British monarchy.
Two landmark cases have just been decided by the Supreme Court of the United States, and regardless of whether you were parading in the streets in celebration or shaking your head at Facebook rainbows, every American needs to understand what just happened to the Separation of Powers.
First, the case of King vs. Burwell, about Obamacare. The Affordable Care Act is a 900-page piece of legislation that few lawmakers read before it was voted upon. It established a mechanism for states to set up health insurance exchanges, but the uninsured in states that did not could purchase insurance through an exchange established by the federal government. The law went on to say that insurance would be subsidized in exchanges “established by the state.”
There are different opinions about how those words ended up in the final legislation. Some say it was a mistake made while reconciling two versions of the bill. Others say it was intentional, as an incentive for states to establish exchanges. What is not in question is that those were the words in the legislation that Congress passed.
The IRS, an agency of the executive branch, charged with implementing the laws that have been passed, didn’t like those words, so they ignored them. They issued a directive through a federal register that subsidies were to be provided through all exchanges, whether “established by the state” or the federal government. A lawsuit ensued.
In short, six justices of the Supreme Court ruled that “established by the state” does not mean “established by the state.” In the context of the entire legislation, that must not have been what was intended, since so many states did not establish an exchange, and the law wouldn’t work otherwise.
My friends, we are no longer following the rule of law. “Established by the state” clearly means “established by the state,” and regardless if this was a mistake or that’s not what Congress intended, that is the law that Congress passed. Those black robes do not give the justices clairvoyant powers to know what each lawmaker who voted in favor intended. Just read the words on the paper. Their meaning is clear.
Next, Obergefell v. Hodges, about same-sex marriage. Because some states recognized gay marriage and others forbade it, James Obergefell married John Arthur in Maryland, then sued their resident State of Ohio to recognize their marriage. Because Arthur was terminally ill, they wanted Obergefell’s name listed as the spouse on his death certificate. That’s all this case was about. John Arthur died in 2013.
In an opinion that began, “The Constitution promises liberty to all within its reach, a liberty that includes certain specific rights that allow persons, within a lawful realm, to define and express their identity,” the Supreme Court struck down all state bans, declaring same-sex marriage to be the law of the land.
That is pure gobbledygook, typical of an opinion concocted within someone’s head than having any legal basis whatsoever. The Constitution does not mention marriage. The words “marry,” “married,” or “marriage” do not appear in it anywhere. There is no “right to marry” in the Constitution.
As such, the Tenth Amendment is clear: “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.”
Hear me plainly. I am not arguing against same-sex marriage. I am simply saying that the United States Constitution does not provide a right to marry, and as such, clearly gives the power to determine who can and cannot marry to the states. Yet only five people this time in black robes have dictated otherwise.
I understand that eliminating subsidies in the federal health insurance exchange would have been a calamity, and the excitement felt by those who seek same-sex marriage, their friends and families who know their pain, and those who opposed “#lovewins” have often not behaved in a very loving manner.
But if you don’t like the law, elect different representatives, and they can pass new laws. That’s democracy.
The Supreme Court justices are not elected, yet they are no longer following the plain meaning of the rule of law nor the U.S. Constitution. They are issuing opinions based on what they think in their own heads, not what the law says. If they are not bound by the Constitution or the rule of law, what limits their authority? That’s oligarchy, “a small group of people having control of a country.”
You may be very happy at the results of these opinions, and I respect that. But you might not be next time, and this is not democracy. This country determines its laws by representatives who are elected “of the people, by the people, and for the people,” not nine tyrants in black robes who force their wills upon the rest of us. Every American should be concerned about this abuse of power.
We revolted against the British monarchy. This judicial oligarchy deserves no less a response.
Respectfully…
MPM

coming soon…

LJIZlzHgQ7WPSh5KVTCB_Typewriter-1For the past seven years, we have covered multiple incidents, issues, and current events. Some posts have been more personal and passionate; whereas, others have been more factual and informative. We have covered much. For a very brief example, since November of 2008, we have covered:

The events… the election of Barack Obama, subsequent elections, the earthquakes in Haiti and Japan, the tsunamis and tornados, the ongoing conflict with militant Muslims, the worsening economic crisis in Europe, the atrocities — here, there — way too many… we even covered Queen Elizabeth’s Diamond Jubilee.

The issues… healthcare, heroes, caring for the least of these, education, the economy, increasing debt, marriage, gay marriage, God, guns, bailouts, idol worship, 80’s music, vacation, vaccines, false religion, racism, and all the wild, manipulative rhetoric.

The ideals… humility, arrogance, patience, kindness, self-control, freedom, sacrifice, acceptance, tolerance, selflessness, greed, gluttony, and love (…because the greatest of these will always be love).

The people… Joe Biden, Jack Kemp, Rod Blagojevich, Tom Brady, Condoleezza Rice, Tim Tebow, Mark Twain, and Prince George. We covered Habitat’s Millard Fuller, (way too many) Bush’s and Clinton’s, the singularly-named Seinfeld, Oprah, and Beyoncé… and never forgetting lessons learned via those three, cute, teenage boys in my own household.

The sports… Baseball, fantasy football, golf, March Madness, the Packers and Patriots, Lions, Tigers, and Bears, FIFA, and especially, this summer’s awesome, women’s World Cup team.

Yes, we have covered much.

Let it always be said of the Intramuralist that we care more about articulation than agreement. It is not important that we always agree. We can’t. Throughout my life, for instance, many have insisted that I must like mushrooms and pickles… “What’s wrong with you?!” I’m sorry. I don’t like them. I won’t. And I don’t plan on changing my opinion any time soon. It’s ok that we disagree. 🙂

What’s not ok is our inability to have the conversation. There are far too many on Facebook and elsewhere who find no discomfort calling a brother or sister an “idiot” or “douchebag.” Excuse my language; I’m making a point. The insults and indignities say more about the person who employs them than the person they are attempting to target.

Consistent with that value, let it also be said then that while I so appreciate this blog and means of communication, I don’t think it’s always important that you hear from me. I want you to hear from one another. I want you to hear from someone other than me — and other than self.

Beginning Sunday, therefore, is our annual summer Guest Writer Series. Over the next three and a half weeks, you will hear from other people. You will hear from a parent, nursing professional, a police chaplain, and a communications expert; you will hear from three known published authors and a philanthropic CEO; you will also hear from an insightful, new friend made on the spring “grad party circuit” — and even from a sitting State Senator. You will hear angles and articulations different from mine.

Please know that the opinions expressed here may or may not be consistent with mine. I may totally disagree, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that we learn to express ourselves in ways respectful to one another so that we can discuss, learn, and sometimes, hopefully even solve.

I will add that this year’s group of writers is a talented, expressive group. They will address some challenging subjects — beginning Sunday — but they communicate consistently with respect.

Hence, feel free to comment. Share with our guest writers where you agree or disagree; share with them why. Talk to them here or on Facebook or Twitter. Join the conversation. Let our writers know what you appreciate. Ask questions. Ask for more insight. And as always, do so respectfully. Let’s articulate ourselves wisely and well.

Respectfully… (I can’t wait…)
AR

playing by the rules

photo-1433785567155-bf5530cab72cFunny how this world works… how one thing leads to another… how what we learn in one area is so often applicable to something else…

As the year’s summer baseball season wraps up for my middle son, we found ourselves neck-and-neck in the late innings of one game in a highly competitive tournament last weekend. In fact, since this team has found significant on-field success, we were playing mostly teams a year older.

This game was especially tight, but with two on and no out, our cleanup hitter came to the plate. He quickly smacked a long double to right center field, giving us a two run lead, which seemed somewhat insurmountable in a game where runs were rare.

Before the cheers had yet to subside in the stands, the coach of the other team was out of his dugout, yelling at the umpires. “Check his bat! Check that bat!”

Yes, we were playing in a wood bat tournament, a series where no metal nor composite wood bats are allowed. Funniest thing… our four hitter’s bat sure looked like it was wood. And it was. But buried deep within the rules was the edict that the bats must be made of a singular piece of wood. The bat in question was actually made out of two pieces. Granted, it was not a error of deception; rather, it was an innocent error by a teen with a previously-thought, cool looking bat. After an extended conference with both umpires and opposing coaches, the batter was called out and our two run lead was erased.

Let me be clear. The opposing coach was right. He was completely within his jurisdiction to question what was a potential violation of the rules. In fact, I learned later that this coach was a baseball bat salesman; he knew what he was talking about.

Here’s the problem. Remember we found ourselves neck-and-neck in the late innings of the game. This was the third time the cleanup hitter was at bat. The previous two times at the plate, his at bat did not affect the outcome of the game. Only when it affected the outcome of the game did the opposing coach speak up.

Hence… my questions of the day — my learning from one area applied to another…

  • How often do we play by the rules only when it affects the desired result?
  • How often do we demand that others play the rules only when it affects the desired result?
  • How often are we silent about the rules — because we don’t necessarily want to totally play by them either — until, of course, we can gain some sort of advantage?

I wonder when we play by the rules and when we don’t.

I wonder how often we announce the rules… and… when we choose to stay silent.

Does the end justify the means? Does the game matter?

Is it hypocrisy? Is it unethical? Seems to me way too many inconsistently play by the rules, embracing them when they want to — ignoring them when they don’t.

Let me again say that the coach had every right to come out of the dugout. He was right. The challenge is, though, that too many only come out of the dugout when it benefits them… when it affects the outcome of the game. In business… in government… in activism, etc.

Oh, how I wish what we learn in one area would affect other areas as well…

(And FYI… for the record, the good guys still won. 🙂 )

Respectfully…
AR

pausing

photo-1433185000771-ec45c869c61bAs I’ve said multiple times previously amidst these posts, every now and then there’s an incident or event that promptly causes me to dismiss what I originally intended to say. Today is one of those days.

In the late hours of Thursday night, just before midnight, a long line of traffic was slowed to a near standstill due to construction on the interstate near my alma mater. Notably in line were a semi-truck, Honda Pilot, and Toyota Yaris. Behind them was a fourth vehicle — driven by a man who when he looked in his rear view mirror, shockingly saw an 18 wheel tanker rapidly nearing at full speed behind them — not slowing for the construction zone. The driver of the fourth car somehow was able to swerve his car out of the way, but the tanker then hit the three aforementioned vehicles, reportedly at full speed.

The Yaris was first knocked into the adjacent ditch, killing the driver, a promising postdoctoral physics student at Purdue. Next hit was the Pilot, driven by a beloved mom and respected optometrist — a member of the community in which I grew up. Also in the car with her were her two young sons, 8 and 10.

When the tanker hit the Pilot, it caused the stationary vehicle to spin initially into the median. The tanker then struck the semi, at which time the tanker caught fire and the Honda Pilot spun into the two semis, also then catching fire. When police arrived on the scene, the tanker and the Pilot were fully engulfed in flames. The driver of the tanker, the mom, and her two children were killed.

My heart aches. I simply cannot easily, emotionally grasp the depth of this tragedy.

Hence, what caused me to pull my planned post today is the thought that moments such as this should make us pause. These moments should stop us. These moments should stop us in our tracks, shake us to our core, and prompt us to ask ourselves what we really believe. What we believe should then affect how we behave.

But we’re too busy. We go from one thing to the next to the next to the next. It’s not that we’re engaged in so-called “bad things”; we just keep going on life’s continuous treadmill without stopping to take note of the surroundings.

If we did take note of the surroundings, I wonder what we’d do differently…

I think we’d be better at putting ourselves in the shoes of another… I think we’d take more time to listen and honor and view the perspectives that are different than our own… I think we’d be better empathizers… I think we’d quit shouting at singular people or people groups…

I think we’d be less likely to embrace and repeat extreme, rhetorical rants — realizing that the often, originally legitimate rant sometimes evolves into a disrespect of someone else… I think we’d be more respectful as a whole… I think we’d be humbler… I think we’d have fewer blindspots…

I think we’d be better at taking time to acknowledge and thank the great big God of the universe. Ever since the world was created, God’s invisible qualities — his eternal power and divine nature — have been evident. Often, though, we don’t seem to pause long enough to see him… thereby becoming far too dependent and puffed up on self.

As said, it’s hard for me to shake the death of this mom especially. As any who have felt such dire loss across the country — from California to the Carolinas — we share in the grief of the families who today struggle with the depth of such unthinkable tragedy.

 How do we honor the victims?

Might I suggest we begin with a pause…

Respectfully…
AR

belief

photo-1415226355641-7f90f89def6aAnyone who is President or runs for President tends to do three things:

  1. Kiss babies.
  2. Claim to know Econ. And…
  3. Talk about God.

As the 16th entry into the diverse 2016 GOP presidential field, Ohio Gov. John Kasich concluded his announcement on Tuesday with the following:

“As for me, I’m just a flawed man, a flawed man, trying to honor God’s blessings in my life. I don’t even understand it. He’s been very good to me. And I want you to know that I will do my very best to serve you, because you are in my mind’s eye… God bless you and God bless America.”

Ah, yes, to appeal to the masses, we like to invoke the name of God; it sounds good. But when is such a reflection of what we really believe — and when is it merely a strategic manifestation of — shall we say — lip-service?

Even in our seemingly all-things-go society, non-belief is still politically unpopular. I speak not of atheism or agnosticism — those who claim God doesn’t exist or simply say they do not know him. According to the Barna Group, 75% of us believe in God; 92% say Jesus Christ was a real person who actually lived; and 62% of us have made a commitment to Jesus that we say is still important to us today.

But my sense is that belief means something more. Belief cannot be qualified as lip service. Belief changes us. And belief radically changes how we behave.

Belief in an omniscient, omnipotent, amazing grace-giving, compassionate God means we learn to love our brother and sister well. It means to look out especially for the poor, sick, elderly, and orphan. It means that all lives matter.

Belief in this great big God of the universe means we trust more in him than in ourselves. That means I allow my prayer and my pause to direct my heart, mind, soul, and strength. That means I am submissive to someone other than myself.

Belief in God means that I recognize that I don’t have life all figured out… that I don’t know all there is; and I can’t. My experience doesn’t equate itself with exhaustive truth. I recognize there must be someone greater and wiser than me.

Time and time again, I find myself struck by those who share their belief in God, but then seemingly, in the same breath, turn around to chastise another… to only love one person or people group well… or to arrogantly proclaim only they or their tight knit people group has been solely, divinely enlightened. So many times I have been struck by the lack of humility claimed by those who say they believe.

Allow me one more notably, transparent sentence: so many times I have been struck by my own lack of humility.

To say we believe means we are changed. It means our trust comes from God, our empowerment comes from God, and thus our peace and confidence comes from him. That person will be like a tree planted by the water, that sends out its roots, but doesn’t fear when the tough weather comes. The worry is less. The need to control is less. The need to only love some people is less. The need to trump one people group over another is less. The need to proclaim one’s own enlightenment is less. The need for arrogance is less. God is more; we are essentially… “less.”

Make no mistake about it; believing isn’t always easy. It takes faith. It is peace giving and confidence building, but it takes investment on our parts. It takes time. It takes pause.

So many proclaim their belief, but we should also be able to see their belief in how they behave.

It’s too easy to simply kiss all the babies.

Respectfully…
AR

the sound of silence

photo-1433959352364-9314c5b6eb0bIn the first published novel by Nicholas Sparks, “The Notebook,” which is based on a true story, the author pens the following:

“We sit silently and watch the world around us. This has taken a lifetime to learn. It seems only the old are able to sit next to one another and not say anything and still feel content. The young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. It is a waste, for silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. This is the great paradox.”

Silence… the beauty of silence. Like Sparks, I’m not sure we’ve embraced its beauty. Our brashness and impatience often prompts us to speak out… often glaringly, selectively.

Sometimes we fall prey to being selectively silent. For example, we may be boldly comfortable condemning the shooter in one senseless setting — but in another, because we identify emotionally with the aggrieved, we quietly instead pray for mercy (…why not condemn both acts — not people — and pray for all crime-committers — praying for truth to enter those messed up places in their minds and hearts that obviously led to the heinous acts?)…

We are selectively silent when we are comfortable only calling out one kind of people or partisan group…

We are selectively silent when we are comfortable proclaiming that only one kind of life matters…

In other words, we are selectively silent. We seem silent when it serves our own purposes — albeit arguably, blindly.
Allow me to humbly share a few sentences on what the Intramuralist chooses to be silent about and why…

I am selectively silent on Donald Trump — not on his presidential candidacy; in fact, pompous as he appears, I do appreciate the fact that he doesn’t seem to avoid any topic — unlike most announced candidates thus far, save maybe Fiorina, Rubio, and Sanders. But I am silent in regard to the disrespect Trump too often utilizes in his word choice. Why? Because I feel it doesn’t deserve any more attention.

I am selectively silent on The Huffington Post’s decision to no longer report on Trump’s campaign in their political coverage. Why? Because the bias within sites that wish to be considered respected news sources wears me out… from all sides.

I am also selectively silent on the hypocrisy laced within selective silence; for example, the world watched when Pres. Obama made multiple heartfelt statements, openly grieving for the Trayvon Martin’s and Freddie Gray’s of this world, but then said nothing after innocent Kathryn Steinle was killed by an illegal alien who had been deported multiple times. Why do I choose to be silent? Because it grieves me… but I’m certain, too, there’s a bit of a plank in my own eye, as I have been blinded — and there have been times, too, when my blindness has caused me to see only what I’ve wanted — only identifying with some… not all.

There is thus a beauty in silence — in the totality of silence, not in the strategic or blind selectivity. Silence causes us to pause, step back, and recognize our own pockets of hypocrisy.

This past weekend I attempted to practice this a little more — being still. I took some extended, intentional time to get away, be out in nature, celebrate, fellowship, pray… and focus on what’s good and true and right…
…focusing on what’s good… wrestling with the truth… gently pulling out the planks… listening to others…

…and embracing the paradoxical beauty of silence.

Note: this may take a lifetime to learn.

Respectfully…
AR