In recent weeks, via group chats on social media and elsewhere, it\u2019s become increasingly clear that we have a bit of an honor scarcity. My jaw drops often, in fact, noting the many who find it unnecessary or undeserved. It\u2019s ok. Count me among them many days. It seems such an old-fashioned act. Surely it isn\u2019t so relevant any more?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I\u2019m thinking we don\u2019t really understand what honor is \u2014 and that\u2019s why we withhold it with an all too convenient ease\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Honor is more than respect.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s more than being kind.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s more than any nicety, sincerity or formality, too.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Honor is greater.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To honor is to intentionally treat another with great esteem not solely because of what they have done. We also honor another because of who they are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For example\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n We honor our parents. We honor the elderly. And we honor them precisely because that\u2019s who they are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Granted, that\u2019s where the rub comes in. None of our parents are\/were perfect (shocking), and many raised us or cared for us in some damaging ways, ways we\u2019re still navigating through in an attempt to be healthy, functioning adults.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And the elderly \u2014 just because you\u2019re old doesn’t mean you\u2019re virtuous, wonderful or even good. Some older people just seem so stuck in their ways and not open to any new ways of thinking. So why in the world would we engage in such an old-fashioned effort? They don\u2019t deserve it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Therein lies the issue. We make a judgment on whether another person is deserving or not. And if another is not living up to our standards or expectations, then it makes sense for honor to be withheld; it makes conditional honor completely appropriate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sure. Until we realize what the opposite of honor is\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Shame.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n And shame is never good. It\u2019s never good and never wise. And also, never appropriate. As noted researcher and storyteller Bren\u00e9 Brown says, one who has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy, shame often comes out of emotional responses based on our insecurities\u2026 “You lash out and, often, shame other people in retaliation.\u201d That\u2019s not good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It would thus seem that the better response is not to spend our time and energy on whether another person is deserving or not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Wiser would be to alter what honor looks like\u2026 pushing ourselves a little perhaps, but doing what we can do. For example once more\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sitting beside the adult with special needs, so they won\u2019t be alone and would actually have a new friend\u2026 paying for the coffee for the person behind you in line\u2026\u00a0showing up at family dinner, even when the relationships have been hard in recent years\u2026 refusing to believe the worst about a friend, precisely because they\u2019re your friend\u2026 sending an email, a text, just reaching out\u2026 forgiving, even when no one has asked\u2026 thanking the veteran for serving\u2026 etc. etc.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n The list goes on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The reality is that we have regular opportunity to be creative in our honor. We also can do it in a way that works for us, sensitive to when it\u2019s hard. Truth is it will always be healthier than shame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Respectfully\u2026 In recent weeks, via group chats on social media and elsewhere, it\u2019s become increasingly clear that we have a bit of an honor scarcity. My jaw drops often, in fact, noting the many who find it unnecessary or undeserved. It\u2019s ok. Count me among them many days. It seems such an old-fashioned act. Surely it … <\/p>\n
AR<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"