Month: January 2017

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warmer days

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It’s pretty cold in my hometown these days. At the time of this writing, my seemingly temperamental thermometer is registering a whole 11°.

Driving in the cold yesterday, I was about to turn into a small shopping center when I noticed an older van blocking the entrance. So I finagled my vehicle via the exit route instead, backed up, and positioned my car directly in front of the van. Here I noticed a middle-aged woman, obviously struggling, and I could tell that her phone was frustrating her somehow, also.

So I got out of my car in the windchill that made the temps even colder.

“Ma’am, are you ok? Do you need help?”

She opened her door, and in a bit of understandable distress, responded, “My car just died. It just died in the middle of the road! And my phone won’t work either.”

I then asked that she come with me, sit in my car — a bit of a warmth oasis from the outside chills — and use my phone instead.

“Jennifer” was her name. Warming up a bit inside and out, I quickly sensed a very kind, meek woman. So meek, in fact, when I held out my phone for her to call the emergency auto service, she began to press the buttons shyly while I still held the phone.



“It’s ok. You take it.”

Together we spoke to the road service, identifying the location, issue, etc. She needed some assistance with that.

Part of the assistance was affirming in spite of the onlookers. Here in my car sat one caucasian and one African-American. We were now both blocking the entrance, in what is a fairly busy locale. But sure enough, consistent with some of the perceived societal digression, we witnessed not so much a division in the onlookers — more a unity. All sorts of persons drove by, attempting to enter but unable; there were all sorts of ethnicities, demographics, you-name-it. And they were unified…

… in their impatience.

The audacity of the number who felt need to honk at us was a little incredulous, to say the least.

Jennifer was bothered; I was moved by her genuine desire not to be a burden to anyone. I smiled and said to her, “No worries. I’m always amazed at how impatient people can be when they don’t have all the information. They simply don’t understand. And they don’t know what they don’t take the time to understand.”

She sweetly returned my smile.

After 20 minutes or so, we felt the situation was under control, and Jennifer went back to her car with the tow truck’s imminent arrival. She thanked me multiple times, especially for stopping in the cold.

It wasn’t much. I said, “You know, I believe one of the reasons God put us here was to learn to love him by helping one another. Thanks for allowing me to help you.”

And with that, we said our sincere goodbyes.

It’s pretty cold in my hometown these days. But some days are a little warmer.

Respectfully…
AR

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can correctness go too far?

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In our seemingly frequent, politically correct culture, I heard someone recently ask what the problem actually is with political correctness. Great question. And one we should talk about.

Perhaps we should first define what it is…

Political correctness (or colloquially “PC”) equates to “the avoidance, often considered as taken to extremes, of forms of expression or action that are perceived to exclude, marginalize, or insult groups of people who are socially disadvantaged or discriminated against” (per Oxford Dictionaries).

The goal is to avoid potential, personal offense.

While the Intramuralist would never intend to offend, there exists a sensitive recognition that some things are harder for each of us to hear. Hard to hear, however, does not automatically prompt need for political correctness. Case in point: “Dear Future Mom”…

Earlier in 2016, Down Syndrome International released a video to commemorate World Down Syndrome Day. DSi and its American affiliates are organizations precious to this parent’s heart. Their two minute commercial, no less, featured a soon-to-be mother asking “what kind of life” her future child might have. Young people from all over the world — with Down syndrome — answer her with a poignant, contagious purity in their expression.

Said one articulate teen:

“Don’t be afraid. Your child will be able to do many things. He’ll be able to hug you; he’ll be able to run towards you; he’ll be able to speak, and tell you he loves you; he’ll be able to go to school like everybody…”

Then said the narrator, near the end:

“Sometimes, it will be difficult; very difficult; almost impossible — but isn’t it like that for all mothers? Dear future mom, your child can be happy, just like I am — and you’ll be happy, too.”

The commercial ends with sweet shots of the kids hugging their parents… lots of smiles… lots of joy. Said one commentator: “It’s a profound and incredible tribute to the love that parents have for their special needs children.”

As the parent of a son with Down syndrome, I can attest that such expressions are consistent with my personal experience.

However, in France, the ad was prohibited. In fact — flying well below the holiday radar (with the season of merriment serving as an expedient time to release controversial rulings or contentious news), the ban was recently upheld by the French State Council, claiming the commercial is unfit for television because it’s “likely to disturb the conscience of women who had lawfully made different personal life choices.”

In other words, the commercial was prohibited on French television because of the possibility that women who aborted their children due to a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome may be offended; they may feel uncomfortable if exposed to such a message.

So let me be clear. And let me be equally honest and sensitive. There is no intentional shame via the Intramuralist. There is also no avoidance of the truth.

The truth is that the quality of life of a person with Down syndrome does not have to be any lesser; any perception that it is somehow worse, is more in our preconceived minds than in their reality. Just like the rest of us, persons with Down’s have the potential to thrive, grow, and find great, great joy. That is the truth.

However, in our efforts to offend no one, it seems we often choose to avoid or offend someone. We aren’t always good at wrestling with the truth.

Respectfully…
AR

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here’s to moving forward in 2017

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Each year seems marked by its uniqueness…

’41 was the attack on Pearl Harbor, the escalation of WWII and the USA’s involvement…
’63 was when a nation mourned the death of its sitting President, stilled by the poignancy of his young son’s salute…
’97 saw the deaths of two of history’s most beloved, benevolent contributors in Princess Diana and Mother Teresa…

It makes me wonder how 2016 will be historically remembered, as there was division manifest in far too many arenas. How do we move forward? … through the masses? … how do we do so wisely?

Allow me to return to my family’s unique experience a year ago. We found ourselves in the middle of Times Square as the ball and confetti dropped at midnight on New Year’s Eve. We had never done that before — “a bucket lister,” said one enthusiastic son. And so with an approximate 999,995 others, we did our best packed sardines imitation — albeit mostly without the odor and oil.

Picture the most crowded place you can imagine — a stadium, a massive conference room… people everywhere… with little room to do anything more than raise arms with your smart phone, in order to capture the next snapshot, chat, whatever. But unlike such typical scenarios, where a crowd of massive size would be aware of varied interests and individual wants, needs, opinions, emotions, etc., we were all focused on the same thing…

We were all excited about the same thing.

We were all looking in the same direction — eyes focused — waiting and wanting for the big ball to drop.

Without a doubt, there is something inherently beautiful laced in the meaning accompanying the dropping of that New Year’s ball…

Instead of focusing on our differences and maximizing what we don’t have in common — noting that in an actual, estimated crowd of one million people, countless significant differences exist — we shared something greater. Indeed, it was far greater… so great, in fact, our individual differences did not matter…

Our individual differences were also not watered-down. They did not have to be ignored or removed in order for the celebration to ensue. We were each excited about a celebration greater than self.

Hence, after the uniqueness of 2016, I’m wondering if the way forward is to find a way to focus on the same thing. What could that be? What could be that good?

I’m reminded of the interaction between my youngest son and an older New Yorker that night. Josh, that incredible kid who has never been disabled by his special needs, said ‘hello’ to an elderly New Yorker. Note that previous to our trip, we had (sadly) cautioned him in regard to taming some of his typically more overt, overly friendly interactions in Manhattan. But after a brief, positive acknowledgement from the gentleman, Josh was encouraged. He meekly continued, “Hey… want to be friends?” The man was first taken by surprise; there was a slight pause. And then he lit up with a humongous grin, articulating a hearty, warm Italian response, and said, “You just made my whole night!”

Here was a man and my son who from most first glances had little in common. The individual differences were obvious. But they did not matter. Their focus on the same thing brought them great joy — and helped them navigate through the masses (and sardines) in a beautiful, God-honoring way.

Here’s to the start of 2017, friends… as we wrestle with our individual differences, may we always do so respectfully.

Respectfully…
AR

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one year. one word.

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So with the new year and accompanying plethora of “Yada-Yada-Yada’s of the Year” proclamations, I found myself somewhat amused by Merriam-Webster’s announcement that “surreal” was its word of the year for 2016. Defined as something that has been “marked by the intense irrational reality of a dream,” the company’s “official” statement read:

“ ‘Surreal’ is Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Year because it was looked up significantly more frequently by users in 2016 than it was in previous years, and because there were multiple occasions on which this word was the one clearly driving people to their dictionary.”

Surreal’s selection was based upon volume, as the company analyzes “perennial words that are looked up day-in and day-out, and words that spike because of news events, politics, pop culture, or sports.” Close runner ups included “revenant,” “icon,” and “in omnia paratus” — a Latin term meaning “ready for all things.”

So it got me thinking…
… about the year to come…

Perhaps you’ve seen the encouragement… Pick a word. Any word. What’s your one word for the year ahead?

“Change is possible, but focus is required,” suggests MyOneWord.org, meaning that if we were to focus solely on one thing — just one thing — one word, that is — that change would be more probable and likely; it wouldn’t seem like such a daunting task. Our word could be…

… resilient… belief… patient… disciplined… grateful… peace loving… healthy… consistent… positive… brave…

It matters not if the word is an adjective, verb, or any other particular part of speech. But it should have great meaning to you. That’s it: you. It matters not what it may mean to another; it matters what it means to you.

“My One Word” authors Mike Ashcraft and Rachel Olsen contend that: “Our resolutions seldom work because they are based on the type of person we’re tired of being rather than who God wants us to become. Plus, resolutions can be ‘broken,’ leaving no room for the process of growth. What if our hopes for the year ahead centered instead on who God wants us to become, and the transformation process?

It’s okay to want to be a better you, and the New Year is a natural time to start. The question is, how? My One Word replaces broken promises with a vision for real change. When you choose a single word, you have a clarity and focus. You are moving toward the future rather than swearing off the past.”

They thus outline the following steps:

Step one: determine the kind of person you want to become. Think about December of 2017, the end of next year. Who do you want to be by then?

Step two: identify the characteristics of that person. Visualize them. What are they like? What are the specific qualities of the person you want to become?

And step three: Pick a word. “There might be fifteen things that you want to change, but you must resist the temptation to promise you will do them all. Instead, simply commit to ONE WORD.”

What I appreciate about this exercise is that it makes change and growth possible. It makes it practical; it makes it noticeable. It doesn’t take a divine lightning bolt from the sky, nor is it merely some rhetorically-pleasing resolution that we’ll be defeatedly chucking in a matter of months. This is real growth… real change. If we are going to become the people God has called each of us individually to be, then we need to grow and change… each year. That process is nothing short of, well, surreal.

Join me, friends. Pick a word. Any word. Just one.

Respectfully…
AR