I think we get so rattled up about the wrong things.
Please understand me. It’s ok to agree, disagree, or have an opinion. In fact, dare I say, it’s ok to express that opinion — albeit we could all do a little better job of articulating such in a way that doesn’t disrespect someone.
But sometimes possessing that opinion rattles us… we have to burst… we get so anxious or worked up inside about the behavior of someone else, we can’t let it go.
I’d like to see us all — well, ok, at least me — I’d like to do a better job letting it go.
Years ago, we used to visit my mother-in-law maybe three, four times a year. It was never as much as we — or perhaps she — would have liked, but she never complained. She always seemed just grateful to be with us. We lived four hours away from one another.
As typical especially on those weekends, she showed her love and thankfulness to us in so many varied ways… an added touch, maybe a surprise gift, or just very intentional, sweet conversation, often lasting late into the evening, when all parties were so obviously tired but also so obviously enjoying one another.
In the mornings, she’d typically still rise earlier than the rest (I’m thinking she probably slept for two days straight after we left) and make a feast for breakfast. She’d fill the table with this succulent smorgasbord of breakfast food — eggs, bacon, sausage, bagels, toast, donuts, muffins and more. We never left breakfast hungry.
There was one morning in my initial years as a parent that I wasn’t quite as comfortable in my own skin. I couldn’t have told you that at the time; I didn’t know what I didn’t know, and I was determined to be good at this parenting gig, committed to providing my kids with the necessary physical, emotional, and spiritual guidance and foundation that would allow for them to flourish as they go forward. There are a lot of things to cover in that!
As the breakfast meal was winding down, with everyone more full than perhaps we should be but ready for the day ahead together, my mother-in-law stepped away, off to the adjacent pantry, and brought one more, small tasty item to the table — this time, with an obvious added glee.
“Cookies!” she announced.
She always loved those chocolate Pinwheels, those fudge and marshmallow, Nabisco treats; she had found a package at the nearby grocery and couldn’t wait to share them with my children.
A wise response would have been one of empathy and gratitude — thankful that my mother-in-law wanted to bless our kids by sharing her joy, sharing something fun with her extended family.
Want to know what my immature reaction was? Remember I’m a new parent, wanting to do this well. But I didn’t realize how indignant I could be.
I could not believe that my mother-in-law would want to ruin her grandchildren’s eating patterns — my kids’ — by giving them all that sugar for breakfast! How could she? What was she thinking?! Why would she try to sabotage my honorable attempts to raise these kids right?! She was related to them, too!
In other words, I took my mother-in-law’s loving attempt as a personal offense. I could not see it for what it was because I was so focused on me and what I believed and wanted to do. I got totally rattled up. And I justified an offense when there was none. Let me say that again: I justified an offense when there was none.
Oh, I wish I would have known then what I know now. I wish my mother-in-law was still here, blessing our entire extended family with her simple, gracious and gleeful acts of kindness.
And I wish I would have realized it was ok for each of us to eat those Pinwheels… maybe even two.
Respectfully…
AR
