intramuralist ™

Call us obstinate if you must, but the Intramuralist will always advocate for what is wiser. We will not/cannot accept leaks, tweets, and agenda-driven news as providing an accurate, complete perspective; they do not. When we witness scenarios such as last weekend’s apology by Northwestern University’s student paper for actually covering an event because their reporting made some upset and/or feel unsafe, we can see how so much news isn’t really news. The media is part of the problem.

Hence, as we examine the evolution of the media’s behavior, which too often only fuels the rage and lack of objectivity, I was encouraged by the recent report of John Gable, the CEO and founder of AllSides.com (note: all emphasis mine):

“Despite the overwhelming division and non-stop crisis apparent in the media — from impeachment to Syria to threats to our democratic institutions — it’s not all doom and gloom. We’ve got some good news — news so core to our mission that we decided to share with all of our friends supporting AllSides.

People are demanding something better than partisan media slant, hyped outrage and hateful discourse that divides us. We are seeing shifts in the American public overall and a surge of interest in AllSides that we think bode well for the health of our nation. Here are some quick highlights: 

Surging demand for balanced news…

Traffic to AllSides.com grew 42% last month alone, and 39% the month before that. During these same two months, traffic to traditional online media outlets dropped slightly.

Pew Research shows growth in demand for balanced news. According to Pew, 78% of Americans prefer news from a source that doesn’t have a particular partisan slant. This is a dramatic increase from a 2012 survey that found 64% prefer news without a particular point of view.

Members of multi-partisan focus groups ‘literally jumped out of their seats’ with excitement after seeing news presented in the way AllSides has spearheaded, showing multiple perspectives and the outlet’s bias.

Desire — and opportunity — for civility and respectful discourse…

93% of Americans see incivility as a problem; 68% think it is at a crisis level.

Mismatch by AllSides provides a refreshing alternative. Purpose-built to foster human connection and respectful dialogue, Mismatch is our online conversation platform that was successfully tested with over 300 students from 14 U.S. states this Spring.

AllSides and our partners will bring civil dialogue to the entire nation. A joint project with partners like Living Room Conversations, National Conversation Project and the National Institute for Civil Discourse will provide a desperately needed alternative to the nasty discourse we are sure to see in 2020.

Growth in media literacy and civic education…

Our new guide, 11 Types of Media Bias, was hot, driving our single biggest day of traffic all year. We received an onslaught of positive feedback not just from teachers and students, but from adults of all ages.

Our schools program continues to grow dramatically — we now service about 20,000 students and teachers every week in all 50 states. Civic and media literacy education is taking off across the nation. Our new schools website, programs and partnerships (with Close Up Foundation, the Gilder-Lehrman Institute, and others) provide news literacy, conversation skills and critical thinking for the next generation.

Schools in 28 states have already signed up for Mismatch this semester. Last June, we conducted a Mismatch beta test with over 300 students in 14 states; 92% said they would sign up for Mismatch again, and 83% felt it helped them to appreciate different perspectives after just one conversation.”

Oh, how I love this… oh, how it’s different from current conversation. Allow me to go back to AllSides…

“From the earliest days at AllSides, we struggled with how to describe ourselves. Are we a technology company, media service, or a movement? The truth is, we are all of these things. AllSides is dedicated to strengthening our democracy by freeing people from filter bubbles so they can better understand the world — and each other. We are creating a stronger democratic society and democratic republic.”

Freeing people from filter bubbles… what a fantastic ambition! Are you free?! Ready to help “foster human connection and respectful dialogue”?

Says AllSides once more…

“We are all in this together.”

Oh, indeed we are… may we continue to advocate for what is wiser.

Respectfully,

AR

As we sometimes do, allowing for a minimized-bias, rapid-fire approach, here is the week in questions — 35 of them to be exact (p.s. it’s an easy, insightful way to read)…

Do Americans Support Impeaching Trump?

What, Exactly, Is President Trump’s ‘High Crime’ Here?

In ‘Woke’ Era, Is Scandal Coverage Tied to Accused’s Politics?

The Phrase ‘OK, Boomer’: Justified or Not?

Could The Warriors Pull Off A One-Year Tank?

A 2020 Dropout Draft: Who Will Leave Before The December Debate?

The Nationals Went All In On Just A Few Great Pitchers. Will Others Do The Same?

A Bevin-Beshear recount?

What Did We Vote for Yesterday?

Will Uncle Sam Force Big Tech to Break Up?

College Football’s Champions Aren’t in Top 4 of the Playoff Rankings. Why?

Is California Becoming Premodern?

Should We Give California or Texas Back?

Are Electric Cars Good for the Environment?

Trump Pokes Fun at Himself. Why Do Only Some See It?

Can Warren Actually Avoid Taxing the Middle Class?

Why Are CEOs Resigning In Record Numbers?

Why Can’t Hall-of-Fame QB John Elway Find One for the Broncos?

Is Hillary Clinton Set for a White House Run?

Why Does the Left Keep Discounting Trump’s Economy?

Is the Global Dollar in Jeopardy?

Why Are So Many Countries Witnessing Mass Protests?

Tulsi Gabbard Clashes With Joy Behar: Are You Calling Me ‘Stupid’?

For US veterans, what does it mean to heal a moral injury?

Can Empathic Concern Actually Increase Political Polarization?

Is Kanye West’s Conversion to Christ for Real?

Is Democracy in Danger in the Information Age?

Weren’t We Told Democracy Dies in Darkness?

Will Great Britain Become Little England?

Can the American Experiment Survive Donald Trump?

Should the Ukraine Whistleblower’s Identity be Protected?

Did the Biden Family Think America Was for Sale?

What You Pay the Government…Is It Worth It?

Holiday Sales Outlook: Just In Time, or Too Late to Matter?

Will a Late Entry Scramble the Democratic Primary?

Would you share your views of Donald Trump over dinner?

… As said many times, the question is my favorite punctuation piece. Why? Because it’s the only punctuation mark that merits a response. What a beautiful thing if we all asked more questions.

Ah, yes… the news in Q’s…

Respectfully…

AR

There are many stories in the news these days that seem too much, too biased, and too unworthy of our attention. The following is not one of them. Be prepared; there’s a key detail at the end. Written by John Peragine in Saturday’s New York Times…

“Stacy Perez never could have imagined turning to a food bank to feed her family. Ms. Perez, 43, a surgical nurse, and her husband, Alfredo, 42, a welder at a factory that makes steel castings, had built a good, stable life for themselves and their four children. But on June 3, 2015, all of that changed in an instant.

Ms. Perez, who was on maternity leave after the birth of her daughter, had just made arrangements with her manager to return to work the next week when her phone rang. Her son Cruz had been badly injured in an accident. Cruz, 14, had been out with his cousin, going door to door raising money for his baseball team. He was crossing a street on his bike when he was struck by a car.

‘When I arrived and saw the ways his arms were moving and the amount of blood on his head, I knew he had a traumatic brain injury,’ Ms. Perez recalled. She rode with him in the ambulance to the hospital where she worked, but his injuries were so serious that he was airlifted to the University of Iowa Stead Family Children’s Hospital in Iowa City, about 60 miles to the west.

After Cruz underwent emergency surgery, the doctors told the family that they had done everything possible and that it would be touch and go. Even if Cruz survived, they were told, he would be in a vegetative state. Ms. Perez refused to accept this. ‘Today’s diagnosis is not tomorrow’s prognosis,’ she said in a recent interview.

And yet, the severity of Cruz’s injuries and his need for round-the-clock care forced the family to make difficult decisions. Ms. Perez indefinitely delayed her return to work, and her husband took a leave from his job. The family had some short-term disability insurance, but their finances would be tight.

Cruz’s rehabilitation was difficult, and slow. He was released from the children’s hospital after about three weeks and was transferred to an inpatient rehabilitation center closer to home. During this time, Stacy was breastfeeding her baby, Olivia, and taking care of their other sons, Marcos, now 21, and Santos, 16.

Cruz returned home in August 2015, but his rehabilitation routine did not allow Stacy to return to work. ‘Cruz had therapy appointments three times a day,’ she said, ‘and there were trips to Iowa City weekly. I had to do everything for Cruz. He had to learn to talk, walk and eat. It became my life.’

Mr. Perez returned to his job at the steel castings factory, picking up as many hours as he could. His annual income of about $46,000 was too high for the family to qualify for food stamps or Supplemental Security Income, and they struggled to pay their bills. For three years, Stacy stayed home to take care of Cruz. She was torn between the responsibility she felt to solve the family’s financial problems and her pride, which made her reluctant to accept help. Plenty of other people were more needy than they were, she thought. ‘I cooked a lot of beans, rice and pasta during that time,’ she said. A neighbor often stopped by to check on the family, bringing food because he knew they could use it. Often, Ms. Perez would hide when she saw him coming because she was too proud to accept the food.

The neighbor encouraged Ms. Perez to visit the River Bend Foodbank, which distributes about 17 million meals a year from a warehouse on Davenport’s South Side. It is among 200 food banks and about 60,000 food pantries affiliated with Feeding America…

After some prodding, Ms. Perez agreed to check it out. She arrived to find shelves of food stacked to the ceiling. ‘I was conflicted because I did not want a handout,’ she said. ‘It was really hard to accept assistance, and I wanted to give a lot of the food back.’

When she returned home, she said, her children’s faces lit up when they saw all the food. At that moment, she knew she had made the right decision. ‘Having that food gave my children hope,’ she said. ‘People don’t realize the impact a trauma can have on a family. It affects everyone. Having food line our cabinets again meant there was light at the other side of what he had been through.’

Ms. Perez and her family returned to the food bank at least once a month for five months, and things began to get better. She began making tamales, using a family recipe, and bringing them to a local homeless shelter. Word got around about the tamales, and her friends started ordering them. Ms. Perez began selling them at bars and became known locally as the ‘tamale girl.’

Ms. Perez returned to work about six months ago, juggling a pair of full-time nursing jobs. She and her husband would love to own a home, and she is working extra hours to save for a down payment.

Cruz, now 19, fared much better than his doctors initially predicted. He graduated on time with his high school class and now attends Project Search at Saint Ambrose University, where he is learning life skills so he can live independently. He still suffers from seizures and needs regular monitoring, medication and treatment.

Ms. Perez does not make as many tamales these days, although people continue to ask for them. And she is grateful for the River Bend Foodbank, which she said she had not known about ‘until I needed it’…”

What a great story… what great work… what a way to make a difference, offering hope to another.

My brother, Mike, serves as the President & CEO of the aforementioned food bank. He has taught me much, especially how we can solve hunger and care for those in need. It starts, no less, by working together. What a positive difference we make, friends, when we learn to work together.

Respectfully…

AR

[Note: to learn more about River Bend Foodbank, see www.riverbendfoodbank.org. To find your local food bank, go to feedingamerica.org.].

After a years-long hunt, the leader of the Islamic State terrorist group (ISIS/ISIL), Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, was cornered and then killed (himself). Wikipedia describes him as follows: “Baghdadi would become directly involved in ISIL’s atrocities and human rights violations. These include genocide of Yazidis in Iraq, extensive sex slavery, organized rape, floggings, and systematic executions. He directed terrorist activities and massacres. He embraced brutality as part of the organization’s propaganda efforts, producing videos displaying mass crucifixions, sex slavery and executions via hacking, stoning, and burning.” He was a man motivated by evil.

Let us never pay more attention to evil than to good.

In that light…

The U.S. military operation tasked to find Baghdadi was dedicated to Kayla Mueller, a 26 year old woman who was kidnapped, raped, tortured, and eventually killed by the terrorist group. She had been abducted in August of 2013, with her death reported in 2015; her body has never been recovered.

While in captivity, Mueller penned the following, amazing (in my opinion) letter to her parents…

“… I wanted to write you all a well thought out letter (but I didn’t know if my cell mates would be leaving in the coming days or the coming months, restricting my time but primarily, I could only but write the letter a paragraph at a time), just the thought of you all sends me into a lot of tears.

If you could say I have ‘suffered’ at all throughout this whole experience, it is only in knowing how much suffering I have put you all through. I will never ask you to forgive me as I do not deserve your forgiveness. I remember mom always telling me that all in all + in the end, the only one you really have is God. I have come to a place in this experience where, in every sense of the word, I have surrendered myself to our creator because literally there was no one else… + by God + by your prayers I have felt tenderly cradled in free fall. I have been shown in darkness, light & have learned that even in prison, one can be free. I am grateful.

I have come to see that there is good in every situation; sometimes we just have to look for it. I pray each day that if nothing else, you have felt a certain closeness & surrender to God as well & have formed a bond of love & support amongst one another… I miss you all as if it has been a decade of forced separation. I have had many a long hour to think… I have had many hours to think how only in your absence have I finally @ 25 years old come to realize your place in my life. The gift that is each one of you & the person I could & could not be if you were not a part of my life, my family, my support. I DO NOT want the negotiations for my release to be your duty; if there is any other option, take it, even if it takes more time. This should never have become your burden.

I have asked these women to support you; please seek their advice. If you have not done so already… 

None of us could have known it would be this long, but know I am also fighting from my side in the ways I am able & I have a lot of fight left inside of me. I am not breaking down & I will not give in no matter how long it takes.

I wrote a song some months ago that says ‘the part of me that pains the most also gets me out of bed, without your hope there would be nothing left.’ aka — the thought of your pain is the source of my own, simultaneously the hope of our reunion is the source of my strength.

Please be patient; give your pain to God. I know you would want me to remain strong; that is exactly what I am doing.

Do not fear for me; continue to pray, as will I & by God’s will we will be together soon.

All my everything, Kayla”

Kayla Mueller died in captivity. In the face of evil, she found something better.

She found strength. She found faith. She was resolute. And her message is good for each of us to soberly remember now.

Rest in peace, young friend. You have wisdom beyond your age.

Respectfully…

AR

Today I’d like to talk about something I’m actually hesitant to talk about. It’s not that the Intramuralist doesn’t have an opinion nor that I believe we cannot discuss respectfully. Rather, it’s that my vantage point is so far away. Time and time again, we witness those around us (maybe even us) become firmly entrenched in staunch, passionate opinions, failing, no less, to realize that our vantage point is so far away, that we are actually incapable of having a fully accurate perspective. My sense is many of our conversations would be better — and more solution-oriented — if we were willing to admit that our opinion has been formed from very far away.

Hence, noting our very removed perspective in the following incident that made some headlines this week, there are two concluding questions that seem wise for us to ask. Let’s see if we can do this well…

Meet James Younger. He is a 7 year old twin brother, whose parents are involved in a significant, contentious custody battle. The primary reason for the contention is that his mother wishes to raise him instead as a girl. 

Anne Georgulas and Jeffrey Younger were married for 4 years before having their marriage annulled in 2016. They have been fighting in a Dallas family court for more than 2 years over the conservatorship of James.

Georgulas is a pediatrician in private practice. She believes James has gender dysphoria and thus should be raised now as a transgender girl. Georgulas calls her son, “Luna.” In a released video recording of James at 3, James states that he is a girl because his mother told him so and has him wear dresses and finger nail polish.

Younger is a mathematician. He believes his ex-wife has “manipulated” James into a “false gender self-identity” and thus opposes the child’s gender transition.

On Tuesday of last week, a jury ruled 11 to 1 that Georgulas has the sole right to make all medical and psychological decisions for James and his brother, Jude. On Thursday, however, after significant state and national outrage, a judge reinstated “Joint Managing Conservatorship,” meaning both Georgulas and Younger must be involved in decisions about their kids’ medical and psychological care.

First and foremost, I find my heart grieving for young James. Remember James is 7 years old. 7 year olds have just mastered learning to ride their bike. Typically in second grade, they are beginning to understand how numbers fit together; they’re more solidified on left and right and how to read a clock; and they often really look forward to recess and lunch. They are not adults, and according to the medically adopted stages of child development, they are just now beginning to demonstrate logical, concrete reasoning. Logical reasoning is not indicative of 7 nor especially not 3 year olds.

How confusing.

I often think of how confusing even our teenagers are, trying to find their identity… trying to find how they fit… trying to find a way to navigate through life in a healthy way, with massive hormonal changes, in a culture that’s way too full of social media, comparison, and too-often-encouraged self-absorption. As written in Psychology Today, “One of the important things to remember is that what a teen does and is exposed to during this critical time in life, has a large influence on the teen’s future, because experience and current needs shape the pruning and sprouting process in the brain.” Hence, with so many unhealthy influences coercing our kids, how can they not be confused? And that’s teenagers. 

Thus remembering we are so far removed from the Younger situation — and that we are incapable of having a fully accurate perspective — I find myself wrestling with two questions…

First, if a parent wants a child to be a different gender — I ask sincerely — is that abuse?

And second, what’s the role of the state? In a situation like this, is it appropriate for the government to intervene and terminate the authority of either parent? 

Who, friends, has the most authority for our kids?

(God help us. We need it. Did I mention this is confusing?)

Respectfully…

AR

Everyone needs wise others to speak into their life to sharpen, encourage, and inspire. My good friend, Collin, is one of those pivotal people for me. As we sat together last weekend, we found ourselves toying with current culture… what’s healthy… what’s not… how do we navigate through? Collin always encourages what’s better…

Let’s talk about honor. People mistake what it is.

While honor means to place value on or highly regard, honor is nothing short of humility in action.

When you’re honoring another it’s not that you are thinking less of yourself. Consistent with humility, it means thinking about yourself less. We should be outdoing one another in our intentional expressions of honor.

But there’s a huge challenge obstructing each of us.

The challenge is that we don’t live in a culture of honor. In fact, strikingly sadly, we live in a culture in which the manifestation of humility is not taught or encouraged.

No, we live in a culture of contempt… contempt!

We live in a culture that encourages us to see others not only as wrong — but as worthless.

Think about that for a minute. Worthless.

“A culture of contempt presents us with a false choice — that we have to choose between strong beliefs and close relationships,” writes Arthur Brooks, the Harvard professor. 

We’ve set up this whole narrative of false choices, choices that allow us to see another person as worthless or actually deserving of our scorn. For example…

If you support Black Lives Matter, you hate cops. That’s a false choice.

If you take a knee during the National Anthem, you are anti-patriotic. Again, false choice.

If you are against taking a knee, you are anti-civil rights. False choice.

If you voted for _____, you must be _____. Fill in the blank with whoever/whatever you wish; it’s still a false choice.

A culture of contempt is sustained by a narrative of false choices.

When Ellen DeGeneres and former Pres. George W. Bush enjoyed an NFL game together a week ago — as discussed on the Intramuralist — the reason for the resulting social media outrage was the existence of this culture of contempt. A culture of honor instead allows for differences to thrive.

So why do we honor? 

We honor because all men and women are created equal. We are crafted by our Creator. In other words, whether we realize it or not, God’s image and signature is on every person… on us… on everybody else… even when they don’t think, look or love like us.

How to we honor?

We honor intentionally. Are you purposeful about valuing and esteeming others around you?

We honor generously. Are you generous with your words? … resources, service, and affection? Do you ever intentionally withhold one, some, or all of the above because you think the other is undeserving? That’s not honor. And make no mistake about it; we cannot honor God when we are dishonoring the people he created. (Maybe read that sentence again.)

We also honor humbly. Are you willing to feel a little awkward to show honor to someone else? Remember: this is humility in action.

Oh, how much better our neighborhoods, workplaces, families and social media hangouts would be if we attempted to outdo each other with honor… if we contemplated what we said and how we said it … if we stopped slamming anyone on social media… if we stopped avoiding or not talking to… but instead engaged in honoring interactions… if we put humility in action.

It’s not going to happen until we decide to do it in our individual communities; it starts with you and me.

So…

Who do each of us need to start honoring?

Respectfully…

AR

“Pick a side — any side” is the dangling societal lure.

One of the Intramuralist’s aims is to always promote what’s better. With last week’s sudden passing of the honorable, Rep. Elijah Cummings, if we paused, if we actually took the time, cleared the noise, turned off the TV, we again have opportunity to see something better…

“There was no stronger advocate and no better friend than Elijah Cummings. I am heartbroken for his wonderful family and staff — please pray for them. I will miss him dearly.” 

“Saddened to learn of the passing of @RepCummings this morning. In my time working with him, he was upfront, gracious, & caring… God bless you, faithful servant…” 

“Very sad to learn that my colleague Rep. Elijah Cummings has passed away. He leaves a legacy as a determined public servant and strong fighter for civil rights.”

Cummings was an avowed Democrat. Each and all of the above were shared by members of the so-called other “side,” respectfully, from Republican Representatives Mark Meadows, Chip Roy, and Steve Scalise.

As tributes have continued to roll in from all “sides” these past few days, perhaps most poignant to me were the words of former Rep. Trey Gowdy, an ardent, conservative man who like Cummings, is known for the vehement expression of his conviction. I will not soon forget their much publicized 2015 argument, when the two of them, who were the top committee members on the House Select Committee on Benghazi, in front of a silent Hillary Clinton, went back-and-forth for multiple minutes, mostly just screaming at each other.

This week, no less, Gowdy contributed an op-ed piece in The Washington Post and tweeted at length about Cummings. Wrote Gowdy…

“Elijah Cummings was one of the most powerful, beautiful & compelling voices in American politics. The power and the beauty came from his authenticity, his conviction, the sincerity with which he held his beliefs…

We never had a cross word outside of a committee room. He had a unique ability to separate the personal from the work. The story of Elijah’s life would benefit everyone, regardless of political ideation.

He was my friend, and it is that part of life working with Elijah that I will remember and cherish the best and the longest…

Members of Congress don’t always give advice to (or take advice from) one another. Most don’t have the kind of relationship where you can, but we did.

We did because we tried to understand where the other had come from, what made us who we were, why we believed what we believed…”

Gowdy’s op-ed was entitled, “Elijah Cummings and I were political opponents. We were also good friends.” 

Having watched the men (and more) bicker before the camera, most would not have known the depth of Cummings and Gowdy’s friendship. Most would not have guessed that each was sincerely intentional in understanding why the other believed what he believed.

Hence, one of the emerging insights from the week is that what we are witnessing on TV are just snippets… snippets. Snippets do not form an authentic narrative.

Wrote The Atlantic: “The story of the veteran lawmaker is one more example of how, in Washington, appearances deceive, and public performances and private relationships often diverge.”

One of the deceiving appearances in Washington is this need to pick a side. The danger in the side-picking, though, is that it fools us into thinking we no longer need to work at trying to understand why another believes what they believe.

My sense is that Cummings and Gowdy knew that. They knew what’s better.

Respectfully…

AR

A little over a week ago, the Twitter-verse decided to hear themselves talk after gifted comedienne, Ellen DeGeneres, was photographed hanging out at an NFL game with former Pres. George W. Bush. Noting the attention that included both generous commendation and condemnation, DeGeneres responded further the next day by saying, “When I say be kind to one another, I don’t mean only the people that think the same way you do. I mean be kind to everyone.”

Multiple celebrities responded [all emphasis mine]…

From Blake Shelton: “Amen… thank you for saying this.”

From Jamie Foxx: “Thank uuu very much for that!!!! Soooo needed and necessary.”

Reese Witherspoon, Gwen Stefani, Kristen Bell and many more supportively weighed in. Others, however, responded strikingly, differently…

From Mark Ruffalo: “Sorry, until George W. Bush is brought to justice for the crimes of the Iraq War, (including American-lead torture, Iraqi deaths & displacement, and the deep scars — emotional & otherwise — inflicted on our military that served his folly), we can’t even begin to talk about kindness.”

From Susan Sarandon: “But missing the point entirely, DeGeneres framed the issue as simply a matter of her hanging out with someone with different opinions, not a man repeatedly accused of being a war criminal.”

Far more than Ruffalo and Sarandon — many others who do not even know DeGeneres — took time to judge her from afar (… amazing how generous we can be with our judgment… especially when we don’t really know someone).

ABC’s “The View” responded with the following question: “Should you be friends with someone you disagree with politically?” And they disagreed.

Co-host Joy Behar actually inserted, “I’ve always said I didn’t want to get to know George W. Bush, because I knew I would like him.”

Friends, do we see what’s happening?

Very intelligent people are struggling with basic moral questions…

Is it ok to be kind?

And many are justifying “no.”

When wrestling with the puzzling reason behind the refusal, in my semi-humble sense, it’s because we’ve got the order wrong.

If we actually got to know people first — and if we started to actually like them — to see that they aren’t evil, they aren’t stupid, and there is no way they are totally nuts, then we might actually have to wrestle with our own thinking — and why we are different. But we instead insulate ourselves with likeminded opinion so that we never have to allow our thinking to be seriously challenged. Many of the intelligent among us are unwilling to allow their thinking to be challenged. 

And in that process, we…

… refuse kindness…

… question forgiveness…

… and forgo relationship.

So what if we changed up the order? What if we got to know people first? What if we really got to know them (and put the disrespectful tweets and status updates away)? What if we could actually see the wisdom in Ellen’s words?

Music icon Elton John weighed in on Monday…

“George Bush has made a lot of mistakes. I made a lot of mistakes. Ellen DeGeneres has made a lot of mistakes… Yes, there were things that he’s — decisions were made. But they’ve been made by Democratic presidents and Republican presidents [too]… I admire Ellen for standing up and saying what she did.”

Notice the humility in the singer’s statement. It amazes me how in humility, it is far easier to extend kindness. When we instead refuse humility — when we refuse to respect, to interact with, or to even attempt to like those who are different — we are more prone to insulating judgment. 

Something, friends, seems wrong with that. If “we can’t even begin to talk about kindness,” something seems unwise and less fruitful in us.

Respectfully…

AR

A little over a year ago, after a long day, off duty police officer Amber Guyger walked into the apartment of her unarmed neighbor, Botham Jean, mistakenly thinking the apartment was her own. She then wrongly concluded he was an invader in her home.  

She then shot and killed Jean; in fact, at trial, Guyger testified she intended to kill him.

At her recent trial and emotion-packed sentencing, Guyger was sentenced to 10 years behind bars after being convicted of second-degree murder in the state of Texas. 10 years is viewed as somewhat lenient, noting that life in prison was the maximum sentence — and of course, that she intentionally shot and killed an innocent man.

But perhaps the shot most heard around the country was the victims’ impact statement which occurred immediately after sentencing. The victim’s younger brother, 18 year old Brandt Jean, took the stand, and even though many of the onlookers and members of the press had already left the courtroom, Brandt had a most powerful thing to say…

Brandt — a black man — humbly, slowly said to Guyger — a white woman, “If you truly are sorry — I know I can speak for myself — I forgive you. And I know if you go to God and ask Him, He will forgive you. And I don’t think anyone can say it — again, I’m speaking for myself — not even on behalf of my family — but I love you just like anyone else. And I’m not going to say I hope you rot and die just like my brother did, but I, I personally want the best for you…” And then he asked twice if it was ok for him to hug her. He got off the stand. Guyger moved fast to him. The two embraced. You could hear the sobs. They held each other for over a minute.

No doubt forgiveness is a powerful thing.

Brandt Jean made no excuses for Guyger’s awful act. He did not deny the pain nor the wrongdoing. He did not deny that his family had done nothing wrong. He simply chose forgiveness when something different would have been easier.

Following the young man’s example, District Judge Tammy Kemp, who is black, also came down to hug the newly sentenced. “Had you witnessed the person who was hurting as Miss Guyger was,” said Kemp, “I don’t know a person who would have denied her that human contact.” Kemp seems to know that compassion is powerful, even and perhaps especially when undeserved.

What a fascinating scene — what powerful words. I am awed by one who has been so wronged — and by another who administers justice — how they could so unselfishly love on the one responsible for the wrongdoing. They chose mercy; that couldn’t have been easy. But those closest to the crime chose mercy and compassion.

Hear that once more… those who were closer chose mercy and compassion.

Moving farther away, the scene was not the same…

Outside the courtroom, there were protests. There was anger.

Further removed — on social media — there were lambasting taunts…

“How dare they!!” 

Allow me to humbly repeat what the taunt most seems to mean…

How dare they be compassionate.

Notice who is doing the chanting. It’s not those closest to the situation. It’s not those most involved or even most hurt by the wrongdoing. The chants, rants, and aggrieved accusations are coming from those farthest away. Those removed from the situation are hurling their hurt and attempting to project their emotion onto others.

Keen observation today, friends. Anger and outrage often come from places farther away.

That doesn’t seem helpful.

Allow us to learn from those who are closer.

Respectfully…

AR

One of the things that puzzles me is how we react to life…

We can be so flippant, so callous. We can behave or believe as if some lives are better or worth more than others. Every time I fall or see someone seemingly fall into that shallow societal trap, I sense we are clearly missing out on some beauty or blessing specifically designed for us. There is so much to learn when we see no life as different.

One of those nothing-short-of-profound blessings happened eighteen years ago today; please oblige a more personal  —  albeit meaningful  —  post. One of my absolute, most favorite people was born on this day in 2001.

There wasn’t a whole lot of fanfare at the time; in fact, I remember significant worry, as we awaited word of how extensive a life-threatening heart defect would be. I now kind of wonder if the heavenly realms were cheering mightily that day. I couldn’t see it right then. I see more clearly now.

It did take some work to shed some of the initial shock and sting; take the geneticist’s words, for example. I don’t doubt he meant well.

He walked into labor and delivery, no more than an hour after birth, and began with zero salutation. He simply said, “This must be the saddest day of your whole life.”

The blank stare on my face was neither horror nor offense; it simply was a “wow… you don’t get it…” His words made no sense. A chromosomal condition may not be something one prays for, but every child comes with a few unwished for hurdles. Some hurdles are just a little more obvious.

Every birth is a miracle. Every life is a gift. My son is no lesser.

So on birthday number eighteen (a day in which his exuberance cannot come close to being contained — I exaggerate not), allow me to share a little more about my amazing young son…

• He is witty and funny and bright.
• He is engaging and inspiring and is better with people than most.
• He is humble and kind.
• He isn’t judgmental; he doesn’t let crap get in the way of people.
• He likes pizza… and nachos and pretty much anything associated with queso. 
• He finds food to be a bridge to community and connection… (yes, bright, I said).
• He is brave.
• He is inspiring.
• He is adventurous; in fact, he wants to ride pretty much everything at Disney, which is a wee bit more than maybe one or two of his parents.
• He can be stubborn — “determined” is the nicer word.
• He is quick to ask for forgiveness. 
• He loves music, motorcycles, and all things Batman.
• He proudly calls his gold jewelry “ice.”
• He wants to be a pop star.
• He can sing most every song by the up-and-coming boy band “Why Don’t We” and also by Eben, our long-time, adopted family member.
• He loves Zipper, our cat, and Yogi, our dog — but he will quickly admit he loves Zipper more.
• He is good at making videos — especially on Mac’s iMovie; he’s been working on his grad video for 3 years!
• He is also good at XBOX — especially NBA2K and WWE.
• He’s becoming a Buccaneers fan (easier than the Bengals this year).
• He has posters of Steph Curry, Michael Jordan, and Tim Tebow on his wall; much to his “funcle’s” delight, he prob still likes LeBron more.
• He adores and admires his two older brothers.
• He is cherished by them.
• He has a special relationship with his older brothers’ best friends.
• He is treasured, too, by our extended family, who have always been “for” him since the day he was born. 
• He has great friends ranging in age and stage across the country — from New York to Arizona. Of course, his love of the land in Ohio is included along the way.
• He has the gift of encouragement.
• He has the gift of the rap.
• He sings at the bus stop more mornings than not. Loudly.
• His faith is solid and contagious; he likes to sit in the front row at church.
• He has great joy, lots of patience, and one very special extra chromosome. 

In Josh I have learned much. The reality is that because of Josh, I have grown in ways I otherwise would have not…

… through the beauty… through the blessing…

Every life is a gift.

Respectfully…

AR