Years ago I used to coach select, adolescent\/young teen baseball. I could no longer hit nor throw as far as those talented young men, but I know the game and know it well. Recent events have reminded me of a relevant incident \u2014 not my best moment \u2014 in which my boys were playing an accomplished rival, having multiple men on base, primed to score.<\/p>\n
My strong, number five hitter was up to bat, and immediately, he smacked a hard line drive to right center. Coaching first and psyched to beat this particular team, I demonstrably signaled for my guy to head to second, attempting to stretch his single to a double.<\/p>\n
Now as anyone who knows their baseball will share with you \u2014 including me \u2014 if you\u2019re going to send a runner to second with the ball hit to right center, that ball better be way past the fielders and the runner exceptionally fast. Neither here was true. My guy was quickly called out, killing any rally.<\/p>\n
My head coach wasn\u2019t happy. The kid wasn\u2019t happy. And the kid\u2019s dad was worse, screaming at his son across the infield.<\/p>\n
I had a choice: do I acknowledge my role in the tension?<\/i><\/p>\n
Loud enough for all to hear \u2014 my team, their team, the forty-some fans in the stands and all passersby \u2014 I yelled, \u201cIt was my fault! I told him to go!\u201d<\/p>\n
It was my fault.<\/i><\/p>\n
My words didn\u2019t extinguish the frustration on the field nor all anger elsewhere. But when I took responsibility for that which I was responsible, the intensity of others’ reactions subdued.<\/p>\n
It makes me often wonder if the hardest thing to do is to own that for which we are responsible. It is far easier to point fingers at another \u2014 focusing on what they <\/i>are doing wrong \u2014 than acknowledging how we have contributed to the tension.<\/p>\n
We often look at others\u2019 behavior as awful… “Look at what they are doing!”<\/em> Maybe we look at them as having started it first. But the reality is that many intelligent, even goodhearted people among us are more focused on someone else.<\/em><\/p>\n With this week\u2019s reprehensible mail bomb activity, much of the country began talking about civility. As an advocate for respectful dialogue, solution, and loving all<\/i> people well (as opposed to just those who agree with me),<\/i> I\u2019m thankful we have at least gotten the nation\u2019s attention\u2026 for now. But will we make the most of the opportunity? Or will we continue to focus on someone else?<\/i><\/p>\n Friends, who will we make excuses for?<\/b><\/p>\n Will we make excuses for the mail bombs?<\/p>\n Will we make excuses for those who harass public officials when out to eat?<\/p>\n Will we make excuses for the incivility in many of Pres. Trump\u2019s tweets?<\/p>\n Will we make excuses for the incivility encouraged by Hillary Clinton?<\/p>\n Will we make excuses for the Sen. Sanders supporter who shot at congressional Republicans playing softball?<\/p>\n Will we make excuses for Rep. Maxine Waters (and all others) <\/i>who have called to disrupt others and tell them \u201cthey\u2019re not welcome\u201d?<\/p>\n Or\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Will we make excuses for ourself?<\/b> \u2026 responding with an angry insult, thinking lesser of, or an actual refusal to listen? \u2026 dismissing, denigrating, or simply waiting for solely them<\/i> to come around?<\/p>\n My humble sense is that we spend so much time focusing on the misdeeds of others that we inadvertently excuse the imprudence and maliciousness in ourselves. In fact, we can be so deeply passionate \u2014 understandably<\/i> \u2014 that we are blinded to our own misdeeds. Our passion, emotion, and intelligence too often pave the way for the excusal of awful behavior.<\/p>\n Friends, if we want America to be the opportune, sweet land of liberty, where all huddled masses are valued and respected from wherever they hail, however they hail, and whatever marks them as divinely created and uniquely, beautifully gifted \u2014 if we are going to be a united<\/i> state of America \u2014 we must recognize that civility starts with us.<\/i> It starts by individually examining how we are encouraging someone<\/i> to not love and respect some other.\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n Who are you looking down upon? Who are you considering less significant than yourself? Who are you marginalizing?<\/i><\/p>\n In other words, are we unknowingly excusing our own bad behavior, believing it is something more moral than it actually is?<\/p>\n Let us gently but mercifully acknowledge that this applies to each of us\u2026 left, right, black, white, male, female, you-name-it, you and me. I\u2019d like to take back a few moments \u2014 moments in which I reacted instead of contemplated, preached instead of practiced, encouraged resistance instead of listening, and offered judgment instead of grace. I am very imperfect; we all are. Perhaps to keep us humble, God made each of us that way, prompting the pursuit of and a reliance upon a wisdom far superior than our own.<\/p>\n So what do we do, imperfect as we are, to capitalize on \u201cthe fierce urgency of Now\u201d? Let me suggest we begin by stopping the excuses… for any<\/em> disrespectful, damaging behavior.<\/p>\n Let us not begin with ensuring Trump stops tweeting. Let us not begin with making sure “we” win more elections first. Let us also not begin by tuning into only one biased, agenda-driven news source, thinking they are somehow helping. If leaders, loyalists, politicians, pundits, news anchors and activists refuse to be respectful, let us model the behavior which is wiser. Better. And good.<\/p>\n Let there be peace in our country.<\/p>\n And let it begin with “me.”<\/p>\n Respectfully\u2026<\/p>\n AR<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Years ago I used to coach select, adolescent\/young teen baseball. I could no longer hit nor throw as far as those talented young men, but I know the game and know it well. Recent events have reminded me of a relevant incident \u2014 not my best moment \u2014 in which my boys were playing an … <\/p>\n