Month: September 2015

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learning from more than the likeminded

photo-1429051883746-afd9d56fbdafPrevious to these past 10 days and the excellent ensuing, daily dialogue, we heard the respectfully-articulated insights and perspectives from persons other than me in our annual summer Guest Writers Series. (P.S. I thought it was great!) Thank you, friends, for writing and listening. I have learned from you!

I believe that we grow when we are willing to listen and dialogue regarding diverse perspective. Far too many are only able to converse with the likeminded. Hence, we end up with a lot of really smart people — who are still very blind. They never allow their mind to be altered from where it is right now. They still may be smart, but their pursuit of wisdom is sadly, severely hampered.

 In the weeks I was away, I pondered the thoughts of our guest writers… Like you, I listened and learned. Like you, I often read certain portions of posts twice. Like you, I didn’t necessarily agree with every opinion embedded, but also like you, I desire to be stretched and challenged. Agreement and consensus are secondary to active listening.

Here were some of the articulations that struck me most from our summer series:

“If you don’t like the law, elect different representatives, and they can pass new laws. That’s democracy.”

“Think again about who you would want to speak at your funeral. What do you want them to say?”

“During those formative years when we were transitioning from girlhood to womanhood, our society and media wasn’t telling us that our physically displays of affection with our peers had sexual connotations. We were free to hug, touch, and run arm and arm. We were free to accept each other no matter how we were made. We learned how to be good friends, strong and reliable, and that love had very little to do with sex, but with our willingness to be there for one another.”

“What is best in a society: personal freedom to choose no matter the consequences or personal freedom to choose with possible financial penalty if you choose the socially-selfish option? Perhaps a mix of the two is best.”

“I will give examples of ‘dignity squashers’ first — then move on to the ‘dignity encouragers.’ Let me give the exact definition of dignity so we’re on the same page. Dignity is pride in oneself, self-respect, self-worth. By not teaching our children life skills that evoke dignity, we as parents are setting them up to fail.”

“What we should do instead is develop a ‘live and let live’ legal framework.”

“Ironically, it is often the overlooked seeds who soar after high school. They have already played in a tough game environment and are well equipped to take on a new road to the big dance. They don’t have to rely on their past bracket to define them. It’s a clean slate and they chart their X’s and O’s.”

“A favorite tactic in today’s debates over anything controversial is to question your right to hold a belief, or to label your opinion itself as ‘bigoted’.”

“How many of us will let our passion trump our reason? How many of us will lose friendships over words we type on our keyboards? Think about that before you hit post. Maybe you think it doesn’t matter, that if someone disagrees with your opinion you are better off without their friendship. But what about their respect? When did we become a country where people either agree with you or they are wrong?”

“Do you want to be right or do you want to be righteous? Do we always have to be right? … or will we allow for our character to be carved and to grow?”

[And quite possibly, my personal favorite…]

“I listen to the music now… with tears, for she taught me so much more than I ever taught her.”

There is so much we can learn when we shelve our deeply entrenched stances — and actually listen to other people, too.

So thankful to be back… cheers, too, to each of our guest writers…

Respectfully…
AR

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perceptions

photo-1438503733096-e5c5560f05edAs most of you know, we have been wrestling with some tough issues here. Thank you. I have always said there is no topic the Intramuralist will intentionally avoid. Some topics are tougher than others to discuss — some will have far less consensus and prompt many more angles and tangents and potentially messy opinions — but we won’t shy away. As long as we are respectful — as long as we are willing to articulate thought and opinion in way that is sensitive to those who may not agree — we can talk about all things. I believe learning to talk about all things is key to making progress and crafting solution.

One of my greatest gripes about Washington (and wherever), in fact, is that we make so little progress together; we are not unified. Why? Because instead of learning to humbly listen and speak respectfully — in a way that makes us actually want to work together — we simply justify shouting louder. Note to all: that never works.

Hence, returning briefly to Tuesday’s topic surrounding the #BlackLivesMatter movement, I found the ensuing discussion incredibly insightful and thought-provoking… that is… for those who were willing to soberly listen and consider all that was said.

Later that day I engaged in another conversation regarding a transgender teen, at the heart of a controversy in Missouri. The teen desires to use the high school girls’ bathroom even though he is physiologically still male. Again, this is a tough topic to be sensitive to all people and perspectives. It’s often tough to have empathy for people who think different than “we” or “me.”

So as I wrestled with what is good and true and right, I began to think about the whole idea of “lives mattering” — a beautiful concept, no doubt, as we are each uniquely and wonderfully made.

Is our challenge that in all of our life mattering issues, there exists at least a perception (not necessarily a reality) that one life is more valuable than another?

Hear me here; there is zero harshness in my voice. I am attempting to process this together…

At the heart of the #BlackLivesMatter movement, is there a general perception in those genuinely advocating, that the lives of white people mean more — hence the motivation for the movement?

Regarding the accompanying mantra that cops’ lives matter — is there a perception that cops’ lives don’t matter as much as the grass roots’ movement?

Let’s extend this further…

In regard to the disabled — an issue near and dear to my heart — is there a perception that the life of a special needs individual is less valued and/or capable of contributing to our society?

And to the elderly, because they are old, are they perceived to have any less to give?

What about the delicate issue dealing with the unborn — is there a perception that the baby’s life is less valuable than the mother’s?

Or regarding that mother — is there a perception that her life matters less?

Friends, I am not attempting to set off any fresh, new hot button. I desire to wrestle with all that is good and true and right. And as I hear you and your many diverse, excellent insights, I wonder if there are multiple perceptions surrounding the quality of life that some of us — perhaps none of us — totally get. I appreciated, for example, the comment of a friend who respectfully offered that in regard to #BlackLivesMatter, there are some aspects white people simply don’t comprehend; just as when we consider the increasing violence against police, there are some aspects that those so emotionally entwined in the Black Lives movement also miss.

I wonder: is there some separate aspect of empathy each of us is missing when it comes to black lives, cops, the disabled, elderly, unborn, transgender, etc. etc. etc.?

What are we missing? What perceptions may be slightly skewed?

And can we… can we talk about it?

Respectfully…
AR

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everyone counts

Unknown

(Next in my series of observations while away last month…)

Roll up your sleeves. Take off those partisan hats. Exhale any opinion ready to pounce. Let’s talk about what we’ve observed regarding #BlackLivesMatter.

Originating in the wake of the acquittal of George Zimmerman in 2013, the #BlackLivesMatter movement campaigns against perceived police brutality in the United States. Note that according to Wikipedia and The Daily Beast, the movement is reportedly a decentralized network, with no formal hierarchy or structure in place. As summer has progressed, we have seemingly still witnessed an uptick in activity.

Many have felt oppressed. Many are frustrated. Many have experienced grievous injustice. Many cry out. At the very least, they/we deserve to be heard.

The danger for any of us, friends, based on our own experience and the depth of our individual passions, is when we conclude that we deserve to be heard more than anyone else — that it’s completely acceptable for us to drown out all other voices… all other perspectives… be rude, disrespectful, you-name-it.

In Houston, Texas last Friday night, 47 year old policeman Darren Goforth was off duty but still in uniform. He was innocently pumping gas at a Chevron station in a northwest suburb. A young African-American male came up and shot him from behind — with no known provocation — killing the officer — also, gut-wrenchingly, continuing to fire even after Goforth had fallen to the ground.

Ironically, planned ahead of time — and unrelated to Goforth’s murder — the very next day, 350-500 #BlackLivesMatter protesters shut down multiple entrances to the Minnesota State Fair. While their stated aim in this instance was to draw more attention to economic and social disparities, many of the activists still chanted, “Pigs in a blanket, fry ’em like bacon” — all while receiving a police escort for their protection.

Protests in Minnesota. A murder in Texas. Unrelated. But what can we observe?

On Saturday, in response to the death of his deputy, Sheriff Ron Hickman explained that investigators currently believe a “dangerous national rhetoric” against police officers led to the seemingly unprovoked attack. Hickman then, soberly added this:

“We’ve heard ‘black lives matter’ — ‘all lives matter.’ Well, cops’ lives matter, too. So why don’t we drop the qualifier and just say: Lives Matter. And take that to the bank.”

The reality is that all lives really do matter. If we’re all created equal, then yes, we all matter… black lives matter… white lives matter… cops’ lives matter… Hispanic lives matter… Muslim lives matter… evangelical Christian lives matter… Jewish lives matter… women’s lives matter… men’s lives matter… gay lives matter… elderly lives matter… babies’ lives matter… transgender lives matter… special needs’ lives matter… young lives matter… deaf lives matter… lives matter. Period.

Hence, from my observations — politically incorrect as they may or may not be — when we’re at the point where we can only acknowledge that one (or some) of the above lives matter — when we are no longer listening to any reasoning other than our own — we are then missing a vital, dire aspect of wisdom. A society that is unable to admit that all lives matter is a society that will forever suffer from oppression and inequality — as individual people groups only advocate for their own.

I think of my oldest son. Recently, he trekked off for his freshman year of college (yes, more observations coming here quite soon). He, no less, by all accounts, is quite proud to now be a Florida Gator (…insert appropriate chomping sound here…). 

I’m reminded even more of the University of Florida’s extensive, summer orientation — an informative, encouraging time when one of their programs was arguably emphasized above all others: “U Matter, We Care.”

Instead of the focus being on how much “I” matter, the university boldly proclaims how they care for all people; they know that everyone counts.

There’s a beauty and freedom in acknowledging all who count. If only we knew… and only believed…

Respectfully…
AR