{"id":13512,"date":"2023-04-23T08:44:11","date_gmt":"2023-04-23T12:44:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intramuralist.com\/?p=13512"},"modified":"2023-04-23T08:44:13","modified_gmt":"2023-04-23T12:44:13","slug":"leaving-nothing-on-the-table","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/?p=13512","title":{"rendered":"leaving nothing on the table"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I watched a mom bury her son this week. He was 13. The cause of death \u2014 or at least motivation for death \u2014 remains unclear. But it made me think. It made me think of the adolescent that ends all intentionally\u2026 the one who has concluded at such an incredibly young age \u2014 an age with so much, much more to know, grow and explore <\/em>\u2014 that life simply isn\u2019t worth living. What makes them think that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The IndyStar, <\/em>my original hometown paper, recently chronicled the life of one such 13 year old. Let none of my words stand for theirs\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOn the afternoon of the worst day of Terry Badger II’s life, the text message from his son never came. \u2018Hey dad, I’m home. Going to do my homework. I’ll see you here in a little bit.\u2019 Thirteen-year-old Terry Badger III sent those words, or some variation of them, every single afternoon to his dad at work, just like the morning messages Terry sent without fail that said, \u2018I’m up. Getting ready for school. Love you.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

His dad got the morning message from Terry on March 6. But not the afternoon one. That was odd. Terry was home from school. His mom, Robyn, had dropped him off just after 3 p.m. then left for a quick run to the gas station. She had no reason to think she shouldn’t leave Terry alone. There were no signs. On the car ride home, Terry had acted like he always acted, smiling, happy, nothing out of the ordinary, Robyn said. He talked like he always talked, about his plans to get his homework done so he could go to the baseball field at 4:30 p.m. to practice batting with his dad and some friends. But Terry wasn’t really thinking about batting practice or homework on that car ride home, his parents later found out. He wasn’t thinking about texting his dad after school. His parents found that out when they watched the video Terry recorded just after 3 p.m. on March 6. Their son was in a very dark place. Terry believed, in those moments, his life wasn’t worth living.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That leads us to a simple search of Wikipedia which yields the following insight: \u201cYouth suicide attempts are more common among girls, but adolescent males are the ones who usually carry out suicide. Suicide rates in youths have nearly tripled between the 1960s and 1980s\u2026 In the U.S., according to the National Institute of Mental Health, the suicide rate is the 2nd leading cause of death for adolescents between the ages of 10 and 14, and the third leading cause of death for those between 15-19.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In other words, this is a problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s go a few places quickly, attempting to get at least some grip as to the why \u2014 why the intentional end?\u2026 what was the adolescent\u2019s family life like? Was it healthy? Were there solid both male and female role models? Was there any abuse? Was the core hope provided in their family something that lasts beyond the now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We then look at social media\u2026 oh my; let me try to be kind \u2014 this instant, insulated environment that serves as the younger generation\u2019s number one source of comparison. Comparison isn\u2019t good, friends. Comparison lures us into making concrete  conclusions about what\u2019s good and right and true based on the hollow and incomplete. And what about the insulated world of bullying that ensues? Note Terry Badger\u2019s words from that heartbreaking video: “I get picked on every (single) day and I hate my life. You can thank (Terry listed his bullies’ names) for this.\u201d \u2026 <\/em>I can only imagine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which leads us to one more place\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the adolescent who intentionally ends his life\u2026 are we modeling for them an adulthood they\u2019d actually want to be part of? Are we showing them what responsible and respectful behavior looks like?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or\u2026 do we justify the bullying? Do we create better, nicer, adult-sounding words for how we torment or tyrannize? Words like the need to silence, shout another down, or God-forbid, invoke cancel culture?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let me then ask the zillion dollar question, that any teenage death has the profound potential to prompt\u2026 are we being kind to one another?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or\u2026 are we justifying being unkind to any? Are we acting as if adulthood is a place that justifies unkindness\u2026 or perhaps, therefore, an adult world that\u2019s not really all that fun to be a part of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So one more Q, as this is where my head went today\u2026 what\u2019s it going to take? What\u2019s it going to take to ask for forgiveness? \u2026 to grant forgiveness? To repair relationships? At the end of this earthly life, that\u2019s really all we have: relationships. So what\u2019s it going to take? We don\u2019t have to minimize any wrongdoing, but we also don\u2019t have to let the awkward get in the way. Have that conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s be an adulthood that the younger generation respects and actually wants to grow into.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s not allow any unkindness to linger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bottom line: let\u2019s do what\u2019s better. Let\u2019s model more to the younger generations. Let there be no kindness left on our table.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Respectfully\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

AR<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I watched a mom bury her son this week. He was 13. The cause of death \u2014 or at least motivation for death \u2014 remains unclear. But it made me think. It made me think of the adolescent that ends all intentionally\u2026 the one who has concluded at such an incredibly young age \u2014 an … <\/p>\n

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