No doubt one of the best things we can fuel ourselves with at this crazy moment in time is a dose of realistic hope. Dr. Bren\u00e9 Brown is one person who consistently offers that for me. So much so, I took a few notes from one of her recent podcasts\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe have collectively hit weary. This is especially true for the brave folks on the front lines of this pandemic and for the people who love and support them. And it\u2019s also true for all of us\u2026 we are nearing kind of an exhaustion that we need to talk about.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n We have collectively hit weary. You can almost feel the sighs. Yes, let\u2019s talk\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe adrenaline surge of crisis is never as long as we need it to be, but it\u2019s often long enough to get us through the immediate danger\u2026 you know\u2026 the flood, the hurricane, the landslide\u2026 the death of someone we love.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Right. And the challenge with this time is the crisis-mode is lasting longer. We have lost our sense of normal. Or as you say, \u201csweet, wonderful, normal life.\u201d So how then do we do this well?\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWe\u2019re going to need to create a new normal and grieve the loss of normal at the same time. And I think that\u2019s going to require focus, breath, and moving from fear and anxiety to proactively developing a strategy with solid information.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n So good\u2026 speak more to that solid information, please. We\u2019ve been discussing here some of the current fueling of fear, wanting to be realistic and cautious, but not fear driven\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cLimit your news intake. Limit your screen time. Find one or two reliable sources that you trust that are around science and epidemiology\u2026 and even within a good science and epidemiological crew, there are calm spreaders and fear mongers. So find the right folks and lean in\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n [I\u2019d like to believe the Intramuralist is always one of the calm spreaders\u2026 I\u2019m leery of those Bren\u00e9 references later, who unfortunately, \u201cpour gasoline on the anxiety fire\u201d\u2026]<\/p>\n\n\n\n You speak, no less, of our nation\u2019s need to \u201csettle the ball\u201d a little bit \u2014 utilizing the soccer term in which a player intentionally, briefly pauses for the purpose of getting control of the ball\u2026 \u201cBring it down, get it between our feet, read the field, be more thoughtful about where we\u2019re sending things next.\u201d <\/em>Hence, you encourage two strategies\u2026 first\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPut together a family gap plan, and start naming where you are. When we can\u2019t come up with 100, what\u2019s the gap plan?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Meaning, sometimes there\u2019s only 20% left in my emotional and physical tank; I have little left to give in a day. And if there\u2019s only two of us in our household, for example \u2014 and he\u2019s at 35% \u2014 we\u2019re barely treading water. That far under 100%, there\u2019s a gap. So do a family check in. Name your number. What do each of us need to get our collective team back to 100%? Sleeping, moving the body, and eating well \u2014 each are vital. So to the second strategy, which totally fits\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cStrategy #2 is around comparative suffering. So fear and scarcity are driving a lot of our thinking and feeling right now. We all know what fear is; scarcity is a first cousin of fear \u2014 born of fear. It is the \u2018I\u2019m not enough,\u2019 \u2018we don\u2019t have enough,\u2019 \u2018when is there going to be enough.\u2019 You can see scarcity manifesting itself right now in the grocery store aisles\u2026 you can tell a culture is deeply in scarcity when the conversation at a cultural level revolves around \u2018what should I be afraid of right now\u2019 and \u2018whose fault is it.\u2019 And so, you can see a lot of scarcity leadership right now\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Unfortunately one of the things that\u2019s immediately triggered when we go into fear and scarcity is comparison \u2014 comparison and \u2018who\u2019s got more,\u2019 \u2018who\u2019s got it better,\u2019 and \u2018what are they doing.\u2019 What\u2019s crazy about comparison in fear and scarcity is that even our pain and hurt are not immune to being assessed and ranked.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Wow. We all do it; it doesn\u2019t sound helpful. We can\u2019t deny how we feel, but no need to rank and diminish\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe entire myth of comparative suffering is that empathy is finite. That empathy is like pizza. So when you practice empathy with someone like yourself, there\u2019s less to go around.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n In other words we might have less to give the person who really <\/em>needs empathy?\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cFalse. When we practice empathy with ourselves, we create more empathy. Love, y\u2019all, is the last thing we need to ration in this world\u2026 empathy is the antidote to shame.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n So what do we need to be more empathetic?\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat\u2019s helpful is perspective. Complaining is ok. Letting ourselves feel these hard emotions is important and mandatory to be empathic people. [But] Piss and moan with a little perspective.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n So sounds like whether wrestling with the latest cancellation \u2014 my one son perhaps now in danger of never wearing that celebrated cap and gown \u2014 my relative who lost his job \u2014 or one of my BFF\u2019s who\u2019s weary walking out in the world being in the high risk category \u2014 having perspective is necessary and wise. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I admit, friends; this is hard. We\u2019re experiencing a collective weariness. But even with this new normal, I\u2019m determined to persevere, no matter good days or bad \u2014 acknowledging both exist \u2014 and as my buddy, Bren\u00e9, says, putting more empathy in the world. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Respectfully\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n AR No doubt one of the best things we can fuel ourselves with at this crazy moment in time is a dose of realistic hope. Dr. Bren\u00e9 Brown is one person who consistently offers that for me. So much so, I took a few notes from one of her recent podcasts\u2026 \u201cWe have collectively hit weary. … <\/p>\n
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