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09/22/201409/22/2014

something good

These past few months we’ve witnessed even the non-sports fan pay increased attention to the athletic arena. From the previous outrage directed at then NBA owner Donald Sterling and his racist rants to the current outrage directed at the quartet of NFL players marked more by their off-field abuse than on-field athleticism, we’re seeing the bad; we’re witnessing the ugly. “Bad” and “ugly,” however, do not account for all that occurs in the wide world of sports. Noting the infamous Eastwood epic, let’s not forget to focus on the good. Let’s not get sidetracked by all the awful in the world. Let’s celebrate the story of Devon Still.

Devon Still is a defensive tackle for the Cincinnati Bengals. After being named a consensus All-American at Penn State, Still is now in his third year as a professional football player. Be aware that the average career of an NFL player is only 3.3 years (see Statista 2014). Entering his third year, in the last round of training camp cuts, Still was actually released. By his own admission, he wasn’t able to give 100% anymore.

In June of this year, Still’s 4 year old daughter, Leah, was diagnosed with Stage 4 neuroblastoma, a rare pediatric cancer; she is said to have a slightly better than 50% chance of survival. Upon learning of the diagnosis, understandably, Still’s motivation to play professional football faded quickly. Said Still, “When I found out, I told my family I was done. Done. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving my daughter while she’s going through this. She’s fighting for her life. Sports is not more important than me being there while my daughter is fighting for her life.”

He said more… “My head is messed up, to be honest with you. It’s messed up. Sometimes I feel bi-polar. Sometimes I wake up and I’m optimistic. Sometimes I wake up and it’s just heavy on me.”

One day after being cut, Still was re-signed to the Bengals practice squad. The front office knew Still was no longer giving his best. But something bigger was happening in Cincinnati. By placing Devon Still on the 10 member practice squad, Still was able to maintain his excellent insurance by the NFL, paying for his daughter’s care.

“They could have just washed their hands completely of it,” Still said. “Say we don’t care what’s going on in his personal life, we just want people who can care 100% on football, that’s what they pay us to do. But they thought about my personal issues and allowed me to come back on the practice squad so I still have insurance. They said if I keep working on my physical with my injury and mentally prepared myself to focus on football, then they can move me back up to the roster, so I am not all the way out of the loop.”

Two weeks ago Still was moved back to the active roster. He has made significant contributions to the team’s success in each succeeding week. Something about the faith the Bengals showed in him and the prioritization of what’s truly most important made a difference in Still’s motivation — a motivation that continues to be spurred on by a heart wrapped around a vivacious young girl.

Said head coach Marvin Lewis, who is well respected for his character both on and off the field: “He’s been a great father. He’s done everything he can to be a part of the football team… We’ll continue to allow him to do what he needs to do as far as attending to her care because it’s important.”

The Bengals also made the decision to donate proceeds from Still’s jersey sales to Cincinnati’s Children’s Hospital and pediatric cancer care and research. His #75 jersey has quickly become the team’s top seller. Sean Payton, head coach of the New Orleans Saints, responded by personally purchasing 100 jerseys at $100 a piece.

Devon and Leah Still are making a positive difference far beyond any wide world of sports. The Bengals are doing something good.

Respectfully…

09/21/201409/21/2014

who am I?

“I am not a perfect son. I am not a perfect husband. I am not a perfect parent, but I am, without a doubt, not a child abuser.” — currently deactivated NFL star, running back Adrian Peterson

Former Pres. Richard M. Nixon told the world he wasn’t a “crook.” Lauren Bacall pronounced she wasn’t a “has been.” And Albert Einstein actually declared he wasn’t a “genius” (… “just curious” was Einstein’s self-assessment).

So allow me to ask: who are we? … what defines us? Or perhaps the better question: are we defined by what we do?

Look at the NFL, currently throbbing under the increased, exponential scrutiny of social media. Look at the current questionable conduct (at best) exhibited by Peterson and the much publicized trio of Jonathan Dwyer, Greg Hardy, and Ray Rice — each previously known more by their athletic prowess than by their current assault accusations. Is that who they are? Contrary to what he desperately desires us to believe, for example, is Adrian Peterson a child abuser?

Let me ask still more: does only one thing define us?

Jameis Winston, the reigning Heisman Trophy winner… is he Florida State’s star quarterback or a shouter of malicious memes? … is he, too, an assailant of a 19 year old woman?

Bill Clinton… a former President or a philanderer?

Tiger Woods… a professional golfer or an adulterer?

Woody Allen… a talented playwright or a twisted step-father?

My point is simply that we like to define persons as easily as possible, when sometimes, it’s simply not that easy. We are more than that. And yet, we continue to attempt to identify people in a bit of a figurative, nonporous box — some nice, neat fitting explanation that isn’t always so nice and easy to define. We are complex people. We may be good people. Good people make mistakes. We make mistakes. The wise man also then learns from his mistakes. So the question is whether our mistakes define us. Does any singular act define us? … or is it a succession of acts? The definition is often not so singular and simple.

As I penned this post, a political ad arose on the television. promoting a candidate for a neighboring state. Here was Alison Grimes (D-KY), an articulate woman hoping to unseat Minority Leader Mitch McConnell in the U.S. Senate. Their race seems competitive and spirited indeed.

But I was struck by the first thing Grimes had to say. Instead of telling us who she is or what she believes, her statement was emphatically clear: “I’m not Barack Obama.”

You and me… Nixon, Bacall, Einstein… the sad, growing plethora of NFL’ers… even candidate Grimes…

Defining a person isn’t quite that easy.

Respectfully…

09/18/201409/18/2014

respect omission

“AR, I respectfully love you and respectfully disagree with you.”

The above was the initial response to one of my recent posts…

I love it!

I love that love and respect didn’t equate to automatic agreement. Just because we love and respect someone doesn’t mean we have to agree with everything they think, say, and do.

I love that love and respect didn’t negate all disagreement. Just because we love and respect someone doesn’t mean we aren’t able to disagree. We are each uniquely and wonderfully made. We have different gifts, different experiences, and different perspectives.

I love that love and respect can exist in absence of consensus. We do not need consensus in order to love and respect. In fact, often times, it is our lack of consensus that sharpens us… that encourages us to think deeply… that aids us in crafting effective solution.

And yet, so many of our leaders, so many of the elect, so many of the intelligent — and so many of us — have confused this issue. Note the deterioration of our dialogue…

We start with the words of my insightful, reverent dissenter: “I respectfully love you and respectfully disagree with you.” [emphasis mine]

Sensing disagreement, respect is often the first thing each of us — and our leaders — justify omitting. I have also received these exact words: “I love you and disagree with you.” (Note: no stated respect.)

We then digress until the full focus is solely on the squabble. There is no love nor respect stated. We only hear: “I disagree with you.” The reason we hear no love and respect in that last statement is because there is none.

Listen to our leaders these days. Listen to the elect. Listen to the litany of pronounced justification for going it alone… for executive action… for not listening to the other side of the aisle or to dissenting opinion. Do you hear any love and respect? Do you hear comments such as, “We had a healthy exchange, actively listening to one another, deliberately working to comprehend where each of us is coming from, and then discerning how we can together develop effective, long term solution.” Within such a response, there is a focus on listening… comprehending… and thus on solution. Do we hear that from our leaders?

Or instead — and typically only after huddling with the likeminded — too often behind closed doors and carefully crafted photo ops — do they instead focus on the disagreement?

Do they remove everything from the response above — except for the part that pronounces that they disagree?

Some will come running to our colloquial rescue, encouraging the contemporary adage that we should “agree to disagree.” While I do believe there is as aspect of the adage that’s healthy, there’s also a part that’s lacking. Too often “to agree to disagree” still omits love and respect.

Respectfully… always…

09/16/201409/16/2014

morality police

Lots of incidents seem to be hitting us smack dab in the face lately… incidents that seemingly demand a response…

The events of Ferguson, Missouri, where an unarmed black man was killed by a white police officer…

Michael Sam, the first openly gay, potential professional NFL player, who was cut by the St. Louis Rams…

The Ray Rice assault case — the Ravens star running back, hitting his then fiancé — now wife — in the face, knocking her out…

The NFL’s even bigger star, Adrian Peterson, spanking his son with some kind of stick, leaving cuts, bruises, maybe more…

There are all sorts of angles one could embrace in each of these cases. We could make logical, passionate cases for or against a single side in Ferguson… for or against the employment of Michael Sam… for or against the extent of discipline levied against Peterson and/or Rice. Each of the above is significant.

My desire today, no less, is not to tackle the specifics of each incident. My desire is to instead capture an aspect that seems to gird each of the above. Somewhere, somehow, in some way, we seem to have embraced some semblance of morality police — a societal enforcement epidemic… an enforcement that often impedes a fair processing of all the facts…

The “police” seems to say: “We will decide what’s right and wrong… we will decide how far one can go… we will decide what’s good and true and right.” In other words, “If you disagree with ‘we,’ you must be wrong”… as if due process is not necessary nor good…

Where has this police force come from?

What do they base their instant, self-pronounced wisdom upon?

And who are they? Who are the “we” that decides such moral absolutes?

The reality is that in each of the above, we don’t know all the facts; new perspectives and information continues to arise; and thus, reasonable people may sincerely disagree on perspective and appropriate consequence…

… an unarmed black man was killed by a white man in Ferguson; were his hands innocently in the air? Did he attack the officer first? What don’t we know? … a gay football player was cut from his team and not quickly picked up elsewhere; was it because he was gay? Was he not good enough? Or were all the cameras and distractions that accompanied the 7th round draft pick a factor? What more must we learn? … a football player beats his fiancé unconscious, but she marries him and stands with him to this day; is our opinion more valuable than hers? What can we not see? … and a player who spanked his son — maybe beat him — maybe in a way that was abusive; wasn’t it only a few decades ago that the majority of parents spanked? Is there any more to this story that those who rush to judgment — one way or the other — have omitted in their emotional hastiness?

There are multiple potential, valid perspectives to each of the above; we don’t know all the specifics of what happened where. But the morality police don’t allow for the time to process wisely — for the time to sort through each of those perspectives.

The challenge I see is that these so-called police don’t pause before proclaiming consequences; they don’t seem to think before they act. They dismiss due process, not recognizing the sagacity and shrewdness the time involved affords. Due process allows for the time necessary to uncover all relevant facts so that no judgment is rushed nor injustice applied.

Rushing to justice will never be wise… especially when multiple incidents keep hitting us smack dab in the face… incidents that seemingly demand a response… at the right time.

Respectfully…

09/14/2014

noise levels

Come on feel the noise.

Do you hear what I hear?

Come on, come on; you gotta hear me now…

We often don’t move until the volume increases — until we actually hear something. Just as Thursday’s post acknowledged how our sense of seeing changes us, our sense of hearing makes us move. When the cultural clamoring increases to conscience-stricken decibels, we act. Finally. Just like this week…

Just this week… across the country…

We made much noise after a video of the assault of his wife by Ravens running back, Ray Rice, was made public. While the incident occurred in February — and his wife has consistently stood by his side, pleading for privacy and mercy — the outrage was still loud…

“Ray Rice should never play in the NFL again… although I know we are a country of second chances… The league does not need anyone like Rice representing it.” — James E. Causey, writer for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.

“The NFL has lost its way. It doesn’t have a Ray Rice problem; it has a violence against women problem… The only workable solution is for [NFL commissioner] Roger Goodell to resign…” — Terry O’Neill, President of the National Organization for Women

“The owners and the NFL need to publicly and loudly fire you.” — (again to Goodell) ESPN’s Keith Olbermann

Rice had already been suspended for two games; after the noise, however, he was suspended indefinitely. He was cut by his team. The calls now continue for action to be taken against the commissioner, believing he knew, should have known, and/or should have done more.

Just this week… across the globe…

We continued to make more noise about the ongoing atrocities in Iraq and Syria by ISIS, the violent terrorist group. Our voices reached a peak level with the beheading of a second American journalist. Friends, here’s the embedded challenge (put away any partisan hats, please). This horrific persecution by the Islamic terrorists has been going on for months… months. Violent for years, their executions, beheadings, stonings, and crucifixions, etc. have been going on all year. Only after the decapitation of a second journalist was made public, did we get loud. Thus, our government — cautious or confused –pending your partisan bent — only announced some kind of specific strategy after the nation was loud.

We respond to loud noises.

A bump in the night… a bang on the door… a cheer from the TV set… when the noise is loud, we respond.

Let me not suggest one way or the other that any of the responses above are errant, misguided, or ill-advised; the Intramuralist is not evaluating the wisdom of the response. My point is that our response has opportunity to be most effective if we are prudent and proactive… if we think things through ahead of time… foreseeing possibility… foreseeing the danger or damage… acting accordingly… and thus not putting our reputation on the line…

… by seemingly, simply responding to the noise.

Respectfully…

09/09/201409/09/2014

the right thing

As a current events observer, one of the aspects I find increasingly frustrating is how politics has polluted governance. To pollute: “to contaminate with harmful or poisonous substances.” To contaminate: “to make impure.” Call me a purist, but I believe government is less effective and ethical when pollution reeks.

Of course, each who contributes to the reeking seems to savvily steer the focus onto someone or something else… i.e. the smokers blame the advertisers who blame greedy corporations or maybe even a tobacco farmer in the Carolinas… the environmentalists blame the gas guzzlers who blame the car manufacturers who also blame greedy corporations, even blaming Al Gore’s unsuccessful campaign manager (…sorry, couldn’t resist).

My point is that we no longer govern purely and those involved refuse to admit it (… see any current Press Secretary). Politics influences even the intelligent, and the end result is less effective, less ethical governance. While certainly not indigenous to the current administration, look at their weekend announcement — in this instance in regard to immigration reform.

The President and multiple others on all sides of the partisan aisle believe illegal immigration should be reformed, especially after the chaotic immigration influx along the nation’s southern border this summer. The parties disagree, however, in the specifics. Pres. Obama is believed to be less restrictive in this area, potentially granting some form of relevant amnesty. Yet because Obama has been unable to pass what he desires, he boldly announced earlier this summer that he would bypass Congress via executive order.

Unfortunately, though, for those loyal to the administration, bypassing Congress in this area is considered an inappropriate approach by a majority of Americans (see Rasmussen Reports, 35%). Americans don’t feel it’s the right thing to do. But with mounting pressure from Democrats running for re-election — who may need the votes of that other 65% — Pres. Obama has decided not to act… now. The White House announced over the weekend that they will plan on taking executive action after the November elections.

Here comes my Intramuralist, purist note: if it’s not the right thing to do now, then it’s not the right thing to do. Politics is influencing governance.

“The time is always right to do what is right.” — Martin Luther King, Jr.

“My basic principle is that you don’t make decisions because they are easy … you make them because they’re right.” — Theodore Hesburgh

“The right way is not always the popular and easy way. Standing for right when it is unpopular is a true test of moral character.” — Margaret Chase Smith

If something is the right thing to do, then it should be done.

Otherwise it’s polluted.

Contaminated.

And impure.

Respectfully…

09/04/2014

oh mighty isis

So once again, this week the world witnessed the gruesome beheading of an American journalist via terrorists’ heinous hands. Let me humbly share a limited listing of what we know for certain about the deteriorating situation… and what we do not know. First… what we know…

ISIS, the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria — the terrorist group responsible for the deaths of journalists James Foley and Steven Sotloff — was formed out of an al-Qaeda affiliate in Iraq, with its origin traced back to the Second Gulf War in 2003. It was originally known as the Islamic State of Iraq (ISI) and then ISIS or ISIL. ISIL refers to the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant — the Levant equating to the Eastern Mediterranean border region, which consists of Cyprus, Israel, Jordan, Lebanon, Syria, Palestine, and part of southern Turkey.

The group has declared themselves a “caliphate,” an Islamic state led by a supreme religious and political leader known as a caliph – or a “successor” – to Muhammad. They thus claim religious authority over all Muslims in the world. Their stated goal is to bring other Muslim-inhabited regions under their political control.

ISIS has also declared that the caliphate is established “for the purpose of compelling the people to do what the Sharia (Allah’s law) requires of them.” That means that anyone who does not believe in ISIS’s interpretation of Islam must either convert or die.

They currently hold territory in both Syria and Iraq. With Syria divided by civil war since the spring of 2011, ISIS has capitalized by seizing significant territory — possibly up to half of Syria — and half of Iraq, too, as stated yesterday by Defense Sec. Chuck Hagel.

The group is violent — some say barbaric. As stated in August by United Nations representatives, “We are gravely concerned by continued reports of acts of violence, including sexual violence against women and teenage girls and boys belonging to Iraqi minorities. Atrocious accounts of abduction and detention of Yazidi, Christian, as well as Turkomen and Shabak women, girls and boys, and reports of savage rapes, are reaching us in an alarming manner.”

There is increasing significant concern that ISIS will attempt to attack America. A spokesman said last month that “we will raise the flag of Allah in the White House.” Many believe ISIS is more dangerous than al-Qaeda.

Also, in an email to the parents of executed journalist Foley, ISIS said it was acting “as a DIRECT result of your [America’s] transgressions towards us!” They added: “WE WILL NOT STOP UNTILL WE QUENCH OUR THIRST FOR YOUR BLOOD.”

Now… what we don’t know…

We don’t know how the pulling of American troops from Iraq specifically impacted ISIS’s rise to power.

We don’t know if Pres. Obama is intentionally cautious or strategically confused in his response (…partisans will disagree, of course, embracing the art of averring judgment calls with certainty).

We also don’t know when ISIS will gruesomely strike again.

So allow me 3 more things that I believe we should know:

(1) Evil is alive and well on planet Earth.

(2) Negotiating with evil never solves the problem.

And (3) prayer would be wise… prayers for wisdom for the world’s leaders… for protection of those in ISIS’s path… and for the rooting out of such obvious, gut-wrenching evil.

Respectfully…

[Intramuralist Note: sources utilized for the above facts include CBS News, The Christian Post, CNN, NBC News, and Wikipedia.]

08/30/201408/30/2014

let’s talk

After multiple insights, expressions, opinions, and articulations… silliness, seriousness, sincerity, and sarcasm… stories of triumph, struggle, heartache, and hope… let me say one thing: I’m back!

It is with great joy, my friends, that I pick up my metaphorical pen, resuming our respectful dialogue of current events. I believe that respectful dialogue makes a difference. I believe we can learn and solve when we listen well. I believe much of the world — many of whom are highly intelligent (and even elected) — do not practice respectful dialogue (… and we wonder why they rarely seem to craft effective solution).

Each year, when we feature our summer Guest Writer Series, we are practicing what we preach, so-to-speak. Multiple persons from multiple bents express perspective that perhaps we do or do not share. We can learn from them… as long, of course, as the conversation is respectful, even amidst disagreement.

Over the past three weeks, we’ve heard from many… from an author to a state senator to a food bank director… from a retired teacher to a current teacher to a young man living overseas… from a college kid to a stay-at-home mom to a career pastor… from a psychologist to a nonprofit director to a realtor, filmmaker, and wise new grandma.

We’ve heard about much… from news sources to sorrows to everyone needing a superhero… from television to gender identity to the unscrupulous activity of the IRS. The bottom line is that we’ve listened. And unlike far too many who take oaths to represent us, we realize that we learn from listening. The purpose of the Guest Writer Series — in addition to an intentional refreshing and refocusing for this semi-humble blogger — is to model the Intramuralist mantra.

There is thus much more I’m eager to talk about! …

I want to talk about Ferguson, Missouri… what happened there… and how so many reacted wisely and poorly… how so many keep reacting — and feel justified — without knowing all the facts…

I want to talk about the situation in Syria and Iraq… how religious minorities are being hunted, tortured, and persecuted. What are we doing? … is there a measurable strategy? … why not?

I want to talk about James Foley, the American who was beheaded by the Islamic terrorists. There was outrage, yes… shock, too… but will the outrage last?

I want to talk about the college football captain who was hurt last weekend, heroically jumping off a balcony to save his 7 year old nephew, who was supposedly struggling in the swimming pool… “I would do it again for whatever kid it was”… and now it turns out it was all a lie… why did he lie? … why do people in leadership sometimes lie?

I want to talk about atheist Richard Dawkins, who said that it’s “immoral” not to abort a baby with Down syndrome. I want to again discuss how intelligence and wisdom are not the same thing.

I want to talk about a lot of things… what we learn from the younger generation… what our kids keep teaching us… the lack of wisdom in the world… the digression… the authentic sources of hope… the insights, encouragements, dangers, and even opportunities for abundant sarcasm!

Fire up! It’s going to be a fun, insightful season… starting now.

Respectfully…

08/24/201408/24/2014

why every american should care

“The IRS is not targeting conservative groups.”

There is “not even a smidgeon of corruption” at the IRS.

Two “rogue” employees in the Cincinnati office were principally responsible for the “overly aggressive” handling of requests by conservative groups for tax-exempt status.

The IRS is “apologetic” for the “absolutely inappropriate” actions by these lower-level workers.

“The inappropriate screening was both broader and longer-lasting than had previously been known.”

“I have been advised by my counsel to assert my Constitutional right not to testify or answer questions related to the subject matter of this hearing.”

“Will you provide all of Lois Lerner’s emails?”

“Yes.”

“Ms. Lerner’s computer crashed in mid-2011. Ms. Lerner’s email…would have been lost…and could not be recovered.”

We are being told lies. It’s not that hard to figure out why. And every American should care.

A short summary: it has been discovered that the IRS was targeting conservative groups that were applying for tax-exempt status for discriminatory scrutiny. The IRS originally blamed these actions on a few individuals in a regional office. The investigation has since risen to the top of the IRS. On June 3, 2011, the Chair of the House Ways and Means Committee wrote the Commissioner on an issue related to tax-exempt organizations. That Commissioner has since resigned. The investigation eventually encircled Lois Lerner, Director of the IRS Exempt Organizations Office. While claiming to have done nothing wrong, Ms. Lerner has taken the Fifth Amendment before Congress.

Since she would not testify, Congress subpoenaed her emails. The IRS provided 67,000 of them, but surprisingly few from January 2009 to April 2011. The new Commissioner was brought before Congress to ask why, and he promised to provide all the emails. Only after that, and we’re now in 2014, were we told that Lerner’s hard drive crashed, and her email from that time period had been lost. The date of the alleged crash? June 13, 2011, just 10 days after receiving the letter from House Ways and Means.

Any IT professional knows this is a bald-faced lie. Emails are not stored only on hard drives. They are stored on bigger computers called servers from which your email is sent to the servers of the people you are emailing. In fact, the recommendation when you use Microsoft Exchange, the most popular messaging system in the world, is that you utilize three servers, each with a redundant copy of your database, any of which could be used to restore the entire system in case any one of them crashes. Have we ever known the government to be less redundant than the rest of the world?

Then there is the issue of backups. All professional organizations back their servers up on tapes. If the server dies – that being if all three servers die – then you can restore the system to some previous state using a tape backup.

But the IRS claims it only has backups going back 6 months. That is ludicrous. This is the organization that requires every American to produce the tiniest tax-related document going back 3-7 years, but they only keep their records for 6 months?

Sarbanes-Oxley regulations require public corporations to retain their email data for 5 years, and the IRS’ own manual says email should be permanently backed up. Congress sent the new head of the IRS back to look for the missing emails, with instructions to search for them on the recipients’ computers. You know what they came back with? There were more computer crashes, pretty much everyone that Lois Lerner may have emailed, a number “less than 20.” I can just hear the suit who came up with that one. “This lie is working, so let’s go back and tell it again.” We are supposed to believe that not only did lightening strike twice, it struck 20 times.

There is no question we are being told lies. Ridiculously so. Like everybody knows we’re lying, but we’re going to keep on lying. So the question becomes, why carry on the charade?

I can promise you this: if it were really the work of two low-level staffers in Cincinnati, they’d have been hung out to dry long ago. If this were Lois Lerner’s doing, so what, sell her down the river, so sorry, goodbye, and this is over. But they haven’t done that. They look like fools. So whom are they protecting?

As it turns out, that’s not a very hard question to answer. The head of the IRS who resigned when this scandal broke visited the White House 157 times. The woman who ran the office that oversaw tax-exempt organizations visited 165 times. (Perhaps not coincidentally, she received $103,390 in bonuses and was promoted to run Obamacare.)

By comparison, Presidential right hand Eric Holder has visited the White House 62 times. And Mark Everson, who ran the IRS from 2003-2007, visited the Bush White House one single time.

The cover story is now that these people were at the White House to discuss Obamacare. But when the former Commissioner was asked before Congress why he visited so many times, he offered an Easter egg hunt, questions about tax policy, the departmental budget, and helping the Department of Education streamline applications for financial aid.

Ahem. No mention of Obamacare.

Rest assured, if this were the work of some White House staffer, they would be fired and blamed for everything. But no one has gone down for this. Why not?

The inescapable conclusion is that this goes all the way to the top.

Why should we care? Because this is the engine of government, a government that is supposed to be of the people, by the people, and for the people, turned against the people. Perhaps you oppose conservative groups. But if the current administration can get away with this, the next administration could fashion government authority as a weapon against left-wing, pro-choice, and gay-rights groups. I staunchly disagree with each of those causes, but I will defend to my death their rights to exist, to assemble peaceably, and to speak freely.

In fact, our forefathers did just that, gave their lives to overthrow a regime that used the powers of government to oppress its citizens. It was called the British Empire, and it’s why we fought the American Revolution. Their First Amendment to our Constitution was the right to free speech, given to all, regardless of whether you agree with the majority or with the government. It is the suppression of that right by the people sworn to protect our rights that is why every American should care about what’s happening at the IRS.

Respectfully…

MPM

08/12/2014

friends for whom i am an ally

What if…

My friend was born gifted artistically and relationally, different build and interests than his football trophy-winning brothers and father. He watched from the kitchen window, wanting to be invited into the brotherhood, but their limited scope of relating as males unintentionally and unfortunately created a rift, leaving him on the outside looking in. Instead of acknowledging his gifts as equally (potentially even more) valuable, masculine strengths in the world, there was a void of male affirmation and bonding. Finding girls easier to relate to, he was called sissy and other names at school. Then, eager to be accepted by an older boy, he found himself lured and molested. Gifted, alone, eager to fit in, rejected, finding solace in friends that were girls, molested… What if… he was given no choice to sort out those feelings as to what they may mean, but only told some of the names he was called were true? “You are gay.” “You were born that way. Accept it.”

Wait, rewind… how was he born? Slight of stature, sensitive relationally and talented artistically, gifted differently than any of the males in his family. Born into an environment with a limited perspective of what it means to be male, no one perceptive to affirm and encourage his gifts as wonderfully valuable in the world of men, calling him into manhood as a respected leader. His boyhood became shaped by the traumatic and confusing experience of being drawn instead into an abusive sexual experience by someone he’d hoped would be a true friend.

I would never want my friend to change his relational nature. His gifts are no less masculine in the arts as in athletics. He is a great husband, father, dance instructor, counselor, son, brother, friend. He has realized that his perceptions of himself and others formed not exclusively because of the way he was born, but like all of us, because of the perspectives and shaping of the relationship dynamics around him, including societal values, others’ imperfect attitudes toward him, and comparison of himself to others, starting in his family. Experiences (not all ideal) mixed with personal perceptions led to responses in his young life, creating and solidifying his view of self in comparison to other men, some of which were not worthy to emulate. Did that make him less of a man — or was there a bigger problem with our worldly perspective of manhood, and the labeling of those who are not within the popular machismo?

Wouldn’t the world be a better place if people had known to embrace and encourage the more sensitive, creative young men as great models of the measure of a man — and empowered those hearts with courage that they have just what it takes in unique gifts to be the virtuous men and leaders this world needs? Not “sissy”… not “go play with the girls because you don’t fit here”… Not to be used sexually by a bully.

Where did that all leave my friend in puberty? Quite confused. More bonded with the girls, still wanting, needing acceptance among his own gender, but labeled as feminized, and then, his strongest experience feeling most “accepted” by a male being a perpetrator’s seduction.

What if…

What goes into determining one is “gay”? Alongside the popular idea of “born that way,” (the ideology many want accepted as the foregone conclusion of every story), I’ve heard many personal stories of young men called names, labeled with “fag,” “sissy,” “girl,” etc., before they had any concept of sexuality… or “tomboy,” “butch,” “dike,” “lesbian,” toward precious, strong girls — many surviving childhood molestation, and/or more subtle exposure to cruelty or porn in the home, its very presence screaming underlying attitudes of what society accepts as the pinnacle pinup model of women — and the expectation of objectification and idolatry as a pleasurable pastime for men. Female friends of mine share these experiences from their formative years, mixed with broken relationships in homes, and unfortunate combinations of passive and harsh parents, and society says, “Born that way! Period.”

Is there not cause to speak of the need (& the lack) of protection of innocence and purity over the emotional, spiritual, and yes, even sexual development of children in our world? How do we respect the strength and value of little boys and girls? … of teens, young women, and men? Lacking protection, the cultural messages are loud and clear — rather than affirming the goodness of their gender, instead degrading and polluting it in so many ways. Degrading them. All of us! Would any argue that our culture is wounded and bleeding in many places in the area of sexuality?

The transition from childhood into what it means to be an adult in a highly sexualized culture is fraught with hazard. And what are we saying if we are allowing the stereotype and labeling to continue, that particularly more relationally sensitive, less athletic, or more artistically gifted males, or physically strong, outdoorsy girls are “born gay”? I realize that we’re not limiting “gayness” to those who are seen as having softer traits as boys or more athleticism in girls. But if we admit to having in society often correlated, even labeled those qualities as “born that way/gay,” are we potentially part of the development of that self-perception in some individuals? And, here’s a heated question: has society called “gay” what was not popularly accepted as healthy qualities for heterosexuality? Strength in femininity and sensitivity in males? (Are these questions too deep — too sensitive? I won’t be surprised if they hit some nerves!)

Are we really going to ignore all the factors that go into the development of sexuality — and those experiences that most certainly have a sway on the development of sexual feelings and gender identity? What if my friends who were labeled this way are given no help, no encouragement, no choice to look at the circumstances of environment, experiences, and nurture part of their sexual development, just because that’s the politically correct accepted belief right now? What if any sexual abuse and perversion toward gender development is ignored, all for the sake of “accept and embrace any feelings as meaning this different identity over here, and go proudly on!”? What if what’s “pop” at the moment is not the full picture? What if that does not touch the deepest heart issues at stake?

Would encouraging these friends to go explore sexual experiences of any kind help? Would that not be like telling someone with an open wound or a broken bone to go run and play, ignoring their need for care and attention to prevent further pain and danger of infection — or for bones to be set to heal back to full strength and function? To ignore the existence of factors other than genetic is not the full picture… it’s not love… and it’s not respecting the whole of the individual and choice.

My friends have come to see themselves as adequate men and women. They came to recognize their first sexual experiences as abusive and not defining. They are still overcoming perceptions thrust on them now of being “gay but in denial,” from those on one side of the political spectrum — and of “not trying harder to be feminine or masculine enough” (based on societal outward expectations) from some on the other extreme — instead of being looked upon in general as a good and accepted example of heterosexual masculinity or femininity, as the sensitively mannered male, and intelligent, athletic female. I believe these factors when they tell me, are worth considering.

What if…

Respectfully…

A Friend