As I was once again tempted to count the shopping days left until the retail world’s biggest annual holiday, I was prompted to pause, challenged anew to focus on the actual meaning of this season. I’m not sure I always get it. Yes, I get that Christmas is far more than Santa and sleigh bells and egg nog and elves. I get that it’s more than cookies and carols and those pied pipers and presents under our tree. I get that. I’m just not always certain I get or we get or even society gets the depth of what the day denotes.
Then I remembered the words of a contemporary wise man who suggested that this season is about generous love. Not just love. Not just generosity. The meaning of the season centers around a love that is generous. A love that is authentic and real.
As my pause prompted reflection, I couldn’t help but wonder where now on this planet we see evidence of that love… a love that is so big, unparalleled, sometimes overwhelming, often sacrificial. A love that leaves a mark. Yes, generous love leaves a mark. That’s what I think neither we nor society gets. I think we miss the mark.
So I interacted with multiple persons for whom that mark is obvious and deep. This is what I found… this is what they said…
“Growing up I always told my mom, ‘I want to adopt children; there are too many that don’t have anyone to love them”… “Bottom line: we wanted to be parents and to raise a family. We chose Ethiopia because we knew there was a need”… “I always thought people were crazy to adopt internationally, and now I’m one of them. I was always amazed by the leap of faith I saw in those families, never expecting one day that was what God had in store for our family.”
Yes, I interacted with families who have chosen to adopt. When reflecting on generous love, what other example comes closer to the concept than persons who have made the intentional choice to share all of their emotional and material resources with another? … to forever alter their family?
“There was nothing about our situation that made this ‘make sense”… “$23,000 and almost 3 years into an Indian adoption, we got news that India had instated a Family Limit Law that we exceeded by far! We had no recourse and no additional avenue to take. We were even financially tanked”… “We once had plenty of things and money. We once never worried about making a house payment or how much gas was.”
The giving of that love — that generous love — isn’t necessarily easy…
“There is so much loss and grief associated with adoption. My children grieve that loss at a very primal level”… “She has no medical history, no cute stories of her birth, no memories that we can relay of her earliest months”… “He longs to know his birth mom, and it is a great loss to him, a part of him that he finds as ‘unknown’… “Her very first experience was of loss and rejection”… “Her sadness often comes out as rage”… “People wonder if I am her mother — assume she is with someone else. Throughout her life, I have cringed when this has happened. She is ours through and through, but there is this constant reminder that she is different.”
And somehow this tangible process leaves a mark… on both the kids and parents…
“People tell me all the time how lucky my children are to have me. I tell them that I am the lucky one”… “Adoption has helped me understand the depth of the love of God”… “My love for her is fierce!”… “I learned that God’s plan was way bigger than the little box I thought my life was going to be in”… “What I know now is that this family of mine fills my soul in ways that I can’t even articulate or understand. I am blessed.”
There is something authentic in that blessing — something that speaks to the depth of the generosity and the vastness of the love. Something that has more to do with the meaning of Christmas than any Santa, sleigh bell, egg nog, elf or present under the tree. Those who have chosen to adopt — as seen above in families who adopted from Africa, Asia, the inner city, and more — typical kids, foster kids, kids with cognitive and/or physical disability — infants and teens — they have a powerful message, especially this time of year…
“We have embraced the sweetness of every color, every hair type, every body shape, every language, accent, and claimed it as our family. We’ve learned to pick and choose our battles. We know the Lord will only give us what we can handle. We are truly blessed. This is family!!! This is our family! It has grown us immensely. These kids have humbled us, sobered us, and taught us more about our faith than we ever could have realized.”
Yes, the blessing is real. The mark is deep. Generous love leaves a mark.
Respectfully… and today, also, humbly blown away…
AR