I hate it when awful things happen\u2026 when tragedy strikes\u2026 when the world is witness to evil made manifest\u2026 It\u2019s absolutely awful. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
How do we make sense of that which makes no sense? <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n How, too, when witness to the awful are we to wisely respond?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Allow me to quickly be clear; this blog will offer no simplistic answer; it\u2019s not so easy to declare what works. But we do seem to know what doesn\u2019t <\/em>work. We\u2019re passionate people; we engage in a variety of vehement response. But passion doesn\u2019t equate to effectiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Let us thus highlight two chosen, popular, questionable means of response. First, as articulated by Salvy Snr, an author who lives and writes in Nigeria, on how we respond by feeling justified in shaming the silent. Writes Snr:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAs a child \u2014 an African child \u2014 I grew up being manipulated and guilt-tripped into doing many things I didn\u2019t want to do.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Every wall I faced had a specific kind of graffiti that made me feel bad for my (in)actions. I\u2019d desist from playing football with my friends because, \u2018What would people say if they saw the school\u2019s quiz representative soiling himself alongside razz pupils?\u2019 At home, I\u2019d cringe myself into discussions I had no interest in, just to pre-empt verbal kvetchings about me being too detached from the family.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019d go out of my mentally paved way to do certain things I wasn\u2019t built to do, so as to let the pressure lift away. I was too young to know that my mental health was being compromised.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ve seen comments on social media subtly or brazenly guilt-tripping people \u2014 celebrities and nobodies alike \u2014 for their apparent silence. There have been comments on Twitter such as \u2018Kanye West has been uncharacteristically silent,\u2019 \u2018I thought [insert famous black woman] was a black woman, too? Why isn\u2019t she saying anything?\u2019 \u2018If you\u2019re black, and you\u2019re quiet during these times, you\u2019re racist.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n There are remarks such as these in the thousands. Some get told in person, and are being forced to say something, when in reality no one has a clear understanding of their silence\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n A second popular (albeit not necessarily effective) response is blame. Andrea Blundell, the Editor-in-Chief and lead writer of the Harley Therapy counseling blog, wrote a great piece a few years ago on \u201cWhy We Put the Blame On Others\u201d \u2014 including the title\u2019s second half: \u201cand the Real Cost We Pay.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Blundell defines blaming as \u201cthe fine art of making others responsible for all the difficult things that happen to us.\u201d She then boldly asks if such is helpful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Her entire essay is excellent and worth reading. But what\u2019s interesting to note and relevant to today\u2019s post is Blundell\u2019s synopsis of why we blame other people. She includes five succinct reasons \u2014 such as how blame allows us to unload our emotions, protect our own ego, and avoid any vulnerability. But it was the first reason that stood out to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Reason number one for the blame game?<\/p>\n\n\n\n (Let\u2019s be honest, can we?)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBlaming others is easy<\/strong>,\u201d writes Blundell. [Emphasis mine.] \u201cBlame means less work as when we blame, we don\u2019t have to be held accountable.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n As said at the onset of this blog, I hate it when awful things happen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It makes it harder, too, when we respond so poorly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Respectfully\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n AR<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I hate it when awful things happen\u2026 when tragedy strikes\u2026 when the world is witness to evil made manifest\u2026 It\u2019s absolutely awful. How do we make sense of that which makes no sense? How, too, when witness to the awful are we to wisely respond? Allow me to quickly be clear; this blog will offer … <\/p>\n