I had a tough evening with my youngest son the other night.\u00a0 He\u2019s 11.\u00a0 He disobeyed.\u00a0 And the reality is that he disobeyed disrespectfully and defiantly.\u00a0 He announced that he would not do what he was asked \u2014 and he would not do what he knew was right.<\/p>\n
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\u201cI don\u2019t care!\u00a0 You can\u2019t make me!!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n And since I\u2019ve been slightly maturing in my parenting (thank God!),<\/em> I employed what has arguably evolved into one of my more effective techniques.\u00a0 With disappointment in my eyes and thus no affirming glance, I closed the door and quietly walked away.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n My son began to sob.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Actually, he sobbed for quite some time that night.\u00a0 Those tears were hard to hear, always seemingly piercing my own heart and soul.\u00a0 Yet I knew at least for an initial while, I needed to allow his tears to flow.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Why was he crying?<\/p>\n Because I walked away?\u00a0 Because I was disappointed?\u00a0 Because of no affirming glance?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n While each of the above certainly had both impact and merit, none served as the cause of the cry.\u00a0 My 11 year old bawled because he chose wrongly.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Josh was so grieved by his defiant-but-intentional<\/em> choice of wrongful behavior, that he grieved his own iniquity.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cWhy?!\u00a0 Why did I do this?\u201d<\/em> he cried uncontrollably.\u00a0 I kid you not; it was uncontrollably for quite some time.\u00a0 Josh was bothered by his lack of virtue; he was dismayed by his willful wrongdoing.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n After allowing the tears to flow for several minutes, I re-entered his room and held him tight.\u00a0 At first I said very little, as the tears continued, but so did the outwardly, now cavernous contrition.\u00a0 He was unnerved by the obvious fact that his wrongful choice came so intentionally and easily.\u00a0 Part of me of wondered if he was shocked that he was actually capable.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n As I finally tucked him that night, watching my budding adolescent fall asleep with swollen eyes and still with tears, I sat and wondered what I could learn… what each of us<\/em> could learn…\u00a0 When we make wrongful choices \u2014 so intentionally and easily<\/em> \u2014 are we shocked that we, too, are actually capable?\u00a0 Do we wrestle with our own wrongdoing?\u00a0 Are we bothered by our own, manifest lack of virtue?\u00a0 And are we dismayed?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Too often I think we miss that \u2014 we miss the growth that comes from individual, reflective wrestling because we instead surround ourselves with people who simply \u201camen\u201d our experience and thus numb our negatives \u2014 as opposed to hold us accountable for both the wise and poor choices of our lives.\u00a0 We are quick to shame the Petraeus\u2019s and Sandusky\u2019s, but far slower in examining any wrongful actions, motives, or thinking that takes root in our own hearts.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n We live for the moment, allow emotion to trump truth, and often allow moral behavior to be relative with each evolving circumstance.\u00a0 The challenge is that circumstances will always change; such is a perilous pattern.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n As is no secret amidst these pages, my young son has Down syndrome.\u00a0 Please \u2014 no sympathy necessary.\u00a0 Josh has taught me more in life than I ever could have known without him.\u00a0 He has taught me and stretched me in ways previously impossible.\u00a0 There is nothing lesser about his life; there is only more blessing in mine and in so many others\u2019 lives because of the joy and wisdom he so freely brings.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n One of Josh\u2019s many marvelous traits is that he doesn\u2019t allow all the \u201ccrud of life\u201d to get in the way \u2014 circumstances and emotions never interfere nor trump reality.\u00a0 And the other night, when it was obvious he had made a wrongful choice, there were no excuses or exaggerations.\u00a0 There was only the honest grief that he failed to choose wisely.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n We continue to learn, as it is often the child that leads the adult well.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Respectfully,<\/p>\n AR<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I had a tough evening with my youngest son the other night.\u00a0 He\u2019s 11.\u00a0 He disobeyed.\u00a0 And the reality is that he disobeyed disrespectfully and defiantly.\u00a0 He announced that he would not do what he was asked \u2014 and he would not do what he knew was right. \u201cI don\u2019t care!\u00a0 You can\u2019t make … <\/p>\n