intramuralist ™

As long noted here, the question mark is the only punctuation piece that invites a response. Here are the first 75 questions we saw journalists ask this past month. Note that not everyone is comfortable inviting responses…

1. The A.I. Boom Has Found Another Gear. Why Can’t People Shake Their Worries?
2. Ask MAGA Thanksgiving Guests: How Is Your Life Better?
3. Can AI Create a More Honest Media?
4. Can Cities Learn To Love Kids Again?
5. Can Democrats Nationwide Replicate Mamdani Victory?
6. Can Either Party Crack the Code on the Economy?
7. Can Elise Stefanik and Jessica Tisch Save New Yorkers?
8. Can GOP Learn To Win Without Trump on Ballot?
9. Can Mamdani Deliver?
10. Can the GOP Learn How To Play Offense?
11. Can Trump Bring Peace to Gaza?
12. Can Trump Flip Healthcare Script?
13. Can You Win Best Picture If You Flop?
14. Can We Blame Private Equity for Everything?
15. Could AI Lift Up Workers in an Unsung Profession?
16. Did GOP Blow Its Window To Capture Trump’s Coalition?
17. Do Democrats Know What They’re For?
18. Does the US Need a Third Political Party?
19. EU Aims To Sabotage New Ukraine Peace Plan?
20. Flash in the Pan or the Future of MAGA?
21. Have the Democrats Begun To Find Their Way Back?
22. How Do We Understand Victory of a Marxist Radical?
23. How Should Democrats Moderate in 2026?
24. How Would Mamdani’s Plans Work in New York?
25. If Conservatives Won’t Defend Capitalism, Who Will?
26. Is a Tariff a Tax?
27. Is Google Really Done Trying To Rig Elections?
28. Is Graham Platner the Face of Democrats’ Future?
29. Is It ‘Seditious’ or ‘Illegal’ to Urge the Military to Refuse Unlawful Orders?
30. Is MAGA Growing Restless With Trump?
31. Is Trump a Lame Duck Yet?
32. Is ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome’ Real?
33. Journalism Standards, Anyone?
34. Mamdani: A Boon to Democratic Party or a Millstone?
35. Mamdani, Trump Meeting: Real Peace or Just Party Politics?
36. Mamdani’s Next Act—Could He Actually Succeed?
37. Media Now Concerned About Trump’s Age?
38. More Time Alone, But Are Americans Really Lonely?
39. Rubio vs. Vance 2028?
40. Sedition? No. Dangerous & Irresponsible? You Bet
41. Should Democrats Help Trump Kill the Filibuster?
42. Trump-Mamdani — the start of a beautiful friendship?
43. Trump’s New Russia-Ukraine Peace Plan?
44. What Can Mamdani Do in New York?
45. What Do Mainstream Democrats Stand For?
46. What do we know about the Jeffrey Epstein files?
47. What Does the Republican Party Even Stand For?
48. What Happens When Even College Students Can’t Do Math?
49. What If ‘America First’ Works?
50. What if Dems’ Big Shutdown Loss Turns Out To Be a Win?
51. What If the Shutdown Actually Hurt Republicans?
52. What Is Up With Marjorie Taylor Greene?
53. What was ‘Operation Allies Welcome,’ which allowed some Afghans entry into the U.S.?
54. What’s Going On at the FBI?
55. What’s Next for MTG?
56. What’s the Alternative in Ukraine?
57. What’s the Matter With New Jersey Democrats?
58. When Did I Become a Fetterman Republican?
59. When Did Thanksgiving Turkey Become Such a Big Deal?
60. When Will Trump Tax Cuts Take Effect?
61. Where are you headed and what are you thankful for?
62. Where will Lane Kiffin go?
63. Where’s the Violence?
64. Which Royals Celebrate Thanksgiving?
65. Who else is mentioned in Epstein’s private files?
66. Who is Mark Kelly, and why is the US senator accused of ‘sedition’?
67. Who is Robert Irwin?
68. Who Was Running the Biden White House?
69. Who Will Benefit From Russia-Ukraine Peace Proposal?
70. Who Will Win the College Football Playoff?
71. Why Are Deranged People Walking Chicago’s Streets?
72. Why Are Math Skills Worse Than Ever?
73. Why Did We Bring So Many Afghans to the U.S.?
74. Why didn’t Biden release the Epstein Files?
75. Will Technology Save Us From a Nuclear Attack?

Always good to ask questions. Even better to invite and contemplate the response.

Respectfully…

AR

[Note: sources include Al Jazeera, All Sides, Albany Times-Union, The American Prospect, The Atlantic, BBC, The Daily Caller, The Dispatch, ESPN, The Federalist, Financial Times, The Guardian, Hot Air, HuffPost, JohnKassNews, The Liberal Patriot, Mother Jones, MSNBC, The Nation, The New Republic, New York Magazine, New York Post, NBC, New York Sun, New York Times, Newsweek, NPR, People’s Pundit, Project Syndicate, RealClearPolitics, Responsible Statecraft, The Ringer, Salon, Sirius XM, Substack, Time Magazine, US News & World Report, USA Today, Vox, Wall Street Journal, Washington Times, X, and Yahoo.]

[As it originally appeared 9 years ago…]

It was 1863… January first brought us The Second Battle of Galveston. Three companies of Union forces under the command of Col. Isaac S. Burrell were captured or killed both on land and by sea by the armies of Maj. Gen. John B. Magruder. Magruder had prioritized the re-seizing of the city. 26 people were killed. 117 were wounded.

January later brought us The Second Battle of Springfield. Confederate General John Marmaduke attempted to overtake a Union supply point in Springfield, Missouri. It was unique battle in that it was an urban battle, fought house-to-house. It is estimated that 70-80 persons were killed and over 200 were wounded.

February was The Battle of Dover — March included battles at Brentwood, Thompson’s Station, Vaught’s Hill, and many more. April was the first fight in Charleston, South Carolina.

Look at the fighting… states, houses, peoples all attempting to harm one another. And the battles didn’t cease as the year went on. Suffolk, Vermillion, Fredericksburg, Gettysburg… these were fierce fights. In fact, the war was ongoing the entire year. It did not end until Pres. Andrew Johnson’s formal declaration on August 20, 1866 — over two years later.

And yet, on Thanksgiving in 1863, then Pres. Abraham Lincoln wrote this:

“The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God…”

In a year filled with unprecedented battle, Lincoln exhorted that we dare not miss the blessing… a blessing that is always present, always available… no matter the struggle… no matter the suffering… no matter what.

The giving of thanks is a beautiful thing… It takes the focus off of self; it reminds us of the source from which our blessings and bounties come; and it softens the individual heart.

Lincoln continued… 

“… I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union.”

Lincoln acknowledged a day set apart, encouraging all to think of far more than self, to think especially of those who have suffered greatly — the widows, orphans, mourners, and more. Yes, there is much strife in this world. This is not — nor should it ever be mistaken for — heaven.

The great beauty of Lincoln’s proclamation is that in a year of unprecedented struggle and strife, he calls on all people to come together, kneel in both reverence and humility, and fervently ask the Almighty to heal our nation’s wounds.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends. May we spur one another on to good things. May we love our neighbor well, do our part in building unity, and may we sincerely embrace the restoration and full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility and union in our land.

Respectfully… with Thanksgiving…

AR 

Gratitude is too good to limit it to a single day. My strong sense is that it might be wise to maximize the upcoming holiday.

In fact, the happiest, most content people I know also just happen to be generous givers of gratitude. There’s no question about it. They are abundantly grateful; they are frequent, intentional expressers of thanks. They aren’t the mumblers and grumblers we too often encounter especially on social media.

What’s the benefit? What good is it to be so consistently thankful and appreciative?

In other words, what happens inside the grateful person?

I would contend they are healthier all the way around — physically, emotionally and spiritually. They have better energy, more emotional resilience, and have a greater sense of purpose and connection to God. But take not just the insight and opinion from a semi-humble, oft witty blogger. Note the research from the University of Utah…

Gratitude can make people happier, improve relationships, and potentially even counteract depression and suicidal thoughts. Gratitude can also boost self-esteem…

“Expressing gratitude can positively change your brain,” says Kristin Francis, MD, a psychiatrist at Huntsman Mental Health Institute. “It boosts dopamine and serotonin, the neurotransmitters in the brain that improve your mood immediately, giving you those positive feelings of pleasure, happiness, and well-being.”

Each day, as we practice gratitude, we can help these neural pathways in our brain strengthen and ultimately create a permanent grateful, positive nature within ourselves.

Gratitude is associated with happiness. Expressing feelings of appreciation to others and ourselves creates positive emotions and feelings of pleasure and contentment.

Research shows that people who express gratitude are more likely to share with others freely, offer emotional support and assistance, and forgive more willingly. Being grateful is easy and has an impact on the people around us. When showing someone you appreciate them, you are encouraging them to respond in nice ways towards others—creating a chain reaction of positivity… Researchers have found that those who experience more positive moods have less anxiety and tend to view situations more optimistically.

In a study on gratitude and appreciation, participants who felt grateful showed a reduction in the level of cortisol, the stress hormone. They had stronger cardiac functioning and were more resilient to emotional setbacks and negative experiences. Over the years, studies have established that practicing gratitude allows us to handle stress better.

“When we acknowledge the small things in life, we can rewire our brain to deal with the present with more awareness and broader perception,” Francis says. “By reducing stress, gratitude reduces depression and anxiety…”

Grateful people are healthy people… Researchers have shown when we practice appreciation, our bodies release the oxytocin hormone, which expands blood vessels, reduces blood pressure, and protects your heart. Oxytocin deepens our relationships and helps us feel more connected to others. It also supports us in building a network of family and friends, which results in a longer and healthier life…

“Expressing gratitude can positively change your brain.”

Indeed it’s good to be around the grateful person. Did I mention they are the happiest, most content people I know?

Gratitude, too, is contagious. How beautiful indeed.

Respectfully…

AR

No doubt college sports are a big deal. No doubt within that big deal, college football is the most prominent — both in terms of individual program value and overall sport revenue. As we near the climatic bowl season, one football player recently stood out to me… although for reasons, dare we say, that had little to do with sports…

Allow us to turn our attention to SEC football, one of the most competitive, tradition-rich and lucrative college brands. There are 16 teams in this conference, following the addition of Texas and Oklahoma in 2024. Among the other teams with longer tenure is Auburn, which joined the SEC in 1933 and has won 8 SEC football championships.

On this team, of all the positions, this year’s kicker stands out.

We speak of Alex McPherson. The 22 year old, 160 lb. placekicker out of Fort Payne, Alabama. In high school, he set the state record for the longest field goal. He is a junior on this year’s Auburn Tigers team. 

A few weekends ago, Auburn faced off with another set of Tigers. It was Missouri vs. Auburn. The game would go back and forth with the teams taking turns with the lead, with the Missourians coming out on top after two overtimes. Missouri has the better record of the two this season.

Over the course of the game, Alex McPherson would struggle. He would attempt 4 fields goals this night, missing a 40-yard attempt before halftime, a 38-yard attempt in the third quarter, and a 50-yard attempt in the first overtime. The missed kicks were indeed a significant factor in the opponent’s victory; the multiple missed kicks were also completely uncharacteristic of McPherson. He would privately apologize to his coach for his performance, saying, “I lost that game for you.”

After each attempt, no less, make or miss, McPherson pointed to the sky so as to thank God. Success on the field did not alter the gratitude in his heart. 

His acknowledgement of the great big God of the universe did not go unnoticed. Popular sports and pop culture personality and founder of Barstool Sports, Dave Portnoy, criticized the pointing, seeing it as an inappropriate celebration. “This bothers me,” Portnoy wrote. “You shouldn’t be allowed to pretend you hit a Fg when you missed you 19th chip shot of the game.”

Many of the Auburn faithful came to the kicker’s defense, noting how he missed most all of last season, after being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and forced to have surgery to remove his colon. Many noted how it’s a miracle the man is even alive, much less playing in a college football game. 

But McPherson’s response was what caught our attention.

Confronted with the criticism, he offered the following: “All I’m gonna say is I praise the Lord whenever I miss and whenever I make. You praise Him in the highs as well as the lows. That’s what I’m going to continue to do. He’s the reason I’m back on that field.”

I love how his athletic success didn’t affect his gratitude; his lack of success didn’t diminish his giving of intentional thanks.

There are always reasons to be thankful.

I love the reminder to thank God in the good and the bad… in the easy and the hard… 

Gratitude leads to contentment. 

Contentment doesn’t mean we have everything we want or are able to succeed in all we want. Contentment simply means we trust God’s given us everything we need. Young as he is, Alex McPherson knows that.

In these days as we near the national holiday where so many will gather to give thanks, this young man stands out…

For something far bigger than sports.

Respectfully…

AR

One thing true of the Intramuralist is that we’ve never endorsed a single political candidate in our 17 year existence. Since none have yet to walk on water, we have found few worth fawning over. We have, however, articulated respectful, constructive criticism of various persons. But today I must apologize for a criticism that while respectful and constructive, was also inaccurate.

Three years ago we discussed the senatorial debate between two candidates from Pennsylvania. Let me be radically candid; it was absolutely awful.

The debate was between Republican nominee Mehmet Oz and Democratic nominee John Fetterman. Oz was articulate but seemed clearly opportunistic with no real connection to the Keystone State, having lived in New Jersey for years. And Fetterman, he had recently had a massive stroke and struggled not just to speak but to simply be coherent. Watching the exchange, I thought surely there are two far better candidates than this. The people of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania deserve more.

John Fetterman would go on to win the 2022 U.S. Senate election. I shook my head. I would have shook my head for either victor. There is an existent line of thinking in our country that the most qualified candidates refuse to run for elected office, primarily because of how unmerciful and ugly American politics have become. The choice between Fetterman and Oz substantiated said argument. Fetterman winning fueled it more.

How could a person who couldn’t clearly communicate represent the some 13 million people of his state? His health and fitness for office was questionable at best. He often made no sense. And take not my word for that debate. Fetterman himself has said it was worse than Pres. Joe Biden’s incoherent debate performance in 2024.

I thought Fetterman would be an incapable, ineffectual and unskilled senator. Let me be clear. That has zero to do with his party representation; that has everything to do with his ability to man the responsibilities of the office to which he was elected.

I apologize. I was wrong.

Allow me to share why.

It’s not because of how he’s voted. In fact, if we assess competency solely by voting record, my sense is we’re missing something significant. As the Senator said last week, having consistently voted to end the recent government shutdown, “I vote a 91% Democratic line, and if Democrats have a problem with somebody that votes 91% of the same times as you are, more than nine out of 10 times, then maybe our party has a bigger problem.”

Indeed the parties have bigger problems, but when I speak of the competency and ability of John Fetterman, I am not referring to how he votes nor to which party he aligns. He is a Democrat and has said multiple times he has zero intention of ever changing; he will always be a Democrat.

Last week I listened to an extended sit-down interview with Fetterman. He still sometimes bumbles his words a bit, but he is indeed coherent. And in the interview he spoke of how the stroke has changed him…

“I emerged… I emerged as a grateful person…

I don’t have any scores to settle…

I’ve lost any taste for calling people names…

I don’t know if it’s the winning lane, but it is my way. We have to find a way forward together…

We have forgotten that we need each other.”

Fetterman’s brush with mortality has made him realize what’s more important. I apologize. I was wrong before. We need more candidates like John Fetterman.

Respectfully…

AR

With the government shutdown end and impact now in sight, allow us to conclude with one our briefest blog posts, as it’s not difficult to say what needs to be said…

First, allow us to provide factually, non-emotional context as to why this shutdown existed…

The U.S. government shutdown was due to a failure by Congress to pass a budget to fund government operations beyond the fiscal year deadline of September 30th. The shutdown was a result of a political stalemate between Democrats and Republicans over spending levels and policy provisions, particularly concerning funding for the Affordable Care Act subsidies, which were implemented during COVID-19 as an emergency measure. The Inflation Reduction Act of 2022 extended the subsidies until 2025; the Democrats sought to use agreement of a new funding bill as leverage to extend the subsidies once more.

Next, allow us to admittedly, incompletely acknowledge the impact of the shutdown on everyday Americans…

The following groups typically do not get paid for the duration of a funding lapse: furloughed federal employees, “excepted”/“essential” federal employees (such as TSA officers, air traffic controllers, law enforcement, and in-hospital medical staff), active-duty military personnel, government contractors, and some congressional and judicial staff. Also, there have been widespread delays, stops and/or disruptions to air travel, federal food and nutrition benefits, National Park facilities, FHA-insured mortgages and more.

And lastly, since Democrats and Republicans are likely to do this again, utilizing all potential political leverage, knowing they each typically only kick the can down the road — allow us to actually fix the problem…

When Congress isn’t working, let’s stop paying congresspersons.

People don’t care as much until it affects them personally. With all due respect, a shutdown needs to affect the Democrats and Republicans each personally.

Most members of Congress are paid $174,000 annually. Additionally they receive various benefits, including a private health insurance plan and retirement plans, and are eligible for a per diem allowance for lodging and expenses while working in Washington, D.C.

To be clear, it is not possible to unilaterally stop paying congresspersons because their compensation is mandated by Article I, Section 6 of the U.S. Constitution. However, it is elementary HR logic that we pay people for their work. If the government is shut down, congresspersons are not working. 

Respectfully…

AR

Perhaps you saw this.

First, it was actress Jennifer Lawrence, sitting down with The New York Times a week ago for an episode of The Interview podcast. The host questioned Lawrence, noting how in the past, she has been politically outspoken, but yet, she hasn’t been making many public comments as of late. Lawrence said:

“I don’t really know if I should… as we’ve learned election after election, celebrities do not make a difference whatsoever on who people vote for. So then what am I doing? I’m just sharing my opinion on something that’s going to add fuel to a fire that’s ripping the country apart. We are so divided.”

Next during the week came actress Sydney Sweeney. She sat down with GQ Magazine, who brought up last summer’s attention-grabbing American Eagle jeans ad and how Sweeney was the focus of what became a bit of an incessant political flashpoint. “Sydney Sweeney has great jeans,” said the ad. Utilizing a play on the word “jeans” vs. “genes,” critics scoffed at the blonde-haired, blue-eyed caucasian woman being the focus. GQ asked about her political involvement. The interviewer actually began discussing such by saying “you have become very swept up in politics.” Responded Sweeney:

“I did a jean ad. I mean, the reaction definitely was a surprise, but I love jeans. All I wear are jeans. I’m literally in jeans and a T-shirt every day of my life.

And when pressed once more by GQ about the ad’s criticism and if there was something more she wanted to say, “specifically in this political climate,” Sweeney said: 

“I think that when I have an issue that I want to speak about, people will hear.”

I respect Lawrence and Sweeney, and I respect their recognition that celebrity status doesn’t mean their perspective is any more or less valuable than another. I respect their current resistance to join in the rhetorical fray. Sometimes, unfortunately, it has felt that a celebrity’s insertion of political opinion or endorsement has appeared most as an attempted moral scolding; that’s not effective nor attractive.

It reminds me of the simple wisdom from basketball great, Michael Jordan, some 35 years ago, at the height of his fame. When asked why he wouldn’t publicly endorse a North Carolina Democrat who shared his views years ago, Jordan shrewdly quipped, “Republicans buy sneakers, too.”

We see that in Lawrence and Sweeney, two widely popular actresses who have significant, diverse followings.

Lawrence added last week that she doesn’t want her political opinions to deter people from watching her films.

“I want to protect my craft so that you can still get lost in what I’m doing, what I’m showing. If I can’t say something that’s going to speak to some kind of peace or lowering the temperature or some sort of solution, I just don’t want to be a part of the problem. I don’t want to make the problem worse.” 

Sweeney, too, added, “I’ve always believed that I’m not here to tell people what to think.”

It seems each has recognized the potential scolding. It also seems that…

Not everything has to be about politics.

Not everyone needs to speak about politics.

And how refreshing that can actually be.

Respectfully…

AR

Sometimes government is really frustrating, albeit for different people for different reasons. Personally I get frustrated with its inefficiency, massive deficit spending, and its attempt to play the moral authority of the land, with or without an acknowledgement of God. I do not believe it is qualified to be a moral authority.

I get frustrated even more so with the political hypocrisy that gets in a sagacious government’s way. Note a few brief bits of context and perspective…

• Hypocrisy is the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one’s own behavior does not conform. 
• Synonyms for hypocrisy include sanctimoniousness, false virtue and deceit.
• Unfortunately, it’s one of the things that many elected conservatives and liberals have in common.

One of the situations in which hypocrisy is seemingly most staggeringly, bipartisanly obvious is in a government shutdown. Perhaps the current shutdown will end soon now that the latest election cycle is over; however, the duration of this shutdown is increasing frustrating.

Government shutdowns occur when Congress fails to pass funding legislation required to finance the federal government. The legislation needs to be passed by a majority in the House, by 60 votes in the Senate, and then signed by the President.  

Since 1976, the U.S. federal government has had 27 funding gaps. Prior to 1980, however, funding gaps did not lead to shutdowns. A legal opinion that year stated that government work must stop if Congress hasn’t agreed to pay for it; a later opinion allowed essential government services to continue.

Our elect, no less, have been quite uniform in their stated disdain. Note their following previous descriptions of a government shutdown:

• “Always a bad idea”
• “Completely preventable”
• “A government shutdown serves no one”
• “A potential disaster”
• “Bad policy and politics”
• “Entirely unnecessary and has harmed our economy and our reputation in the world”
• “A politics of idiocy”
• “Almost never works”

Said by Democrats? Republicans? Half of the above are attributed to each. They admit shutdowns are bad for we the people. They also each utilize a shutdown for political leverage. Hence, the hypocrisy.

The four longest shutdowns are listed below and why one party wouldn’t agree; we are not suggesting their reasoning is just or unjust; we are simply noting the role each party has played.

• 1995–1996 — During the Clinton (D) administration (21 days). The House and Senate both had Republican majorities. Congress wanted significant spending cuts, which Pres. Clinton vetoed.  
• 2013 — During the Obama (D) administration (16 days). The Senate had a Democratic majority, and the House had a Republican majority. A minority group of House Republicans wanted to first alter the timing of the Affordable Care Act’s implementation.  
• 2018–2019 — During the first Trump (R) administration (35 days). The Senate had a Republican majority, and the House had a Democratic majority. Pres. Trump wanted funding for a wall on the U.S.-Mexico border. House Democrats did not; it would end up not being included.
• Now — During the second Trump (R) administration (36 days as of this posting). All three branches of government are led by a Republican majority, albeit not with the 60 vote Senate threshold. A majority of Senate Democrats first want an extension of the enhanced Affordable Care Act subsidies implemented as a COVID-19 emergency measure.  

The parties take turns attempting to utilize their perceived political leverage, seemingly deprioritizing how a shutdown hurts so many. Then they attempt to manipulate us into thinking the other party is maliciously motivated (i.e. they want to starve people… they care more for illegal aliens than for you…), thus often spending more time talking about what the other party is doing wrong rather than taking the time to themselves do right.

My sincere frustration exists, therefore, because we have elect on both the left and the right who hypocritically converse, refuse to compromise, treat one another with lavish disrespect, and can’t seem to figure out how to navigate the hard. Clearly, government should be better and more.

Respectfully…

AR

For years we did little for Halloween. It wasn’t so much about its ancient Celtic origin, but rather because we lived on a rather large plot of land nestled between multiple housing developments amid a golf community; kids simply did not come to our house.

When moving South and into an actual neighborhood, no less, it was immediately evident that the evening of October 31st was a community event. There’s just something about community that is so obviously good and right and true. 

And so we made the decision — having spent close to nil on the observance in years past — to be that house. Yes, the house with the regular, full-size candy bars.

This year we offered M&M’s, Reese’s, Reese’s Oreos, Skittles, Sour Patch Kids and Swedish Fish with various drinks available, too, for kids and adults. Several dear friends came and joined in the fun, and the nine of us sat out on the front porch, handing out some 500 bars to the ardent trick-or-treaters. 

The response was absolutely delightful. 

“Look!” One would yell. “I told you they had big candy bars!”

“You’re the G.O.A.T.!” squealed another adolescent. “Best house in the neighborhood!”

Oh, the kids were kind. The teens, too. I’m sure there are many who adopt a similar practice. There are also places in the hood where the number of candy collectors is in the thousands. 

But such got me thinking about the why behind the response…

All we did was hand out a little bigger bar to the kids and offer treats to the adults. It was an unexpected act of generosity. 

Let me be clear; there’s a difference between being generous and being charitable. While the words are often used interchangeably, “charitable” implies giving to the needy, whereas “generous” is a broader term for being liberal in giving or sharing.

But generosity is a deliberate act of kindness. It’s an expression of value. And it’s giving someone something without expectation of anything in return. 

Sure, we knew several of the masked little monsters who made their way up the short walkway. Several adult friends also sauntered by. But the clear majority of the candy seekers were people we did not know; they were strangers. The small, generous gesture was not based on any existent relationship.

As the costume-clad kid traffic dwindled and the evening came to a close, those of us on the porch sat and reflected on what a wonderful evening it was. What did we observe and conclude in a most tremendous night of people watching? …

… the Skittles went fast…

… the recently released Reese’s Oreo Cup was a surprise hit — especially with the adults…

… water is so often welcomed…

… the family all dressed up as the cast, celebrating the 10 year anniversary of “Hamilton,” was ingenious…

And most of all, generosity is meaningful.

Generosity doesn’t have to be a lot; the amount matters less than the intention.

But generosity makes people feel seen, appreciated and important.

Generosity is a most beautiful thing.

Respectfully…

AR

It’s good for so many things…

We can keep in touch with friends we no longer do life with but wish not to completely disconnect. We can remain still decently hip, learning all the trendy new sayings such as “bussin,’” “bet” or even “6-7.” And if we ever run out of creative ideas in the kitchen, social media can provide us with an endless supply of new recipes for every event and special occasion.

There’s great information and some sweet, witty content. Personally I’m quite fond of Suzy Karadsheh’s “The Mediterranean Dish” (love that Mediterranean diet!),  TJ Therrien’s comedic gold pointing out our distinct birth order quirks, and Melanie Sanders’ hilarious rendition of the ever popular “We Do Not Care Club.”

And yet, such is the same place where many fall prey to the propensity to mindlessly doom scroll, witnessing the carefully curated lives of others, seeing only what they want us to see. Note: it’s not real life; it’s incomplete at best. The pics posted are typically in search most of likes and loves. It is the ultimate comparison environment.

Still, too, it’s the place where the rants and raves take place, often political, and there’s rarely actual healthy conversation or any invitation to the diverse thinker; participants are likelier prone to say “I can’t believe you think that way… and if you really do think that way, then shame on you; you’re not as good of a person as I thought you were.” And just like that even the intelligent justify judging or thinking less of another.

Then comes the ultimate sign of annoyance, offense and I’ll-show-you. Click. We unfriend as if we are so just and right and the other is not. 

Egad.

I wouldn’t be authentic if I failed to acknowledge my own missteps. I have spoken when I should have stayed silent. I have argued when I should have instead adopted a position of humility and asked more questions. I have thought I was respectful when the person on the receiving end of me didn’t take it that way. Let me be clear; that onus is on me. I’ve been wrong. I will be wrong again. 

So knowing the personally perilous minefield social media can abruptly turn into, what are some wise guidelines? What would be good to practice so that the negatives of social media are minimized? Sometimes it’s like we’re all back in junior high — just with bigger words and real jobs — but it’s junior high in that we can’t see the big picture, we’re too focused on self and our own opinion, sometimes just seeking adult attention, and we’re not consistently kind to one another. How could we do better?

Hence, a few thoughts…

• Our worth will never be determined via loves, likes, agreement nor comparison to other people.
• Not every part of our private life needs to be public.
• You don’t have to post it to prove it.
• What we think of another’s post or opinion isn’t always necessary to say. Discernment is necessary. 
• Everything you say isn’t always right.
• If there’s a gap of understanding between us and another, fill the gap with trust and adopt the humble posture of asking more than assuming.
• Emotional rants are wiser shared with a trusted, encouraging friend. 
• Prioritize real-life connections. While our “friends” and “followers” may indeed be friends, social media is a controlled connection; people only see what we want them to. There is way more to life than this.

Obviously, there are more wise guidelines to our love/hate relationship. That’s the thing. It’s not all bad; there’s some good stuff on there. But it’s clearly not all good either.

Respectfully…

AR