{"id":7051,"date":"2017-01-10T06:35:51","date_gmt":"2017-01-10T11:35:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intramuralist.com\/?p=7051"},"modified":"2017-01-10T06:35:51","modified_gmt":"2017-01-10T11:35:51","slug":"components-of-respectful-dialogue","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/?p=7051","title":{"rendered":"components of respectful dialogue"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"xv7k95vofa-alexis-brown\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Knowing it’s\u00a0a priority of the Intramuralist, recently someone asked me exactly what \u201crespectful dialogue\u201d means. Allow me to begin by professing that I am no expert. The thoughts shared below are a compilation of priorities I\u2019ve embraced from the insights and wisdom of Dr. Marilee Adams, Steven M. Covey, Carol Kent, Catherine Marshall, M. Scott Peck, Marshall Rosenberg, scripture, and more. Some words are my own; some are not. But this is how I think. I believe it is only through respectful dialogue that we can consistently, continually communicate.<\/p>\n

So let\u2019s first identify some terms. Some are positive; some are not. Positive terms include evaluate, opine, assess, probe, and critique (or \u201cconstructively criticize\u201d).<\/em> Negative terms include judge, bash, insult, denigrate, and criticize. [A couple notes\u2026 #1: the difference between \u201ccritique\u201d and \u201ccriticism\u201d is the motive\u2026 #2: the meaning of \u201ccriticism\/critical\u201d has changed through the years \u2014 moving from a sense of analysis to more a place of judgment.]<\/em><\/p>\n

In order to be sharpened by meaningful discussion, we need to communicate in respectful ways. I\u2019ve included key components of respectful dialogue. Granted, this list is not exhaustive \u2014 but it would help us communicate incredibly better, if we could each\u2026<\/p>\n

1. Encourage 1st person pronoun usage.<\/strong> Utilize expressions based on personal experience, including phrases such as \u201cin my opinion\u201d or \u201cas I understand the facts.\u201d As Rosenberg advises, instead of saying, \u201cThe indisputable truth is,\u201d a person offers \u201cI believe it to be true that.\u201d This recognizes the fact that others may have a different perception, information, or sense of truth.<\/p>\n

2. Refrain from accusatory language.<\/strong> Avoid rhetorical slams such as, \u201cyou are wrong\u201d or \u201che doesn\u2019t know the facts.\u201d Such accusations typically prompt more defensiveness than pave any progress toward respectful, productive dialogue.<\/p>\n

3. Avoid assertions about others\u2019 motives.<\/strong> This refers to conclusions such as \u201cI will assume your silence means\u201d or \u201cyou must say that because.\u201d Rarely can we fully know the motivation of another \u2014 especially in social media. This also typically prompts defensiveness.<\/p>\n

4. Offer generous affirmation and empathy \u2014 offer it even first<\/em>.<\/strong> This helps people know that we care more about them than wanting to shout our own opinions, be right, or\u00a0drown out any varied thinking.<\/p>\n

5. Avoid vulgarity.<\/strong> Geesh\u2026<\/em> I can\u2019t say this enough. This is no attempt to insert any sort of \u201cmorality police.\u201d It\u2019s more because it\u2019s disrespectful and rarely makes any among the intelligent look so wise. Let me offer, however, a brief caveat, aware that many of us resort to this at some point in time. If expressed, the vulgarity should be indirect (i.e. using \u201choly sh*t\u201d as opposed to \u201cthat piece of sh*t\u201d\u2026 granted, it is a very rare occasion that such sh*t is actually \u201choly\u201d).<\/em><\/p>\n

6. Avoid mass labeling and\/or stereotypes.<\/strong> The notion that \u201call liberals,\u201d \u201call conservatives,\u201d \u201call Pantsuit Nation members,\u201d \u201call Trump supporters,\u201d \u201call white people,\u201d \u201call black people,\u201d \u201call religious,\u201d etc. can be identified as \u201call anything\u201d<\/em> is simply inaccurate. Such shows a lack of discernment on the articulator\u2019s behalf, and thus causes the articulator to lose credibility.<\/p>\n

7. Avoid venting.<\/strong> Most every conversation that begins with \u201cI just had to say\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m just going to put this out there\u201d or \u201cI have to get this off my chest\u201d ignores that reality that the subject of each is self.<\/em> Venting is better shared in counseling, close friendships, and accountability relationships.<\/p>\n

8. Honor all emotions, especially deeply negative or positive passions.<\/strong> After the expression, it\u2019s helpful to echo back what we heard and engage in reflective listening, utilizing such phrases as, \u201cIt sounds like you feel very [blank]\u201d or \u201cyes, this can be very emotional.\u201d We are honoring the person by validating their passion \u2014 not necessarily by agreeing with the perspective.<\/p>\n

9. Ask questions of another.<\/strong> I can\u2019t say this enough. Consistent with Covey\u2019s Habit #5 \u2014 \u201cSeek first to understand, then to be understood\u201d \u2014 this is undoubtedly one of the hardest things for current culture to consistently do, especially via social media. Most of us are most comfortable stating our own, full opinion first, as opposed to taking the time and effort to truly understand another. Instead of evaluating (positive term),<\/em> we judge (negative term).<\/em> Instead of probing (positive term),<\/em> we ask questions from our own frame of reference (self focus).<\/em> Each of these obstruct understanding.<\/p>\n

And 10. Remember there is always something we don’t know.<\/strong> That reality keeps us humble, keeps us\u00a0asking more questions, and keeps us focusing on others more than self.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s to respectful dialogue\u2026 always.<\/p>\n

Respectfully\u2026
\nAR<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Knowing it’s\u00a0a priority of the Intramuralist, recently someone asked me exactly what \u201crespectful dialogue\u201d means. Allow me to begin by professing that I am no expert. The thoughts shared below are a compilation of priorities I\u2019ve embraced from the insights and wisdom of Dr. Marilee Adams, Steven M. Covey, Carol Kent, Catherine Marshall, M. Scott … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “components of respectful dialogue”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7051","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-daily-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7051","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7051"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7051\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7060,"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7051\/revisions\/7060"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7051"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7051"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intramuralist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7051"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}