{"id":5574,"date":"2015-12-06T01:02:10","date_gmt":"2015-12-06T06:02:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intramuralist.com\/?p=5574"},"modified":"2015-12-06T01:09:00","modified_gmt":"2015-12-06T06:09:00","slug":"the-only-person-left-in-the-room","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/?p=5574","title":{"rendered":"the only person left in the room"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"photo-1444047427283-88a67f631b3e\"<\/a>Allow me a moment of total transparency: one night last week I got really mad at my spouse. I was really mad.<\/em><\/p>\n

Earlier in the evening we were working through a challenging conflict with one of our sons. The son was not complying with our expectations. The situation was also not unfolding nor progressing in a positive way. It was frustrating, hard, and no fun for any of us.<\/p>\n

As the conflict continued in absence of an immediate, foreseeable solution, my son left the room and my spouse and I pressed on with the dialogue. Yet with my son no longer present, I turned my frustration toward the only person left in the room: my loyal, loving spouse.<\/p>\n

Oh, right. He wasn\u2019t responsible. But in the moment, that didn\u2019t matter to me. He hadn\u2019t fixed the problem, even if my frustration wasn\u2019t his fault. Still, it did not matter; I was really mad.<\/em> I wanted the conflict to go away. So I justified my anger \u2014 no matter at whom it was directed.<\/p>\n

Last week\u2019s San Bernardino shooting was another gut-wrenching heartbreak. Once again, persons connected with militant Islamic ideology justified the intentional killing of innocent others. Across the country, we then reacted in different ways with different words, thoughts, passions, and stabs at solution. One aspect was obvious: the clear majority of us want the violence to stop. We want it to stop.<\/em><\/p>\n

Chew on that for a moment\u2026 Whether an individual reaction manifested itself in a loquacious Facebook rant, a scathing newspaper editorial, or a call for increased legislation or military action, the bottom line is the same: we want the violence to stop. The repeated proclamation that \u201cenough is enough\u201d is a call for the innocent, evil killing to come to an end.<\/p>\n

It is important, friends, to remember that we<\/em> are not each other\u2019s enemy. We<\/em> are not the ones doing the killing. As much as we may disagree as to what to call the terror or what needs to be done to either diminish or eliminate the threat, it is truer still that we are not the enemy. We are not responsible for this evil exhibition.<\/p>\n

And yet, we sometimes forget that. We forget that we are not responsible.<\/p>\n

That glaring forgetfulness was obvious in last week\u2019s New York Daily News. (Granted, it\u2019s a paper struggling with declining readership, but\u2026)<\/em> In their sensationalized front page, they headlined the news with: \u201cGod Isn\u2019t Fixing This.\u201d<\/em> Their subtitle read: \u201cAs latest batch of innocent Americans are left lying in pools of blood, cowards who could truly end gun scourge continue to hide behind meaningless platitudes.\u201d<\/em> They then featured multiple presidential candidates encouraging us to pray for the victims in California.<\/p>\n

Then, too, came the flurry of copycat comments and proclamations \u2014 such as Gene Weingarten\u2019s tweet from the Washington Post: \u201cDear \u2018thoughts and prayers\u2019 people: Please shut up and slink away. You are the problem, and everyone knows it\u201d<\/em>\u2026 or even the senator from Connecticut\u2019s tweet: \u201cYour \u2018thoughts\u2019 should be about steps to take to stop this carnage. Your \u2018prayers\u2019 should be for forgiveness if you do nothing \u2014 again\u201d<\/em>\u2026 or Markos Moulitsas of the Daily Kos: \u201cHow many dead people did those thoughts and prayers bring back to life?\u201d<\/em>\u2026 and still more who suggested we stop saying that \u201cour thoughts and prayers are with you,\u201d because as the rhetorical chorus imposed, our prayers aren\u2019t working.<\/p>\n

I have many sobering thoughts. Let me pose a simple, small few\u2026<\/p>\n

First, we are not divine beings; none of us are omniscient enough to know if<\/em> or how<\/em> our prayers are working. All we can conclude is that the violence has not stopped; no man can accurately discern the effect of the prayers.<\/p>\n

Second, we must continue to remember that the clear majority of us \u2014 whether we lash out or stay silent \u2014 are\u00a0disturbed at the violence. There is no need to judge the person who responds differently. We want the same thing; we want the violence to end.<\/p>\n

And finally, when in our disgust, we turn our angst toward the sincere prayer of another \u2014 instead of focusing on the actual enemy \u2014 we resemble the conflict with my son and my spouse. We are yelling at \u201cthe only person left in the room.\u201d<\/p>\n

Remember that \u201cthe only person left in the room\u201d is not the one responsible.<\/p>\n

Respectfully\u2026 always\u2026
\nAR<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Allow me a moment of total transparency: one night last week I got really mad at my spouse. I was really mad. Earlier in the evening we were working through a challenging conflict with one of our sons. The son was not complying with our expectations. The situation was also not unfolding nor progressing in … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “the only person left in the room”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5574","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-event"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5574","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5574"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5574\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5587,"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5574\/revisions\/5587"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5574"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5574"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5574"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}