{"id":5748,"date":"2016-01-12T06:32:56","date_gmt":"2016-01-12T11:32:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intramuralist.com\/?p=5748"},"modified":"2016-01-12T06:32:56","modified_gmt":"2016-01-12T11:32:56","slug":"what-gets-in-the-way","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/?p=5748","title":{"rendered":"what gets in the way?"},"content":{"rendered":"

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What gets in the way?<\/p>\n

What do we justify as big enough, deep enough, important enough to justify the ruining of relationship? What circumstances are just too crucial to me that I can\u2019t let them go? \u2026 that they mean more to me than you do? \u2026 that they mean more to me than investing wisely, selflessly in another?<\/p>\n

Such was prevalent again this past weekend, for example, as my beloved Bengals lost in the postseason to Pittsburgh\u2019s Steelers. This loss was tougher than usual for me. I fully embrace the \u201cjust-a-game\u201d mentality, but with a once promising season ended by a physical, rough rivalry, losing was harder for me to emotionally accept. It was a bit of an ugly game; it also didn\u2019t help that my teenage sons were visibly upset by the result.<\/p>\n

Except\u2026 when I was so focused on how I<\/em> felt, I forgot something\u2026<\/p>\n

My longest, dearest friend is a Steelers fan. In fact, she has rooted with all her heart for the steely Black and Gold longer than I ever began to have a heart for the Bengals. Hence, while I was disappointed by the game\u2019s results, she was simultaneously, thoroughly pleased. As much as I may be tempted to hunker down, tossing and turning in my own emotional pit, I cannot forget about the deep joy of one so dear to me.<\/p>\n

Fascinating, isn\u2019t it? When we\u2019re so focused on self, we never have to wrestle with the emotions of another \u2014 how they may feel something or react to something differently\u2026 how their emotions may be completely different than yours or mine \u2014 yet equally valid.<\/p>\n

(Note: I said \u201cvalid.\u201d)<\/em><\/p>\n

Four years ago, the Intramuralist re-published a great piece written by Taffy Brodesser-Akner, first published by Salon. The article was entitled \u201cI Can\u2019t Believe My Best Friend Is A Republican.\u201d Friends, the article is excellent\u2026 for each of us. Allow me a brief, relevant excerpt here below. Said Brodesser-Akner:<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026 Janet is a lifelong, passionate Republican. She does not pretend she is just a fiscal Republican, or just a Republican for Israel, as so many in our Jewish community are. She is a real, live, voting Republican. She likes Fox News and Rush Limbaugh. She admires Sarah Palin. She is for the defunding of NPR and Planned Parenthood. She is against \u2018Obamacare,\u2019 and she is for parental notification of abortions. Right now on my Facebook page, I have linked to a New York Times article on how women\u2019s rights are being violated by South Dakota\u2019s new abortion laws. Janet has just posted on hers \u2014 I\u2019m not kidding \u2014 video footage of her and her husband at target practice\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

Janet isn\u2019t Glenn Beck or Sarah Palin. She believes what she\u2019s telling me, and she\u2019s studied the issues. That might be what is so difficult: She has the same education as I have, and yet she has made different decisions, decisions that are so counter to what I believe. Decisions I find abhorrent.<\/em><\/p>\n

And yet, I think having a Republican friend is making me a better liberal. We need friends who differ from us. It\u2019s easy to watch Republican extremism and think, \u2018Wow, they\u2019re crazy.\u2019 But when someone is sitting face to face with us, when someone we admire and respect is telling us they believe differently, it is at this fine point that we find nuance, and we begin to understand exactly how we got to this point in history. We lose something critical when we surround ourselves with people who agree with us all the time. We lose out on the wisdom of seeing the other side.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Sometimes I think we are too closed off, losing out on the wisdom of seeing the other side. It\u2019s true, friends; like it or not, two reasonable people can come to two totally different conclusions, full of totally different emotions. We do that politically\u2026 socially\u2026 I was even tempted after an NFL playoff game.<\/p>\n

When we fail to recognize that there are different perspectives and emotions \u2014 equally valid \u2014 we are sacrificing our own wisdom.<\/p>\n

Time to get out of our emotional pits. I\u2019ve heard they can be blinding.<\/p>\n

Respectfully\u2026
\nAR<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      What gets in the way? What do we justify as big enough, deep enough, important enough to justify the ruining of relationship? What circumstances are just too crucial to me that I can\u2019t let them go? \u2026 that they mean more to me than you do? \u2026 that they mean more to … <\/p>\n

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