Last week I had a fairly tense discussion with my oldest son.\u00a0 Yes, even in healthy families, heated discussions can and do occur.\u00a0 \u201cHeated,\u201d however, does not equate to \u201cunhealthy.\u201d\u00a0 Granted, it was not derogatory nor profane, but it was hard.\u00a0 Neither one of us enjoyed it.<\/p>\n
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Nearing the end of now the definite argument \u2014 with disagreement fully, emotionally apparent \u2014 my son proclaimed (in the seemingly unending wisdom of adolescence), <\/em>\u201cYou\u2019re unreasonable!\u00a0 You\u2019re ridiculous!\u00a0 You\u2019re extreme!\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n With that then perceived, concluding assertion, my son got out of the car, slammed the door, and walked up the drive to the house of his friend.\u00a0 He never looked back.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I sat there cold… in the temp and the mood… frustrated that our dialogue had ended so sorely and sourly.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n What was I to do?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n For a moment I simply sat there.\u00a0 Still.\u00a0 A quick prayer.\u00a0 Then I called him \u2014 but with no more need to argue in my voice nor heart.\u00a0 \u201cCome back to the car.\u00a0 Two people who respect one another don\u2019t end a conversation like that.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n He wasn\u2019t pleased, yet he returned.\u00a0 I then explained the following…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It\u2019s ok for us to disagree.\u00a0 In fact, throughout our relationship we will disagree more often; this will happen again.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n None of us are exactly alike, and thus, none of us think exactly alike.\u00a0 Two people who love each other tons still will think differently; they will at times disagree.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n But how we behave when we disagree makes all the difference in the world.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Let me be clear:\u00a0 Son, you are free to disagree with me.\u00a0 I want you to grow.\u00a0 I want your convictions to be your own.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n But when we disagree, you are not free to call me \u2018unreasonable,\u2019 \u2018ridiculous,\u2019 or \u2018extreme.\u2019\u00a0 Disagreement does not equate to any of those adjectives.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n The rationale for utilizing those words is because if you can label me as something so negative or wrong or unworthy, then you never have to wrestle with what I say.\u00a0 You never have to acknowledge that someone you love thinks differently.\u00a0 And you never have to exert the humility it takes to acknowledge you might not have life all figured out.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n I realize we think differently, but I am not unreasonable.\u00a0 I am not ridiculous.\u00a0 And I am by no means extreme.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n My tone was gentle but firm.\u00a0 It was not critical nor judgmental.\u00a0 My bottom line was that just because we disagree does not give my growing teenage son the freedom to call me something I am not.\u00a0 Yet then we both had a bit of an \u201ca-ha\u201d…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Calling people something that they are not is a practice far too many adults regularly employ.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n This is not a tactic solely utilized by the American teen.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Good people will disagree…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n … on politics…<\/p>\n … college football loyalties…<\/p>\n … even on the value of quilting, conservation, or \u201cConnect Four.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n But when we disagree, we also do not possess the freedom to dismiss the other person as unreasonable, ridiculous, or extreme.\u00a0 When we do so, we are the ones who look foolish; we are the ones who are stubbornly stuck; and we are the ones who refuse to grow.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Respectfully,<\/p>\n AR<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Last week I had a fairly tense discussion with my oldest son.\u00a0 Yes, even in healthy families, heated discussions can and do occur.\u00a0 \u201cHeated,\u201d however, does not equate to \u201cunhealthy.\u201d\u00a0 Granted, it was not derogatory nor profane, but it was hard.\u00a0 Neither one of us enjoyed it. Nearing the end of now the definite … <\/p>\n