What do you lead with?<\/i><\/p>\n
If there\u2019s space between you and me, what do you lead with?<\/i><\/p>\n
I\u2019ve thought of this many times\u2026 if there\u2019s space between you and me, something has to fill it\u2026<\/p>\n
If there\u2019s space between a father and a son\u2026<\/p>\n
\u2026 between a husband and wife\u2026<\/p>\n
\u2026 between a girlfriend and boyfriend\u2026<\/p>\n
\u2026 between an employer and employee\u2026<\/p>\n
\u2026 between friends\u2026<\/p>\n
\u2026 between coworkers\u2026<\/p>\n
\u2026 between Facebook \u201cfriends\u201d or Instagram \u201cfollowers\u201d\u2026<\/p>\n
What fits in the so-called in between?<\/p>\n
What do you lead with?<\/i><\/p>\n
One of my favorite sayings in the healthy community we have become a part of since our recent move, is that: \u201cwe will fill the gap with trust.\u201d<\/b><\/p>\n
That means when there is space between us\u2026<\/p>\n
\u2026 when I don\u2019t understand\u2026<\/i><\/p>\n
\u2026 when I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n \u2026 when <\/i>my<\/i><\/b> perspective is limited\u2026<\/i><\/p>\n \u2026 when <\/i>their<\/i><\/b> perspective is limited\u2026<\/i><\/p>\n \u2026 <\/i>when we disagree<\/i><\/b>\u2026<\/i><\/p>\n When any of those things are between us, I choose not to fight\u2026 to offend nor be offended\u2026<\/p>\n I choose not to judge, point fingers, or criticize\u2026 even when that\u2019s easiest to do.<\/p>\n Let\u2019s note that it is suspicion that leads to judgment and criticism. So do I fill the gap with suspicion\u2026 or with trust? It\u2019s either one or the other.<\/p>\n Say the wise words of Atlanta\u2019s Andy Stanley:<\/p>\n “We have a tendency to put <\/i>suspicion<\/i><\/b> in the gap. Patrick Lencioni, in the book \u2018The Advantage,\u2019 talks about the fundamental attribution error. \u2018It is the tendency to attribute the negative or frustrating behaviors of colleagues to their intentions and personalities.\u2019 So if someone does something to create a gap, this error leads us to believe that it is something that is fundamentally wrong with their personality or character. (He was late because he is lazy.) On the other hand, when <\/i>we<\/i><\/b> do something to create a gap, we attribute it to environmental issues. (I am late because traffic was bad.) <\/i>You cut yourself slack but not others.<\/i><\/b>\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n [emphasis mine]<\/p>\n It seems to me we are living in a culture where many are encouraging the placing of suspicion in the gap; many cut slack only for self and the likeminded.<\/p>\n Yet wisdom calls us elsewhere; wisdom calls us to fill the gap with trust.<\/p>\n Granted, as Stanley shares, sooner or later, \u201cTrust runs out. At that point, something has to change. <\/i>Conversations have to take place<\/i><\/b> sooner rather than later. If you find yourself driving home having imaginary conversations in your head with the other person about these <\/i>trust gaps,<\/i><\/b> it is time to have a conversation in real life. You need to sit down and tell the person about the\u00a0existence\u00a0of the <\/i>trust gap<\/i><\/b> and understand the cause. Lencioni writes, \u2018When there is trust, conflict becomes <\/i>nothing more<\/i><\/b> than the pursuit of truth in an attempt to find the best possible answer.\u2019\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n I thus so desire the conversation.<\/p>\n I so desire finding a better way.<\/p>\n I desire deflating the intensity of the conflict.<\/p>\n And I desire filling the gap with trust.<\/p>\n Respectfully\u2026<\/p>\n AR<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" What do you lead with? If there\u2019s space between you and me, what do you lead with? I\u2019ve thought of this many times\u2026 if there\u2019s space between you and me, something has to fill it\u2026 If there\u2019s space between a father and a son\u2026 \u2026 between a husband and wife\u2026 \u2026 between a girlfriend and … <\/p>\n