{"id":14765,"date":"2024-08-21T08:11:52","date_gmt":"2024-08-21T12:11:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/?p=14765"},"modified":"2024-08-21T08:21:26","modified_gmt":"2024-08-21T12:21:26","slug":"its-not-me-its-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/?p=14765","title":{"rendered":"“it’s not me \u2014 it\u2019s you\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Written in 1938, a thriller play, set in London. It was written by Patrick Hamilton during a noted, dark time in his life. According to the archives of The New York Times, <\/em>six years earlier, the British playwright was \u201chit by a drunk driver and dragged through the streets of London, leaving him with a limp, a paralysed arm, and a disfigured face. Two years later, Hamilton’s mother took her own life.\u201d To say it was dark and traumatic is an understatement. That\u2019s when he wrote \u201cGas Light,\u201d the sordid story of a husband intentionally trying to drive his wife insane. Why? He wanted to steal from her. Hence, if he could convince her that she<\/strong> was the one who was mentally ill, she would never notice the wicked deceit of her spouse. In other words, \u201cit\u2019s not me \u2014 it\u2019s you\u201d\u2026 when it\u2019s actually not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We thus arrive at our all too common act 86 some years later\u2026 and a word seemingly so often used incorrectly: gaslighting.<\/strong> It\u2019s the perfidious ploy utilized in order to trick people into believing something that\u2019s untrue. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Allow us to expand\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From Psychology Today: <\/em>\u201cGaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control. Victims of gaslighting are deliberately and systematically fed false information that leads them to question what they know to be true, often about themselves. They may end up doubting their memory, their perception, and even their sanity. Over time, a gaslighter\u2019s manipulations can grow more complex and potent, making it increasingly difficult for the victim to see the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The forms it takes are both complex and creative. The Newport Institute’s mental health experts identify 5 types of gaslighting:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Outright Lying \u2014<\/strong> In this type of gaslighting behavior, the abuser lies to their victim even when there\u2019s evidence to the contrary. For example, they might insist that they didn\u2019t call their ex even when the number shows up on their list of calls. Or in the case of workplace gaslighting, a co-worker might insist they sent you the information you needed, even though you never got it and they can\u2019t show you the email.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Coercion \u2014<\/strong> Coercive gaslighting involves using force, punishment, or threats to manipulate the victim. Examples of this type of gaslighting include giving your partner the cold shoulder when they spend time with someone else, or trying to convince them they\u2019re a bad person if they don\u2019t do what the abuser wants.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Scapegoating \u2014 <\/strong>Scapegoat gaslighting is when the gaslighter deflects blame onto someone else to avoid having to take responsibility or to escape damage to their relationship, reputation, or power. At work, your boss might blame one victim for a project that failed, even though it was ultimately their responsibility. Or, in an intimate relationship, a gaslighter might tell you that they cheated because you weren\u2019t attentive enough.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reality Questioning \u2014<\/strong> Also known as reality manipulation, this type of gaslighting is especially harmful to the victim\u2019s mental health, because it sows self-doubt and confusion. The abuser insists that the victim is remembering things wrong, or tells them they\u2019re crazy because they can\u2019t remember an event or conversation\u2014one that actually never took place. This might happen with family members, as when a parent tells a child that an event they remember as traumatic never happened, or wasn\u2019t what the child thought it was.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trivializing \u2014 <\/strong>This type of gaslighting known as trivializing refers to minimizing or dismissing the victim\u2019s feelings, accomplishments, or experiences. Hence, the gaslighter diminishes the victim\u2019s self-esteem and makes themselves the arbiter of what is important and meaningful. Within romantic relationships, the abuser could gaslight their partner by calling them oversensitive when they share their emotions, or belittling how much they care about something outside the relationship, like a hobby, work, or a friendship.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Friends, while I was on my respite during the unforeseen political hurricane season, I was fascinated by the rampant gaslighting. By absolutely both<\/em><\/strong> parties. They are exceptionally creative \u2014 from farcical fabrications within public speeches to major masking of mental ineptitude. Even more so, I was and continue to be fascinated by the swells who detect it in only one\u2026 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2026 that\u2019s not true\u2026 that\u2019s not what you saw\u2026 I never said that\u2026 you must have heard wrong\u2026 you know, we are the actual victims here\u2026 <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gaslighting is a distortion of reality. The goal is to dupe us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s most fascinating is how often it actually works.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Respectfully\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

AR<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Written in 1938, a thriller play, set in London. It was written by Patrick Hamilton during a noted, dark time in his life. According to the archives of The New York Times, six years earlier, the British playwright was \u201chit by a drunk driver and dragged through the streets of London, leaving him with a … <\/p>\n

Continue reading ““it’s not me \u2014 it\u2019s you\u201d”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14765","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-event"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14765","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=14765"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14765\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14770,"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14765\/revisions\/14770"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=14765"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=14765"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=14765"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}