One of the classic conundrums that has seemingly long tripped adults up is actually a rather simple question\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How much grace should we give?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Better yet: how much grace should we give in contrast to truth?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s as if grace and truth are opposites and can each only be imparted pending how much of the other is in play. Consider the image of the scales of justice, with grace on one plate \u2014 truth on the other. If 100% grace has been extended, any ounce of truth is impossible to display. In other words, it\u2019s an \u201ceither-or\u201d world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Yes, we are living in an \u201ceither-or\u201d world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But what if that\u2019s not an accurate application?<\/p>\n\n\n\n What if we\u2019re doing not only a disservice to ourselves but also to one another?<\/p>\n\n\n\n What if, therefore, we are wrong \u2014 and both could<\/em> be applied? What if we could be generous with both<\/em><\/strong> grace and truth?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Consider the insight of Dr. Henry Cloud, the leadership expert, clinical psychologist and New York Times bestselling author, whose books have sold more than 20 million copies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Writes Cloud:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c\u2026 It is the tendency for a person to experience themselves, others or the world as either \u2018all good\u2019 or \u2018all bad.\u2019 It is the hallmark of immature formation. I say immature, as it is a normal developmental stage of thinking and perceiving in which everyone starts out life. If you think about it, you don\u2019t meet a lot of infants or small children who are mature. They\u2019re either happy and smiling, or it\u2019s rage city.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Mature character, however, does not do that. She sees the world in what psychologists refer to as whole representations. In other words, when she looks at a person, even one who has frustrated her, she sees that person as the \u2018whole\u2019 of who they are and not just that mistake. She sees someone\u2019s strengths as well.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n For mature functioning, we cannot operate well in seeing the world in either-or terms. It is like trying to play tennis with only a forehand and not a backhand. There are a lot of shots you just cannot get to. It is frustrating to work with or be in a relationship with someone who cannot tolerate \u2018gray\u2019 or any degree of complexity that challenges their rigid thinking. Resolving conflict is more than difficult, as resolution usually requires an ability to see and work with the truth from the other side and integrate it into yours, finding a solution that transcends either polarity.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n No doubt, my friends, this time is tough. It would be so easy to conclude that whoever the other is in my life \u2014 the other person, party or perspective holder \u2014 is 100%, totally, completely, wholeheartedly, blindly, idiotically wrong, ignorant, incompetent, etc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I get it. That would be easier. That is also a byproduct of the either-or world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n My strong sense is we are doing a massive disservice to self when we succumb to a culture which encourages us to decide who we are for and who we are against \u2014 as if all who think like us are \u201cgood\u201d and all who don\u2019t are \u201cbad.\u201d We have taken the bait of a culture actually encouraging the immature.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So what is it? <\/p>\n\n\n\n Grace or truth? One or the other?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Allow me to suggest both\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Give grace to the different, even and especially when we don\u2019t understand \u2014 recognizing mature processing doesn’t allow one to be all good and one to be all bad. And then, never omit the truth. Know that neither grace nor truth need be sacrificed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n But allow me to also suggest that the order matters in regard to how each is extended, as one sequence is clearly more effective. Let us lead with grace. Never omit the truth, but yes, lead with grace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s both attractive and mature.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Respectfully\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n AR One of the classic conundrums that has seemingly long tripped adults up is actually a rather simple question\u2026 How much grace should we give? Better yet: how much grace should we give in contrast to truth? It\u2019s as if grace and truth are opposites and can each only be imparted pending how much of the … <\/p>\n
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