forks, sharks & bridges

QTrNn7DETWGsjyS5L2n5__MG_8345As we move closer to the more formal pomp and circumstance coming this weekend — and prior to posting our second “Note to the Graduate” — I thought it may be interesting to observe the encouragement others have offered this special time of year. What words do people say to the young men and women now entering adulthood?

I laughed when SNL’s Maya Rudolph encouraged Tulane grads to “take as many bikini photos as you can now” because, well, the body changes. I smiled, as well, at the wisdom Jon Bon Jovi continues to exude, evident in his address at Rutgers University, where he sang, “This isn’t how the story ends, my friends; it’s just a fork along the road.”

I was equally intrigued by the words Meredith Viera shared at Boston University: “Be the left shark. Remember last Super Bowl, when the Patriots won? You may be thinking of Tom Brady’s deflated balls right now, but I’m thinking of Katy Perry’s halftime performance. She was on stage dancing with two sharks. The shark on the right knew every dance move and performed perfectly. But it was the left shark, the one who went rogue and danced to his own crazy beat, who stole the show. So don’t ever be a conformist for convenience’s sake. Be the left shark.”

…the left shark…

I remember Wellesley High School English teacher David McCullough, Jr. who caused a bit of a social media ruckus last year when he encouraged students to not think of themselves more highly than they ought. He added: “If you’ve learned anything in your years here I hope it’s that education should be for, rather than material advantage, the exhilaration of learning.  You’ve learned, too, I hope, as Sophocles assured us, that wisdom is the chief element of happiness.  (Second is ice cream…  just an fyi)  I also hope you’ve learned enough to recognize how little you know… how little you know now… at the moment… for today is just the beginning.  It’s where you go from here that matters.”

(Yes, where they go from here matters…)

I must say, I’m not as keen on candidates or in-office politicians making commencement speeches. There’s too much political posturing and underlying motives that seem less than transparently stated. Something about an Ellen DeGeneres just feels a little more refreshing.

Perhaps my favorite borrowed words, though, come not from the well-deserving, revered lists — lists that always include the speeches of Winston Churchill, John F. Kennedy, and Steve Jobs. I’m instead drawn to the words of a cartoonist, poet, and children’s author — words most likely never penned with graduation in mind. I love the words of Shel Silverstein…

I think of Silverstein’s words as my son’s ceremony nears. I think of them as I reflect upon the past 18 years… where my son has succeeded… where he’s seemingly failed… where he’s learned and grown and picked himself right back up again. I think about my role as a parent… where I’ve succeeded… where I’ve seemingly failed… and where I have learned and grown and picked myself up again. I think about the humbling, awesome responsibility of parenting — and of any who consistently invests in the younger generation.

One aspect which has been clear since birth is that the day would come when these grads would embrace their independence, leave our homes, and become adults. We’ve had the privilege of sharing in their journey — albeit sometimes, no doubt, even getting in the way. We have been their bridge from birth ‘til now. Hence, the words of Silverstein…

“The bridge will only take you halfway there, to those mysterious lands you long to see. Through gypsy camps and swirling Arab fair, and moonlit woods where unicorns run free. So come and walk awhile with me and share the twisting trails and wondrous worlds I’ve known. But this bridge will only take you halfway there. The last few steps you have to take alone.”

The twisting trails together have been a privilege. It’s time for our grads to take the next few steps… maybe even like the left shark… dancing to a crazy beat all their own.

Respectfully…

AR

note to the graduate

unsplash_525d7892901ff_1I’ve thought about this post many times. I’ve known what I wish to convey, but I’m still not certain exactly how to say it. It’s too big… too important… too significant a moment. (It’s so significant I may at least pen a second post!) It’s one of those precious moments in life that you want to embrace, hold so tight, and never let go; you are keenly aware that it will never come again.

My oldest son, Jake, finished high school last week. In a few days, he will don the cap and gown with his 350 some classmates and proudly walk with every bit of pomp and circumstance. I want to embrace the significance of that day. There are some things first I wish to say… to Jake… to each of our graduates…

Be thankful… Just getting to this day is an accomplishment. You had to work hard. Not everyday was your best day, but you are still here. Look around. Give thanks.

Be proud… You should be. Remember that pride and arrogance are not the same thing; don’t make that mistake. It’s ok to be proud as long as your pride doesn’t prompt a looking down on other people.

Be humble… Humility is not weakness; it doesn’t mean being downtrodden or stepped on. Humility simply means that you recognize you always have more to learn and don’t have life all figured out. You don’t. Enjoy and embrace it anyway and always.

Trust in the Lord… Commit to God whatever you wish to do, and he will establish your plans. He will direct your steps. Sometimes those steps will be far different than you ever desired. But if you seek him first, he will bless and care for you.

See life’s hardships as an opportunity to grow… I think one of society’s collective, biggest mistakes is that we work so hard to avoid any potentially painful scenario. I get it; pain hurts. But the reality is that the thorns and hardships in my life have taught me invaluable lessons. Embrace those lessons; don’t run from — or numb — reality. Focus more on the sufficiency of God’s grace than on the removal of the painful thorn.

Don’t get too caught up in this world… Don’t allow this world to determine what is good and true and right. Don’t allow human standards to determine morality. People are imperfect. Look for something better and more. Look for what lasts.

Don’t be dismayed… Precisely because people are imperfect, it’s easy to get disillusioned. Friends, someday, sometime, someone you love will hurt and disappoint you. It’s not because you misjudged them or they’re not who they say they are. Remember: we, too, are imperfect; we, too, will hurt others. Love through it. Learn that perseverance and forgiveness are vital to wisdom.

Remember your roots… While you are about to jet off and accomplish new, great things, never forget from where you came. Your history will be something God uses to promote the humility and thankfulness that will serve you well your entire life.

Love other people well… People who love God know the best way to reflect him is to love who he created. That means loving in sickness and health and for better or worse. That means loving when it isn’t easy or convenient. That means not taking wrongs so personally but loving boldly enough to help steer others away from those wrongs. Keep no record of any offense. Simply love others well. Always.

Give others — and yourself — generous grace… The withholding of grace will only hurt the beholder. Be generous. This is a key to wisdom. We will each make mistakes. We might make several still today. So give yourself grace. Laugh. Grace gives us space to grow.

Be confident… And from here you now go. Whatever’s next. It looks different for each of you, and that’s ok. Be of good courage. Know you can do this.

As a parent, I know I haven’t always conveyed everything as well as I’ve wanted to my sons. I’ve made many errors. I also had never done this parenting thing before. So let me say three more things before another round of “Pomp and Circumstance” begins to play… We love you. We believe in you. And we’re so excited for what’s next!

Blessings… to the Class of 2015. We are proud of you.

Respectfully… indeed…

AR

(Note:  grad post #2 coming soon…)