Category: Daily Life

Every now and then I read an editorial I wish I would have written; however, I’m so thankful it’s more than me that shares such an opinion. What’s also true is that I learn from opinion other than my own.

From Lori Borgman…

… an author, columnist, speaker…

Also — dare I say — a person who speaks the truth. In a recent column, here, no less, is the truth she shares:

An “Old West and New West” cartoon shows the “Old West” side with a cowboy holding his hands above his holster, ready to draw. It’s labeled Gunslinger.

The “New West” side shows a man in jeans, T-shirt, and a bandana with globs of mud in both hands and more globs of mud at his feet. It’s labeled Mudslinger.

It would be even funnier if it weren’t so true.

We’ve taken mudslinging to new heights. Make that new lows.

If you don’t like someone’s stand on an issue these days, start calling them names. Fascist is a popular choice, as are racist and bigot. Liar, moron, and homophobe are in the top 10 as well. If none of those do the trick, pull out the big guns – call somebody a Nazi.

The smear has become standard operating procedure. Don’t attack the argument; attack the person espousing the argument.

And we’re the grown-ups. Well, in name at least.

It’s like the entire nation needs a time-out to contemplate incivility.

Ronald Reagan and Tip O’Neill went to the mat in vehement disagreement over policy. They often made witty but disparaging comments about one another (name-calling light). Yet at the close of many work days they sat down for drinks together in the White House.

Today, opposing factions would be more tempted to throw drinks on one another. Our incivility is all-encompassing — from Wal-Mart brawls to both sides of the political spectrum.

The internet and social media have become cesspools of incivility. The pseudo-anonymity of posting online serves as a cover for knee-jerk, brash and reckless. Post now, regret later. Or never. People say things online that they would never say to someone face-to-face. (Hopefully.)
Online media outlets are forced to close the comments section on articles due to incivility of readers’ remarks. Someone posts a comment relative to the article. A second poster questions the IQ of the first poster, a third poster slams the second poster for slamming the first poster and it’s a slugfest.

On Twitter, you can barroom brawl in 144 characters or less.

Incivility shuts guest speakers out of venues on college campuses, places that were once bastions of the free exchange of ideas. Odd, isn’t it? We punish bullying in some quarters but give it free rein in others.

Incivility is why some are contemplating discontinuing Town Halls. You can’t have a public forum when nobody can hear what anybody else is saying over the din of rabble rousers. Those who can crank up the volume the most seem to be winning.

Or are they? When incivility wins, everybody loses. When incivility becomes standard fare, civil people pull back. They want no part. Mudslinging, hurling insults and vitriol are degrading and embarrassing to all.

We don’t have to agree with one another. We don’t even have to like one another. But in the name of survival, we do have to be respectful of one another.

[Amen, sister… amen…]

Respectfully…
AR

Perhaps no one has noticed, but respectful dialogue seems to be increasingly nearing endangered species status. We seem to continuously take turns — albeit not on the Intramuralist (thank God!) — justifying why respect is no longer necessary.

Respectful dialogue is this blog’s stated priority. Regardless of society’s rhetorical digression, we will adhere to a conversation abundant with respect. We will not ignore truth; but we will also not sacrifice grace in the process.

So I wondered… what do others say about respect?

“So much drama off and online…
Be kind and respect others.
Follow the golden rule. Always.
Don’t step on others.
Chase your dreams the right way.
Keep your head up.
Then, everything else will take care of itself.”
― K.J. Kilton

“Respect begins with this attitude: ‘I acknowledge that you are a creature of extreme worth. God has endowed you with certain abilities and emotions. Therefore I respect you as a person. I will not desecrate your worth by making critical remarks about your intellect, your judgment or your logic. I will seek to understand you and grant you the freedom to think differently from the way I think and to experience emotions that I may not experience.’ Respect means that you give the other person the freedom to be an individual.” ― Gary Chapman

“Many people have the confused idea that peace will happen when all the colors in the palette are the same. The actuality of peace is accepting each color’s differences and seeing the beauty each possesses.” ― Alaric Hutchinson

There’s more…

“Keep an eye on your responses. Strong responses are about you more than them.” ― Auliq Ice

“Men are respectable only as they respect.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

“In the end, those who demean others only disrespect themselves.” ― D.B. Harrop

And a couple more…

“To be respected, be respecting.” ― Himanshu Arora

“Respect is love in action.” ― Bangambiki Habyarimana

“The only true disability is the inability to accept and respect differences.” ― Tanya Masse

I heard a gentleman on one of the cable news networks this week discuss the current societal digression. He spoke specifically of the protest-laden, rhetorically-attacking, political climate; his evaluation was not one calling out solely the left, right, or anything in between. He was discussing the entire sad state of affairs and the current, clear inability to accept any ideological differences. There exists an incredibly prevalent “I’m-right-and-there’s-no-way-I-could-be-wrong-or-off-in-any-capacity” attitude. In other words, there is a concerning, existent lack of humility.

I then found myself sitting still, pondering more, and attempting to digest his stated perspective that “instead of talking with each other, we have started shouting at each other.”

Just for a moment, visualize a person shouting… ranting, raving.. and loud…

Can any other voice be heard?

Does anyone else feel respected?

Great question… really great question…

Respectfully…
AR

As we witness the current unenviable, rhetorical climate, weathered with unfortunate ample disgust, distaste, and disrespect for seemingly any perspective other than one’s own, two questions continue to come back to me.

Let me warn you now: I won’t — and actually can’t — answer my own two questions.

But as I ponder the current climate — and ponder even more so how to be a part of the solution as opposed to the problem — or somehow, even fueling this problem — I keep coming back to these two Q’s.

Granted, in order to state this accurately, I probably need the voices around me to be quieter for a mere moment, so I can actually think on my own and vocalize my 17¢… if people will let us.

I do realize the need to peacefully stand up for what we believe in. And peaceful protest does include some shouting. What does it not include? Briefly?

… insult… profanity… judgment…

I admire protest. I do not admire insult, profanity, and judgment.

Let me share an additional truth… Rightly or wrongly, when anyone’s shouting at me, I can’t hear them.

Why? Because I can’t always tell if they care what I think. They have to be silent long enough to engage in some semblance of active listening and exchange. Without active listening, there will be no meaningful conversation. Without meaningful conversation, there will be no respect. And without respect, there will be no solution.

Nonetheless, I keep coming back to these two Q’s…

Two questions that plague me…

Two questions that if we answered truthfully, maybe solution would come a little quicker…

Maybe solution would even come.

One: how do we not equate our own experience with everyone else’s reality?

And two: how can we assume that just because a person doesn’t react as I do, they don’t care?

We sure make a lot of assumptions. Isn’t that the zillion dollar challenge?

We assume that if we experience something, it must be true for everyone— or at least true for most. We react a certain way, and if someone reacts completely differently — or maybe not at all — we make assumptions about their character, integrity, and morality. We sure assume a lot (… makes me think of that ole clique as to “assume” only sadly makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me”).

I pray not do that.

Again, however, as forewarned at the onset of this post, I cannot answer my own two questions.

I do think, though, that the pondering of the above would be wise for us all…

… a little more silence… a little more grace for the different… and far fewer assumptions of those we do not understand.

Respectfully… always…
AR

As is no secret, the Intramuralist is saddened and concerned regarding the current societal climate. So much disrespect is being justified. So much unwillingness to listen is being encouraged. So much shouting, tension, blindness, meanness, etc. So much… dare I say, too much.

I’ve been asked at least three times in recent weeks, “AR, aren’t you concerned?”

Of course I am. I would only add that I’ve been concerned long before last November.

This week, no less, something struck me. It was one of those moments from a book or a text where I felt immediate cause to pause, as the written words extended way beyond the pages encasing their current context. It was similar to how I frequently felt, fumbling through the truths buried in Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird, A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini, and in When Character Was King by Peggy Noonan. There is truth in words — regardless of where they are found… in a book, a friend’s text, even on a postcard or placard…

The following words struck me this week, as I pondered the relevance to the frictional, non-fictional climate we now witness. Maybe this is relevant; maybe it’s not. But something within made me think… this whole idea that…

“… The idea that the whole human race is, in a sense, one thing — one huge organism, like a tree — must not be confused with the idea that individual differences do not matter or that real people, Tom and Nobby and Kate, are somehow less important than collective things like classes, races, and so forth. 

Indeed the two ideas are opposites. Things which are parts of a single organism may be very different from one another; things which are not, may be very alike. Six pennies are quite separate and very alike; my nose and lungs are very different, but they are only alive at all because they are parts of my body and share its common life…

[Note: sharing common life…]

When you find yourself wanting to turn your children, or pupils, or even your neighbours, into people exactly like yourself, remember that God probably never meant them to be that. You and they are different organs, intended to do different things. 

On the other hand, when you are tempted not to bother about someone else’s troubles because they are ‘no business of yours’, remember that though he is different from you, he is part of the same organism as you. If you forget that he belongs to the same organism as yourself, you will become an Individualist. If you forget that he is a different organ from you, if you want to suppress differences and make all people alike, you will become a Totalitarian…

I feel a strong desire to tell you — and I expect you feel a strong desire to tell me — which of these two errors is the worse. That is the devil getting at us. He always sends errors into the world in pairs — pairs of opposites. And he always encourages us to spend a lot of time thinking which is the worse. You see why, of course?

He relies on your extra dislike of the one error to draw you gradually into the opposite one. But do not let us be fooled. We have to keep our eyes on the goal and go straight through between both errors. We have no other concern than that with either of them.”

Friends, do we see this?

Can we see this?

“The devil is getting at us.” He is manipulating us into identifying solely one as “worse.”

We must remember we are part of the same “organism.” The goal is thus not to make all people think the same; the goal is also not to be so blinded that we think of the other as so much “worse” — evil, in fact. We need to find a way to talk and listen and learn from those who are different — not shut them down nor ignore their perspective.

For some reason, the wisdom of C.S. Lewis stood out to me this week. It also seemed profoundly relevant.

Respectfully…
AR

Friends, to quote one I respect, “none of this is easy.”

Eight years ago, one man was elected that many felt justified in vilifying. Approximately eight weeks ago, it happened again. I can sense the immediate sighs and spine bristles. It’s ok. I am not here to invalidate nor be callous with any opinion. We don’t all share the same opinion; and one of the growth steps in life is recognizing that if there are 360° in a circle, there exists far more than “my” right angle through which to view. It’s just that most of us are challenged to acknowledge the validity of other angles.

What I wish to say today is not very popular. I’m sorry; it’s ok. I mean no disrespect, but popularity has never been this blog’s aim. In fact, when the Intramuralist was in its infancy, I was told not to expect more than two to read consistently. I was thus pleased when my mother promised to read.

Back, no less, to my unpopular thought…

I am uncomfortable with the vilifying vitriol directed at our nation’s leaders. Even with my own, genuine frustration with certain attitudes, outcomes, and ideologies (on all sides), I am disappointed in the plethora of demeaning, rhetorical rants — even my sometimes own — as it’s my sincere desire to refrain from the disparaging fray. But that’s it, isn’t it? We are the justifier of our rants. We can only see that single angle. And then our very comfortable, likeminded audience offers generous insulation, spurring on any insolence.

We quickly add a “big but”… “But he/she did…” “But he/she didn’t…” “But he/she is…” “But he/she isn’t…” and then we justify completely denigrating another human being. After all, “but he/she” should have known it comes with the territory.

Call me naive. Call me wrong. Feel free to call me seriously misguided. I’m ok with that assertion. What I’m not ok with, however, is the complete, justified denigration of another human being. We can disagree without being disrespectful. We can have serious, deep concerns without being cruel. And we can passionately, ideologically oppose another without being odious. Our self-justified, vicious vitriol has been awful… and it’s been awful for a long time.

Have we lost our way? … a way that knew refraining from judgment and condemnation was wise? … a way that surrendered the need to denigrate? Or are we now a more united state of America, united by those who justify the judgment — regardless after eight years or weeks ago?

Said by one leader I respect this week:

“… None of this is easy. For too many of us, it’s become safer to retreat into our own bubbles, whether in our neighborhoods or college campuses or places of worship or our social media feeds, surrounded by people who look like us and share the same political outlook and never challenge our assumptions. The rise of naked partisanship, increasing economic and regional stratification, the splintering of our media into a channel for every taste – all this makes this great sorting seem natural, even inevitable. And increasingly, we become so secure in our bubbles that we accept only information, whether true or not, that fits our opinions, instead of basing our opinions on the evidence that’s out there.

This trend represents a third threat to our democracy. Politics is a battle of ideas; in the course of a healthy debate, we’ll prioritize different goals, and the different means of reaching them. But without some common baseline of facts; without a willingness to admit new information, and concede that your opponent is making a fair point, and that science and reason matter, we’ll keep talking past each other, making common ground and compromise impossible…”

Science and reason matter. People matter. Why the divine put us on this planet — and gave us science, reason, and other people — matters. But we’re so secure in our likeminded bubbles — in our bubbles that justify disrespect — that we no longer seem able to see all that matters.

I want more. I know. It may be unpopular, but I want to not only reach across the aisle per se, but I want to sit down, have coffee, and work diligently to understand why another feels the way they do. I want to be able to hear the fair point of one of those 359 other angles than my own. But the vitriol, even among the intelligent, has impeded all healthy debate.

We need to sit, listen, respecting all others.

I know. That’s not popular. It’s not easy either.

Respectfully…
AR