Written in 1938, a thriller play, set in London. It was written by Patrick Hamilton during a noted, dark time in his life. According to the archives of The New York Times, six years earlier, the British playwright was “hit by a drunk driver and dragged through the streets of London, leaving him with a limp, a paralysed arm, and a disfigured face. Two years later, Hamilton’s mother took her own life.” To say it was dark and traumatic is an understatement. That’s when he wrote “Gas Light,” the sordid story of a husband intentionally trying to drive his wife insane. Why? He wanted to steal from her. Hence, if he could convince her that she was the one who was mentally ill, she would never notice the wicked deceit of her spouse. In other words, “it’s not me — it’s you”… when it’s actually not.
We thus arrive at our all too common act 86 some years later… and a word seemingly so often used incorrectly: gaslighting. It’s the perfidious ploy utilized in order to trick people into believing something that’s untrue.
Allow us to expand…
From Psychology Today: “Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control. Victims of gaslighting are deliberately and systematically fed false information that leads them to question what they know to be true, often about themselves. They may end up doubting their memory, their perception, and even their sanity. Over time, a gaslighter’s manipulations can grow more complex and potent, making it increasingly difficult for the victim to see the truth.”
The forms it takes are both complex and creative. The Newport Institute’s mental health experts identify 5 types of gaslighting:
Outright Lying — In this type of gaslighting behavior, the abuser lies to their victim even when there’s evidence to the contrary. For example, they might insist that they didn’t call their ex even when the number shows up on their list of calls. Or in the case of workplace gaslighting, a co-worker might insist they sent you the information you needed, even though you never got it and they can’t show you the email.
Coercion — Coercive gaslighting involves using force, punishment, or threats to manipulate the victim. Examples of this type of gaslighting include giving your partner the cold shoulder when they spend time with someone else, or trying to convince them they’re a bad person if they don’t do what the abuser wants.
Scapegoating — Scapegoat gaslighting is when the gaslighter deflects blame onto someone else to avoid having to take responsibility or to escape damage to their relationship, reputation, or power. At work, your boss might blame one victim for a project that failed, even though it was ultimately their responsibility. Or, in an intimate relationship, a gaslighter might tell you that they cheated because you weren’t attentive enough.
Reality Questioning — Also known as reality manipulation, this type of gaslighting is especially harmful to the victim’s mental health, because it sows self-doubt and confusion. The abuser insists that the victim is remembering things wrong, or tells them they’re crazy because they can’t remember an event or conversation—one that actually never took place. This might happen with family members, as when a parent tells a child that an event they remember as traumatic never happened, or wasn’t what the child thought it was.
Trivializing — This type of gaslighting known as trivializing refers to minimizing or dismissing the victim’s feelings, accomplishments, or experiences. Hence, the gaslighter diminishes the victim’s self-esteem and makes themselves the arbiter of what is important and meaningful. Within romantic relationships, the abuser could gaslight their partner by calling them oversensitive when they share their emotions, or belittling how much they care about something outside the relationship, like a hobby, work, or a friendship.
Friends, while I was on my respite during the unforeseen political hurricane season, I was fascinated by the rampant gaslighting. By absolutely both parties. They are exceptionally creative — from farcical fabrications within public speeches to major masking of mental ineptitude. Even more so, I was and continue to be fascinated by the swells who detect it in only one…
… that’s not true… that’s not what you saw… I never said that… you must have heard wrong… you know, we are the actual victims here…
Gaslighting is a distortion of reality. The goal is to dupe us.
What’s most fascinating is how often it actually works.
Respectfully…
AR