AR – Page 104 – intramuralist ™

01/08/2017

warmer days

It’s pretty cold in my hometown these days. At the time of this writing, my seemingly temperamental thermometer is registering a whole 11°.

Driving in the cold yesterday, I was about to turn into a small shopping center when I noticed an older van blocking the entrance. So I finagled my vehicle via the exit route instead, backed up, and positioned my car directly in front of the van. Here I noticed a middle-aged woman, obviously struggling, and I could tell that her phone was frustrating her somehow, also.

So I got out of my car in the windchill that made the temps even colder.

“Ma’am, are you ok? Do you need help?”

She opened her door, and in a bit of understandable distress, responded, “My car just died. It just died in the middle of the road! And my phone won’t work either.”

I then asked that she come with me, sit in my car — a bit of a warmth oasis from the outside chills — and use my phone instead.

“Jennifer” was her name. Warming up a bit inside and out, I quickly sensed a very kind, meek woman. So meek, in fact, when I held out my phone for her to call the emergency auto service, she began to press the buttons shyly while I still held the phone.

  “It’s ok. You take it.”

Together we spoke to the road service, identifying the location, issue, etc. She needed some assistance with that.

Part of the assistance was affirming in spite of the onlookers. Here in my car sat one caucasian and one African-American. We were now both blocking the entrance, in what is a fairly busy locale. But sure enough, consistent with some of the perceived societal digression, we witnessed not so much a division in the onlookers — more a unity. All sorts of persons drove by, attempting to enter but unable; there were all sorts of ethnicities, demographics, you-name-it. And they were unified…

… in their impatience.

The audacity of the number who felt need to honk at us was a little incredulous, to say the least.

Jennifer was bothered; I was moved by her genuine desire not to be a burden to anyone. I smiled and said to her, “No worries. I’m always amazed at how impatient people can be when they don’t have all the information. They simply don’t understand. And they don’t know what they don’t take the time to understand.”

She sweetly returned my smile.

After 20 minutes or so, we felt the situation was under control, and Jennifer went back to her car with the tow truck’s imminent arrival. She thanked me multiple times, especially for stopping in the cold.

It wasn’t much. I said, “You know, I believe one of the reasons God put us here was to learn to love him by helping one another. Thanks for allowing me to help you.”

And with that, we said our sincere goodbyes.

It’s pretty cold in my hometown these days. But some days are a little warmer.

Respectfully…
AR

01/05/2017

can correctness go too far?

In our seemingly frequent, politically correct culture, I heard someone recently ask what the problem actually is with political correctness. Great question. And one we should talk about.

Perhaps we should first define what it is…

Political correctness (or colloquially “PC”) equates to “the avoidance, often considered as taken to extremes, of forms of expression or action that are perceived to exclude, marginalize, or insult groups of people who are socially disadvantaged or discriminated against” (per Oxford Dictionaries).

The goal is to avoid potential, personal offense.

While the Intramuralist would never intend to offend, there exists a sensitive recognition that some things are harder for each of us to hear. Hard to hear, however, does not automatically prompt need for political correctness. Case in point: “Dear Future Mom”…

Earlier in 2016, Down Syndrome International released a video to commemorate World Down Syndrome Day. DSi and its American affiliates are organizations precious to this parent’s heart. Their two minute commercial, no less, featured a soon-to-be mother asking “what kind of life” her future child might have. Young people from all over the world — with Down syndrome — answer her with a poignant, contagious purity in their expression.

Said one articulate teen:

“Don’t be afraid. Your child will be able to do many things. He’ll be able to hug you; he’ll be able to run towards you; he’ll be able to speak, and tell you he loves you; he’ll be able to go to school like everybody…”

Then said the narrator, near the end:

“Sometimes, it will be difficult; very difficult; almost impossible — but isn’t it like that for all mothers? Dear future mom, your child can be happy, just like I am — and you’ll be happy, too.”

The commercial ends with sweet shots of the kids hugging their parents… lots of smiles… lots of joy. Said one commentator: “It’s a profound and incredible tribute to the love that parents have for their special needs children.”

As the parent of a son with Down syndrome, I can attest that such expressions are consistent with my personal experience.

However, in France, the ad was prohibited. In fact — flying well below the holiday radar (with the season of merriment serving as an expedient time to release controversial rulings or contentious news), the ban was recently upheld by the French State Council, claiming the commercial is unfit for television because it’s “likely to disturb the conscience of women who had lawfully made different personal life choices.”

In other words, the commercial was prohibited on French television because of the possibility that women who aborted their children due to a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome may be offended; they may feel uncomfortable if exposed to such a message.

So let me be clear. And let me be equally honest and sensitive. There is no intentional shame via the Intramuralist. There is also no avoidance of the truth.

The truth is that the quality of life of a person with Down syndrome does not have to be any lesser; any perception that it is somehow worse, is more in our preconceived minds than in their reality. Just like the rest of us, persons with Down’s have the potential to thrive, grow, and find great, great joy. That is the truth.

However, in our efforts to offend no one, it seems we often choose to avoid or offend someone. We aren’t always good at wrestling with the truth.

Respectfully…
AR

01/03/201701/03/2017

here’s to moving forward in 2017

Each year seems marked by its uniqueness…

’41 was the attack on Pearl Harbor, the escalation of WWII and the USA’s involvement…
’63 was when a nation mourned the death of its sitting President, stilled by the poignancy of his young son’s salute…
’97 saw the deaths of two of history’s most beloved, benevolent contributors in Princess Diana and Mother Teresa…

It makes me wonder how 2016 will be historically remembered, as there was division manifest in far too many arenas. How do we move forward? … through the masses? … how do we do so wisely?

Allow me to return to my family’s unique experience a year ago. We found ourselves in the middle of Times Square as the ball and confetti dropped at midnight on New Year’s Eve. We had never done that before — “a bucket lister,” said one enthusiastic son. And so with an approximate 999,995 others, we did our best packed sardines imitation — albeit mostly without the odor and oil.

Picture the most crowded place you can imagine — a stadium, a massive conference room… people everywhere… with little room to do anything more than raise arms with your smart phone, in order to capture the next snapshot, chat, whatever. But unlike such typical scenarios, where a crowd of massive size would be aware of varied interests and individual wants, needs, opinions, emotions, etc., we were all focused on the same thing…

We were all excited about the same thing.

We were all looking in the same direction — eyes focused — waiting and wanting for the big ball to drop.

Without a doubt, there is something inherently beautiful laced in the meaning accompanying the dropping of that New Year’s ball…

Instead of focusing on our differences and maximizing what we don’t have in common — noting that in an actual, estimated crowd of one million people, countless significant differences exist — we shared something greater. Indeed, it was far greater… so great, in fact, our individual differences did not matter…

Our individual differences were also not watered-down. They did not have to be ignored or removed in order for the celebration to ensue. We were each excited about a celebration greater than self.

Hence, after the uniqueness of 2016, I’m wondering if the way forward is to find a way to focus on the same thing. What could that be? What could be that good?

I’m reminded of the interaction between my youngest son and an older New Yorker that night. Josh, that incredible kid who has never been disabled by his special needs, said ‘hello’ to an elderly New Yorker. Note that previous to our trip, we had (sadly) cautioned him in regard to taming some of his typically more overt, overly friendly interactions in Manhattan. But after a brief, positive acknowledgement from the gentleman, Josh was encouraged. He meekly continued, “Hey… want to be friends?” The man was first taken by surprise; there was a slight pause. And then he lit up with a humongous grin, articulating a hearty, warm Italian response, and said, “You just made my whole night!”

Here was a man and my son who from most first glances had little in common. The individual differences were obvious. But they did not matter. Their focus on the same thing brought them great joy — and helped them navigate through the masses (and sardines) in a beautiful, God-honoring way.

Here’s to the start of 2017, friends… as we wrestle with our individual differences, may we always do so respectfully.

Respectfully…
AR

01/01/2017

one year. one word.

So with the new year and accompanying plethora of “Yada-Yada-Yada’s of the Year” proclamations, I found myself somewhat amused by Merriam-Webster’s announcement that “surreal” was its word of the year for 2016. Defined as something that has been “marked by the intense irrational reality of a dream,” the company’s “official” statement read:

“ ‘Surreal’ is Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Year because it was looked up significantly more frequently by users in 2016 than it was in previous years, and because there were multiple occasions on which this word was the one clearly driving people to their dictionary.”

Surreal’s selection was based upon volume, as the company analyzes “perennial words that are looked up day-in and day-out, and words that spike because of news events, politics, pop culture, or sports.” Close runner ups included “revenant,” “icon,” and “in omnia paratus” — a Latin term meaning “ready for all things.”

So it got me thinking…
… about the year to come…

Perhaps you’ve seen the encouragement… Pick a word. Any word. What’s your one word for the year ahead?

“Change is possible, but focus is required,” suggests MyOneWord.org, meaning that if we were to focus solely on one thing — just one thing — one word, that is — that change would be more probable and likely; it wouldn’t seem like such a daunting task. Our word could be…

… resilient… belief… patient… disciplined… grateful… peace loving… healthy… consistent… positive… brave…

It matters not if the word is an adjective, verb, or any other particular part of speech. But it should have great meaning to you. That’s it: you. It matters not what it may mean to another; it matters what it means to you.

“My One Word” authors Mike Ashcraft and Rachel Olsen contend that: “Our resolutions seldom work because they are based on the type of person we’re tired of being rather than who God wants us to become. Plus, resolutions can be ‘broken,’ leaving no room for the process of growth. What if our hopes for the year ahead centered instead on who God wants us to become, and the transformation process?

It’s okay to want to be a better you, and the New Year is a natural time to start. The question is, how? My One Word replaces broken promises with a vision for real change. When you choose a single word, you have a clarity and focus. You are moving toward the future rather than swearing off the past.”

They thus outline the following steps:

Step one: determine the kind of person you want to become. Think about December of 2017, the end of next year. Who do you want to be by then?

Step two: identify the characteristics of that person. Visualize them. What are they like? What are the specific qualities of the person you want to become?

And step three: Pick a word. “There might be fifteen things that you want to change, but you must resist the temptation to promise you will do them all. Instead, simply commit to ONE WORD.”

What I appreciate about this exercise is that it makes change and growth possible. It makes it practical; it makes it noticeable. It doesn’t take a divine lightning bolt from the sky, nor is it merely some rhetorically-pleasing resolution that we’ll be defeatedly chucking in a matter of months. This is real growth… real change. If we are going to become the people God has called each of us individually to be, then we need to grow and change… each year. That process is nothing short of, well, surreal.

Join me, friends. Pick a word. Any word. Just one.

Respectfully…
AR

12/29/2016

who they are

She was the first princess I ever truly desired to imitate.
His transcendence beyond boxing amazed me.
Her Pulitzer Prize winning masterpiece was the first novel I ever loved.
His brilliance on the High Court was striking, as noted by one of his besties, the ideologically opposite Ginsberg.
She was simply the best at what she did — that is, before Geno’s Huskies.
And then there were those three who made me sing — from “Freedom” to “Desperado” — to even luring me repeatedly to the dance floor with “Little Red Corvette” and more.

Carrie Fisher…
Muhammad Ali…
Harper Lee…
Antonin Scalia…
Pat Summitt…
And George Michael, Glen Frey, and the ever talented, musical mastermind, Prince.

Each passed away in 2016.

They weren’t alone… David Bowie… Fidel Castro… Leonard Cohen… Patty Duke… Zsa Zsa Gabor… John Glenn… Merle Haggard… Henry Heimlich… Florence Henderson… Gordie Howe… Gwen Ifill… Arnold Palmer… Shimon Peres… Nancy Reagan… Janet Reno… Morley Safer… Craig Sager… Phyllis Schlafly… Alan Thicke… Abe Vigoda… Elie Wiesel… Gene Wilder…

… and more.

It makes me ponder two questions…

One… what will we say about them?

… that they performed well? … that they had a great hit? … that they led or acted or won or lost or ruled or governed or did something really outstanding, notable, awful, or good?

In other words, will we speak of what they did? … or… about who they are?

Which leads, therefore, to my second question…

What will we want them one day to say about us?

Will we want people to talk about what we did?

… or…

Will we want them to note our character? … who we are?

Let’s honor Fisher and Frey and Haggard and Heimlich, etal. by talking less about what they did… and more about who they are.

Respectfully…
AR

12/27/2016

after christmas

Just a few words this day…

As the decorations are dismantled and all hung with care keeps coming down, my thoughts turn to the reality after Christmas.

I paused the other evening, as I, too, sat seemingly amidst a sea of crumpled wrapping paper and contented kids, hearing that iconic pop singer, George Michael, passed away. As choruses of “Freedom” and “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” quickly danced in my head, I was again reminded of reality.

Immediately, many lamented the challenges and pain of the year behind…

… the deaths… division… and undesired outcomes…

All of the above existed in 2015. They will be again exist in 2017.

But depending on who are the deaths, where is the division, and what are the undesired outcomes, the reality affects different people to different degrees. Reality affects us differently.

And so I immediately think back to the bells heard on Christmas Day… the messages of hope, proclamations of peace, and the depth of a great, great joy.

What is beautiful about that hope, peace, and joy is that it lasts for far more than a day; it’s available more than a single day each year; and it has the power and potential to transcend the pain within any of our realities.

As the Intramuralist continues to reflect on the end of the year, we wish you great blessing… including that hope, peace, and joy… always…

Respectfully…
AR

12/24/201612/24/2016

what it’s about

Sometimes the most powerful messages are shared in the simplest ways, such as 51 years ago, in “A Charlie Brown Christmas.” Near the animated special’s end, a discouraged Charlie Brown mutters the following:

“I guess you were right, Linus. I shouldn’t have picked this little tree. Everything I do turns into a disaster. I guess I really don’t know what Christmas is all about.

[shouting in desperation]

Isn’t there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?!”

And then Linus van Pelt — Charlie’s best friend, Lucy’s younger brother, and the show’s seemingly calming philosopher however insecure — chimes right in…

“Sure, Charlie Brown, I can tell you what Christmas is all about.

Lights, please. [a spotlight shines on Linus]

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, ‘Fear not:

[Linus drops his security blanket on purpose]

For behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.’ And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.’

[Linus picks up his blanket and walks back towards Charlie Brown]

That’s what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.”

That’s what it’s about… peace on earth, glory to someone bigger than self, good will toward others, and a joy-filled confidence and hope that allows for the intentional dropping of all that qualifies as our security blanket.

Blessings, friends. For all those celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, or neither this day, the Intramuralist wishes you peace, hope, harmony, and joy. Always.

May we each love all people well.

Respectfully (… with a few extra ho-ho-ho’s this day)…
AR

12/22/2016

the first star trek

One of the most poignant perspectives of the Christmas story, whether or not one adheres to the Christian faith, is the expectancy of all those in active pursuit of something good.

The Bethlehemites and key players involved didn’t just sit around, fumbling with some semblance of a remote, loosely surfing or scanning for something new to entertain them.

Neither did they simply react to some noise or community disturbance — like when a siren blares down our street — and we each suggest to one another we go take a look.

It wasn’t casual. It wasn’t happenstance.

It was an intentional pursuit.

What strikes me arguably most all those years ago, is the deep, genuine, eager expectation…

The Magi went after the manger; they traveled most probably thousands of miles in pursuit of the promise. Call it, if you will, the “first star trek” — although allow me to humbly acknowledge, the title is not an Intramuralist original (and with all due respect, no one, to my limited knowledge, exhibited any especially unusual ears).

Little is actually known about these Magi, these “wise men” or “kings,” as often depicted. There exists only one historical reference, reporting that they came “from the East” — quite possibly from Persia — and tradition then tells us that they had a reputation for astrology. Hence, what we know is that they actively trekked after the Messiah, and something that was already meaningful to them — yes, the star, since they were astrologers — got their attention.

It causes me to pause this holiday season, wondering how expectant I am, wondering what I am most searching for…

How am I preparing for this season? What am I doing besides making my lists and checking them twice?

What reflection would be wise, especially before 2017 is ushered in?

And what is God using to get my attention?

… after all, he will no doubt use something that is already meaningful to me.

What am I searching for? For what am I looking?

Is it something good? … peace? … joy? … hope, harmony, or reconciliation?

I keep wondering: am I looking for what is good?

It strikes me profoundly that the very first star trek was in eager expectation of what was good. That expectant hope changes everything.

Respectfully…
AR

12/20/2016

the conclusion of our diverse roundtable

[What a treat to spend extended time with these 6 individuals. What a growth opportunity to be sharpened by those who don’t all think the same as me. Here is the end of our 5 part series, as articulated by Brent, Janie, Mike, Roni, Ronnie, and Ruth, and their recognition of intentional respect as the first, best step forward…]
_____

AR: Ok, friends — and that’s what you are… I so appreciate how each of you recognizes that friendship and relationship are more important than agreement and likemindedness. Give me some final thoughts as we wrap this up (although I have a sneaky suspicion we may keep talking…).

BRENT: Nobody reads BOOKS anymore! I see so many people my age (31) and younger completely detached from the mechanics of real learning or study. I read a note today that summed it up well, saying, “We educate to the point of accepting what we’ve been taught, but not enough to question it.”

RONI: This group is a group of readers. The number of bookstores that have gone out of business is incredible. Very sad. Many read on-line, but sadly many done. I think you make a good point.

MIKE: In the spirit of what Ann is promoting here, I’ll put myself out there. Why is it assumed because I am conservative that I am evil, greedy, prejudiced, and/or don’t care about people in need? Because I assure you, none are true.

RONI: Likewise, as being termed liberal, why am I seen as wasteful, soft on crime, not a real Christian, and unpatriotic?

AR: Why are people so judgmental of political identifications?

MIKE: Equally fair questions, Roni, though I do not equate politics with crime, religion, or patriotism.

RUTH: I’m with Mike, in that I despise the way people have treated others, as in the stories shared here of assumptions and hateful treatment toward others. The only way I know to conceptualize why there’s so much judgment is because we’re in a fallen world, awaiting us unifying, while an enemy stirs up division and strife. If one has received mercy from the Creator, even in disagreement, empathy is possible toward “opposing sides.”

RONI: Empathy or a lack there of plays a significant role. Seeing if someone who seems so different from you has the same value but through a different lens is critical.

MIKE: This has been great conversation. This is the way our political discourse should be. And Congress. It could be, if we could focus on everyone winning rather than our side winning. We all lose when we won’t let the other side win.
_____

Our conversation actually covered far more, fascinating ground. We went on to respectfully discuss the following, although arguably each to a limited extent:

Why a person is conservative
Why a person is liberal
Why it is inaccurate to identify conservatives as “angry, white males”
Why it is inaccurate to label either party/partisans as either “meaner” or “kinder” than another
“Hateful attitudes” on both sides
The sadness and potential hate in “unfriending”
Voting for the person as opposed to party
Russian involvement/WikiLeaks
The burden of our $19 trillion debt
States rights
The role of the federal government — how big should it be?
Economic analysis of the Carrier deal
North Carolina
The value/concerns of privatization — including education
Perceived economic differences
Populist candidates
Potential cabinet nominations and appointees
Racism, socialism, elitism, etc.
The wide, bipartisan respect for Colin Powell
The power that accompanies wealth
The Electoral College
William F. Buckley
If the current Dem. and Rep. parties are consistent with their predecessors
Putting down our labels
How “everybody is right and everybody is wrong”
How true conservatives and true liberals are alike and often agree on concepts
Where we each get our news
The Chicago Cubs and more.

There was generous affirmation, questions, and respect, finding more we had in common than did not. We get into trouble when we magnify the “did not’s.” So allow me to close with a couple more comments from the table…

MIKE: Sounds like lots of agreement here. If we could unite in purpose, I think we could figure out how to get there.

RONI: I think this group could find enough agreement to make things work fairly for all.

RUTH: I appreciate the hope and value each of you all have brought to the table. I am thankful for the ability, as upside down as the world is, to still reach across and shake hands, and show care, concern, and hope.

Agreed… and amen.

Respectfully…
AR

12/18/2016

a diverse roundtable – part 4 of 5

[Over the past week, we’ve posted excerpts from a conversation with 6 diverse individuals: Brent, Janie, Mike, Roni, Ronnie, and Ruth. Each recognizes intentional respect as the first, best step forward in the polarized, political environment in which we live. Here is the second to last piece of our conversation, with the conclusion coming Tuesday…]
_____

AR: We’ve referenced a need to “overcome” — overcoming a nastiness on all sides… from the ugliness, hatred, arrogance… even from sides thinking they are “all in the right” and another is “all in the wrong.” How do we actually overcome? How do we “overcome someday”?

MIKE: I used to think the goal was a color-blind society. I no longer believe that. Racism exists, so we need to deal with it. I ask my black friends what it’s like, how they get looked at, and how I can help. I think it starts there — we all need diverse friends. We can’t understand what it’s like to be black, Hispanic, gay, liberal, or conservative until we sincerely get to know people who are.

RUTH: We need to recognize we are in this together. We need more intentional communication across lines of diversity, yes — and pursuing opportunity to grow in understanding, wisdom, and synergy.

JANIE: With my diverse friends, there is no subject we won’t talk about. We talk about what we don’t understand. I keep coming back to Ecclesiastes 3, said in Hebrew and English after the Virginia Tech shooting in 2007…. “a time to be born, a time to die, a time to plant, a time to pluck up that which is planted, a time to heal, a time to build up, a time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to dance, a time to embrace, a time to lose, a time to keep, a time to keep silence, a time to speak, a time to love, a time of peace… So perhaps wisdom comes with those words. Learning to listen… to walk in another’s shoes…

AR: So how do people fuel the division, even though they may not realize it? And is there ever a time to severe a relationship over political differences?

MIKE: Our language fuels division. Why is white always good, and black bad? White hat, dark side, blackball, etc. Calling myself pro-life implies you are against life. Calling yourself progressive implies I am against progress.
I never sever relationships. But I have blocked people on Facebook so I don’t have to listen to their incessant rants.

JANIE: I don’t severe relationships over political differences.

RUTH: I can’t see severing a relationship over political differences. As a respected leader in my life often says, “We don’t often get 100% agreement over things in our own household!” Life is full of negotiating differences in relationships. Political differences may go deep, but I hope relationships go deeper.
We all have reasons behind our political leanings, which always have the possibility to change. If we cut each other off rather than try to understand and graciously express reasons for our position — or at least discuss how to work together for the common good — doesn’t that in itself inadvertently perpetuate division?

Seems to me, if we are not intentional, we can fuel division by default. Unless we make efforts to stay open to listening — and if we don’t look for opportunities to reach across barriers to connect, then our circles of association will continue to drift further apart. If not intentional to search past our comfort zone of associates most like us, then social media feeds us our separate preferences, ingraining them further.

Also fueling division: presenting our opinions as judgments and labels against others — and in a manner lacking humility, mercy, and love even, for persons with opposing views.

RONI: So what can be done?
1. Recognize there are issues.
2. Create safe spaces, like this, for respectful discussion of solutions; solutions often take a long time.
3. Recognize that as you discuss there needs to be follow-up, because healing takes time.
4. Seek to understand the meaning and intent of others.
5. Respond with kindness when possible.
6. Understand that protests are not bad but part of the change process.
7. Value the first amendment while understanding your words/actions have consequences.

AR: How still is social media making this worse?

JANIE: Facebook tries to tell me I don’t know what I am talking about, even when I live here, witnessing reality. It incites the ugly and mean.

MIKE: So many ways, social media makes this worse. Fake news, anonymous trolling, etc. And with so many news sources, outlets seek out the extreme to get attention. But the biggest issue is being able to filter out news sources to see only what we want to see. We are continually reinforcing our own viewpoint without seeking to understand others.

RONI: Mike, I think you are right. We do give more grace to those we understand. We all tend to discount others. Part of that is the Western practice of only seeing things as right/wrong or good/evil.
_____

Recognizing that one “side” is not all good or all evil — encouraging each of us to seek to understand others first.

Great discussion. Our conclusion comes Tuesday…

Respectfully…
AR