I know a family which facetiously claims to put the \u201cfun\u201d in \u201cdysfunction.\u201d\u00a0 They\u2019re a large family… with individual, unique skill sets, passions, and opinion.\u00a0 Sometimes they share their opinions with one another respectfully, and well, sometimes they don\u2019t.\u00a0 But they\u2019re “family,” so they are committed to working even the tough things through, challenging and emotional as they may be.<\/p>\n
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They\u2019ve had a tough road in recent years.\u00a0 There are days it at least appears that there is more that divides them than actually holds them together; it\u2019s on those days that remembering they are family is especially important.<\/p>\n
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Like most families, while there exist multiple causes of conflict, the number one argument stems from managing their finances.\u00a0 Yes, families fight \u2014 we fight \u2014 about money.\u00a0 The dysfunctional family in question fights about money \u2014 seemingly, arguably, all the time.<\/p>\n
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Now prior to sharing more insight and analysis regarding this dysfunctional family, I must offer a semi-humble caveat.\u00a0 Remember:\u00a0 it was in the early years of the Intramuralist where one commenter strongly suggested I wasn\u2019t \u201csmart enough\u201d to run a lemonade stand.\u00a0 (Granted, it should also be noted that I took a bit of sarcastic satisfaction in the fact that the not-so-gentle gentleman misspelled the word \u201clemonade.\u201d)<\/em>\u00a0 I share that to acknowledge that there exist different opinions on how to navigate via a family\u2019s finances.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n This dysfunctional family is in debt.\u00a0 Massive debt.\u00a0 What denotes \u201cmassive\u201d is that (1) they have spent more than they have taken in for years, and (2) they have zero specific plan to pay it back. \u00a0After putting food on their table and paying the electricity bill, when they don\u2019t have enough money to pay for their cell phones, kids\u2019 gymnastic lessons, and\/or cable TV, they simply borrow more money.\u00a0 In other words, no one wants to go without something they already have; so instead of sitting around the family table, having an undoubtedly painful but necessary conversation about where they can and must save, the dysfunctional family only asks how to get their hands on more money.\u00a0 My sense says there is no \u201cfun\u201d in that level of dysfunction.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Let\u2019s be sure we give great grace to one another here, friends.\u00a0 I mean, the reality is that this is hard.\u00a0 We all would prefer to spend instead of save.\u00a0 None of us like asking the question of \u201cwhat can we do without\u201d or \u201cwhere can we cut?\u201d\u00a0 We are far more comfortable asking others to give than addressing our own sense of entitlement.\u00a0 That\u2019s true for far too many.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n That sense of entitlement is an authentic challenge…\u00a0 I <\/em>need<\/em><\/strong> my cell phone… we\u00a0<\/em>need<\/em><\/strong> cable TV; have you seen how few channels come without it??… and exactly, my especially talented kid <\/em>needs<\/em><\/strong> those added lessons!\u00a0<\/em> The challenge is that we allow our wants to pose as needs, thereby hoping that no one would actually consider cutting something that has now evolved into perceived necessity.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n In order for any family to become less dysfunctional, when discussing family finances, there needs to be an accurate assessment of the problem.\u00a0 There needs to be a comprehensive acknowledgement of all that has contributed to the dire financial straits, as opposed to only focusing on the issues that my side of the family is most passionate about… the issues that my side of the family has prioritized.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n We can\u2019t simply keep borrowing.\u00a0 We can\u2019t simply quit spending.\u00a0 It is very possible that the family patriarch may need to find a higher paying job or other members of the family might need to go to work.\u00a0 But netting a larger salary or finding a better job will only equate to an applied Band-Aid if the spending problem is not seriously and significantly dealt with.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n We cannot keep allowing our wants to evolve into needs \u2014 and then omit that evolution from our conversation regarding responsible finances.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Otherwise the family will remain dysfunctional…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n … with no \u201cfun\u201d included whatsoever.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Respectfully,<\/p>\n AR<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I know a family which facetiously claims to put the \u201cfun\u201d in \u201cdysfunction.\u201d\u00a0 They\u2019re a large family… with individual, unique skill sets, passions, and opinion.\u00a0 Sometimes they share their opinions with one another respectfully, and well, sometimes they don\u2019t.\u00a0 But they\u2019re “family,” so they are committed to working even the tough things through, challenging and … <\/p>\n