{"id":3579,"date":"2014-08-19T06:41:25","date_gmt":"2014-08-19T10:41:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intramuralist.com\/?p=3579"},"modified":"2014-08-19T06:41:25","modified_gmt":"2014-08-19T10:41:25","slug":"got-sorrows","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/?p=3579","title":{"rendered":"got sorrows?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"395341_2959346665557_1618827085_n\"<\/a>Throat tight, fiercely pounding heart throbs in my ears. Eyes wet. And that smell. Why do hospitals always have that smell?<\/p>\n

We walked silently to the elevator together after meeting with the doctor. I wasn\u2019t sure I\u2019d make it. \u00a0My legs felt funny. Weak. Wobbly.<\/p>\n

I literally didn\u2019t know what to say. How does one support, encourage, cheer on, give hope to someone just handed a potential death sentence? How do I take the next breath, how do I find hope HERE?<\/p>\n

God, where are You in this?<\/p>\n

I took his hand. We made small talk about parking as we walked to the elevator. I wished I didn\u2019t have to drive home. Alone.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d met him at the clinic for the appointment. We looked at the images together with the doctor. The nurses had too much compassion \u2013 the kind that said, \u201cWe\u2019re so sorry you\u2019ve been given this news.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n

The last time a doctor looked at me like this was when I was told I\u2019d lost the baby. The days are filled with minutia-sized moments where every thought is being taken captive, lest I give way completely to fear. I feel fear\u2019s snarl, it\u2019s teeth bared at my neck, saliva dripping, lip-licking tongue and hot breath. It threatens to devour me.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t imagine what it must be like for my friend, the man I married. The days have become faith-testing moments, one right after another, only to be repeated, over and over again.<\/p>\n

God, where are You in this? \u00a0Help me see\u2026 I\u2019m so blind and everything\u2019s distorted through the tears.<\/p>\n

\u2026<\/p>\n

So without going too much into the details, a birth defect we didn\u2019t even know my husband had is rearing it\u2019s ugly head, threatening his life. We don\u2019t know much yet, but what we do know has us rattled.<\/p>\n

We have asked God for a miracle, because the surgery is rather risky. \u201cThe riskiest surgery we do,\u201d<\/em> said the cardiologist. I\u2019m trying not to be angry at him for that. Actually, I\u2019m not angry at all; what I\u2019m trying to not be is afraid. I\u2019m trying to trust God with everything. Even this. Even though in the last few months, a friend of mine\u2019s uncle died with the same condition. It was the first time I\u2019d ever heard of it in my life. And now\u2026<\/p>\n

As we begin this medical journey, and I look at Dare 22 in the book, \u201cThe Respect Dare,\u201d I fondly remember ironing all those shirts. Thanks to my own physical disability, I don\u2019t iron much any more, and it\u2019s usually the chore I hate most. But I\u2019d iron every one of his shirts every single day from here to eternity if it would change the news we\u2019ve been given. Did You hear that, God? Could we make that trade?<\/p>\n

I know, I know better\u2026 but still. In the NOW I\u2019m in, I\u2019m grasping through tears at anything that might change this, wondering if I couldn\u2019t please just wake up now and have it be a nightmare\u2026 And the tears just keep coming.<\/p>\n

Food\u2019s lost it\u2019s flavor, and the world seems a bit gray, so I\u2019m praying, \u201cWhere\u2019s the joy I\u2019m to have, even in this NOW that I\u2019m in?\u201d<\/em> Is my faith so small? Maybe\u2026 Maybe not.<\/p>\n

So today, when you get mad at your husband for leaving his socks on the floor, or you trip over his shoes, or he leaves a dish on the counter, be thankful he\u2019s even there to do that. Maybe take a moment and ponder what it might be like if he wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

And if you think of it, please join us in praying for a miracle for my husband. For complete, miraculous healing without surgery. And if God says, \u201cNo,\u201d please pray for us as we journey through the steps of learning, traveling to specialists, and making appointments. Pray we do what is right and do not give way to fear… And that we are both strong and courageous.<\/p>\n

Respectfully…<\/p>\n

Nina<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Throat tight, fiercely pounding heart throbs in my ears. Eyes wet. And that smell. Why do hospitals always have that smell? We walked silently to the elevator together after meeting with the doctor. I wasn\u2019t sure I\u2019d make it. \u00a0My legs felt funny. Weak. Wobbly. I literally didn\u2019t know what to say. How does one … <\/p>\n

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