Last week I had a conversation with my oldest son that was \u2014 well, allow me to simply yet transparently say \u2014 entirely unproductive.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t a serious nor significantly sobering topic; we were discussing what time his friends should be leaving on a school night.<\/p>\n
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Jake has some terrific friends.\u00a0 Yet regardless of the high character caliber of his closest friends, we disagreed by one seemingly, incredibly huge, exaggerated hour what time their exit should occur that evening.<\/p>\n
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When it was obvious that polar opposite opinions existed on this issue \u2014 and that his parents weren\u2019t immediately nor automatically going to adopt his perspective \u2014 my talented, typically loving son resorted to a tactic employed by a multitude of 15-16 year olds:\u00a0 he criticized us.\u00a0 Loudly.\u00a0 Fairly harshly.\u00a0 My spouse and I became persons undoubtedly out-of-touch.\u00a0 And dare I also transparently repeat, \u201ccrazy.\u201d<\/p>\n
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Pause.\u00a0 Take a deep breath.\u00a0 I have, and I did.\u00a0 I do.<\/p>\n
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I\u2019ve concluded, no less, that one of the most important parenting skills we each need to develop is the ability to refrain from matching our children\u2019s reaction.\u00a0 Whether it’s matching the fluent tears of a toddler\u2019s fear of first stitches or matching a teen who articulates abundant insult, the parent must always choose instead to model the appropriate emotion…\u00a0 bravery to that toddler… and yes, respect to a disrespectful teen.\u00a0 We can\u2019t expect our toddler to be brave nor our teen to be respectful when our response compares so similarly to their initial, often immature action.<\/p>\n
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As I later processed my son\u2019s response, I was once again hit over the head with one of those obvious, potentially-divine two-by-fours.\u00a0 My son called me \u201ccrazy.\u201d\u00a0 It was an emotional response.\u00a0 But he did it because he disagreed with me.<\/p>\n
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The \u201ca-ha\u201d?<\/p>\n
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How many times have young people seen otherwise intelligent adults articulate insult of another simply because they disagree?<\/p>\n
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Watch adults.<\/p>\n
Watch Washington.<\/p>\n
Watch Congress.<\/p>\n
Watch the President.<\/p>\n
Watch people on and off TV…<\/p>\n
Celebrities. \u00a0Parents. \u00a0Athletes. \u00a0You and me.<\/p>\n
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What do we do when we disagree?\u00a0 What do even intelligent<\/em> adults do?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Instead of working tenaciously to understand \u2014 and offering the grace and respect that opposing opinion deserves \u2014 intelligent people criticize… fairly harshly… loudly; they call the possessors of the opposing opinion out-of-touch.\u00a0 Sometimes they even call them crazy.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Not everyone who thinks differently than you and me is bad or mean or evil \u2014 or even<\/em> \u2014 necessarily<\/em> \u2014 wrong.\u00a0 Not everyone who thinks differently than the President nor Congress nor your local legislator is bad\/mean\/evil\/wrong either.\u00a0 But yet, each of the above \u2014 each of us<\/em> \u2014 no matter our individual intelligence \u2014 at times resorts to criticism in place of the tenacious seeking of comprehension.\u00a0 Once again, wisdom and intelligence are two totally, different things.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The reason our 15-16 year olds (and feel free to add any age here)<\/em> sometimes criticize others when agreement is lacking is because they\u2019ve seen the adults who\u2019ve gone before them do the exact same thing.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Crazy.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Respectfully,<\/p>\n AR<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Last week I had a conversation with my oldest son that was \u2014 well, allow me to simply yet transparently say \u2014 entirely unproductive.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t a serious nor significantly sobering topic; we were discussing what time his friends should be leaving on a school night. Jake has some terrific friends.\u00a0 Yet regardless of … <\/p>\n