We are broken\u2026 Our nation. Our political system. The individual heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Friends, if we are going to actually craft solution, it will not come by drowning others out, winning \u201cone more to our tribe,\u201d nor employing any rules for radicals. If we are going to address our ballooning brokenness, there is one thing we must each start to do\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We must learn how to talk to people. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n We think we learned it long ago. We tend to think we\u2019re actually good at it. And yet we then tend to focus most of our communication telling someone else what they need to do. No wonder social media has become such a conversational mine field\u2026 \u201cYou don\u2019t agree with me? Well, then something must be wrong with <\/em>you<\/em><\/strong>.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s not a conversation, friends. It\u2019s also not healthy. If I can focus my primary energy on how others need to change, then I never have to examine me. In fact, if I can find more wrong in you, change in me is irrelevant and actually unnecessary. Hence, we remain corporately and individually broken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n How then should we talk to people?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Step one: assume a humble posture.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Who wants to hear the arrogant? Who is inspired to change or self-reflect when ego and pride are screaming at you? Is such effective in regard to heart change? Solution?<\/p>\n\n\n\n How many times do we say, \u201cI just have to say\u2026\u201d<\/em> or \u201cI\u2019ve had it\u2026\u201d<\/em> or \u201cI\u2019m not going to take it anymore\u2026\u201d <\/em>Who is the subject of each of those sentences? I, me, my, myself.<\/em> When we are the focus of our own monologues, thinly veiled as wisdom for a watching world, we aren\u2019t very good teachers, leaders, encouragers, nor role models; we\u2019re not even great friends. We\u2019re also often looking down on someone. If we\u2019re looking down on someone,<\/em> then often at least for me, I\u2019m doing the exact thing I\u2019m imploring another not to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hence, in what we say and how we say it, it starts with a humble posture \u2014 not an offensive or defensive position or anything ready to pounce. Simply embrace humility always. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Step two: listen more than you speak.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n We have been lured into believing life is a series of binary choices\u2026 \u201cIf you\u2019re not with me, you\u2019re against me\u2026\u201d left, right\u2026 black, white\u2026 good, bad\u2026<\/em> That lure then allows us to conclude that there are only two sides to a situation \u2014 plus,<\/em> if you\u2019re not on the same side as me, then you must be wrong.<\/em> There are 360\u00b0 in a circle and thus multiple perspectives. Always. We will never discover such if we\u2019re busy doing all the talking, screaming, shouting and shaming. Someone thinks differently than you? Ask them why. Outrageous, it seems? Ask questions. Seek to understand. When we refuse to listen, we are the ones who are stuck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Step three: employ respect. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n When I set out to establish \u201cThe Intramuralist\u201d 12 years ago, the idea was spurred on through interactions with a dear friend with whom I often disagreed. We would come to the table with different thoughts and beliefs in our heads and hearts; we would share, push back, sometimes shake our heads a bit, and often say, \u201cHelp me understand.\u201d And while it wasn\u2019t always easy, that sincere exchange doesn\u2019t happen unless we are respecting one another. \u201cWe may not think the same, but I respect you. I value you.\u201d<\/em> If the person on the other side of the table doesn\u2019t feel valued by you, why would they have any desire to think more like you? Hence, without respect, crafting solution is impossible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Step four: engage in self-examination.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n A wise new friend encouraged me in a profound way last week. In regard to the current racial tension, he encouraged me (each of us, really) <\/em>to look \u201cfirst in the mirror and then out the window.\u201d In other words, if we are going to be part of the solution, first we need to examine self\u2026 What attitudes have I held or behaviors have I exhibited that have contributed to looking down on another?<\/em> \u2026 Do I tolerate everyone but the intolerant? Then <\/em>I\u2019m<\/em><\/strong> intolerant\u2026<\/em> Do I respect everyone but those who disagree with me? Then <\/em>I\u2019m<\/em><\/strong> not respectful\u2026<\/em> Self-examination is vital. Then look out the window; be mindful of people who don\u2019t look like me. Again, seek to understand and empathize.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And step five: rinse and repeat.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Learning how to talk to people is not a one-time course nor something to be checked off our latest list. It\u2019s not a collegiate Gen Ed that we can take once and be done with; it is in no way Communication 101. In fact, with social media often serving as a place encouraging all the unfortunate, exact opposite, my sense is that these steps must be regularly reviewed.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n But make a mistake? Fall prey to insult or disrespectful retorts? You let someone \u201cdeserving\u201d finally have it? Rinse\u2026 feel some forgiveness. Maybe even ask<\/em> for forgiveness, as we\u2019re all in this together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Then repeat. Again and again and again. Respectfully\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n AR<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" We are broken\u2026 Our nation. Our political system. The individual heart. Friends, if we are going to actually craft solution, it will not come by drowning others out, winning \u201cone more to our tribe,\u201d nor employing any rules for radicals. If we are going to address our ballooning brokenness, there is one thing we must … <\/p>\n
It starts with a humble posture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n