(With all due respect to Dr. Seuss, Big Bird, Green Eggs, Ham, the Muppets, etc.)
Congratulations! Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places! You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself, any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
Oh, yes, we’re off to great places.
As some would argue, “There’s no position that’s greater.”
For you see you’ve been chosen
To be the next debate moderator.
You’ll look at the topics. Look ’em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
You’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
And you may not find any, you’ll want to go down.
In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town.
Like Lehrer and Raddatz and CNN’s Candy,
Each who was slammed for being something less than dandy.
Jim was too silent; Martha deferring;
And Crowley on Libyan ambiguity was for some reason confirming.
It’s opener there in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen and frequently do
to people who think they’s so brainy as you.
And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew.
Just go right along. You’ll start happening, too.
But when they talk over their allotted time, as they’ll so obviously do
Please have the guts to tell them to be quiet. And shoo.
Oh, it disturbs me how this system has evolved
Too much money, attack ads — and individual responsibility absolved.
The candidates come in with their pre-determined thoughts
Avoiding the questions, like no always-ethical leader ought.
Do they really, truly not comprehend our questions?
Or did their campaign simply have better talking point suggestions?
Why do they ramble and talk over time?
Why does no one keep them in line?
Yet each partisan camp will declare them the winner
While subtly inferring their opponent is some merciless sinner.
Geepers. Geepers. Watch out, friend.
To this game of spin there will be no end.
Can you believe this election is a bit of a game?
And the partisan camps, they are to blame?
They are divisive and rude — with straight-forward answers too late.
Don’t even get me started on all they exaggerate.
Can you believe the winner will our country then direct?
Even though he can’t treat his opponent with respect?
But as for this debate, when each finds victory still in doubt,
They’ll shudder and shift… “It was the moderator!” they’ll shout.
THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!
Yes, to some place greater…
If you’re not the moderator.
Respectfully… always… with a little tongue in cheek…