Month: February 2025

[As we continue to attempt to promote wisdom and respect in this world, when I recently came across this post written 10 years ago this week, it felt indeed worth an updated run…]

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All week I’ve been wrestling with the encouragement to become like a child… to think like a child… that there’s something about being childlike that’s actually good!

I struggle with that sometimes… holding on too tightly, perhaps, to all the knowledge, intelligence, and experience — like it or not — that accompanies us into adulthood… believing that’s all so beneficial and so much more vital than being a kid. And then a tiny moment reminds me that adulthood often serves as more of an impediment than any perch of wisdom…

Last weekend I had opportunity to get away for the weekend for some fun and reflection. While away, my spouse took two of my sons bowling. While bowling is not a frequent activity for our household, when it occurs, it is typically met with ample enthusiasm. It also can become quite competitive, as we tend to enjoy competitive exercise.

My hub was pleased; he still has it after all these years. My seventeen year old was also pleased; he enjoys his share of athletic success. And then there was my son, Josh.

As has been referenced here on multiple occasions, Josh is a thriving, articulate teenage boy. He does all those things fourteen year olds typically tend to do… talk, text, try to sneak a few things by the parents. Josh also has Down syndrome.

One of the beautiful things about Josh’s “special need” is that it seems to maintain that childhood status to some degree… acting like a child… thinking like a child. But it’s made me ask, “What does that mean?”

I wish I had an easy answer. For a while, I camped on the concept of equating being like a child to something simpler — simpler thinking, something not as complex. But that doesn’t totally make sense to me.

Then I wrestled with the idea of a “childlike faith” and all those misapplications…  maybe not needing all the things we seemingly intelligent adults need to prove that we’re right… “No, we won’t believe… we won’t believe in something until they can prove it to us! We will not be fooled! Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, well…”

Something about that doesn’t seem quite right either.

A wise friend then summed it up for me in eight words… eight words. To become like a child means to ask oneself: “what if I could lay aside my fear?” … my fear of being wrong… my fear of not being perfect… my fear of failure… my fear of not looking good… my fear of needing someone or something more… What if I could lay aside my fear?

What would I do? What would I think? How would I change? How would I grow?

When I returned home for the weekend, Josh was sitting on the outside porch, eagerly waiting my return. After a few, semi-subtle bear hugs and joyful jumps of unparalleled glee, Josh said, “Mom, Mom, guess what? Guess what?! You’re never going to believe this!!”

Note that my spouse had warned me that Josh might be a little discouraged after the bowling outing. They bowled two games without the bumpers. Josh scored a 40 and a 22. That’s averaging a mere four and a little more than two pins per frame. Hence, by all intellectual accounts, Josh bowled pretty poorly.

But Josh says, “I did it, Mom! I did it! I got my first strike without the bumpers!!”

The kid was overjoyed. Embedded in his ten-frame score of 22, there was a single strike — a strike both preceded and succeeded by gutter after gutter ball. Instead of being emotionally pierced by any ball in the gutter, Josh only saw what was best. He was not deterred by any knowledge or experience… “I got my first strike!”

May we never miss the beauty of the barren strike. May knowledge and experience never deter us from seeing what is good.

Respectfully…

AR

A while ago, I was posed a sincere question by a curious Gen Z’er, “How do you stay so young?”

With zero assumption that I have cornered the market on any fountain of youth, I asked for a bit of clarification. He spoke to the idea of being fun to be around, regardless of audience or age. 

I said, “Two things. One, stay active. And two, stay interested in other people.” Don’t get stuck in your own generation. The key is learning from those who are different than you. 

As I’ve watched those Gen Z’ers, late Millennials and even the newest Generation Alpha, I have learned much. They have exposed me to everything from TikTok to EDM and Joe Rogan.

Being interested in other generations, no less, doesn’t mean concluding that they are all good or all bad; there are aspects of every generation that are healthier and not. But I was struck that in a generation that seems uniquely better in valuing and discussing mental health than the eras that have preceded them, they also are one of the first generations to grow up with social media as a life constant. Social media has given us some good things — i.e. the ability to catch up and keep up with family and friends from far away… the ability to share information more quickly… even promote businesses and learning opportunities.

But social media is also built on the world of comparison — i.e. how good or successful I am primarily depends on how it stacks up against other people. Other potential perils include privacy concerns, cyberbullying, and the spread of untrue information. The danger to one’s mental health is clear.

The mistake, however, is thinking this is only for the younger generations.

Last week I witnessed an online conversation between multiple seemingly intelligent, older adults that went literally like this…

Person #1: “Yeah, all those morons who support that…”

Person #2: “They are cognitively limited…”

Person #3: “We need to belittle the hell out of them!”

Person #4: “They’re not open to learning.”

Person #5: “Nothing but shame will work!”

How disrespectful. How awful. I continue to be befuddled by those whose conversational bravery and bluntness only come to life behind the protection of a keyboard.

But let us not add to the generous shame that comes far too easy from many these days. After all, my sense is that if a person posts something to one of their sites, their desire is to actually be heard. So how can we be heard? Let us suggest the following if one actually desires to make a difference and for others to pay attention:

• Be responsible in posting. Be honest, thoughtful and aware of the larger audience. Exercise good judgment and common sense. Recognize rants are more suitable in private conversation.
• Be accurate, including the correction of mistakes. Make sure you have all of the facts before you post. Watch re-posting and links from notably biased resources. If you make a mistake, admit it. Be upfront and quick with your correction. Humble, too.
• Don’t over post. Too many posts in too little time can overwhelm your followers, leading to audience fatigue. The quality of your content is more important than the quantity. Over posting dilutes impact.
• Ask if it passes the publicity test. If the content of your message would not be acceptable for face-to-face conversation, by phone, or other mediums, it’s not wise to post. Ask, too, “Would I want to see this published on a billboard tomorrow or ten years from now?”
• Show Respect. Respect your peers. Refrain from publishing content that contains slurs, personal insults or attacks, and/or profanity or obscenity. You are more likely to achieve your goals or sway others to your beliefs if you are constructive and respectful while discussing a bad experience or disagreeing with a concept or person. Be civil. Shame no one. Avoid any attempt to humiliate.

Just a few tips… in wanting to actually be heard… that is, for all generations.

Respectfully…

AR

[Editorial Note: Contributions to our social media guidelines were made by Penn State University, Tennessee State University, Western Oregon University and more.]

There the kid was, maybe 7 or 8 years old, out in the garage. She had found an emptied WD-40 can; remember the ones? They’re mostly blue but designed with primary colors, with the red spray mechanism on top. It came with a narrow red straw, that attached to the top, enabling the user to target where they wanted the lubricant to land. 

The young kid was curious… what’s inside those steel, aerosol cans? … what does it look like? … how come we can’t see it?

And so in an attempt to satisfy her curiosity, she found one of her father’s flat-head screwdrivers nearby, and started pounding on the can. The hope was that the pounding would pierce the steel, appeasing the intrigue of the elementary-aged girl.

She pounded and pounded. It started with a small indentation. The paint scraped off with the greatest of ease, but the can was indeed a stubborn bit of steel… five minutes… ten minutes… the tool kept making a dent, but progress was minimal at best. The indentation increased in size, but ever so slowly. 

The pounding got harder, fiercer. But change in the size of the dent was nothing short of depressing. The bang was clearly not worth the buck.

After maybe fifteen, twenty minutes (and who really knows in the mind of a 7 or 8 year old), the young girl gave up. She would have to go on never knowing the insides of the primary product of the original Rocket Chemical Company.

Shew. 

That kid was me. (And sorry, Mom and Dad, if you’ve never heard that story; it took a bit of bravery to finally come clean.) 

Yes, I know puncturing metal aerosol cans is dangerous. Yes, I know the unintended depressurization can result in explosion and/or fire. And yes, I know that the warning label actually on the WD-40 can states: “Do not puncture or incinerate container, even when empty” because the pressurized container can burst if punctured, potentially causing serious injury due to the release of flammable contents under pressure. 

I know that now. I don’t know exactly what I knew then. And such begins the public reveal of my laundry list of stupid.

We go here today, because I think most of us are painfully aware of society’s current, unfortunate generosity in unkindness and/or judgment of other people. We can each be pretty skillful in casting stones at someone. We often, too, are quite creative in both knowingly and unknowingly justifying why those stones deserve to be cast.

One of perhaps our most foundational substantiations of the casting, I believe, is that when we witness another do/say/believe something so preposterous, dangerous or awful, we justify our shaming response because we think we are incapable of doing/saying/believing something so preposterous, dangerous or awful.

Let me say it another way… we forget our own laundry list of stupid.

Not only do we forget, but we also fall prey to concluding our laundry list of stupid isn’t as bad as another’s. Friends, what’s that quote? “Stupid is as stupid does?”

Undeniably, my list is far longer than intentionally revealed above. Also undeniably, my list includes acts and beliefs far more recent than when I was 7 or 8 years old. 

But remembering that our individual laundry lists actually exist prompts two very healthy values and behaviors: one, a need to be a frequent asker and acceptor of forgiveness. And two, an authentic humility in how we treat absolutely everyone else.

Respectfully…

AR

Last week in my community a terrible thing happened. In the middle of the school day, just past eleven in the morning, three teens in two cars decided to race down the road from the high school. It’s the primary thoroughfare in the area, and is thus highly trafficked at all times of day.

Police reports said the two drivers were driving recklessly, weaving in and out of busy traffic at a high rate of speed.

The drivers both lost control, sending each car airborne, off the roadway, crashing into trees, and catching on fire.

Two of the students are expected to survive. One died the next day.

It was a terrible thing. On that all agree.

The lack of agreement elsewhere soon became painfully obvious…

Clearly, the majority of responses were full of sadness, grief and encouraging prayers for the affected families and classmates. Such heartache… brokenness… a life gone too soon. Immediately thereafter, “Go Fund Me” accounts were established for those involved and their families. That prompted increased reaction. Some of those reactions, no doubt, were highly, emotionally charged.

Remember that the students were weaving in and out of traffic. They knowingly put all the other innocent drivers and passengers around them at risk; it was a lot of people. A tangent note… I was maybe 3,4 minutes behind them, as I soon saw one of the first responding ambulances in my rear view mirror. I had also first taken backroads this day, which added about 3 minutes to my route. To suggest I was soberly, divinely grateful is an understatement indeed.

Let us, no less, be respectfully candid; what the teen drivers did was not only illegal; it was foolish, dangerous, and it also seriously threatened the very lives of those who had zero to do with the teens’ ill-decision.

Hence, the resulting question: how much mercy and grace do the foolish deserve?

And… do we assess the levels of foolishness?

Allow us to first step back a mere moment, acknowledging the difference between mercy and grace. Mercy means not receiving the punishment we deserve; grace means receiving something we don’t deserve. Mercy is being spared; grace is being favored.

It thus makes sense to me that varied reactions would be expressed in a tragedy such as this.

It makes sense to me that we wouldn’t all feel the same way.

And it makes sense to me not to demand that another feel exactly like me.

It’s ok to react differently.

So what do we do? Do we offer any mercy and grace? Kindness and compassion? Or solely justice and consequence? Is there a combination we can appropriately provide?

Friends, let me never suggest that I know best for all others. That’s an impolitic trap to fall into. 

I think back, though, to years ago, sitting with one of my mentors, struggling with a decision. I sincerely asked for help in deciding what to do in a specific situation in which others were involved and would be significantly affected by my choice. I will never forget his prudent encouragement. It went something like this…

“When life is over and it’s my time, if there’s this potential place of divine review in which we look back over the entire course of my life, the decisions I’ve made and all the pockets and places where I screwed up or was wrong, I hope it can always be said of me that I erred on the side of grace. Let me err on the side of grace.”

Friends, I suggest not that it’s easy.

Just makes me think it’s a wise thing to strive for, knowing there are many days we all need it, too.

Respectfully…

AR

Oh, how the pendulum swings… left to right… right to left… And when the pendulum swings swiftly and forcefully to a perceived extreme end, it disrupts the entire mechanism. The pendulum only rests in the middle.

I’ve played with this idea for years now — how the political pendulum swings back and forth to/fro opposite ends and examining the impact of the movement. Contributor Evan Thies from the left-leaning Daily News articulated a similar thought recently…

“The political pendulum swings predictably in our country from left to right like a metronome, marking time — but sometimes it swings much faster than others. And, when it does, the pendulum can become a scythe. We have swung from Obama/left to Trump/right to Biden/left and back again in the space of eight years, and each time the pendulum has picked up speed. The acceptable rhetoric became increasingly hotter. The frustration with the system angrier. Belief in it shakier. And the shakier our belief in the system, the more emboldened people feel to topple it. We have reached another point in our history when words no longer seem to work. We are in an era of action now. But will it bring constructive disruption or destruction?”

I feel like this is what we’re witnessing in real time. 

Clearly, Pres. Trump has benefitted from not serving in the presidency for 8 consecutive years but having served in the office already. By serving as President previously, he has an awareness of what he can do, what he cannot, and what he might be able to do.

Clearly, too, there are polar opposite reactions to his activity. Some are deeply concerned, even fearful. Some are deeply satisfied, even gleeful. While there indeed seems a majority that lies more quietly in the middle, one of the things currently accompanying the reactions is a sharp rebuke (which varies in intensity) of those who do not share identical perspective.

Oh, how the pendulum swings… hotter rhetoric, increased frustration and shakier belief. We hear it. We see it. We feel it now.

We’ve watched the variegated reaction to some of the proposed budget cuts — especially for federal employees and foreign aid — and thank you to the many who have reached out, respectfully sharing your reality in ways that are hard and in ways that are commending. It’s important not to fall prey to ignoring the variance in reaction — thinking this is all good or all bad. It’s indeed tricky, as it affects different people differently.

In regard to that aid, note that the U.S. government is the single largest aid donor in the world. According to the United Nations, the U.S. accounts for 40% of all human aid. The U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) has been the American government’s primary foreign aid agency since 1961, distributing billions of dollars annually to over 100 countries, supporting all sorts of efforts such as disaster relief, healthcare, democracy promotion and more. The categories of aid “can be somewhat opaque and the lines between them blurry,” however, reports Pew Research Center in a summation released last week. Hence, it’s logical that Americans would have mixed views on foreign assistance. My semi-educated guess is that those views depend on the awareness/prioritization of three merging factors: (1) compassion for those in need in other countries, (2) unmet needs here at home, and (3) what the expenditures actually are.

Reading and watching the more objective accounts as to what’s included in current USAID spending (which means no ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, NBC, NPR, New York Post, New York Times and more), it’s clear that there are good things included in our aid — and some that are indeed questionable. My understanding is that after the current review, the government will reimburse those programs which are approved and they will thus resume. We will be watching what this is — and what it’s not.

While we attempt, no less, to avoid a reaction that blinds us to the simultaneous existence of the good, bad and questionable, we should note, too, that the U.S. has a national debt that grows by an approximate $1 trillion every 100 days. It currently increases by $6.6 billion daily. In other words, for foreign aid, we are borrowing the money we are giving away. Let that reality not cause us to ignore merging factor #1 of compassion for those in need, but let us also acknowledge the unmet needs and what the expenditures actually are.

Blessings, friends. May we strive to respect and listen to all. May we recognize the impact of the pendulum swing.

Respectfully…

AR

Some things unite us. Today is one of those days (even if it’s only the commercials).

Hence, some interesting tidbits and facts that may or may not be related to the actual sport…

The very first Super Bowl wasn’t called the “Super Bowl,” and it also featured the Kansas City Chiefs. It was 1967 and they would not be victorious, losing to the Green Bay Packers, led by the oft quotable Vince Lombardi.

It was Chiefs owner Lamar Hunt, who first coined the term “Super Bowl,” which became the official moniker with the game’s third annual installment.  

Roman numerals to identify the Super Bowl began with its fifth edition. There has been one exception since, when in 2016 the game was referred to as “Super Bowl 50.”

In Super Bowl VI, Pres. Richard Nixon drew up a play for Dolphin’s head coach Don Shula, suggesting a passing route for receiver Paul Warfield. Tom Landry’s Cowboys stifled the play, refusing to get beat by a president’s executive order.

Pres. Trump will resume the presidential Super Bowl interview tradition. The tradition began in 2004 with CBS and Pres. George W. Bush. Trump will also be the first sitting US President to attend the game.

Approximately 120 million people are expected to watch the Super Bowl live this year.

According to the United Food and Commercial Workers Union, this Sunday in February is the second-highest day of food consumption in the US — behind only Thanksgiving. While I’m uncertain how exactly they obtain this data, the most popular game-day delicacies are pizza, spinach artichoke dip, buffalo chicken dip and chicken wings. It’s estimated that 1.45 billion chicken wings are consumed on Super Bowl Sunday. (On the healthier side, 304 million pounds of avocados will be purchased, presumably to add guacamole to the table.)

To the victor comes many things, one of which is an ornate, celebratory ring. On average, these rings cost $30,000–$50,000 per ring, although the Giants were so excited in winning XXV that their rings cost $230,000 each.

The least expensive ticket today costs $5,258. Tickets to the very first Super Bowl cost between $6 to $12. Adjusting for inflation, that equates to approximately $57 to $115 today.

As for the television market for the two teams involved, Philadelphia is now the fifth largest TV market and Kansas City ranks 33rd.

Andy Reid, current coach of Kansas City, is the winningest head coach for both teams.

12 NFL teams have never won the Super Bowl: the Browns, Bills, Chargers, Bengals (who dey), Cardinals, Falcons, Lions, Jaguars, Panthers, Texans, Titans, and Vikings. 4 teams — the Browns, Jaguars, Lions, and Texans — have never even made it to the championship game.

The Minnesota Vikings have played in 4 Super Bowls but have never held a lead. 

The commercials are always a highlight. Reports are that a 30 second ad this year originally cost $7 million. The last ten 30 second slots available reached a record $8 million each.

Halftime celebrity performers are not paid for their performance, but the exposure is reportedly worth millions.

A new trend is featuring multiple celebrities in Super Bowl commercials, with brands attempting to appeal to a broader audience.

When last year’s Super Bowl went into OT, CBS was estimated to have earned an additional $695 million in ad revenue.

There’s something to “The Taylor Swift Effect,” with the pop singer dating Chief’s tight end Travis Kelce. With their relationship going public last year, there was a reported growth of over 24% in female viewers ages 18-24. (Wonder what would happen if Kelce proposed on field after a potential KC victory…)

Time for Super Bowl LIX, played at Caesars Superdome in New Orleans this weekend… always love things that have the potential to unite us.

Respectfully… (go Bengals go…)

AR

[Intramuralist note: With the statistics quoted above, note that sources included Business Insider, Crescent City Sports, Forbes, iSpot, Parade Magazine, Readers Digest, and Wikipedia.]

With its origins dating back to 1915 when historian and author Dr. Carter G. Woodson founded the Association for the Study of Negro Life and History and later initiated the first Negro History Week, Black History Month has been nationally recognized in this country since Pres. Ford’s official message in 1976. Note that it was Dr. Woodson who selected the initial week in February, as it included the birthdays of both Abraham Lincoln and Frederick Douglass, each of whom had a central, significant role in the progress of black Americans.

Black History Month is a time to remember important people and events. We acknowledge the struggles African-Americans have faced, including the grievous, unprecedented, national stain of slavery. I will never understand a society where such a heinous act of oppression is justified, encouraged or accepted. It’s simply incomprehensible that this was an accepted way of life in so many countries for so long.

As for this month, no less, we celebrate the momentous contributions African-Americans have made to the core fabric of our society. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. certainly stands out… so many more… Muhammad Ali, Maya Angelou, Arthur Ashe, Simone Biles, Kobe Bryant, Steph Curry, George Washington Carver, TD Jakes, Lisa Leslie, Barack Obama, Rosa Parks, Condoleezza Rice, Jackie Robinson, Deion Sanders, Priscilla Shirer, Harriet Tubman, Serena Williams, in a mere handful of whom have been especially meaningful to me. 

The reality is that the more I learn, the more I realize how much more there is to know. And… how much more there is to learn from people other than me.

In both my personal pursuit and outward encouragement to love our neighbor well — recognizing that our “neighbor” is anyone put in our path — not just those who act/think/look/vote like us — I believe in sitting at the feet of others… listening… learning… being still… offering generous honor and respect. I can’t say it enough; there is so much we don’t know. Said reality should implore our perpetual humility.

Thus as I continue to grow via reading, researching, investing in meaningful relationship, one thing that’s become exceedingly clear is how faith has been central to the black experience. There are countless threads woven within the African-American experience, threads that became a lifeline, an incomparable source of strength during the worst of times. I think of Bryan Loritts, pastor, author and founder of the Kainos Movement, an organization committed to seeing the multi-ethnic church become the new normal. He is also an Intramuralist favorite.

According to the research professionals at Barna Group, “over three-quarters of Black adults (79%) agree that to understand the African American experience, it is necessary to understand the role of religious faith in the lives of Black people. Loritts agrees that this data lines up with his own personal experience, adding, ‘When you are in a situation where, historically, there’s been a motif of struggle and oppression, Christianity doesn’t just become something nice for you. It becomes something necessary.’”

Nice vs. necessary.

Let us say more…

“To feel the presence of the Lord is an amazing thing.” — Lisa Leslie

“There’s nothing like faith in God to help a fellow who gets booted around once in a while.” — Jackie Robinson

“To this day I believe we are here on earth to live, grow, and do what we can to make this world a better place for all people to enjoy freedom. As a child I learned from the Bible to trust in God and not be afraid. And I felt the Lord would give me the strength to endure whatever I had to face.” — Rosa Parks

This blog is too simple, not enough. We have so much more to learn from other people. This blog is merely a sincere, incomplete encouragement to do so…

Nice vs. necessary…

Respectfully…

AR

Fortunately or unfortunately, every now and then we need something to shock us back into remembering that which is most important. 

Definitely unfortunately, often what shocks us into remembrance is tragedy. 

One of those moments horrifically occurred Wednesday night. We are still reeling from the shocking reality.

64 people on an American Airlines flight. 3 soldiers aboard an Army helicopter. All plunged to their deaths in the Potomac River, in a tragic aviation disaster.

Colliding midair in the night’s clear skies, calm conditions, it’s hard to comprehend how it happened. There’s an investigation yet to happen. Error by the helicopter pilot seems significant at this preliminary point. There’s a lot, though, that we still don’t know.

What we do know is that today some wake up without their parents. Others without their kids. That goes for spouses, fiancees, friends and co-workers, too. In an instant, life is different. With no notice whatsoever, grief is the overwhelming reality.

I think of the families involved. How awful. I wonder. What do we do when all else crumbles to the ground?

Today, we remember what’s most important. And to get to what’s most important, we recognize that which is not so good and right and true… 

Like many I am saddened by the mistreatment of others.

Like many I am saddened by the judgment and lack of honor so prominent in society.

Like many I am saddened by those who choose not to love their neighbor well.

Like many I am saddened by those who minimize who their neighbor may be.

Like many I am saddened by our collective lack of humility.

Like many I am sad.

When tragedy happens, we’re hopefully a little more in touch with our sadness… we’re hopefully a little less judgmental… and we’re hopefully a little kinder to all others, whether they agree with us or not, think like us or not, are in the same circles as us or not.

For me when I think of those whose lives have crumbled to the ground this week, I wish for something deeper… something authentic… and something to meet them in their grief…

I think of ancient Ishmael — both historically significant and included in the first line of Herman Melville’s classic, Moby Dick. Ishmael comes from the Old Testament, the babe born to Hagar, the Egyptian handmaiden who slept with Abraham when Sarah attempted to take God’s promise of a son into her own hands. When Hagar is pregnant, she becomes despised by Sarah; she flees. No one comes after her. No one follows. Hagar is heartbroken, alone in the depths of her grief.

To whom then God actually speaks… and two significant, life-giving things occur in their conversation.

One, he says Hagar shall name her son “Ishmael,” meaning God hears. 

And two, she says back that you are “El Roi,” meaning the God who sees me.

All of life changes when we prioritize reflecting on being heard and seen by the great big God of the universe. It makes us humbler, kinder, more secure, more honoring, and less inclined to blame other people. It reminds us who we are and who that neighbor is, too.

I have few words for this week’s accident. It’s heartbreaking and awful.

I am also stoically grateful for the reminder of what’s most important, tragic as it may be.

Soberly…

AR