{"id":10818,"date":"2020-07-12T08:00:28","date_gmt":"2020-07-12T12:00:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intramuralist.com\/?p=10818"},"modified":"2020-07-12T08:18:24","modified_gmt":"2020-07-12T12:18:24","slug":"will-the-last-person-on-facebook-please-turn-off-the-lights","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/?p=10818","title":{"rendered":"will the last person on Facebook please turn off the lights?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

No worries, friends. The Intramuralist is not abdicating its social media presence. But I must admit: successfully navigating the tenuous waters where online conversation supposedly takes place has become a delicate art form. I’m being kind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Facebook\u2019s current mission is \u201cto give people the power to build community and bring the world closer together.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instagram desires \u201cto allow you to experience moments in your friends’ lives through pictures as they happen.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Twitter says they want \u201cto give everyone the power to create and share ideas and information instantly without barriers. Our business and revenue will always follow that mission in ways that improve \u2014 and do not detract from \u2014 a free and global conversation.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So we ask: is social media really bringing us closer, as things happen, in ways that improve our conversation?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Healthy conversation implies respectful interactiveness. It involves both speaking and listening \u2014 specifically, listening well. But in my very non-scientific sense, I contend good people have forgotten how to speak and how to listen; it’s not even close. Radio journalist and former NPR host, Celeste Headlee, and I agree.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe\u2019re not listening to each other,\u201d says Headlee repeatedly. In her popular TEDx talk and succeeding book, she teaches us \u201cHow to Have Conversations That Matter\u201d\u2026 how to have healthy conversation… that “art,” I believe \u2014 that necessary “art” \u2014 which we have forgotten\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. \u201cDon\u2019t multi-task.\u201d<\/strong> Be present. Be fully attentive to those with whom you are interacting.<\/li>
  2. \u201cDon\u2019t pontificate.\u201d<\/strong> She adds, \u201cYou need to enter every conversation assuming that<\/strong><\/em> you have<\/em><\/strong> something to learn.\u201d<\/strong><\/em> The expression of one’s opinions in a pompous and dogmatic way is not attractive nor effective. As \u201cBill Nye the Science Guy\u201d said, \u201cEveryone that you will ever meet knows something you don\u2019t.\u201d We would be prudent to remember that.<\/li>
  3. \u201cUse open-ended questions.\u201d<\/strong> Headlee encourages utilization of who, what, where, when, why and how\u2026 \u201cwhat was that like?\u201d\u2026 \u201chow did that feel?\u201d<\/em> Ask another. Think about their response.<\/li>
  4. \u201cGo with the flow.\u201d<\/strong> Follow the course of the conversation. Let go of the tangent thoughts that come into your mind that aren\u2019t relevant as the dialogue continues.<\/li>
  5. \u201cIf you don\u2019t know, say that you don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/strong> (Brilliant, I contend!)<\/em> I appreciate Headlee’s urging to error on the side of caution.<\/li>
  6. \u201cDon\u2019t equate your experience with theirs.\u201d<\/strong> Isn\u2019t that a challenge these days? We think our reality fits for everyone else. We think we always understand. We would do well to remember that conversations are about two, not \u201cyou.\u201d<\/li>
  7. \u201cTry not to repeat yourself.\u201d<\/strong> Typically that’s evidence we aren\u2019t listening well.<\/li>
  8. \u201cStay out of the weeds.\u201d<\/strong> People engaged in healthy<\/em> conversation care most about the person on the other side of the table, so-to-speak. Sharing all the details means less.<\/li>
  9. \u201cListen.\u201d<\/strong> This is the most important aspect of healthy conversation.<\/em> It\u2019s the most important conversational skill that we can work on, develop, and encourage in others. \u201cWhen I\u2019m talking, I\u2019m in control. I don\u2019t have to hear anything I\u2019m not interested in.\u201d<\/li>
  10. \u201cBe interested in other people.\u201d <\/strong>I love Headlee\u2019s added final encouragement from her TEDx talk: \u201cbe prepared to be amazed<\/strong><\/em> by other people.\u201d Wow\u2026 how would social media change if our approach changed? \u2026 if we were prepared to be amazed by others more than make personal proclamations?<\/strong><\/em><\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    To be a little more comprehensive, let\u2019s acknowledge what is not<\/em> included in healthy conversation:\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n