Sometimes it\u2019s hard to know what to write about. I say that not because the Intramuralist has no things to say \u2014 more because as I survey the status of current events, some are so tough for understandably many to engage in actual, respectful dialogue. Regardless of the submission of any respectfully-articulated perspective \u2014 as is this blog\u2019s promise \u2014 the chances of someone screaming back at me or pointing fingers or maybe even throwing something at their computer screen seems to have exponentially risen.<\/p>\n
The reality, no less, is that through this online outlet, I can\u2019t hear any screaming nor does any creative projectile damage anything other than what’s in the thrower’s possession. Hence, what I candidly observe is the frequency which with we point fingers. Allow me to rephrase\u2026<\/p>\n
We are really good at calling out other people.<\/p>\n
Problem after problem\u2026 conflict after conflict\u2026 so often we strongly suggest the solution rests solely in the change of someone else. So often we promote the only cure as one in which only others must change<\/em><\/strong> what they think, say and do. We believe in some grand panacea for all current ills that conveniently absolves self.<\/p>\n \u201cI\/me\/my\/myself,\u201d my husband and I often say. When first married years ago, we began repeating that phrase frequently, reminding one another that it\u2019s our innate, first inkling to articulate a solution or perspective that is \u201call about me\u201d \u2014 that if there\u2019s something wrong, the problem rests not with \u201cme\u201d but with \u201cyou.\u201d Sometimes we don\u2019t even realize we\u2019re doing it; maybe we unknowingly mask the challenge to be about someone else.<\/p>\n But in our \u201cI\/me\/my\/myself\u201d mindset, we get lured into believing that the problem rests entirely due to the beliefs or behavior of the other. If that other would only change, then the problem would not exist.<\/p>\n We absolve ourselves of the responsibility to change how we believe or behave.<\/p>\n I have seen this sincere, so-easily-adopted lure creep into so many of our perspectives\u2026 and yes, these are hard\u2026<\/p>\n If those others would only realize they are bigots\u2026<\/em> In other words, if \u201cthose others\u201d would only change. Not me, mind you\u2026 them. Solely them.<\/p>\n I have absolved myself from any contribution to the unhealthiness. We have absolved the \u201cmy\u201d \u2014 my people, my party, my behavior, my way of thinking.<\/p>\n Maybe I\u2019m wrong, but my strong sense is that one of the reasons so many topics are so tough to talk about respectfully is because we\u2019re too busy pointing fingers at someone else; we\u2019re so focused pointing out how another has to change how they believe or behave.<\/p>\n What if we instead asked ourselves\u2026<\/p>\n Where have I been rude?<\/em> Few want to change how they believe or behave when another is chastising or screaming at them. If we want to solve some of these tough topics, perhaps we instead start by stopping this illogical idea that it\u2019s wise to absolve self and only call out the wrongfulness of another. Let us first wrestle with the wrongfulness within ourselves.<\/p>\n Today my husband and I celebrate 23 years of marriage. As most who\u2019ve been married that long will share, there have been moments of both terrific and taxing (some of which I\u2019ve been serendipitously grateful that occurred long before the existence of social media)<\/em>. But we made a commitment to do this\u2026 to work through things\u2026 to solve problems\u2026 and to grow. We committed to doing life together in sickness and in health \u2014 in the healthy and unhealthiness. Step one means omitting the emphasis on \u201cI\/me\/my\/myself,\u201d asking not how my spouse must change,\u00a0but rather, how must I.<\/p>\n Respectfully\u2026 <\/p>\n {Photo by Felix Russell-Saw<\/a> on Unsplash<\/a>}<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Sometimes it\u2019s hard to know what to write about. I say that not because the Intramuralist has no things to say \u2014 more because as I survey the status of current events, some are so tough for understandably many to engage in actual, respectful dialogue. Regardless of the submission of any respectfully-articulated perspective \u2014 as … <\/p>\n
\nIf those others would only realize they are privileged\u2026<\/em>
\nIf those others would only realize they are intolerant\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n
\nWhere have I been mean?<\/em>
\nWhere have I been unwilling to listen?<\/em>
\nWhere have I been intolerant or demanding?<\/em>
\nAnd where have I chastised or screamed at another?\u2028\u2028<\/em><\/p>\n
\nAR<\/p>\n