[From Guest Writer #4 in our annual summer series…]
Picture this scene: You are on your way to work / the doctor’s office / church / your kid’s soccer match / a date / the airport / lunch and the person in front of you is driving at or just below the posted speed limit, which is 40 MPH. The gall! You are already running late because you overslept / you had trouble putting your dog in the crate / you had to change an unexpected diaper / you had to stop to put gas in your car / life. I’m not sure about you, but for me, this plays out in my life on a weekly basis.
Every time I get into my car, I do my best to drive with intent and purpose. I am typically focused on where I am going, the best route to get there, and the Estimated Time of Arrival, especially if I’m using the navigation app on my phone. I’m in my own little galaxy jamming to my awesome 80s alternative rock playlist or I’m chatting with my son / daughter / wife about school / e-sports / scouts / soccer / chores / vacation / work / money / etc. I’m engaged within the confines of my car and keenly aware of the traffic around me at the same time. Full transparency: I am not, however, always in tune with the “things” in my world that might be impacting my mood and emotions. Maybe there was a recent death or illness in the family, perhaps a friend is struggling with an addiction, my spouse and I just had a disagreement, I am worried about my kids, I am just hangry, or a million other things that impact each of us.
Often, I “vent” my frustration about the other drivers, such as someone on their phone that is slow to proceed through a stoplight and I am in jeopardy of missing the green light and then having to sit for an extra 75 seconds, by saying out loud “Come On People!”… as if my urging can be heard or will impact what they do or not do in front of me. My family has become so accustomed to hearing this that every now and then my son will say it for me. But what am I really saying? Underneath it all, I’m saying that my time is more important than theirs or I am more courteous or that my driving is more effective. This is nothing but simple pride. OUCH! This was a difficult pill for me to swallow the first time I really reflected on my attitude.
I consider myself an above-average, considerate, conscientious, observant driver. I endeavor to do things like leave space for drivers entering from side streets, pulling forward if I see that it will make enough space for another car to be able to enter a turn lane or make a turn, moving out of the left lane if someone behind me wants to drive faster than I am, and always using my turn signal. Do I do all of these things 100% of the time… nope. Maybe I’m a tad bit absent minded thinking about the new job my wife has been offered, or maybe I’m thinking about that “thing” that I need to do for work tomorrow, or maybe I’m just daydreaming of my retirement, or fill in the blank about anything else banging around in my subconscious.
When I’m with my 15-year-old son, we often talk about how each person’s driving impacts the other drivers in the immediate area. Over the past year he has blessed me with a few thoughts that have provided me with valuable perspective: 1) you never know what is going on inside of the other cars around you; 2) you never know what is going on inside of the head of the drivers around you; 3) not everyone is comfortable with how to navigate a roundabout.
Unfortunately, not all drivers are “good” drivers. Perhaps they don’t understand the “rules of the interstate,” that slower traffic should vacate the left-most lane if there is space available. Perhaps the driver has only been driving for a few months and is simply not as comfortable behind the wheel as I am after driving for 40 years. Maybe the driver is distracted by a text message, on a Bluetooth phone call, or even holding the phone in their hand. With all this in mind, even if you were the average driver, 50% of the other drivers around you are below average.
Have you ever heard of or read Stephen Covey’s book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People? One of the habits, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood,” encourages the practice of “assuming positive intent” when interacting with others. What this boils down to is if you can choose between the negative or positive intent of someone else’s actions, defer to assuming that everyone has good intentions. Oh… if I could only embrace that more readily while I am in my car… not to mention in my marriage / friendships / family / workplace. This is easier to say than to execute simply because at our core we are all selfish… at least to some degree.
What if every time we got into our cars, we specifically concentrated on being polite? What if we intentionally looked for opportunities to let someone change lanes / merge where there was not actually sufficient space to do so? What if we treated other drivers as if we were having a face-to-face discussion? (I know I am less likely to yell at someone standing in front of me.) What if, instead of using hand gestures, we smiled and gave a friendly wave? What if we extended grace to the driver who cut us off? Does it matter whether it was intentional or not? I suggest it does not. I would also be willing to wager that my blood pressure goes down the more I concentrate on “being nice” to every other driver around me. What could we gain if we took a few seconds to exercise empathy and compassion?
WHAT IF WE TRULY GAVE EVERYONE THE BENEFIT OF DOUBT? EVERYWHERE!!!
Respectfully,
CA
P.S.A. For the benefit of everyone around you, please use your turn signals!