intramuralist ™

A wise friend poured into me years ago that “whatever we pay attention to grows.” My strong sense is that we pay attention to too many undeserving things.

“Those people who say things” — as we often joke in our household — always say that gratitude has to be practiced. The more we practice or pay attention, the more routine it becomes; the more it also rubs off on those around us.

So starting this holiday week off right, let’s pay attention to what deserves it. Let’s be a grateful people… practicing gratitude… starting with the words shared by many…

1. I’m thankful for my family.
2. I’m thankful for my fam and my homies.
3. I’m thankful for 2019.
4. I’m thankful for the coming new year.
5. I’m thankful for my dog.
6. I’m thankful for my cat.
7. I’m thankful for health.
8. I’m thankful for the good health and happiness of my six children and three grandchildren.
9. I’m thankful for healing.
10. I’m thankful for healing relationships.
11. I’m thankful for hot sauce.
12. I’m thankful for Costco.
13. I’m thankful for Uber.
14. I’m thankful for my parents.
15. I’m thankful for my kids.
16. I’m thankful for Keto.
17. I’m thankful for keyboard shortcuts.
18. I’m thankful for a good new book and being motivated more to read.
19. I’m thankful for awesome neighbors and fantastic community!
20. I’m thankful for the diversity of my neighborhood and learning from each other.
21. I’m thankful for the opportunity to serve others and help those in need.
22. I’m thankful for humility.
23. I’m thankful for my wife.
24. I’m thankful that pitchers and catchers report in 79 days.
25. I’m thankful for Purdue.
26. I’m thankful for Ohio State.
27. I’m thankful for the Buckeyes winning!
28. I’m thankful for what I have as opposed to what I don’t.
29. I’m thankful for a job that I enjoy doing and coworkers and children who make me laugh.
30. I’m thankful for a job that lines up with my talents.
31. I’m thankful for my son’s diagnosis of Autism. It opened so many resources for us that were not available before!
32. I’m thankful to live in a country that gives us freedom.
33. I’m thankful for the freedom to vote.
34. I’m thankful for the snooze button.
35. I’m thankful for the mute button.
36. I’m thankful for people who turn the volume down when I walk in the room.
37. I’m thankful for C-SPAN.
38. I’m thankful for Netflix.
39. I’m thankful for meaningful conversation.
40. I’m thankful for give-and-take conversation and being able to agree to disagree.
41. I’m thankful for “Frozen.”
42. I’m thankful for food on my table and increased awareness to help others.
43. I’m thankful for my boyfriend.
44. I’m thankful the injury wasn’t worse.
45. I’m thankful for the hope that God can make beauty from ashes and can remake us into better versions of ourselves through pain and stripping away toxic relationships.
46. I’m thankful I can still laugh.
47. I’m thankful to give back to the Ronald McDonald House today.
48. I’m thankful for social media. Most days. Some days.
49. I’m thankful for the setbacks that have made me stronger.
50. I’m thankful for College Game Day!
51. I’m thankful for Jesus!
52. I’m thankful for my new pair of jeans.
53. I’m thankful a fresh bar of soap in the shower and no more small sliver.
54. I’m thankful for my salvation.
55. I’m thankful for sunshine.
56. I’m thankful that the beach is always beautiful even if it’s cold.
57. I’m thankful for living in Florida!
58. I’m thankful for Florida in the winter.
59. I’m thankful for the changing seasons.
60. I’m thankful for snow — at least the first time in winter!
61. I’m thankful for Thanksgiving and all that it means.
62. I’m thankful for green bean casserole!
63. I’m thankful for my mom and grandma passing down recipes.
64. I’m thankful when my family gathers and how we still feel about each other when we can’t.
65. I’m thankful for planes, trains, and automobiles.
66. I’m thankful for my faith in God!
67. I’m thankful for lifelong friends.
68. I am thankful for warrior princess friends.
69. I am thankful for my dear friends and their kindness to me.
70. I’m thankful for laughter!
71. I’m thankful for forgiveness, both the receiving and the giving.
72. I’m thankful for the smell of Christmas trees.
73. I’m thankful for Christmas and how everyone comes together.
74. I’m thankful for coffee and wine.
75. I’m thankful the kids will be home.
76. I’m thankful for my kid’s brutal honesty.
77. I’m thankful for doing work that matters.
78. I’m thankful for grace and recognizing more how much I need it. It makes me a better person.
79. I’m thankful for Black Friday and especially online shopping.
80. I’m thankful for the love of family and friends that lights my way in the darkest of days.
81. I’m thankful for the kindness of some people I’ve never met before.
82. I’m thankful my cancer is gone!
83. I’m thankful for what I’ve learned through cancer.
84. I’m thankful that 11 years later — left side — I’m still here.
85. I’m thankful that I can keep in touch with family and friends far away so much easier now!
86. I’m thankful for 80’s music.
87. I’m thankful for wise mentors.
88. I’m thankful for awesome teachers.
89. I’m thankful to learn from young and old alike.
90. I’m thankful for the new Mr. Rogers movie!
91. I’m thankful for the new giraffe born at the zoo!
92. I’m thankful for a free birthday drink at Starbucks.
93. I’m thankful for finding forgotten money in my purse.
94. I’m thankful for Sunday football on my sofa.
95. I’m thankful for making a difference.
96. I’m thankful for you!
97. I’m thankful for lots of things.
98. I’m thankful for blessings each day.
99. I’m thankful for another day.
100. I’m thankful to be more thankful.

The reality is there is always something to be grateful for — always. And whatever we pay attention to grows. 

So let’s start this week off right, paying attention to being grateful.

Respectfully…

AR

We hear much from many about the equality of all people, encouraging the treatment of all people with dignity and respect, helping each to reach their God-given potential. From stump speeches to cinematic productions (see “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood,” to be released on Friday), the encouragement is frequent and broad.

The encouragement always receives a rousing amen from the Intramuralist, whether referencing our national Declaration or the timeless Golden Rule… Do unto others as you would have them do unto you… Treat people the way you want to be treated… Repeatedly, we are wisely spurred on to love our neighbor as ourself, recognizing all as equal. 

And yet, while we seem to say that over and over again, a quandary still exists. Many of us who call for that acceptance and dignity and respect still intentionally withhold it from someone. It’s made me wrestle with the following, brilliant question from a wise friend:

Who is my neighbor?

Isn’t that a crazy question??

I mean, if I can see someone as not qualifying as my neighbor, then I can withhold all the good I know I otherwise ought to do. 

Hence, who is my neighbor?

Allow me to rephrase the question in a respectful, little more painful, still accurate way…

What is the minimum required of me in how I’m supposed to treat another?

Ouch. 

Is that not the essence of the question? Isn’t that what we’re really asking? If I can see someone as actually not my neighbor, then I do not have to love them. I do not have to treat them with dignity and respect. I do not have to accept them. I do not have to see them as created equal. And I certainly don’t have to pay any attention to them nor wrestle with what they believe…

It’s what allows me to think my MAGA hat wearing friends are delusional.
It’s what allows me to think my “Bernie 2020” friends have fallen off the deep end.
It’s what allows me to totally avoid and look down upon any who don’t look, think, act, believe or vote like me.

Not my neighbor? Great. I don’t have to treat you with any semblance of respect. I don’t even have to fake it.

So it takes us back to the root of the question. Who actually is our neighbor?

Fascinatingly, from those who follow Jesus and those who do not, with great respect for all, many respond to the preceding question with the account of the Good Samaritan. It’s a parable which transcends culture and all organized religion, showing up often in medieval art, later in the works of Rembrandt and Van Gogh, even in English law and colloquial metaphors. We all know a “good Samaritan” as a charitable person, one who helps another in need, even a stranger.

As the parable is told, a man had been stripped and beaten by robbers, left at the side of the road for dead. Multiple people walked by and avoided the man. Then a Samaritan walked by — and understand that Samaritans were pretty much seen as the total low life of society at the time — never ever close to the slightest hero — and yet, a Samaritan stops and helps. Not only did he help the poor man, he also took him to a place where the victim could get further care, and then paid two days’ wages to cover it. Why? 

Why in the world would someone be so unselfish and compassionate to a stranger, for heaven’s sake?

Note, also, that highly likely in this case is the probability that the man left for dead did not look, think, act, believe or vote like the Samaritan. And yet, he stopped and helped.

The Samaritan didn’t look at the man in need and see a problem; he saw a person. Seeing him as a person, he was able to recognize the needy as his “neighbor.”

Friends, each of us is each other’s neighbor. Who are you not seeing as a person? Who are you treating lesser? And from whom, then, are you withholding your compassion and respect?

Respectfully… always…

AR

This is absolutely ridiculous!

I can’t even believe that just happened.

There is no excuse for that.

He’s done!

That. Is. Insanity. Wow.

That might have been the craziest thing I have seen in politics.

Don’t touch my rep — let alone disrespect him like that.

Both sides are coming off the field.

I’m all for being a leader and doing the right thing.

Hate to see that in our government.

Never been more disturbed by government.

That’s not what politics is about!

So just for the record, the above dozen tweets are almost exactly, well sort of, kind of, close to verbatim. The truth is they came from peers and prior leaders in the same professional environment, in the immediate aftermath of the crud that occurred this week. Being insiders, they have a little better view than the rest of us, being closer to the situation, comprehending more of the nuances; they can see more of what’s actually going on. 

But yes — please accept my sincerest apologies — I admit: I did take a wee bit of liberty in editing the above, otherwise actual tweets.

I subbed the word “rep” for “QB,” “in politics” for “on a football field,” “politics” for “pro football,” and “government” for “game” or “end of a game.”

The tweets came from current and former players and from multiple NFL analysts. They came after one of the craziest nights in professional football… as called on air, while it was happening — the Steelers vs. the Browns, with few seconds remaining and an imminent Cleveland win…

“And he [Pittsburgh’s Mason Rudolph] takes the snap — 14 seconds to go. He got hit again…

And there’s a brawl going down… they’re going down…

And the Steelers are kicking Ogunjobi in the head!

And the benches are coming off the field! Both sides are coming off the field!

Maurkice Pouncey was kicking Ogunjobi in the head!

Now Freddie Kitchens is on the Browns’ sideline, and telling the rest of his team to stay in the bench area; the Steelers only have about 10 guys left in their bench area.

And security is out in the end zone, stringing the end zone, making sure the fans don’t get out on the field!”

Make no mistake about it; government is not a game. And one could make a fair point that perhaps the two should not be compared. Yet what is true is that in each arena, way too often, the behavior has gotten out of hand. Basic virtues of integrity and respect for all are too often sacrificed. And isn’t it sad, that when only a few words are edited in regard to awful, unethical behavior, the account doesn’t seem like much of a stretch?

Fortunately — at least in the week’s football malfeasance — one opposing team member was quicker to admit his own mistake. Note the statement by Browns’ defensive end, Myles Garrett, who has since been suspended indefinitely by the NFL:

“Last night, I made a terrible mistake. I lost my cool and what I did was selfish and unacceptable. I know that we are all responsible for our actions and I can only prove my true character through my actions moving forward. I want to apologize to Mason Rudolph, my teammates, our entire organization, our fans and to the NFL. I know I have to be accountable for what happened, learn from my mistake and I fully intend to do so.”

Apology. Accountability. Admission of selfishness and wrongdoing.

Wouldn’t that be refreshing if we heard that from the elect, too… on all sides? 

I pray it happens quickly… that is… before we have to bring out increased security, stringing the end zone, making sure the fans don’t also get out on the field.

Respectfully…

AR

Call us obstinate if you must, but the Intramuralist will always advocate for what is wiser. We will not/cannot accept leaks, tweets, and agenda-driven news as providing an accurate, complete perspective; they do not. When we witness scenarios such as last weekend’s apology by Northwestern University’s student paper for actually covering an event because their reporting made some upset and/or feel unsafe, we can see how so much news isn’t really news. The media is part of the problem.

Hence, as we examine the evolution of the media’s behavior, which too often only fuels the rage and lack of objectivity, I was encouraged by the recent report of John Gable, the CEO and founder of AllSides.com (note: all emphasis mine):

“Despite the overwhelming division and non-stop crisis apparent in the media — from impeachment to Syria to threats to our democratic institutions — it’s not all doom and gloom. We’ve got some good news — news so core to our mission that we decided to share with all of our friends supporting AllSides.

People are demanding something better than partisan media slant, hyped outrage and hateful discourse that divides us. We are seeing shifts in the American public overall and a surge of interest in AllSides that we think bode well for the health of our nation. Here are some quick highlights: 

Surging demand for balanced news…

Traffic to AllSides.com grew 42% last month alone, and 39% the month before that. During these same two months, traffic to traditional online media outlets dropped slightly.

Pew Research shows growth in demand for balanced news. According to Pew, 78% of Americans prefer news from a source that doesn’t have a particular partisan slant. This is a dramatic increase from a 2012 survey that found 64% prefer news without a particular point of view.

Members of multi-partisan focus groups ‘literally jumped out of their seats’ with excitement after seeing news presented in the way AllSides has spearheaded, showing multiple perspectives and the outlet’s bias.

Desire — and opportunity — for civility and respectful discourse…

93% of Americans see incivility as a problem; 68% think it is at a crisis level.

Mismatch by AllSides provides a refreshing alternative. Purpose-built to foster human connection and respectful dialogue, Mismatch is our online conversation platform that was successfully tested with over 300 students from 14 U.S. states this Spring.

AllSides and our partners will bring civil dialogue to the entire nation. A joint project with partners like Living Room Conversations, National Conversation Project and the National Institute for Civil Discourse will provide a desperately needed alternative to the nasty discourse we are sure to see in 2020.

Growth in media literacy and civic education…

Our new guide, 11 Types of Media Bias, was hot, driving our single biggest day of traffic all year. We received an onslaught of positive feedback not just from teachers and students, but from adults of all ages.

Our schools program continues to grow dramatically — we now service about 20,000 students and teachers every week in all 50 states. Civic and media literacy education is taking off across the nation. Our new schools website, programs and partnerships (with Close Up Foundation, the Gilder-Lehrman Institute, and others) provide news literacy, conversation skills and critical thinking for the next generation.

Schools in 28 states have already signed up for Mismatch this semester. Last June, we conducted a Mismatch beta test with over 300 students in 14 states; 92% said they would sign up for Mismatch again, and 83% felt it helped them to appreciate different perspectives after just one conversation.”

Oh, how I love this… oh, how it’s different from current conversation. Allow me to go back to AllSides…

“From the earliest days at AllSides, we struggled with how to describe ourselves. Are we a technology company, media service, or a movement? The truth is, we are all of these things. AllSides is dedicated to strengthening our democracy by freeing people from filter bubbles so they can better understand the world — and each other. We are creating a stronger democratic society and democratic republic.”

Freeing people from filter bubbles… what a fantastic ambition! Are you free?! Ready to help “foster human connection and respectful dialogue”?

Says AllSides once more…

“We are all in this together.”

Oh, indeed we are… may we continue to advocate for what is wiser.

Respectfully,

AR

As we sometimes do, allowing for a minimized-bias, rapid-fire approach, here is the week in questions — 35 of them to be exact (p.s. it’s an easy, insightful way to read)…

Do Americans Support Impeaching Trump?

What, Exactly, Is President Trump’s ‘High Crime’ Here?

In ‘Woke’ Era, Is Scandal Coverage Tied to Accused’s Politics?

The Phrase ‘OK, Boomer’: Justified or Not?

Could The Warriors Pull Off A One-Year Tank?

A 2020 Dropout Draft: Who Will Leave Before The December Debate?

The Nationals Went All In On Just A Few Great Pitchers. Will Others Do The Same?

A Bevin-Beshear recount?

What Did We Vote for Yesterday?

Will Uncle Sam Force Big Tech to Break Up?

College Football’s Champions Aren’t in Top 4 of the Playoff Rankings. Why?

Is California Becoming Premodern?

Should We Give California or Texas Back?

Are Electric Cars Good for the Environment?

Trump Pokes Fun at Himself. Why Do Only Some See It?

Can Warren Actually Avoid Taxing the Middle Class?

Why Are CEOs Resigning In Record Numbers?

Why Can’t Hall-of-Fame QB John Elway Find One for the Broncos?

Is Hillary Clinton Set for a White House Run?

Why Does the Left Keep Discounting Trump’s Economy?

Is the Global Dollar in Jeopardy?

Why Are So Many Countries Witnessing Mass Protests?

Tulsi Gabbard Clashes With Joy Behar: Are You Calling Me ‘Stupid’?

For US veterans, what does it mean to heal a moral injury?

Can Empathic Concern Actually Increase Political Polarization?

Is Kanye West’s Conversion to Christ for Real?

Is Democracy in Danger in the Information Age?

Weren’t We Told Democracy Dies in Darkness?

Will Great Britain Become Little England?

Can the American Experiment Survive Donald Trump?

Should the Ukraine Whistleblower’s Identity be Protected?

Did the Biden Family Think America Was for Sale?

What You Pay the Government…Is It Worth It?

Holiday Sales Outlook: Just In Time, or Too Late to Matter?

Will a Late Entry Scramble the Democratic Primary?

Would you share your views of Donald Trump over dinner?

… As said many times, the question is my favorite punctuation piece. Why? Because it’s the only punctuation mark that merits a response. What a beautiful thing if we all asked more questions.

Ah, yes… the news in Q’s…

Respectfully…

AR

There are many stories in the news these days that seem too much, too biased, and too unworthy of our attention. The following is not one of them. Be prepared; there’s a key detail at the end. Written by John Peragine in Saturday’s New York Times…

“Stacy Perez never could have imagined turning to a food bank to feed her family. Ms. Perez, 43, a surgical nurse, and her husband, Alfredo, 42, a welder at a factory that makes steel castings, had built a good, stable life for themselves and their four children. But on June 3, 2015, all of that changed in an instant.

Ms. Perez, who was on maternity leave after the birth of her daughter, had just made arrangements with her manager to return to work the next week when her phone rang. Her son Cruz had been badly injured in an accident. Cruz, 14, had been out with his cousin, going door to door raising money for his baseball team. He was crossing a street on his bike when he was struck by a car.

‘When I arrived and saw the ways his arms were moving and the amount of blood on his head, I knew he had a traumatic brain injury,’ Ms. Perez recalled. She rode with him in the ambulance to the hospital where she worked, but his injuries were so serious that he was airlifted to the University of Iowa Stead Family Children’s Hospital in Iowa City, about 60 miles to the west.

After Cruz underwent emergency surgery, the doctors told the family that they had done everything possible and that it would be touch and go. Even if Cruz survived, they were told, he would be in a vegetative state. Ms. Perez refused to accept this. ‘Today’s diagnosis is not tomorrow’s prognosis,’ she said in a recent interview.

And yet, the severity of Cruz’s injuries and his need for round-the-clock care forced the family to make difficult decisions. Ms. Perez indefinitely delayed her return to work, and her husband took a leave from his job. The family had some short-term disability insurance, but their finances would be tight.

Cruz’s rehabilitation was difficult, and slow. He was released from the children’s hospital after about three weeks and was transferred to an inpatient rehabilitation center closer to home. During this time, Stacy was breastfeeding her baby, Olivia, and taking care of their other sons, Marcos, now 21, and Santos, 16.

Cruz returned home in August 2015, but his rehabilitation routine did not allow Stacy to return to work. ‘Cruz had therapy appointments three times a day,’ she said, ‘and there were trips to Iowa City weekly. I had to do everything for Cruz. He had to learn to talk, walk and eat. It became my life.’

Mr. Perez returned to his job at the steel castings factory, picking up as many hours as he could. His annual income of about $46,000 was too high for the family to qualify for food stamps or Supplemental Security Income, and they struggled to pay their bills. For three years, Stacy stayed home to take care of Cruz. She was torn between the responsibility she felt to solve the family’s financial problems and her pride, which made her reluctant to accept help. Plenty of other people were more needy than they were, she thought. ‘I cooked a lot of beans, rice and pasta during that time,’ she said. A neighbor often stopped by to check on the family, bringing food because he knew they could use it. Often, Ms. Perez would hide when she saw him coming because she was too proud to accept the food.

The neighbor encouraged Ms. Perez to visit the River Bend Foodbank, which distributes about 17 million meals a year from a warehouse on Davenport’s South Side. It is among 200 food banks and about 60,000 food pantries affiliated with Feeding America…

After some prodding, Ms. Perez agreed to check it out. She arrived to find shelves of food stacked to the ceiling. ‘I was conflicted because I did not want a handout,’ she said. ‘It was really hard to accept assistance, and I wanted to give a lot of the food back.’

When she returned home, she said, her children’s faces lit up when they saw all the food. At that moment, she knew she had made the right decision. ‘Having that food gave my children hope,’ she said. ‘People don’t realize the impact a trauma can have on a family. It affects everyone. Having food line our cabinets again meant there was light at the other side of what he had been through.’

Ms. Perez and her family returned to the food bank at least once a month for five months, and things began to get better. She began making tamales, using a family recipe, and bringing them to a local homeless shelter. Word got around about the tamales, and her friends started ordering them. Ms. Perez began selling them at bars and became known locally as the ‘tamale girl.’

Ms. Perez returned to work about six months ago, juggling a pair of full-time nursing jobs. She and her husband would love to own a home, and she is working extra hours to save for a down payment.

Cruz, now 19, fared much better than his doctors initially predicted. He graduated on time with his high school class and now attends Project Search at Saint Ambrose University, where he is learning life skills so he can live independently. He still suffers from seizures and needs regular monitoring, medication and treatment.

Ms. Perez does not make as many tamales these days, although people continue to ask for them. And she is grateful for the River Bend Foodbank, which she said she had not known about ‘until I needed it’…”

What a great story… what great work… what a way to make a difference, offering hope to another.

My brother, Mike, serves as the President & CEO of the aforementioned food bank. He has taught me much, especially how we can solve hunger and care for those in need. It starts, no less, by working together. What a positive difference we make, friends, when we learn to work together.

Respectfully…

AR

[Note: to learn more about River Bend Foodbank, see www.riverbendfoodbank.org. To find your local food bank, go to feedingamerica.org.].

After a years-long hunt, the leader of the Islamic State terrorist group (ISIS/ISIL), Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, was cornered and then killed (himself). Wikipedia describes him as follows: “Baghdadi would become directly involved in ISIL’s atrocities and human rights violations. These include genocide of Yazidis in Iraq, extensive sex slavery, organized rape, floggings, and systematic executions. He directed terrorist activities and massacres. He embraced brutality as part of the organization’s propaganda efforts, producing videos displaying mass crucifixions, sex slavery and executions via hacking, stoning, and burning.” He was a man motivated by evil.

Let us never pay more attention to evil than to good.

In that light…

The U.S. military operation tasked to find Baghdadi was dedicated to Kayla Mueller, a 26 year old woman who was kidnapped, raped, tortured, and eventually killed by the terrorist group. She had been abducted in August of 2013, with her death reported in 2015; her body has never been recovered.

While in captivity, Mueller penned the following, amazing (in my opinion) letter to her parents…

“… I wanted to write you all a well thought out letter (but I didn’t know if my cell mates would be leaving in the coming days or the coming months, restricting my time but primarily, I could only but write the letter a paragraph at a time), just the thought of you all sends me into a lot of tears.

If you could say I have ‘suffered’ at all throughout this whole experience, it is only in knowing how much suffering I have put you all through. I will never ask you to forgive me as I do not deserve your forgiveness. I remember mom always telling me that all in all + in the end, the only one you really have is God. I have come to a place in this experience where, in every sense of the word, I have surrendered myself to our creator because literally there was no one else… + by God + by your prayers I have felt tenderly cradled in free fall. I have been shown in darkness, light & have learned that even in prison, one can be free. I am grateful.

I have come to see that there is good in every situation; sometimes we just have to look for it. I pray each day that if nothing else, you have felt a certain closeness & surrender to God as well & have formed a bond of love & support amongst one another… I miss you all as if it has been a decade of forced separation. I have had many a long hour to think… I have had many hours to think how only in your absence have I finally @ 25 years old come to realize your place in my life. The gift that is each one of you & the person I could & could not be if you were not a part of my life, my family, my support. I DO NOT want the negotiations for my release to be your duty; if there is any other option, take it, even if it takes more time. This should never have become your burden.

I have asked these women to support you; please seek their advice. If you have not done so already… 

None of us could have known it would be this long, but know I am also fighting from my side in the ways I am able & I have a lot of fight left inside of me. I am not breaking down & I will not give in no matter how long it takes.

I wrote a song some months ago that says ‘the part of me that pains the most also gets me out of bed, without your hope there would be nothing left.’ aka — the thought of your pain is the source of my own, simultaneously the hope of our reunion is the source of my strength.

Please be patient; give your pain to God. I know you would want me to remain strong; that is exactly what I am doing.

Do not fear for me; continue to pray, as will I & by God’s will we will be together soon.

All my everything, Kayla”

Kayla Mueller died in captivity. In the face of evil, she found something better.

She found strength. She found faith. She was resolute. And her message is good for each of us to soberly remember now.

Rest in peace, young friend. You have wisdom beyond your age.

Respectfully…

AR

Today I’d like to talk about something I’m actually hesitant to talk about. It’s not that the Intramuralist doesn’t have an opinion nor that I believe we cannot discuss respectfully. Rather, it’s that my vantage point is so far away. Time and time again, we witness those around us (maybe even us) become firmly entrenched in staunch, passionate opinions, failing, no less, to realize that our vantage point is so far away, that we are actually incapable of having a fully accurate perspective. My sense is many of our conversations would be better — and more solution-oriented — if we were willing to admit that our opinion has been formed from very far away.

Hence, noting our very removed perspective in the following incident that made some headlines this week, there are two concluding questions that seem wise for us to ask. Let’s see if we can do this well…

Meet James Younger. He is a 7 year old twin brother, whose parents are involved in a significant, contentious custody battle. The primary reason for the contention is that his mother wishes to raise him instead as a girl. 

Anne Georgulas and Jeffrey Younger were married for 4 years before having their marriage annulled in 2016. They have been fighting in a Dallas family court for more than 2 years over the conservatorship of James.

Georgulas is a pediatrician in private practice. She believes James has gender dysphoria and thus should be raised now as a transgender girl. Georgulas calls her son, “Luna.” In a released video recording of James at 3, James states that he is a girl because his mother told him so and has him wear dresses and finger nail polish.

Younger is a mathematician. He believes his ex-wife has “manipulated” James into a “false gender self-identity” and thus opposes the child’s gender transition.

On Tuesday of last week, a jury ruled 11 to 1 that Georgulas has the sole right to make all medical and psychological decisions for James and his brother, Jude. On Thursday, however, after significant state and national outrage, a judge reinstated “Joint Managing Conservatorship,” meaning both Georgulas and Younger must be involved in decisions about their kids’ medical and psychological care.

First and foremost, I find my heart grieving for young James. Remember James is 7 years old. 7 year olds have just mastered learning to ride their bike. Typically in second grade, they are beginning to understand how numbers fit together; they’re more solidified on left and right and how to read a clock; and they often really look forward to recess and lunch. They are not adults, and according to the medically adopted stages of child development, they are just now beginning to demonstrate logical, concrete reasoning. Logical reasoning is not indicative of 7 nor especially not 3 year olds.

How confusing.

I often think of how confusing even our teenagers are, trying to find their identity… trying to find how they fit… trying to find a way to navigate through life in a healthy way, with massive hormonal changes, in a culture that’s way too full of social media, comparison, and too-often-encouraged self-absorption. As written in Psychology Today, “One of the important things to remember is that what a teen does and is exposed to during this critical time in life, has a large influence on the teen’s future, because experience and current needs shape the pruning and sprouting process in the brain.” Hence, with so many unhealthy influences coercing our kids, how can they not be confused? And that’s teenagers. 

Thus remembering we are so far removed from the Younger situation — and that we are incapable of having a fully accurate perspective — I find myself wrestling with two questions…

First, if a parent wants a child to be a different gender — I ask sincerely — is that abuse?

And second, what’s the role of the state? In a situation like this, is it appropriate for the government to intervene and terminate the authority of either parent? 

Who, friends, has the most authority for our kids?

(God help us. We need it. Did I mention this is confusing?)

Respectfully…

AR

Everyone needs wise others to speak into their life to sharpen, encourage, and inspire. My good friend, Collin, is one of those pivotal people for me. As we sat together last weekend, we found ourselves toying with current culture… what’s healthy… what’s not… how do we navigate through? Collin always encourages what’s better…

Let’s talk about honor. People mistake what it is.

While honor means to place value on or highly regard, honor is nothing short of humility in action.

When you’re honoring another it’s not that you are thinking less of yourself. Consistent with humility, it means thinking about yourself less. We should be outdoing one another in our intentional expressions of honor.

But there’s a huge challenge obstructing each of us.

The challenge is that we don’t live in a culture of honor. In fact, strikingly sadly, we live in a culture in which the manifestation of humility is not taught or encouraged.

No, we live in a culture of contempt… contempt!

We live in a culture that encourages us to see others not only as wrong — but as worthless.

Think about that for a minute. Worthless.

“A culture of contempt presents us with a false choice — that we have to choose between strong beliefs and close relationships,” writes Arthur Brooks, the Harvard professor. 

We’ve set up this whole narrative of false choices, choices that allow us to see another person as worthless or actually deserving of our scorn. For example…

If you support Black Lives Matter, you hate cops. That’s a false choice.

If you take a knee during the National Anthem, you are anti-patriotic. Again, false choice.

If you are against taking a knee, you are anti-civil rights. False choice.

If you voted for _____, you must be _____. Fill in the blank with whoever/whatever you wish; it’s still a false choice.

A culture of contempt is sustained by a narrative of false choices.

When Ellen DeGeneres and former Pres. George W. Bush enjoyed an NFL game together a week ago — as discussed on the Intramuralist — the reason for the resulting social media outrage was the existence of this culture of contempt. A culture of honor instead allows for differences to thrive.

So why do we honor? 

We honor because all men and women are created equal. We are crafted by our Creator. In other words, whether we realize it or not, God’s image and signature is on every person… on us… on everybody else… even when they don’t think, look or love like us.

How to we honor?

We honor intentionally. Are you purposeful about valuing and esteeming others around you?

We honor generously. Are you generous with your words? … resources, service, and affection? Do you ever intentionally withhold one, some, or all of the above because you think the other is undeserving? That’s not honor. And make no mistake about it; we cannot honor God when we are dishonoring the people he created. (Maybe read that sentence again.)

We also honor humbly. Are you willing to feel a little awkward to show honor to someone else? Remember: this is humility in action.

Oh, how much better our neighborhoods, workplaces, families and social media hangouts would be if we attempted to outdo each other with honor… if we contemplated what we said and how we said it … if we stopped slamming anyone on social media… if we stopped avoiding or not talking to… but instead engaged in honoring interactions… if we put humility in action.

It’s not going to happen until we decide to do it in our individual communities; it starts with you and me.

So…

Who do each of us need to start honoring?

Respectfully…

AR

“Pick a side — any side” is the dangling societal lure.

One of the Intramuralist’s aims is to always promote what’s better. With last week’s sudden passing of the honorable, Rep. Elijah Cummings, if we paused, if we actually took the time, cleared the noise, turned off the TV, we again have opportunity to see something better…

“There was no stronger advocate and no better friend than Elijah Cummings. I am heartbroken for his wonderful family and staff — please pray for them. I will miss him dearly.” 

“Saddened to learn of the passing of @RepCummings this morning. In my time working with him, he was upfront, gracious, & caring… God bless you, faithful servant…” 

“Very sad to learn that my colleague Rep. Elijah Cummings has passed away. He leaves a legacy as a determined public servant and strong fighter for civil rights.”

Cummings was an avowed Democrat. Each and all of the above were shared by members of the so-called other “side,” respectfully, from Republican Representatives Mark Meadows, Chip Roy, and Steve Scalise.

As tributes have continued to roll in from all “sides” these past few days, perhaps most poignant to me were the words of former Rep. Trey Gowdy, an ardent, conservative man who like Cummings, is known for the vehement expression of his conviction. I will not soon forget their much publicized 2015 argument, when the two of them, who were the top committee members on the House Select Committee on Benghazi, in front of a silent Hillary Clinton, went back-and-forth for multiple minutes, mostly just screaming at each other.

This week, no less, Gowdy contributed an op-ed piece in The Washington Post and tweeted at length about Cummings. Wrote Gowdy…

“Elijah Cummings was one of the most powerful, beautiful & compelling voices in American politics. The power and the beauty came from his authenticity, his conviction, the sincerity with which he held his beliefs…

We never had a cross word outside of a committee room. He had a unique ability to separate the personal from the work. The story of Elijah’s life would benefit everyone, regardless of political ideation.

He was my friend, and it is that part of life working with Elijah that I will remember and cherish the best and the longest…

Members of Congress don’t always give advice to (or take advice from) one another. Most don’t have the kind of relationship where you can, but we did.

We did because we tried to understand where the other had come from, what made us who we were, why we believed what we believed…”

Gowdy’s op-ed was entitled, “Elijah Cummings and I were political opponents. We were also good friends.” 

Having watched the men (and more) bicker before the camera, most would not have known the depth of Cummings and Gowdy’s friendship. Most would not have guessed that each was sincerely intentional in understanding why the other believed what he believed.

Hence, one of the emerging insights from the week is that what we are witnessing on TV are just snippets… snippets. Snippets do not form an authentic narrative.

Wrote The Atlantic: “The story of the veteran lawmaker is one more example of how, in Washington, appearances deceive, and public performances and private relationships often diverge.”

One of the deceiving appearances in Washington is this need to pick a side. The danger in the side-picking, though, is that it fools us into thinking we no longer need to work at trying to understand why another believes what they believe.

My sense is that Cummings and Gowdy knew that. They knew what’s better.

Respectfully…

AR