Grad speeches are an interesting thing; are they not? And let\u2019s be honest; some are awesome; some are awful. And sometimes we disagree which is which.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be clear, the audience matters. The speech one gives at West Point wouldn\u2019t be the same one gives at Barnard, Benedictine, nor at Morehouse or Mississippi State. The size, the students, the academic focus, and the private, public or parochial nature \u2014 all of that matters. It didn\u2019t matter enough at a recent graduation we attended when they welcomed a notably divisive congressperson giving a grossly partisan speech. For a large, DI public university, that indeed seemed negligent, likely appealing to no more than 33% of the audience, regardless of the partisan angle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes, some are awesome; some are awful. It reminds me of the once always witty satirist, P.J. O\u2019Rourke, in May of 2008. As Forbes <\/em>once said, O\u2019Rourke \u201cnever minces words or pulls his punches, whatever the subject.\u201d I wonder if any attempted to shut down the excerpt below\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Well, here you are at your college graduation. And I know what you\u2019re thinking: \u201cGimme the sheepskin and get me outta here!\u201d Not so fast. First you have to listen to a commencement speech. Don\u2019t moan. I\u2019m not going to \u201cpass the wisdom of one generation down to the next.\u201d I\u2019m a member of the 1960s generation. We didn\u2019t have any wisdom\u2026 We were the generation who believed we could stop the war in Vietnam by growing our hair long and dressing like circus clowns. We believed drugs would change everything \u2014 which they did, for John Belushi\u2026 My generation spoiled everything for you. It has always been the special prerogative of youth to look and act weird and shock the grown-ups. But my generation exhausted the earth\u2019s resources of weird. Weird clothes \u2014 we wore them. Weird beards \u2014 we grew them. Weird words and phrases \u2014 we said them. So, when it came your turn to look and act weird, you had to tattoo your faces and pierce your tongues. Ouch. That must have hurt. I apologize\u2026 It\u2019s my job to give you advice. But all the rest of the advice I\u2019m going to give you is bad advice. I figure it this way: You\u2019re finishing 16 years of education, and you\u2019ve had all the good advice you can stand. Let me offer some relief.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n 1. Go out and make a bunch of money! Here we are in the most prosperous country in the world, surrounded by all the comforts, conveniences, and security that money can provide, yet no American political, intellectual or cultural leader ever says to American young people, \u201cGo out and make a bunch of money.\u201d They say money can\u2019t buy happiness. But it can rent it. <\/em>There\u2019s <\/em>nothing the matter with honest money-making. Wealth is not a pizza where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino\u2019s box. In a free society, with the rule of law and property rights, no one loses when someone else gets rich.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. Don\u2019t be an idealist! Don\u2019t chain yourself to a redwood tree. Go be a corporate lawyer and make $500,000 a year. If you make $500,000 a year, no matter how much you try to cheat the IRS, you\u2019ll end up paying $100,000 in taxes\u2014property taxes, sales taxes, excise taxes. That\u2019s $100,000 worth of schools and sewers, fire fighters and police. You\u2019ll be doing good for society. Does chaining yourself to a redwood tree do society $100,000 worth of good?…<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. Get politically uninvolved! Politics stink\u2014and not just bad politics. All politics stink\u2026 But let me make a distinction between politics and politicians\u2026 Politicians are chefs, some good, some bad. The problem isn\u2019t the cook. The problem is the food. Or let me restate that: The problem isn\u2019t the cook. The problem is the cookbook. The key ingredient of politics is the belief that all of society\u2019s ills can be cured politically. This is like a cookbook where the recipe for everything is to fry it. The fruit cocktail is fried. The soup is fried. The salad is fried. So is the ice cream and cake. The pinot noir is rolled in bread crumbs and dunked in the deep-fat fryer. This is no way to cook up public policy. Politics is greasy. Politics is slippery. Politics can\u2019t tell the truth. But we can\u2019t blame the politicians for that. Because just think what the truth would sound like on the campaign stump, even a little bitty bit of truth: \u201cNo, I can\u2019t fix public education. The problem isn\u2019t funding or teachers\u2019 unions or a lack of vouchers or an absence of computer equipment in the classrooms. The problem is your kids!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n 4. Forget about fairness! We all get confused about what role politics should play in life. This is because politics and life send contradictory messages. Life sends us the message, \u201cI\u2019d better not be poor. I\u2019d better get rich. I\u2019d better make more money than other people.\u201d Meanwhile politics sends us the message, \u201cSome people make more money than other people. Some people are rich and others are poor. We\u2019d better close that \u2018income disparity gap.\u2019 It\u2019s so unfair!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Well, I\u2019m here to speak in favor of unfairness. I\u2019ve got a ten-year-old at home. And she\u2019s always saying, \u201cThat\u2019s not fair.\u201d When she says that, I say, \u201cHoney, you\u2019re cute. That\u2019s not fair. Your family is pretty well off. That\u2019s not fair. You were born in America. That\u2019s not fair. Darling, you had better pray to God that things don\u2019t start getting fair for you\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n 5. Be a religious extremist! So don\u2019t get involved with politics if you can help it, but if you can\u2019t help it, read the Bible for political advice\u2014even if you\u2019re a Buddhist or an atheist or whatever. Using politics to create fairness is a sin. The Bible is very clear about this. \u201cOh, gosh,\u201d you\u2019re thinking, \u201cthis is the worst advice yet. We get federal funding here. And the commencement speaker has just violated Constitutional law about separation of church and state.\u201d But hear me out. I am not, in fact, one of those people who believes that God is involved in politics. My attitude is: Observe politics in this country. Observe politics around the world. Observe politics down through history. Does it look like God\u2019s involved? No, that would be (the) Other Fellow who\u2019s the political activist.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n However, in one sense I do get my politics from the Bible, specifically from the 10th Commandment. The first nine Commandments concern theological principles and social law: Thou shalt not make graven images, steal, kill, et cetera. Fair enough. But then there\u2019s the 10th: \u201cThou shalt not covet thy neighbor\u2019s house. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor\u2019s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor\u2019s.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Here are God\u2019s basic rules about how we should live, a brief list of sacred obligations and solemn moral precepts. And right at the end of it is \u201cDon\u2019t envy your buddy\u2019s cow.\u201d How did that make the top ten? Why would God, with just ten things to tell Moses, choose as one of them jealousy about livestock?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n And yet think about how important this Commandment is to a community, to a nation, to a democracy. If you want a mule, if you want a pot roast, if you want a cleaning lady, don\u2019t whine about what the people across the street have. Go get your own. So do get rich. Don\u2019t be an idealist. Stay out of politics. Forget about fairness. And I have another piece of advice: \u2026 Don\u2019t listen to your elders! After all, if the old person standing up here actually knew anything worth telling, he\u2019d be charging you for it.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n May the celebrations continue\u2026 with one more to come\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Respectfully\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n AR<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Grad speeches are an interesting thing; are they not? And let\u2019s be honest; some are awesome; some are awful. And sometimes we disagree which is which. To be clear, the audience matters. The speech one gives at West Point wouldn\u2019t be the same one gives at Barnard, Benedictine, nor at Morehouse or Mississippi State. The … <\/p>\n