“the extremist”

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While I’m going out on a bit of a blogging limb here, my guess is that every enthusiastic, active blogger has about 37 different ideas they’re pondering in their head all at the same time. Some develop into immediate posts; others take weeks, months, even sometimes years to formulate into a semi-coherent opinion. (I think my current number stands at 38.)

Hence, for over a year, I’ve been pondering the following post. I’m still not quite finished in its formulation, but it seems there’s a deep truth here — a truth I stumbled upon with a long time friend many months ago. Together we questioned the state of society — the good, bad, ugly, and all that’s in between. It was a great time… so authentic, such a give-and-take with many angles to learn and digest from… excellent, varied perspective… with both of us seeking something better than what we too often witness.

We seek solution… peace… and a “win-win” (Covey Habit #4, by the way).

But in our conversation that fall, we soon stumbled upon a proverbial thorn — far more than a thorn, actually. We identified one aspect among us that is challenging. It always seems to be the one thing actively attempting to pierce any progress. It is an unmistakeable impediment to solution. We identified “the extremist” as a significant, societal problem.

The challenge today immediately evolves, no less, to who “the extremist” actually is…

Who is this?

Who is “the extremist”?

And therein lies the challenge.

The challenge is that without a doubt, “the extremist” exists on both the proverbial left and right. However, we tend to minimize the one who, while potentially “extreme,” shares our bottom line opinion; in other words, we are far more graceful to the likeminded — especially, since we like the way they vote — and don’t want to disrupt that.

And so for my friend and me, we found ourselves in search of a better question. Instead of “who actually is this,” we settled on the better question of what do these pejorative persons most have in common; what are the characteristics that identify “the extremist”?

In total transparency, we never settled on a complete, concise list. I think our conversation will continue. But the below is what we pondered then — and continue to ponder now. How relevant are the following 15 characteristics? Is this what we see too frequently in “the extremist”?

  1. An unwillingness to listen
  2. An unwillingness to admit any wrongdoing or wrongful thinking
  3. An inability to communicate with unlike others
  4. An inability to argue calmly
  5. Anger
  6. Arrogance and condescension
  7. An attempt to instill fear in others
  8. A lack of consistent logic
  9. Scornful of compromise
  10. A refusal to change
  11. No admittance of hypocrisy
  12. Utilization of stereotypes or entire people group designations
  13. Provocation and derived pleasure from provocation
  14. The end justifying the means
  15. And complete blame of the “other” side

If we could find a way to effectively and respectfully wrestle with “the extremist” — even if he/she is among our own likeminded — then perhaps we could find more solution and peace… actually making it a win-win… and building those necessary bridges to so-called “other” sides.

Respectfully…
AR

synergize

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My family has long been fans of Steven R. Covey, the American author and businessman who passed away a little more than six years ago. Said one brother, “Covey’s books are about more than time management; they’re about life management.”

Covey was brilliant.
Covey was wise.
And Covey would be good for each of us to defer to now.

In his most popular work, Covey offers “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” In this book — which has sold over 25 million copies worldwide — Covey promotes what he labels “The Character Ethic” — or aligning our values with so-called “universal and timeless” principles. He then shares the infamous 7 habits:

(1) Be Proactive
(2) Begin with the End in Mind
(3) Put First Things First
(4) Think Win-Win
(5) Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
(7) Sharpen the Saw

Oh, wait… sorry… I forgot #6. My apologies.

The sixth habit of highly effective people is to “synergize.” Allow me to expand a little more on its insightful meaning. Take not my word for it; take Covey’s:

“To put it simply, synergy means ‘two heads are better than one.’ Synergize is the habit of creative cooperation. It is teamwork, open-mindedness, and the adventure of finding new solutions to old problems. But it doesn’t just happen on its own. It’s a process, and through that process, people bring all their personal experience and expertise to the table. Together, they can produce far better results that they could individually. Synergy lets us discover jointly things we are much less likely to discover by ourselves. It is the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. One plus one equals three, or six, or sixty — you name it.

When people begin to interact together genuinely, and they’re open to each other’s influence, they begin to gain new insight. The capability of inventing new approaches is increased exponentially because of differences.

Valuing differences is what really drives synergy. Do you truly value the mental, emotional, and psychological differences among people? Or do you wish everyone would just agree with you so you could all get along? Many people mistake uniformity for unity; sameness for oneness. One word — boring! Differences should be seen as strengths, not weaknesses. They add zest to life.”

I see some great truths in Habit #6… valuing differences… truly valuing the mental, emotional, and psychological differences among people… not mistaking uniformity for unity. I admit… I think we struggle with valuing differences. I also wonder if it’s because we’re fearful we may have to admit our own flaws or weaknesses or areas of wrongful thinking in the process. Said a long time professional colleague of our family, “I wish I was as correct about one thing as some people think they are about everything.”

That’s it.

We’re just not very good at valuing what’s different in another…

Especially now.

But before I conclude this day’s post, let me again apologize for the error in omitting #6 above — the need to synergize and learn to value those who think differently.

Then again, that omission seems pretty frequent these days…

Respectfully…
AR

what I’ve learned…

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Despite the notion that everything we needed to learn could somehow be done in kindergarten, I’ve learned a few new things in recent weeks…

I’ve learned that words matter…
(… shoot… I did learn that in kindergarten… but… I’ve learned that not everyone did learn it there…)

I’ve learned that people care about our country…
Granted, the masses express their care differently, but difference is not an accurate indicator of sincerity.

I’ve learned that we’ve got some tough stuff to handle in this country…
The reality is we’ve had some tough stuff for a while, but certain instances and events often bring specific issues to the forefront.

I’ve learned that pomp and circumstance always has the potential for goosebump giving…
That helps if we respect the office, even when challenged to respect a person.

I’ve learned that politics is still in play for too many people…
Of course, they creatively cover it up and try to sell us on a far better-sounding motive.

I’ve learned that passionate opinion — even when I don’t understand it — is to be respected…
This is not always easy, as understanding the opinion of another typically takes significant work.

I’ve learned that work is worth it…
True, sometimes we’re too tired, exhausted, or even unwilling; it’s still worth it.

I’ve learned that social media doesn’t equate to conversation…
(… oh, wait… I learned that before, too…)

I’ve learned that social media often does more harm than good…
While it’s great to keep connected, too often we feel justified in forgoing connection.

I’ve learned that people are more important than things…
That means that building relationships will always mean more than building opinion.

I’ve learned that too many times, I justify stating first how I feel rather than being intentional in asking another…
“Change Your Questions Change Your Life”… great read, by the way.

I’ve learned that it’s ok to cheer for patriots…
(… and Falcons, Packers, and Steelers, no less…)

I’ve learned that a clear majority seem to crave hope and change…
Granted, what we hope will change is different for different people.

I’ve learned that many people, groups, and adults often feel looked down upon…
Unfortunately, we can be pretty selective as to which groups we’ll support and which ones we won’t.

I’ve learned that empathy is often inconsistent…
(… going back to being selective as to which groups we’ll support…)

I’ve learned that hate speech is still alive on planet Earth.
But true, people have different perspectives and justifications as to what is/is not “hate.”

I’ve learned it’s thus easy to be judgmental — even among the intelligent.
Sometimes I don’t know what I don’t know; and if I don’t take the time to truly investigate, understand, and put myself in the shoes of another, then I’m more apt to be judgmental.

I’ve learned that when we’re judgmental, we have a hard time learning anything else.
(… no doubt one reason why it’s wise to be on our knees each day…)

I’ve learned I’ve got a lot to learn.

Why?

Because not everything I need to learn was done in kindergarten.

Respectfully…
AR

the magnitude of the moment

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The peaceful transfer of power is beautiful. Always.

Let me say that again: always.

I do not mean to in any way diminish the emotion of those who are less than thrilled with our new President. Liking or disliking has nothing to do with my point. Eight years ago I sat amidst a liberal audience. On Friday, I sat amidst a conservative audience. My reaction was the same: I was awed and humbled by the peaceful transfer of power…

… which is…
… always…
… beautiful.

My favorite moment is always right after the swearing-in ceremony…

The new President and his predecessor exit the other side of the building together.

At the top of the stone steps stand congressional representatives from both parties.

And then yesterday, down the steps came the two presidents — side by side… red, white, and blue.

The new Vice President and his predecessor followed.

The spouses came next, via military escort, helping guide those heels down the plethora of steps.

Then they all paused, as if recognizing the magnitude of the moment.

They paused and bantered and seemingly, genuinely enjoyed one another. While I would have loved to be a fly on a wall or a step or somewhere in the adjacent vicinity, I so wonder what they talked about. But whatever it was, it seemed to be good. They each seemed equally humbled and proud — aware of the uniqueness and beauty.

First the vice presidents and spouses walked away — escorting the old to a limo, waiting to deliver the predecessor to his next position. The new wished the old well; the old wished the new well. There were handshakes and hugs and all those fake kisses. But the moment was dear and sincere.

Then the presidents…

The two and their spouses walked to Marine One, the helicopter escorting the old to his next adventure. And at the end of both his tarmac and tenure, again, the new wished the old well; the old wished the new well. And both thanked one another for their service.

Their partisan loyalties… their emotion… and attitudes… none of it got in the way.

What a wonderful day it is…

… the peaceful transfer of power.

May our eyes be ever able to see what’s beautiful…

Respectfully…
AR

inaugural history

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Just as I have with each elected president in my lifetime, I stand still in both awe and humble thanks, aware of the uniqueness and magnitude of the peaceful transition of power. There is no raucous disarray; there is no military coup. The transfer of power from one leader to another — one party to another — is peaceful and respectful.

So let my words not speak for what comes next. Hear from the wisdom articulated by many who preceded us on inauguration days…

“To a few of us here today, this is a solemn and most momentous occasion; and yet, in the history of our Nation, it is a commonplace occurrence. The orderly transfer of authority as called for in the Constitution routinely takes place as it has for almost two centuries and few of us stop to think how unique we really are. In the eyes of many in the world, this every-4-year ceremony we accept as normal is nothing less than a miracle.”
— Ronald Reagan, Jan. 20, 1981

“Today the executive branch of the government is transferred to new keeping. But this is still the government of all the people, and it should be none the less an object of their affectionate solicitude. At this hour the animosities of political strife, the bitterness of partisan defeat, and the exultation of partisan triumph should be supplanted by an ungrudging acquiescence in the popular will and a sober, conscientious concern for the general weal.”
— Grover Cleveland, March 4, 1885

“Let us create together a new national spirit of unity and trust. Your strength can compensate for my weakness, and your wisdom can help to minimize my mistakes. Let us learn together and laugh together and work together and pray together, confident that in the end we will triumph together in the right.”
— Jimmy Carter, Jan. 20, 1977

“On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.”
—Barack Obama, Jan. 20, 2009

“Every difference of opinion is not a difference of principle. We have called by different names brethren of the same principle. We are all Republicans; we are all Federalists.”
— Thomas Jefferson, March 4, 1801

“We must live up to the calling we share. Civility is not a tactic or a sentiment. It is the determined choice of trust over cynicism, of community over chaos. And this commitment, if we keep it, is a way to shared accomplishment.”
— George W. Bush, Jan. 20, 2001

“There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America.”
— Bill Clinton, Jan. 20, 1993.

And perhaps my current fave…

“With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds.”
– Abraham Lincoln, March 4, 1865.

1865… nearing the end of The Civil War. Certainly seems far harder than now. And yet it was wise to call for:

Malice toward none.
Charity for all.
And binding up the wounds of the nation.

May God truly bless America, even on those days I cannot see.

Respectfully…
AR

a final election post (sigh)

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Not long ago a reader respectfully asked when we’d be done covering the election. She was kind, but she had grown weary — weary because (1) the reactions of many have been challenging to continually endure, and (2) there are so many other current life events to address. I get it. I also have one more post…

I wish to gently, but sincerely recognize two legitimate perspectives. There’s obviously more than such, but in light of the significant, seemingly self-justified vitriol in recent weeks, I will settle on two for said final post.

First, there are honest, respectable people who are genuinely concerned with the election results. Some are deeply concerned — even afraid. We don’t know at this point whether or not their fears will come to fruition. We don’t know as of yet whether their fears will equate to reality, but until we know more, we should not dismiss any potential legitimacy. We should also not assume their feared reality to be true.

Second, there are persons going seemingly way too far in their response to the election. They either go too far in their continuous boasting — the gleeful “we won” type of reaction — ignoring how any may feel differently… or… they express a generous anger or lament fiercely directed at whoever doesn’t feel like them. As popular blogger, Regie Hamm, posed last week, “The wrath of the tolerant is often too much to bear when things don’t go their way.”

I’d like to see us do better at winning and losing. In fact, I’d like us not even to see it as “winning and losing.” It’s not a game; it’s also not the end of the world.

Elections do have consequences, and there certainly exists legitimate disagreement. But in the Intramuralist’s sincere opinion, we need to do better at expressing both our support and disagreement. Sadly, the anger and the arrogance impede respect and relationship — and therefore, also future progress.

Friends, I know some of you love and admire Hillary Clinton.
I know some of you do not.
I know some of you love and admire Donald Trump.
I know some of you do not.
I also know some of you voted for Donald or Hillary without loving (or really liking) either one of them.
You made the decision you thought was best.

Here, no less, is my sincere bottom line in our final election post: where is the respect for the right of every American to make the decision we individually think is best? Where is the respect for (all) other people? My sense is we often are only good at respecting some.

Afterall, it’s a fact that…

Not all Republicans feel the same.
Not all Democrats feel the same.
Not all white or black people feel the same.
Not all minorities feel the same.
Not all men or women feel the same.
Not all of any identified people group feels the same.

That’s it. We don’t all feel the same, and we can thus come to different “best” decisions. It is also then, not a time for boasting nor wishing the worst on someone.

May I share a final, underlying fear? When dining with a friend recently, I shared my concern that at some point soon, one of our leading politicians will be intentionally killed. That, though, is actually not my underlying fear.

My fear is that those holding an opposing political perspective will cheer.

May God forbid such to ever happen in this country. May he also forbid we stay so politically angry or arrogant. May we therefore find no comfort in our boasts or in unleashing our wrath on another solely because of who they are, what they believe, or how they vote.

Wisdom equates to better and more.

(P.S. Done now… sigh.)

Respectfully…
AR

being there, father mulcahy, & going first

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“Why are you being so rude?”
“Because he was rude first.”

“Why won’t you listen?”
“Because he stopped listening to me first.”

“Why are you so insulting, and justifying all the name calling?”
“Because he did it first.”

He did it… she did it… they did it… The bottom line is that someone else did it; someone else did it first; and their doing it first now allows me to do it, too. Friends, I’m concerned how significantly this line of thinking has permeated pop culture. We are justifying foolish behavior.

In search of something more positive on the net last week, I came across a great, inspiring post by New York Times bestselling author, Marcus Brotherton. With all the justified, poor and polarizing behavior, we need some inspiring posts.

It was entitled: “3 Things We Can Learn from Father Mulcahy,” a man identified by Brotherton as a “1st Lieutenant and later a Captain, a Catholic priest sent to minister to soldiers of all faiths at the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital during the Korean Conflict of 1950-1953”.

Father Mulcahy was cleverly portrayed by William Christopher for 11 seasons of “M*A*S*H”. Christopher passed away two weeks ago. Here, no less, is much of what we could learn — replacing some of our current behaviors:

“You were a good man, Father Mulcahy…

1. Your words were few, but your presence loomed large.

As a chaplain you were tasked with caring for others. Yet you seldom dispensed advice, you never moralized, and your words were few. Instead, your presence did the real talking…
In the rough-and-tumble of your friend’s life, you were simply ‘there.’

2. You wrestled with the complexities of life, and we wrestled along with you.

Your actions invited us to weigh in on a complex question — at least in our minds — because in our real world every day we wrestle with right and wrong.

3. You fulfilled your purpose by immersing yourself in a messy world and offering hope.

As a priest, you were a regular guy, Father. You were an amateur boxer. You played cards. You threw back a drink every now and then with the gang.
We identified with your jokes. Your earthiness. Your homespun demeanor.
We liked how you played the piano, how you wore your Loyola sweatshirt. How Colonel Potter called you by his own affectionate nickname for you — ‘Padre’ — and how you lightheartedly referred to your one sibling, Kathy, a nun, as ‘my sister the Sister.’
We liked how, in your priestly quest for righteousness, you never tried to separate yourself from the people around you. You were never standoffish. Instead, you went where people needed you most — even when it wasn’t safe.”

Even in environments which we sense as something less than safe, the foolish behavior isn’t helping. We can “be there” for others — whether or not we agree on all things. We can weigh the complex questions together — respectfully — as there is both right and wrong in this world.

And yes, this world is messy. But hope still exists.

We can do this. We can stop the foolish behavior.

It doesn’t even matter who goes first.

Respectfully…
AR

an unpopular conversation

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Friends, to quote one I respect, “none of this is easy.”

Eight years ago, one man was elected that many felt justified in vilifying. Approximately eight weeks ago, it happened again. I can sense the immediate sighs and spine bristles. It’s ok. I am not here to invalidate nor be callous with any opinion. We don’t all share the same opinion; and one of the growth steps in life is recognizing that if there are 360° in a circle, there exists far more than “my” right angle through which to view. It’s just that most of us are challenged to acknowledge the validity of other angles.

What I wish to say today is not very popular. I’m sorry; it’s ok. I mean no disrespect, but popularity has never been this blog’s aim. In fact, when the Intramuralist was in its infancy, I was told not to expect more than two to read consistently. I was thus pleased when my mother promised to read.

Back, no less, to my unpopular thought…

I am uncomfortable with the vilifying vitriol directed at our nation’s leaders. Even with my own, genuine frustration with certain attitudes, outcomes, and ideologies (on all sides), I am disappointed in the plethora of demeaning, rhetorical rants — even my sometimes own — as it’s my sincere desire to refrain from the disparaging fray. But that’s it, isn’t it? We are the justifier of our rants. We can only see that single angle. And then our very comfortable, likeminded audience offers generous insulation, spurring on any insolence.

We quickly add a “big but”… “But he/she did…” “But he/she didn’t…” “But he/she is…” “But he/she isn’t…” and then we justify completely denigrating another human being. After all, “but he/she” should have known it comes with the territory.

Call me naive. Call me wrong. Feel free to call me seriously misguided. I’m ok with that assertion. What I’m not ok with, however, is the complete, justified denigration of another human being. We can disagree without being disrespectful. We can have serious, deep concerns without being cruel. And we can passionately, ideologically oppose another without being odious. Our self-justified, vicious vitriol has been awful… and it’s been awful for a long time.

Have we lost our way? … a way that knew refraining from judgment and condemnation was wise? … a way that surrendered the need to denigrate? Or are we now a more united state of America, united by those who justify the judgment — regardless after eight years or weeks ago?

Said by one leader I respect this week:

“… None of this is easy. For too many of us, it’s become safer to retreat into our own bubbles, whether in our neighborhoods or college campuses or places of worship or our social media feeds, surrounded by people who look like us and share the same political outlook and never challenge our assumptions. The rise of naked partisanship, increasing economic and regional stratification, the splintering of our media into a channel for every taste – all this makes this great sorting seem natural, even inevitable. And increasingly, we become so secure in our bubbles that we accept only information, whether true or not, that fits our opinions, instead of basing our opinions on the evidence that’s out there.

This trend represents a third threat to our democracy. Politics is a battle of ideas; in the course of a healthy debate, we’ll prioritize different goals, and the different means of reaching them. But without some common baseline of facts; without a willingness to admit new information, and concede that your opponent is making a fair point, and that science and reason matter, we’ll keep talking past each other, making common ground and compromise impossible…”

Science and reason matter. People matter. Why the divine put us on this planet — and gave us science, reason, and other people — matters. But we’re so secure in our likeminded bubbles — in our bubbles that justify disrespect — that we no longer seem able to see all that matters.

I want more. I know. It may be unpopular, but I want to not only reach across the aisle per se, but I want to sit down, have coffee, and work diligently to understand why another feels the way they do. I want to be able to hear the fair point of one of those 359 other angles than my own. But the vitriol, even among the intelligent, has impeded all healthy debate.

We need to sit, listen, respecting all others.

I know. That’s not popular. It’s not easy either.

Respectfully…
AR

components of respectful dialogue

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Knowing it’s a priority of the Intramuralist, recently someone asked me exactly what “respectful dialogue” means. Allow me to begin by professing that I am no expert. The thoughts shared below are a compilation of priorities I’ve embraced from the insights and wisdom of Dr. Marilee Adams, Steven M. Covey, Carol Kent, Catherine Marshall, M. Scott Peck, Marshall Rosenberg, scripture, and more. Some words are my own; some are not. But this is how I think. I believe it is only through respectful dialogue that we can consistently, continually communicate.

So let’s first identify some terms. Some are positive; some are not. Positive terms include evaluate, opine, assess, probe, and critique (or “constructively criticize”). Negative terms include judge, bash, insult, denigrate, and criticize. [A couple notes… #1: the difference between “critique” and “criticism” is the motive… #2: the meaning of “criticism/critical” has changed through the years — moving from a sense of analysis to more a place of judgment.]

In order to be sharpened by meaningful discussion, we need to communicate in respectful ways. I’ve included key components of respectful dialogue. Granted, this list is not exhaustive — but it would help us communicate incredibly better, if we could each…

1. Encourage 1st person pronoun usage. Utilize expressions based on personal experience, including phrases such as “in my opinion” or “as I understand the facts.” As Rosenberg advises, instead of saying, “The indisputable truth is,” a person offers “I believe it to be true that.” This recognizes the fact that others may have a different perception, information, or sense of truth.

2. Refrain from accusatory language. Avoid rhetorical slams such as, “you are wrong” or “he doesn’t know the facts.” Such accusations typically prompt more defensiveness than pave any progress toward respectful, productive dialogue.

3. Avoid assertions about others’ motives. This refers to conclusions such as “I will assume your silence means” or “you must say that because.” Rarely can we fully know the motivation of another — especially in social media. This also typically prompts defensiveness.

4. Offer generous affirmation and empathy — offer it even first. This helps people know that we care more about them than wanting to shout our own opinions, be right, or drown out any varied thinking.

5. Avoid vulgarity. Geesh… I can’t say this enough. This is no attempt to insert any sort of “morality police.” It’s more because it’s disrespectful and rarely makes any among the intelligent look so wise. Let me offer, however, a brief caveat, aware that many of us resort to this at some point in time. If expressed, the vulgarity should be indirect (i.e. using “holy sh*t” as opposed to “that piece of sh*t”… granted, it is a very rare occasion that such sh*t is actually “holy”).

6. Avoid mass labeling and/or stereotypes. The notion that “all liberals,” “all conservatives,” “all Pantsuit Nation members,” “all Trump supporters,” “all white people,” “all black people,” “all religious,” etc. can be identified as “all anything” is simply inaccurate. Such shows a lack of discernment on the articulator’s behalf, and thus causes the articulator to lose credibility.

7. Avoid venting. Most every conversation that begins with “I just had to say” or “I’m just going to put this out there” or “I have to get this off my chest” ignores that reality that the subject of each is self. Venting is better shared in counseling, close friendships, and accountability relationships.

8. Honor all emotions, especially deeply negative or positive passions. After the expression, it’s helpful to echo back what we heard and engage in reflective listening, utilizing such phrases as, “It sounds like you feel very [blank]” or “yes, this can be very emotional.” We are honoring the person by validating their passion — not necessarily by agreeing with the perspective.

9. Ask questions of another. I can’t say this enough. Consistent with Covey’s Habit #5 — “Seek first to understand, then to be understood” — this is undoubtedly one of the hardest things for current culture to consistently do, especially via social media. Most of us are most comfortable stating our own, full opinion first, as opposed to taking the time and effort to truly understand another. Instead of evaluating (positive term), we judge (negative term). Instead of probing (positive term), we ask questions from our own frame of reference (self focus). Each of these obstruct understanding.

And 10. Remember there is always something we don’t know. That reality keeps us humble, keeps us asking more questions, and keeps us focusing on others more than self.

Here’s to respectful dialogue… always.

Respectfully…
AR

warmer days

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It’s pretty cold in my hometown these days. At the time of this writing, my seemingly temperamental thermometer is registering a whole 11°.

Driving in the cold yesterday, I was about to turn into a small shopping center when I noticed an older van blocking the entrance. So I finagled my vehicle via the exit route instead, backed up, and positioned my car directly in front of the van. Here I noticed a middle-aged woman, obviously struggling, and I could tell that her phone was frustrating her somehow, also.

So I got out of my car in the windchill that made the temps even colder.

“Ma’am, are you ok? Do you need help?”

She opened her door, and in a bit of understandable distress, responded, “My car just died. It just died in the middle of the road! And my phone won’t work either.”

I then asked that she come with me, sit in my car — a bit of a warmth oasis from the outside chills — and use my phone instead.

“Jennifer” was her name. Warming up a bit inside and out, I quickly sensed a very kind, meek woman. So meek, in fact, when I held out my phone for her to call the emergency auto service, she began to press the buttons shyly while I still held the phone.



“It’s ok. You take it.”

Together we spoke to the road service, identifying the location, issue, etc. She needed some assistance with that.

Part of the assistance was affirming in spite of the onlookers. Here in my car sat one caucasian and one African-American. We were now both blocking the entrance, in what is a fairly busy locale. But sure enough, consistent with some of the perceived societal digression, we witnessed not so much a division in the onlookers — more a unity. All sorts of persons drove by, attempting to enter but unable; there were all sorts of ethnicities, demographics, you-name-it. And they were unified…

… in their impatience.

The audacity of the number who felt need to honk at us was a little incredulous, to say the least.

Jennifer was bothered; I was moved by her genuine desire not to be a burden to anyone. I smiled and said to her, “No worries. I’m always amazed at how impatient people can be when they don’t have all the information. They simply don’t understand. And they don’t know what they don’t take the time to understand.”

She sweetly returned my smile.

After 20 minutes or so, we felt the situation was under control, and Jennifer went back to her car with the tow truck’s imminent arrival. She thanked me multiple times, especially for stopping in the cold.

It wasn’t much. I said, “You know, I believe one of the reasons God put us here was to learn to love him by helping one another. Thanks for allowing me to help you.”

And with that, we said our sincere goodbyes.

It’s pretty cold in my hometown these days. But some days are a little warmer.

Respectfully…
AR