Are they all yours? Don’t you know what caused that? You must have your hands full. I can’t imagine your grocery bill. How are you paying for college? Aren’t you glad you have boys so you don’t pay for weddings?
These are just a few of the questions and comments my family receives on a regular basis and has for the last 12 years. It seems people could accept us having 4 kids, but after that people assumed my man and I had moved from normal to crazy town. Let me introduce my crazy family. My man and I have been best friends for 20 years and married for 18. We are a family of 6 fully biologically related brothers (ages 17, 15, 13, 12, 11 and 9) with a sister and another brother thrown in the mix. We call these extra kids our “hyphen kids.” Why would we add more to our rowdy and always hungry mix? They hold a special place in our hearts, and yes, they have families of their own, but we feel God opened a spot in our family for them. They may or may not be sleeping, eating or anything else on a regular basis in our home, but they know our house is their home base and they’re welcome day or night.
When the boys were little we tried to really stress that God had put them all in a family for a purpose. We wanted them to grow and know no matter what, your brothers deep down are your best friends and they always have your back. We came up with the phrase “brother in time of need” (from Proverbs). A friend is a friend, but a brother is there in time of need. We taught them this by wrestling, because it was a simple lesson in physical dominance; when a brother is in need, they can call all brothers. All Wahl boys drop what they’re doing and come to the aide of the brother in need. We wanted them to learn this early, so as an adult, when they come upon a time in need, it will be only a call away. Recently, my brother ran into some bad times, and when my man and I were spending some crazy long nights with my brother, our boys asked what we were doing. Our answer was: “he’s in time of need.” They totally understood what we meant and what he needed. It was a very good parenting moment. They are few and far between, but that was a good one.
Another question I get is: how do you feed all those boys? I must confess I was a horrible cook when we first got married, but the more mouths we had, the more I learned, and the better it has gotten. Our boys for the most part are athletes, which means I try to give them good carb/protein combos and not to much junky processed food. I am a frequent baker — because we are a house full of sweets eaters — and baking is a calming process for me. I try to cook dinners with veggies and lean proteins, but that doesn’t always happen. To be honest, cereal is dinner some nights. My man once went to a seminar where the speaker said, “You’re going to cheat someone/something, and it’s a choice you must make on what to cheat.” I choose to cheat on entertainment or some creature comforts to have healthier food choices. Another choice I try to make consistently is packing our lunch on long game days rather than buying from the concession stand or even a restaurant. We played 10 games this week alone, so eating out is an expensive and unhealthy alternative to planning ahead and packing coolers.
Laundry is yet another issue I get lots of other moms asking about. I have had “Mount Wahl” of laundry at my house many times over the years. Let me encourage you to conquer it and move onto a method I use now… Each person has one basket. That’s it: one basket. Your dirty clothes go in, go through the wash/dry cycle, and go back in the basket and to your room to be put away. No baskets of socks, or wondering if thats clean or dirty laundry. I know it seems like more baskets would be more organized, but trust me; it’s not. I have one basket for each of us, a basket for towels that lives in the hallway, and a basket for uniforms. I can do my family of 8-10 people’s laundry in one day if I follow this method. It’s easy to get lazy and let it pile up, but be nice to yourself and keep up on the basket method, and there will be no mountain of laundry to dread.
Respect, love, and affection are major issues for us. Our goal in parenting was to raise kids that other adults enjoy being around. I feel one way we try to teach that is when a visitor/family member/friend/stranger walks into our home, we all stop what we’re doing and say hello. Affection is a biggie for me. I want to teach them affection has appropriate times and amounts. A hug, kiss on cheek, handshake all are good affections; however, I want to teach them that lingering affections can lead to inappropriate relationships. I’m not sure they can relate the adult/kid relationship affections to their peer relationship and affections, but I pray they do.
Ok, friends if you hear nothing at all, please hear this. I know it feels like when they’re little that there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. Not only is there light, but hopefully you’ll arrive there holding hands with the one you love. Enjoy the noise, the mess, the nights up with a cranky baby, the endless stories they want read. Those times go by so quickly. Trust me, I know it’s easy to be busy; take the time to go on a date with your man. How awesome is it that you can be married to your best friend! Your kids are important but they have their own life and path to follow. Don’t focus on your kids so much that your man becomes a second thought. He is who will be around, once your kids fly into their own lives. I pray this encourages all you weary moms, super busy moms, or anyone else who needs it. Until next time…
Respectfully…
Mama Wahl
As a parent/friend that has been around this family for many years, I can personally attest to the strong bound and love that emits from this beautiful family. The boys are the most caring, respectful, loving, fun group of young men that you will ever meet. I have personally witnessed the “brother in need” in action and it is am amazing sight to see. There is nothing like hearing that yell and 5 Wahl boys coming out of no where to help the 6th brother. I have seen this family share their food with others on long game filled weekends to a player or adult that is hungry. I have been on the receiving end of a Wahl boy hug and there is nothing better in this world. T & Amy (and D & C) are doing an incredible job raising fine young men. I am honored to have them in my family’s life and to call them friends.
Beautifully put. We only have 3 kids (4 years apart from #1 to #2) with a load of “hyphenated” kids who may or may not live here at times. My Mother’s Day cards every year give me thanks for making our house a place where everyone is welcome and included. As our first is in year 2 of college and #2 is hot on his heels, things are much calmer but I have to admit….I now long for the chaotic years when our lives were so much more intertwined.