what gets in the way?

 

 

 

What gets in the way?

What do we justify as big enough, deep enough, important enough to justify the ruining of relationship? What circumstances are just too crucial to me that I can’t let them go? … that they mean more to me than you do? … that they mean more to me than investing wisely, selflessly in another?

Such was prevalent again this past weekend, for example, as my beloved Bengals lost in the postseason to Pittsburgh’s Steelers. This loss was tougher than usual for me. I fully embrace the “just-a-game” mentality, but with a once promising season ended by a physical, rough rivalry, losing was harder for me to emotionally accept. It was a bit of an ugly game; it also didn’t help that my teenage sons were visibly upset by the result.

Except… when I was so focused on how I felt, I forgot something…

My longest, dearest friend is a Steelers fan. In fact, she has rooted with all her heart for the steely Black and Gold longer than I ever began to have a heart for the Bengals. Hence, while I was disappointed by the game’s results, she was simultaneously, thoroughly pleased. As much as I may be tempted to hunker down, tossing and turning in my own emotional pit, I cannot forget about the deep joy of one so dear to me.

Fascinating, isn’t it? When we’re so focused on self, we never have to wrestle with the emotions of another — how they may feel something or react to something differently… how their emotions may be completely different than yours or mine — yet equally valid.

(Note: I said “valid.”)

Four years ago, the Intramuralist re-published a great piece written by Taffy Brodesser-Akner, first published by Salon. The article was entitled “I Can’t Believe My Best Friend Is A Republican.” Friends, the article is excellent… for each of us. Allow me a brief, relevant excerpt here below. Said Brodesser-Akner:

“… Janet is a lifelong, passionate Republican. She does not pretend she is just a fiscal Republican, or just a Republican for Israel, as so many in our Jewish community are. She is a real, live, voting Republican. She likes Fox News and Rush Limbaugh. She admires Sarah Palin. She is for the defunding of NPR and Planned Parenthood. She is against ‘Obamacare,’ and she is for parental notification of abortions. Right now on my Facebook page, I have linked to a New York Times article on how women’s rights are being violated by South Dakota’s new abortion laws. Janet has just posted on hers — I’m not kidding — video footage of her and her husband at target practice…

Janet isn’t Glenn Beck or Sarah Palin. She believes what she’s telling me, and she’s studied the issues. That might be what is so difficult: She has the same education as I have, and yet she has made different decisions, decisions that are so counter to what I believe. Decisions I find abhorrent.

And yet, I think having a Republican friend is making me a better liberal. We need friends who differ from us. It’s easy to watch Republican extremism and think, ‘Wow, they’re crazy.’ But when someone is sitting face to face with us, when someone we admire and respect is telling us they believe differently, it is at this fine point that we find nuance, and we begin to understand exactly how we got to this point in history. We lose something critical when we surround ourselves with people who agree with us all the time. We lose out on the wisdom of seeing the other side.”

Sometimes I think we are too closed off, losing out on the wisdom of seeing the other side. It’s true, friends; like it or not, two reasonable people can come to two totally different conclusions, full of totally different emotions. We do that politically… socially… I was even tempted after an NFL playoff game.

When we fail to recognize that there are different perspectives and emotions — equally valid — we are sacrificing our own wisdom.

Time to get out of our emotional pits. I’ve heard they can be blinding.

Respectfully…
AR