For the last five years a wise mentor has repeatedly asked me about the above, bold question. Not only has he asked me the question, he\u2019s also stayed put for the answer. He didn\u2019t run when he received feedback that wasn\u2019t fun. He didn\u2019t deny when he heard a response that was hard. There was no trigger to flee or fight. He craved wisdom. Growth. He thus has always remained present and asked sincere questions of what he doesn\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Help me learn more\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ve learned much through our frequent give-and-take process. It\u2019s been so insightful, I\u2019ve written much about it here. The question:<\/p>\n\n\n\n What\u2019s it like to be on the other side of me?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I love the key behaviors embedded in the learning\u2026 staying present and put, not running, no denial. Asking questions of what we don\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The beauty of such an interaction is that it sharpens us both\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n No judgment. No shame. No arrogance whatsoever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I observe, too, a competing phenomenon \u2014 when we fail to be simultaneously bold and humble enough to ask the above question\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n When we really don\u2019t care what it\u2019s like to be on the other side of us\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sadly, we lose credibility. <\/p>\n\n\n\n When we\u2019re mad as hell and don\u2019t give a damn, so-to-speak, in regard to what we say, how we say it, and who it hurts, the person on the other side of us makes a fairly firm conclusion\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They have no desire to be like us\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2026 think like us\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2026 or adopt any aspect of our point of view.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Who is attracted to the one who leads with judgment, shame or arrogance?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Who is attracted to the one who thinks they have it all figured out and only the one on the other side of them needs to grow and change?<\/p>\n\n\n\n And who wants to think like the one whose passions and politics have blinded themselves to the beauty of relationship? \u2026 community, too\u2026 <\/p>\n\n\n\n Friends, there are a plethora of passionate opinions out there. This is true on all sides\u2026 from all 360\u00b0 angles\u2026 maybe more. But let me humbly propose a tiny nugget of wisdom. When we engage and interact with judgment, shame or arrogance, the person on the other side of us isn\u2019t all that thrilled to be there. When we drown out or demonize, the person on the other side of us has zero desire to be like us. In any capacity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n We aren\u2019t making a positive difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s thus been a sad couple of weeks. We\u2019ve seen the echo chambers huddling; we\u2019ve seen them even be blind to what they actually are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What if instead of hanging out in insulated groups where we rhetorically bully the different, we instead asked questions of what we disagree with, don’t understand or both?<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2026 What if we stated our opinions in ways that refrained from making character judgments?<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2026 What if we processed perspectives without attacking another\u2019s integrity?<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2026 And what if we really were a tolerant people? Because let’s face it. We aren’t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s been a fascinating few weeks, we’ve said \u2014 but fascinating in not necessarily a good way. It\u2019s amazing all the people who claim to stand for something so moral and just \u2014 on all sides \u2014 but then turn around and attack another. Sorry, but my sense is that such equates to not being quite so moral nor just.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So as the discussions continue, maybe we should be bold \u2014 and yes, humble \u2014 enough to ask: <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cTell me\u2026 what\u2019s it like to be on the other side of me?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Then respond with grace. Compassion and questions, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And then maybe, just maybe, we\u2019ll each make a little more positive difference in the world\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Respectfully\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n AR<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" For the last five years a wise mentor has repeatedly asked me about the above, bold question. Not only has he asked me the question, he\u2019s also stayed put for the answer. He didn\u2019t run when he received feedback that wasn\u2019t fun. He didn\u2019t deny when he heard a response that was hard. There was … <\/p>\n