intramuralist ™ – Page 88 – A Respectful Dialogue of Current Events

09/06/2016

the cookie sabotage

I think we get so rattled up about the wrong things.

Please understand me. It’s ok to agree, disagree, or have an opinion. In fact, dare I say, it’s ok to express that opinion — albeit we could all do a little better job of articulating such in a way that doesn’t disrespect someone.

But sometimes possessing that opinion rattles us… we have to burst… we get so anxious or worked up inside about the behavior of someone else, we can’t let it go.

I’d like to see us all — well, ok, at least me — I’d like to do a better job letting it go.

Years ago, we used to visit my mother-in-law maybe three, four times a year. It was never as much as we — or perhaps she — would have liked, but she never complained. She always seemed just grateful to be with us. We lived four hours away from one another.

As typical especially on those weekends, she showed her love and thankfulness to us in so many varied ways… an added touch, maybe a surprise gift, or just very intentional, sweet conversation, often lasting late into the evening, when all parties were so obviously tired but also so obviously enjoying one another.

In the mornings, she’d typically still rise earlier than the rest (I’m thinking she probably slept for two days straight after we left) and make a feast for breakfast. She’d fill the table with this succulent smorgasbord of breakfast food — eggs, bacon, sausage, bagels, toast, donuts, muffins and more. We never left breakfast hungry.

There was one morning in my initial years as a parent that I wasn’t quite as comfortable in my own skin. I couldn’t have told you that at the time; I didn’t know what I didn’t know, and I was determined to be good at this parenting gig, committed to providing my kids with the necessary physical, emotional, and spiritual guidance and foundation that would allow for them to flourish as they go forward. There are a lot of things to cover in that!

As the breakfast meal was winding down, with everyone more full than perhaps we should be but ready for the day ahead together, my mother-in-law stepped away, off to the adjacent pantry, and brought one more, small tasty item to the table — this time, with an obvious added glee.

“Cookies!” she announced.

She always loved those chocolate Pinwheels, those fudge and marshmallow, Nabisco treats; she had found a package at the nearby grocery and couldn’t wait to share them with my children.

A wise response would have been one of empathy and gratitude — thankful that my mother-in-law wanted to bless our kids by sharing her joy, sharing something fun with her extended family.

Want to know what my immature reaction was? Remember I’m a new parent, wanting to do this well. But I didn’t realize how indignant I could be.

I could not believe that my mother-in-law would want to ruin her grandchildren’s eating patterns — my kids’ — by giving them all that sugar for breakfast! How could she? What was she thinking?! Why would she try to sabotage my honorable attempts to raise these kids right?! She was related to them, too!  

In other words, I took my mother-in-law’s loving attempt as a personal offense. I could not see it for what it was because I was so focused on me and what I believed and wanted to do. I got totally rattled up. And I justified an offense when there was none. Let me say that again: I justified an offense when there was none.

Oh, I wish I would have known then what I know now. I wish my mother-in-law was still here, blessing our entire extended family with her simple, gracious and gleeful acts of kindness.

And I wish I would have realized it was ok for each of us to eat those Pinwheels… maybe even two.

Respectfully…
AR

09/04/2016

hopes & crowns

With the most frequent conversation this week posed somewhere along the lines of either (a) the relationship between patriotism and protest, (b) the right of free speech vs. disrespect of law enforcement and the military, and (c) the consistency within the combination of our public and private behavior, did you notice what we did not talk about?

There was no conversation centering on Clinton or Trump.
(Ah… it’s telling how refreshing that is…)

As no subject is intentionally avoided on our blog, allow me to share with you a bottom line observation: while there exist pockets of people here and there who are very excited about one of the above candidates (and a fewer number excited about Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson), the overall enthusiasm is significantly lesser for the entire 2016 presidential field. Gallup has been consistently reporting significant lows for all in response to agreement with the statement that “there is a candidate running who would make a good president.”

Personally, I have peace regardless. Why? Because we are electing a “president” — not attempting to discern who is God nor crowning some kind of king or queen. That gives me peace.

Recently, no less, while on my recent respite, one guest writer shared a delayed entry with me. While the expressions of another may or may not be held by the Intramuralist, I appreciate his genuine offering of hope. Hope, my friends, is part of what we all crave. He suggested the following commentary regarding our choice this coming November:

“I’m watching this election season with both despair and at the same time some amount of hope. The despair is obvious because both of the candidates at the top of the tickets are so tainted that we will need to take a collective bath as a nation after it the dust settles. The first candidate is obviously qualified by virtue of being in the inner sanctum for so long with different roles (First lady, Senator, Secretary of State). To deny those credentials would not be part of an honest dialog. Yet it is because of the being in the inner sanctum that I’m afraid she has learned how to use the system to benefit herself and other family members. Not to mention the obvious benefits for her friends and colleagues who defend her regardless of the action or even possible crimes committed – yes, I said ‘possible crimes.’ But the media will find a way to excuse it, because it is ‘only money’ just like it was seemingly ‘only about sex’ in the 90’s.

The other candidate has had by most objective assessment great success in the business world and obviously can and seemingly will fight anyone (he took out 16 mostly capable opponents in the primary). It is the latter part of that aspect of him that scares most of his critics. Or are they really afraid that might make him win the general election, as well? I personally like a fighter, but I always want the fight to be with dignity and a good grasp of the subject knowledge. I grew up in New York City, so I understand the swagger one has to have in order to survive the tough streets of South Jamaica (where I grew up) or the corporate offices of Wall Street (where I have worked). I get it, I get it. But when you are on the national stage, you better realize that mom and pop in Cheyenne, WY or Duluth, MN may not quite understand that swagger. You are speaking to a national audience that doesn’t always ‘get it.’ I grew up with guys who all thought they were wise guys (regardless of ethnicity). All those guys today have mellowed. I’m hoping what I have seen in the last week that this guy, too, can mellow so people can hear the message he has.

So where is the hope you ask? Well, I do believe that we are truly one nation under God, and we will survive this as we have every other election cycle. As Paul said to the Corinthians in II Corinthians (not ‘Two Corinthians’ – sorry I couldn’t resist), ‘We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. Always be hopeful.’”

Always be hopeful. That’s something we each can wrap our minds around.

So where does your hope come from? From a president, king, or queen?

Let’s hope not.

Respectfully…
AR

09/01/201609/01/2016

the world is not our stage

With the recent acts of questionable protest and patriotism, it got me thinking. (Ok, true — I think a lot.) But I return to where this week’s conversation started: what are we focused on?

Many are focused on the NFL quarterback who refuses to stand for the national anthem.

For some, the reaction is disgust. For a seemingly lesser few, it’s a “way to go.” For most, no less, it seems a “you have that right, but that’s the wrong way to show it” (… see Kaepernick, birthmother…).

With Colin Kaepernick suggesting his motive is to support African-Americans and people of color, It causes me to think about how we best support other people — the way in which our support and good deeds are done… the way in which we make a significant difference.

Kaepernick — and let me add a semi-subtle caveat here, as my perspective is so limited, and I have no desire to be judgmental — but Kaepernick has said he is protesting until people of color are no longer “oppressed” and until the flag means what it “should.” He has a right to that expression; and we each have a right to agree or disagree with his behavior.

I wonder about that behavior. I mean, is this all he does?

Again, let me not be judgmental. But I wonder… he sits when all eyes are on him. When the world is watching, he takes a stand of support. So what does he do when the public is not watching?

… does he get involved? … does he volunteer? … does he invest in community relations? … does he utilize his celebrity status to bring police and various ethnic communities together?

And… does he use any of his $19 million salary to support the causes for which he says he is passionate?

In other words, are his public and private behavior aligned?

One of the things I appreciate is how so much of the ancient scriptures have become accepted truth. We don’t always recognize that — and sometimes, we fight against them, wanting to figure wisdom out on our own a bit — but typically, we find wisdom already, generously provided. When I focus on the big picture here, the following wisdom comes to mind:

“Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don’t make a performance out of it. It might be good theater, but the God who made you won’t be applauding.

When you do something for someone else, don’t call attention to yourself. You’ve seen them in action, I’m sure — ‘playactors’ I call them — treating prayer meeting and street corner alike as a stage, acting compassionate as long as someone is watching, playing to the crowds. They get applause, true, but that’s all they get. When you help someone out, don’t think about how it looks. Just do it — quietly and unobtrusively. That is the way your God, who conceived you in love, working behind the scenes, helps you out.”

The world, my friends, is not our stage.

We are not the stars.

We have been blessed with communities and cultures that provide beautiful opportunity to support and sharpen one another. We need to help the least of these. We need to support and care for one another, especially the oppressed.

Some will say, no doubt, that Kaepernick is doing good by utilizing his celebrity as leverage. There’s a valid point in that; he’s getting people’s attention. That then is where how he spends his time and money also comes into question.

Am I consistent in how I care for others? Are my public and private behaviors consistent with one another?

Or… am I utilizing the world as my stage?

Respectfully…
AR

08/29/2016

bugged & unpopular

Calling this a post a perspective on the freedom of speech isn’t entirely accurate. That’s a bit too simplified.

Do we believe in it? Do we not? Said freedom is embedded in our Constitution, although U.S. courts have often struggled to define what it means and what it does not. The legal definition is: “The right, guaranteed by the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, to express beliefs and ideas without unwarranted government restriction.” We don’t have a right to scream about a fictional fire in a crowded theater, but we do have the right to express the unpopular. The challenge is that we don’t like the unpopular.

In recent days, two key freedom of speech scenarios have received ample attention (although true, one could make the case as to whether such are so deserving).

First… as previously referenced, San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick has refused to stand for the National Anthem during preseason games. Said Kaepernick, “I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color. To me, this is bigger than football, and it would be selfish on my part to look the other way. There are bodies in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with murder.”

Kaepernick rose to fame when only a few months after his first NFL start, as a second year player, he led his team to the Super Bowl. San Francisco then had high hopes for the young, articulate star. However, in the three years since, after signing a multi-million dollar contract, questionable behavior and poor play have led a lesser role on the team for him. He is (was) no longer the focal point of their team.

And second… the University of Chicago sent a letter to all incoming freshmen, quite different from the more stereotypical, anodyne letters sent to new students across the country. Said the Dean of Students, John Ellison, “Our commitment to academic freedom means that we do not support so-called trigger warnings, we do not cancel invited speakers because their topics might prove controversial, and we do not condone the creation of intellectual ‘safe spaces’ where individuals can retreat from ideas and perspectives at odds with their own.”

Both Colin Kaepernick and the University of Chicago are advocating for free speech. It looks different, manifests itself differently, prompts different angles and questions, but both are advocating for the right of a person to express their beliefs and ideas without unwarranted government restriction.

Both are also advocating for what to many, may be perceived, as the unpopular.

Here’s the bottom line of today’s post (… and this is why we began by opining that it wouldn’t be accurate to label today’s post as simply questioning the freedom of speech; there’s more to it than that)…

I think most of us believe in free speech — albeit only to a point. And that point isn’t the crowded theater and the fictional “fire” chant; the point is that expressions of free speech are unpopular — and often we want that squelched.

I’ll admit… Colin Kaepernick’s refusal to stand during “The Star-Spangled Banner” bugs me. Our anthem isn’t about policemen; it isn’t about race, ethnicity or religion. It’s about what American servicemen and women have defended for centuries — here, there, from the Halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli. It’s about what other people have sacrificed for you and me.

However, as much I believe Kaepernick’s behavior is disrespectful, I believe in his freedom to express his opinion in a way that hurts no one (but potentially himself). It is precisely because of our honorable servicemen and women that Kaepernick has that freedom.

Others, no doubt, are bugged by the Chicago school’s stance… how dare they! … it’s not politically correct… it’s insensitive!

I agree. I agree that expressing unpopular opinion can be insensitive. Insensitive, however, does not necessitate the extinguishing of freedom — not in Chicago, not in San Francisco.

Granted, it still might bug me.

Respectfully…
AR

08/28/201608/28/2016

two quotes

My recent time away allowed for some increased observation. It’s a fun exercise… you sit back, relax, take a little bit of extra time, maybe where never intended…

Breathe, say very little, refrain from comment…

You watch what everyone else is doing. You watch it. Consider it. No judgment.

I’m not talking about the quirkish, cultural sport of people watching; you know the one… you select a solid location… stay unobtrusive… watch with good intent… etc., etc., etc. (note: part of that was borrowed from “Wiki’s How to Do Anything”… can you believe it? We actually have an available guide as to “How to Begin People Watching.”).

What I more observed was what people are talking about — what we’re focused on.

Put away for a moment all Trump and Clinton conversation. Sorry, but this has become a little too much for me. We’re electing a president — not deciding who is king or God (… who, by the way, never runs against any noteworthy suitor).

Over the past three weeks, people have focused on much…

On Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte — and was he or was he not, robbed in Rio at gunpoint…

On the release of “Suicide Squad,” DC Comic’s latest, greatest theatrical release, where a team of dangerous criminals are utilized as supposedly disposable assets in high-risk missions for the United States government… (… am I the only one who isn’t that comfortable doing anything under the potential promotion of “suicide”?)…

And then there was this past weekend… on the NFL quarterback who refused to stand during the National Anthem, suggesting that he’s intentionally protesting an oppressive country… (… never mind that his past behavior has been questionable)…

It’s amazing to me what we focus on.

I’ll grant you this: sometimes the media drives — or attempts to drive — our focus. I really dislike that. There’s too much bias in our media.

All that said, I don’t think as a culture, we’re all that wise on what we focus on. Two reasons why… and finally… today’s two quotes… from two wonderfully wise ones…

First…

“Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious — the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.”

And second…

“Whatever we pay attention to, grows.”

Put those together. I have a feeling — granted, just a feeling — that we are paying attention to a whole lot of things that are growing, but are not that noble, reputable, best, beautiful, or wise…

I wonder why… I wonder how life would be different if our focus was, too…

Respectfully…
AR

08/25/2016

I’m back

For the past three and half weeks, we’ve had the great privilege and pleasure of hearing multiple perspectives and passions from people I deeply respect. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: respect is more important than consensus. Respect implies that we are listening. Respect implies that we will consider an angle that is different than the one we’ve currently adopted. As a wise friend recently shared, two people can look at the same number and conclude two totally different things; both will believe with certainty they are entirely correct. One will say it’s a “6”; the other will say it’s a “9.” Note: the angle matters.

The angles shared via our annual Guest Writers Series prompted me to ponder anew…

With passions and perspectives not necessarily my own, I found myself thinking about sacrifice, salvation, and if and how I evaluate the cost of my own behavior…

I thought about climate change, adoption, and how much our children matter…

Also, I wrestled with the aching thought of those who go hungry each night…

I hugged my new puppy tighter… I found myself with increased gratitude for the community that surrounds me… and I was challenged anew to be more others focused, consistently offering grace to the holders of diverse opinion.

Let me camp there for a moment. I feel as if I must offer a bit of a personal apology, as God continues to grow and stretch me in refreshing, albeit not always immediately appreciated (by me) ways…

I don’t think I always offer consistent, generous grace.

Hear me on this. Sometimes I withhold it.

Sometimes my opinion is so deep or so engrained or so embedded in my soul and psyche, that I struggle to give the generous grace that accompanies respect. I forget that people look at “6” and “9” differently, even though their angle seems wholly accurate.

There was a moment during this brief semi-humble blogger’s respite, when I found myself justifying my lack of grace. Typically that lack of grace stems from my refusal to look at another as equally, wonderfully created by the great big God of the universe. I was humbled by that reality. That reality prompts the extension of grace.

And yet, I think we are selective withholders.

Don’t let me throw you under the bus along with me. I’ll focus on self…

For example (… and this is not the most popular thing to say…)… but both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump were created by God, just like me. They deserve the same extensions of grace.

I get it… They don’t deserve it; or at least one of them doesn’t. But there. I did it again. I justified the withholding of grace.   One of the beauties of our annual Guest Writers Series, is that we come face-to-face with the fact that there is so much more to learn. No, we don’t have it all figured out… and that might be the second most unpopular thing said this day.

But the beauty is that we’re all in this together. No better. No worse.

We are all, thus, in need of great grace… a grace, perhaps most visible on the Intramuralist via our commitment to respect.

Allow me a special shout out to our 10 guest writers. I so appreciate your offering and your prompts to think deeper, even when I didn’t share your passion or perspective. Thank you most, though, for modeling that grace.

Respectfully… and thankful to be back… I look forward to what’s next…
AR

08/23/201608/23/2016

village people

[Today is post #10 in our annual, summer Guest Writer Series. Note that the opinions expressed may or may not be held by the Intramuralist.]

“It takes a village to raise a child.” — African proverb

Years ago following this African proverb was the norm for most families. I’m not sure exactly when the shift from this happened. However, currently our society operates in a completely opposite manner. What I mean is if you tell a child at the park or in your neighborhood who is doing wrong — like destroying property or bullying — you’d have a wildly mad parent at how dare you correct their darling delinquent. In attempt to be transparent, I want to be honest. Parenting is hard. In books and on TV, you see the myth of supermom displayed more than the realistic version of moms crying, screaming, being discouraged and full of self doubt… Moms who long to feel loved and appreciated.

It’s said that moms are cruel to each other and bullying is at an all time high. However, it’s not just an issue with children. Adults are ruthless at cyberbullying. I recently read an eye-opening blog, where the author said we must stop the blame and shame epidemic. We must rally around each other in times of struggle. We must stop thinking we know what’s best for someone else’s situation.

Let me circle my wagon back to the point I was trying to make…

When the village way of parenting was practiced, families lived close, you knew your neighbors, and could count on them as an extra set of eyes. Neighborhood watch was not only for crime but also for parenting help. When I was young — and out playing at a neighbor’s house or even on the street — and their parents gave me a corrective order, I did it. Now if that would happen, you’d mostly get a rude comment and a visit from angry parents. I understand families are more spread out and it’s harder to have those extra people in your life. But trust me; it’s so worth finding some extra adults to invest in your kids. Find some trusted friends and make them your village! Talk it over; find the support and encouragement you need.

Recently a fellow mom whom I’m friends with on social media messaged me. She saw on a page of one of her friends, calling out a group of boys for bullying and encouraging this mom’s daughter to commit suicide. The girl’s mom had my son listed. She sent me the post saying she knew I’d want to know… and I did.

I messaged the girl’s mom and respectfully asked her to send me proof. The proof she sent was nowhere near what she claimed; it was certainly rude of my son, but not anything more. I corrected my son, telling him foul language was not acceptable nor was being rude and unkind going to be tolerated. I insisted the mom remove his name and post an apology — which she did. I then messaged the mom who alerted me of the situation, thanking her for help and telling her the problem had been resolved. It takes a village.

We have a small, extended family, so we asked our friends to be Godparents to our boys — someone they could go to that we knew would give similar, wise advice, and persons our boys would always see as “someone in their corner.”

They are our “village.”

Find yours… it’s so worth it.

Respectfully…
AW

08/21/2016

together we can solve hunger

[Today is post #9 in our annual, summer Guest Writer Series. Note that the opinions expressed may or may not be held by the Intramuralist.]

How can so many people be going hungry in a country that throws away so much food?

When we think about hunger, our thoughts typically jump to third world countries. And world hunger is an important issue. But hunger is an epidemic right here at home.

The statistics are staggering: 48.1 million people in the United States are food insecure. I say food insecure instead of hungry because we’re all a little bit hungry from time to time. Food insecurity means insufficient access to enough food to live a healthy active lifestyle. And that’s 1 in 7 people in America, the world’s only “superpower.”

Even worse, that number includes 15.3 million children; 1 in 5 children in the United States of America does not have enough food to eat. And a child who doesn’t know where their next meal is coming from has such a harder time succeeding in school and growing up to become a productive member of society. They are doomed to a live a life of poverty through no fault of their own. They just lost the lottery of what zip code into which they were born.

But here’s the kicker: this country throws away 40% of the food we produce, over 35 million tons of food annually. Over 1 billion pounds of fresh produce are plowed under each year, never harvested. This would be enough food to feed everyone.

Read that again. The only thing we need to do literally to end hunger in our entire country is to quit throwing away food that could still be eaten by someone in need.

Fortunately, there is already a network of two hundred food banks and tens of thousands of food pantries that will do the hard work of distributing this food to people in need. They currently distribute 4 billion meals per year. But they need another 4½ billion meals. And we’re throwing that food way.

To clarify, a food pantry is a room at a church or community center where a hungry person can get a grocery sack of food to take home to their family. A food bank is a large warehouse that collects food by the truckload and keeps the food pantries supplied. When you support a food bank, you are supporting hundreds of food pantries.

And let’s clarify one more thing: those dates on the sides of packages don’t mean very much. Most call them “expiration dates,” but there isn’t anything that “expires.” Except for baby food, there is no USDA or FDA standard for food product dating. It’s more of a “freshness date,” in that manufactures want that food to be at its very best condition when you eat it, because they want you to buy it again. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with it the day after that date. So I call it the “donate date.” Food banks know how long food is safe to eat past those dates.

What can you do to help? It will take three things to end hunger – food, time, and money.

Wherever you buy groceries, ask what they do with outdated product or gently dented cans. It is a crying shame for that food to be thrown away. Patronize those who donate them, or keep after them until they do. Meat can be frozen on its package date, is still safe to eat, and can be donated. Fresh produce is usually pulled when it starts to turn, and food banks and pantries would gladly sort through it to rescue what is still good. Not only will the store be helping a great cause, it will save them disposal costs, and they get a special tax deduction donating food for hunger relief.

Food banks typically have a few dozen staff and need thousands of volunteers. And pantries are always thrilled to have additional help.

Feel free to support my food bank. But I’d love for you to support your food bank. For us, every $1 contribution provides 5 meals for people in need, which means $20 provides 100 meals, and $200 provides 1000 meals. For $150, you can feed a child every weekend for the entire school year.

If you’d like to learn more about hunger, visit my food bank’s website, riverbendfoodbank.org. To find your local food bank, go to feedingamerica.org.

But this is not like cancer, asking for your support in hopes of finding a remedy someday. We already know the cure. All we need to do is to commit to never throwing away food that can still be eaten by someone in need.

Together we can solve hunger. ™

Respectfully…

Michael P. Miller
Executive Director
River Bend Foodbank

08/18/2016

the dog park

[Today is post #8 in our annual, summer Guest Writer Series. Note that the opinions expressed may or may not be held by the Intramuralist.]

Saturday was a big day for our dogs. Ed took them with him to run errands and stop at our favorite donut shop for donuts and coffee. Afterward, he took them to Miami Meadows Dog Park in Miami Township for a change of scene, and a chance to socialize with other dogs. I tagged along if I didn’t have too much to do on the home front.

We purchased a ramp to make it easier for Meg to get in and out of our SUV since she could no longer jump into it, and thus save Ed’s back from the strain of lifting her. She still weighed seventy-five pounds in her old age.

The dogs saw the ramp come out, knew why and where they were headed as if they had an internal calendar. Sam used it, too, and seemed to think it was a nifty apparatus for his amusement. He’d go up and down several times before settling down in the car with a fleece toy in his mouth to wait for the big outing.

Miami Meadows is two hundred acres with soccer fields, baseball and football fields, basketball courts, two shelters, picnic areas, walking trails, skate park, dog park, and a beautiful fishing lake. A major portion of the park has been declared a wetland reserved for wildlife.

The dog park itself is divided into two large fenced sections based on size, large or small, includes available fresh water, picnic tables, and an agility course. The doggie drinking fountain was one of Sam’s favorite amenities, and he spent a lot of time hanging out there. It was the bar scene for dogs, and suited his drinking problem to a tee.

During warm weather the dog park was frequently crowded with the same dogs and their people. After a while we began to recognize who went with whom, which group of people constituted a click, and which dogs we wished ours would avoid if possible. Unfortunately, it was impossible unless they were leashed, and that defeated the purpose of going to the dog park in the first place.

Meg enjoyed sniffing around, but was too old to put up with much nonsense from any dog. She was always cordial, but if another dog tried to roughhouse or chew on her she quickly asserted her Grand Dame status with an immediate ‘don’t mess with me’ snarl. She showed no teeth, but the offender got her message loud and clear and backed off. Usually a day late and a dollar short, Sam showed up to check on her and see what the problem was, but she had already taken care of it herself by that time. It was thoughtful of him to check on his old friend, though.

There was always the occasional squabble, some serious, but most over quickly, and Sam felt it was his duty to investigate and mediate most of them. Basically, he stuck his big snout in the other dogs’ business, and was lucky he didn’t lose it altogether. He had never been in a fight to our knowledge, and might have ended up on the short side of that stick in spite of his size. He was a lover, not a fighter.

Once all the excitement was over he returned to his socializing. And socialize he did.

Sam was a natural born social director. He had a gift. He took it upon himself to personally greet each new person and their dogs at the gate. He greeted the dogs in the normal dog fashion by sniffing their behinds, one by one, whether they liked it or not. If one or two didn’t, he accepted the rebuff with his usual aplomb, and happily trotted away completely unoffended to sniff the fence perimeter to see who else had been around.

The human Parkies, as I called us, stood around talking in groups. There were always quite a few groups, and we rarely spoke about anything other than our dogs or someone else’s dog, which was expected since that’s why we all were there. But Sam seemed to feel that, other than his family, the Parkies were in need of his attention or he was entitled to their adoration. We weren’t sure which.

He would stop whatever he had been doing, trot over to a newly formed group, and weave his way through it like he was navigating an agility obstacle course made up of human bodies. He’d halt in front of each person, smiling and wagging, stick his nose where it didn’t belong, and wait for the anticipated pat on the head. He stood there until each person stopped their conversation to focus on him and granted the expected adoration. Sometimes he even got a doggie treat. Then he moved on to the next and the next until he had greeted everyone in each individual group.

After doing this so often a few of the regulars started calling him ‘The Social Director’. When we entered the park we’d hear, “Here comes the Social Director”! Ed took it in stride, but I thought it was hysterically funny that anyone else had described his behavior the same way I saw it. He did look like he was making sure everyone was having a good time. He needed to pass around a tray full of drinks and snacks to complete the picture.

After repeated trips to the dog park, we realized that Sam had a habit of ‘looking for love in all the wrong places’. He really liked small dogs, and occasionally preferred males. In the Biblical sense. Not every visit, but we never knew when the urge would hit him. I guess he came out of the proverbial closet at the park.

His behavior, while not uncommon, was still embarrassing since he was neutered. There were a lot of children around at times, and they didn’t need to see it at a family park. They could go home and watch it on National Geographic.

Granted, living with Meg was like living with his great-grandmother, and she did not put up with amorous displays from any dog, even him. We thought that Sam would, or should, prefer females, and they would appreciate the attention from a handsome, strapping, big boy.

No. Sam honed in on some poor unsuspecting little dog, and stalked him around the park relentlessly until one of us intervened and redirected his thoughts, or the owner physically removed the nervous little dog. We knew Sam didn’t want to hurt it, just love it, but the nervous little dog and his owner wasn’t so sure. The poor little guy was so worn out from trying to escape from Sam, I was surprised he wasn’t standing at the gate whistling for his person to come and get him out of there.

Sam was such a love bug in so many ways, but I could have done without that one.

After an exhilarating morning of errands: shopping at Home Depot, the pharmacy, picking up donuts, and hanging out with Ed, Meg, and the Parkies, Sam was usually pooped when he got home. Apparently, being a social director and stalker took a lot out of him because he spent the next couple of hours crashed on his bed with his favorite fleece toy stuffed under his head.

Sam had a lot of nicknames: Wonder Boy, Sister Mary Sam, Goofball, Yellow Boy, Knucklehead, and my favorite, Knothead, but he never had a title. We added Social Director to his many monikers, and it was pretty cool because I personally didn’t know any other dog with an assigned title.

Being the bona fide dog park Social Director had its perks, and Sam loved every minute of it. He loved being with people and we enjoyed watching him do his thing. He had a way of making everyone smile simply by being around him.

We just had to keep that other issue under control, and stuff Sam back into the closet when he switched hats and set his sights on a little male dog.

With joy…
Linda
Except from Sam & Friends: A Collection of Recollections of Life with a Knothead
Permission by Linda Kiernan, July 2016

08/15/201608/15/2016

a perfectionist’s guide to salvation

[Today is post #7 in our annual, summer Guest Writer Series. Note that the opinions expressed may or may not be held by the Intramuralist.]

We live in a performance driven culture. Most companies center around performance metrics. Evaluations are based on accomplishments, not intentions. Talk is cheap. You must walk the walk. Actions not words. What have you done for me lately?

When I became a Christian, this is the prism through which I viewed my relationship with Christ. As I understood it, sin separated me from God and separation from God meant death. However, God loved me so much that he sacrificed his Son to die in my place. If I acknowledged this truth and confessed my sins, I would live.

I am also a perfectionist by nature, so after accepting Christ as my savior, I focused on living a sin-free life. I would berate myself for the smallest infraction. After all, what if I were killed in an accident before I had the opportunity to confess my sin?

Striving to live a moral life is a good thing, but there were several problems with my approach. Of course, no one is perfect. Setting an unattainable standard is demoralizing. Not accepting any mistakes at all means not being accepting of yourself which can lead to low self-esteem.

Furthermore, those unwilling to forgive themselves find it challenging to forgive others, especially when others express no contrition. All of us at some time in our lives will be wronged by someone else, often someone we care about. The thing is, if you don’t forgive, even when the other person doesn’t ask for forgiveness, you are the one affected most. Holding on to anger and resentment will only eat you up inside.

There were a couple extreme examples last year of Christians who truly understood “forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” In June 2015, relatives of nine people gunned down at a Charleston, SC church forgave the killer at his bond hearing. In November 2015, the widower of a woman raped and murdered in Indianapolis, IN forgave the three men responsible. Amazing statements… incredibly difficult to say, yet liberating as well. If those people can mean those words, you can, too, for much smaller offenses.

In my original understanding of how salvation works, I had the facts right, but I had the order wrong. Long before I ever sinned, God gave me the gift of grace. That is the starting point. When I accepted this gift, my sin was wiped away. I still try to live a sin-free life, but now my motivation is love for God, instead of a fear of death.

None of this diminishes the importance of obeying God’s commands. Both grace and obedience are vital to living a Christian life, but you can’t perform your way to heaven. It’s grace that comes first. God gave grace to you, and He expects you to give it to others.

Respectfully…
PJM