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community

Yesterday was my birthday. It was full of all sorts of precious moments…

… waking up, thanking God for a beautiful, mild temp day in the smack-dab, middle of summer…
… indulging in toasted coconut donuts — a treat — also a favorite…
… attending a baseball game — with sweet seats — an all time favorite pastime…

There was some work, too, to complete this day, as my current “to do list” remains ongoing and especially active. But work is a necessary part of life; it made sense that some would be true on my birthday, too.

But the simple key I wish to speak of this day stems from the warm and witty wishes shared with me throughout the day…

… cards in the mailbox…
… calls and texts on the phone…
… meetings face-to-face…
… greetings via social media…
… from the moment I awoke until I went to bed…

It was so fun to hear from hundreds…

… my family…
… friends…
… persons I’ve treasured for decades…
… persons I’ve treasured for days…

But here’s the part that made me scrap what I previously intended to share this day…

I am a big believer in community: a feeling of fellowship amid a group of people, doing some sense of life together, with a common interests or set of values. Yesterday, I got a sweet sense of authentic community.

I heard from all sorts of people…

… from 9 to 95…
… men, women…
… children, teens, college kids, adults, and the elderly…
… my college friends, my kids’ friends…
… friends from elementary or high school…
… friends from baseball, show choir, church or even my favorite vet’s office…
… singles, married, widows, and divorced…
… gay, straight…
… black, white, Latino, etc…
… Christian, Jewish, Muslim, even agnostic and atheist…
… Democrat, Republican, and WBNRN (“Want to Be Nothing Right Now”)…
… white collar, blue collar, and varied levels of education…
… friends from all across the globe.

My point is this: none of the above differences diminished the community experienced yesterday. None of the above differences got in the way. In other words, we didn’t let our individual differences trump what’s most important… that is — dare said on my birthday — loving one another well.

I felt the love, respect, and appreciation that all people deserve regardless of individual difference.

I felt community.

And it was good.

Thank you to those of you who reached out yesterday. Thank you even more for the contagious example of authentic community you modeled to the rest of us. 

Let’s not allow differences to obstruct what is good. Let’s not choose that. Instead, let us allow those differences to educate and sharpen one another.

Respectfully… always…
AR

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indivisible

The meeting was called to order. Together they recited the Pledge…

“… one nation under God…
… indivisible…
… with liberty…
… and justice…
… for all.”

And then the small city’s mayor, after four minutes of sharing only his own thoughts, ended the meeting due to a public comment on a fellow council’s member’s Facebook page — a member with whom he shares multiple dissimilar views. The comment suggested that another council member’s behind be kicked. This was then referred to as the “straw that broke the camel’s back” and “threatened violence.” On a hotly contested night by a hotly divided vote, the meeting was abruptly adjourned. There would be no governance taking place that night.

“… one nation under God…
… indivisible…
… with liberty…
… and justice…
… for all.”

In my sweet, small town, we seem to currently be having trouble getting government right. We seem to have trouble remembering that those in charge only have said position and power due to the consent of the governed — all of the governed… not just the ones with similar views. And then we justify a lot of fighting. The fighting obstructs the fixing of the challenges they were elected to address.

I suppose we shouldn’t be shocked. Our quaint suburb of 12,000 plus is merely a microcosm of what we’re seeing on a grander scale… the finger pointing, the indignant offense, and the vast hyperbole articulated in the offense… and then, of course, more resulting division.

Have our leaders forgotten what “indivisible” means? Have we?

And what will it take to end the fighting and start the fixing?

One of the movements the Intramuralist has been watching is a group called “No Labels.” It’s an organization that began some seven years ago, as over 1,000 citizens from each of the 50 states gathered together, sharing their frustration with Washington’s “business as usual” way of doing things. And so Democrats and Republicans convened for the purpose of launching a movement that would prioritize our entire country over any party. Party affiliations need not be shed, but fixing America’s problems is more important.

I appreciate, especially, this stated belief: “As long as they are intellectually honest, we respect conservatives, liberals, and anyone in between who has a sincere desire to address the nation’s problems. No Labels supports a diversity of viewpoints; we think it’s one of America’s strengths.”

Agreed. Allow me to share more…

“No Labels is building a movement for the legions of people who are tired of a political system that simply doesn’t respond to the priorities of the vast majority of the American people.

We believe that to solve a problem — any problem — leaders first need to unite behind goals, and then commit to a rigorous process to achieve those goals.”

So when I see the diverse co-chairs of Jon Huntsman and Joe Lieberman… the varied viewpoints, backgrounds, etc. of vice-chairs Charlie Black, Lisa Borders, Al Cardenas, and Mack McLarty… when I see the left and right come together — with no place for the yellers, screamers, nor disrespectful — I’m encouraged (www.nolabels.org). I also think they know their Pledge.

What again does “indivisible” mean?

It means to stop fighting, start fixing, and commit to being respectful.

Together.

Respectfully…
AR

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a chipmunk, robin, & toad

As the boxes are packed and the moving van looms, I’ve learned to sit back, relax, and intentionally reflect upon the things I love about my house…

… the conversation booth, where we’ve sat and shared and laughed and cried and even lit numerous birthday candles through the years… friends, strangers… all have been welcome…

… the basement built for (mostly) playful roughhousing and fictional reenactments, remembering the many days my teens and ‘tweens decided to channel their inner Batman, Han Solo, and Adam West…

… and my outdoor, covered patio — shielded by the winds and the rain all seasons of the year, where we’ve sat with blankets in the cold, shorts in the sun, and coffee, etc. in so many precious quiet times…

… so many days have been sat in silence there… so many times I’ve sensed something so more than me…

Off of that patio, we’ve been blessed with near three acres of land. It’s all pretty flat — good for the 70 yard football field our boys enjoyed each fall — goal posts and all. And in the very back of the yard, we share woods with the neighbors — full in the summer and leafless in the fall, when we can actually see those neighbors.

What else we see in the yard has been beautiful these past 18 years. I’ll admit… this city-girl has never been a huge nature fan, but God changed me these many years, showing me a beauty that the city never sees. There’s just something about deer grazing and galloping through the yard each week that causes the me to stop, drop, and watch roll. Then the hawks soar high above, again reminding me of something bigger than me.

The wildlife sightings have been wonderful. In fact, just yesterday, all at the same time, I spotted a chipmunk, robin, and toad. And then it dawned on me, the bigger point for today’s blog…

The chipmunk scampers about the ground, taking everything in so quickly… making such fast decisions on what to believe and where to go. It’s small and spotted and mostly brown, but with that lightning quick speed, I don’t often notice his color.

The robin seems to either sit or soar. It sits on the branches, with its seemingly proud perch, taking in all of its surroundings. But then on a whim it takes off, soaring either low to the ground or high above — a totally different viewpoint than the chipmunk.

And then there’s that toad. With no disrespect intended to the tailless amphibian, he’s a little bit slimy. And he just kind of sits there. He only seems to jump when he feels like it, and while he’s not exactly my favorite kind of animal, I find myself fascinated with how he takes it all in, observing, aware of his surroundings, never moving seemingly irrationally.

Here the chipmunk, robin, and toad are all so different. They are animals, no less, but they see the world differently.

And yet, we don’t have conversations about how better a toad is than a chipmunk… how wiser a robin is than a toad. We recognize the irrelevance of comparison.

We appreciate each for who he is — never expecting them to be something they are not… never judging the robin for his red breast nor the chipmunk for his spots.

We appreciate each for who he is, thankful for how he/she was uniquely, beautifully created by the God of the universe.

There is no judgment. No comparison. Simply appreciation.

Oh, how I love my backyard…

Oh, how we can learn from the animals…

Respectfully…
AR

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death to our relationships

On the recent holiday, columnist Christine Emba wrote an insightful piece for The Washington Post. She shared that “in between the flags and fireworks, such a major milestone is as good a moment as any to take stock of how our relationship is doing.” And then she spoke of the deteriorating communication in our country. Utilizing the research and wisdom of The Gottman Institute, co-founded by married doctors John and Julie Gottman, and respected for years by the Intramuralist, I thought her application of the Gottman’s “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” — communication styles that can predict the end of a connection — was excellent. Said Emba, “These four — criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt — spell death when it comes to interpersonal relationships.”

Death to our relationships. What a sad state of society.

Emba continues in her analysis… (Note: please remove all partisan hats… know, too, that the added emphasis is mine…)

“… Unfortunately, today’s United States has all four in spades.

Start with criticism: Making ad hominem attacks on a partner’s character, rather than discussing specific behaviors. C’mon, #Resistance: It can’t possibly be true that every Republican who supports stronger border vetting hates Muslims, or that anyone who opposes federal funding for Planned Parenthood is a creepy misogynist bent on instituting a ‘Handmaid’s Tale’-style forced-reproduction regime. Yet moral disparagement is too often the go-to stance. We’ve all but abandoned the harder path of seeking to understand the real reasoning behind an opponent’s views.

Then there’s defensiveness — self-protection in the form of performed victimhood or righteous indignation. ‘The media is lying about us,’ cries the right. ‘The news is fake, the papers are frauds, and all of them are conspiring to undermine us. And how dare reporters attack our president this way — have they no respect for the office?’ But Russia might have interfered in the election; the president might be profiteering from the Oval Office. Instead of addressing the real problems at hand, we seek out someone to blame.

Stonewalling, when one listener simply withdraws from the conversation, is one horseman that has been at a full gallop for years. In 2009, even before Barack Obama was inaugurated as president, Republicans resolved that, in the words of one former senator, ‘If he was for it, we had to be against it.’ The policy held through two full terms. In 2016, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) blocked confirmation hearings for Obama Supreme Court nominee Merrick Garland for an unheard-of eight months. A recipe for productive give-and-take? Not so much.

The most destructive of all is contempt: true meanness, statements handed down from a position of superiority and meant to disrespect. In marital relationships, contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce. In our national debate, it’s become all too common. Hillary Clinton famously lamented the ‘basket of deplorables’ opposing her during the election; as the new administration moved forward on its agenda, one New York magazine analysis was headlined ‘No Sympathy for the Hillbilly.’ To many on the left, Trump voters are fools. A loss of dignity, autonomy and health care is exactly what they deserve.

It’s an equal-opportunity problem, and, no, it isn’t all about President Trump: Both right and left have engaged in the breakdown-inducing behaviors that have put our democracy on the edge of divorce. While the right has been the source of some of the more obvious offenses in recent years, these aren’t new phenomena — and the fixes aren’t, either.

Though the Gottmans were speaking to unhappy couples, their advice suggests a way forward. The antidote to criticism is to offer a critique of the specific problem at hand, rather than resorting to attack. To end defensiveness, take responsibility. Building a culture of respect can end contempt. Boorishness has an equal and opposite reaction, but breaking the cycle of anger requires that someone — from either party! — step up and take responsibility for change, even if the results aren’t immediately apparent.

While a national political system isn’t quite the same as a marriage, it’s built on the same foundation: a commitment to shared values, a positive approach to conflict, strong communication.

Perhaps for our 242nd anniversary, we can trade a few horsemen for an attempt at harmony. Our relationship may be on the rocks, but it’s still worth saving.”

Amen and well said.

Take off the partisan hats, friends… as neither side is anywhere close to cornering the market on wisdom, integrity, and especially, communicating consistent respect to all.

Respectfully…
AR

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without compromising

Sometimes we’re at our best when speaking the elementary to adolescents. We’re more clear, more concise…

We’re better at sharing wisdom in ways that are patient and gentle without compromising boldness or truth.

We point fewer fingers. We emphasize the hope.

Perhaps because it wasn’t a campaign rally or PR event, there wasn’t a massive news media presence nor was there any reliance upon a TelePrompter. There also was thus minimal reporting on the address when it was given. Here was Chief Justice John Roberts, delivering the ninth-grade commencement address at Cardigan Mountain School in a small New Hampshire town.

With his son in the audience, he shared what The Washington Post would later publicize in an article entitled:

“The Best Thing Chief Justice Roberts Wrote This Term Wasn’t a Supreme Court Opinion.”

After solely reading one paragraph of his approximate 11 minute address, the Intramuralist concurs. After instructing the students to stand and applaud their parents and others who had provided significant guidance — and then joked that he would later be able to report that his speech was “interrupted by applause” — Roberts shared the following wise words with the budding teens:

“From time to time in the years to come, I hope you will be treated unfairly so that you will come to know the value of justice. I hope that you will suffer betrayal because that will teach you the importance of loyalty. Sorry to say, but I hope you will be lonely from time to time so that you don’t take friends for granted. I wish you bad luck, again, from time to time so that you will be conscious of the role of chance in life and understand that your success is not completely deserved and that the failure of others is not completely deserved either.”

How often are we impatient? … solely looking at the negative? … simply pleading or demanding that our circumstances change?

Are we missing the blessing? … the blessing in which…

Unfairness helps us know justice…
Betrayal teaches us loyalty…
And loneliness shows us the need for friendship and fellowship…

Roberts continues…

“Over the last couple of years, I’ve gotten to know many of you young men pretty well. And I know you are good guys. But you are also privileged young men. And if you weren’t privileged when you came here, you’re privileged now because you have been here. My advice is don’t act like it. When you get to your new school, walk up and introduce yourself to the person who is raking the leaves, shoveling the snow or emptying the trash. Learn their name, and call them by their name during your time at the school. Another piece of advice — when you pass by people you don’t recognize on the walks, smile, look them in the eye, and say hello. The worst thing that will happen is that you will become known as the young man who smiles and says hello. And that is not a bad thing to start with.”

Since all men are created equal, it’s wise to treat each other as such.

Smile and say “hello” to all those along your path. Don’t look down on or point fingers at anyone; neither wins friends nor influences people for good.

I love it when one is wise but still patient and gentle without compromising boldness or truth.

Well done, Mr. Roberts… well done.

Respectfully…
AR

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Respect, Cheers, and Happy 4th…

241 years ago, the Declaration of Independence — a brilliant document written by Mr. Thomas Jefferson — was adopted by the Second Continental Congress. At war with Great Britain, the 56 signers announced the independence of the 13 sovereign states and that the American colonies would no longer be under British rule. The colonies seemingly operated independently for decades; this, no less, was the official decree…

“When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.”

The Intramuralist is no historian. I come from a layman’s perspective at best. But even sifting through the historical papers and accounts depicting the times, I still can’t completely grasp all that led up to such a decree. Learning much regarding those key political events from grade school on (… thank you, Mr. C… thank you still, Miss Jane…), after Britain neglected their American children for so long, when they finally did step in and attempt to actually focus on those across the Atlantic, Americans must have felt as if government was so out of touch… the rulers had been too distant and did not have Americans’ best interests in mind.

So what does one do? What does one do when our sense is that government is so out of touch?

I don’t believe we’re going out on too much of an editorial limb here to assert that a significant number of Americans — all over the partisan map — has felt government has been out of touch for years… decades, for some. Our self-evident truths have been distorted… “that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness…”

The truths have not changed, but perceived distortion has been prominent.

Noting first that according to the declaration,“Governments are instituted among Men” in order “to secure these rights” — and also, that government’s power comes only from “the consent of the governed” — it seems we are struggling as a society for multiple reasons — reasons far bigger than the ego and efforts of any of the recent elect.

Distortion of the self-evident truths comes when we are judgmental… We sometimes look at ethnicities, ages, genders, and the religious faithful, etc. as something less than equal. We, for example, at times feel emboldened to judge both the LGBTQ and evangelical community. My sense is that we are not to aver nor render consequence upon either.

Distortion comes when we are demanding… We sometimes declare that in order for “me” to pursue “my” happiness, “you” need to accept what “I” do as good… “you” need to believe what “I” do… for “you” need to realize that “I” speak truth and therefore “you” do not. Friends, I wholeheartedly believe there is a respectful way to embrace “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness” without demanding that everyone else thinks like “me.”

And finally, distortion of these truths comes when we no longer thank nor acknowledge who our unalienable rights have been endowed by. Government is not the giver of every good and perfect gift. Government is not omniscient nor omnipotent — especially in a government that only has power because the people governed have consented to such.

While the rhetorical, political climate seems to continuously digress — with each so-called “side” believing they are somehow justified in their denigration and denouncement — I am increasingly concerned that more will advocate for a separation from “the political bands which have connected them.” Granted, there’s a key difference between now and 241 years ago…

The persons who were out of touch in 1776 lived approximately 3,539 miles away. Today, the persons we may perceive to be out of touch might live right next door. Hence, a separation is not helpful, healthy, nor effective. Also not helpful is judgment. Demandingness. Nor a lacking in true thanksgiving.

This 4th of July, may we follow the founders’ final written words… together… with our neighbor… who may or may not think differently than we… “And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.”

A brilliant declaration indeed.

May we mutually pledge our respect and support to one another.

Cheers. And happy 4th.

Respectfully…
AR

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amazing (judgment &) grace

What grace do we give to other people?
What grace do we give them, especially when they think differently?
Have we — maybe just you, maybe just me, maybe only the likeminded — have we cornered the market on wisdom?

I read a fascinating editorial this week, written by an online news contributor who consistently advocates for solely one side of the political aisle. I admire her eloquence. I admire the respect in her tone. I also admire her passion and compassion. She was sweetly advocating for loving our neighbor well.

As a person for whom loving our neighbor well is one of my top two priorities in life, I still found myself pausing at one point, troubled by her conclusion. To those who disagree with her chosen political approach, she wrote the following:

“There is a divide between our worldviews that can never be bridged… our disagreement is not merely political, but a fundamental divide on what it means to live in a society, how to be a good person, and why any of that matters… I can’t debate someone into caring about what happens to their fellow human beings.”

If one does not believe what the author believes, the author has concluded that the other person does not care about “what happens to their fellow human beings.”

The author has convinced herself that the other so-called side doesn’t care as much about other people as she does; she has found fault in their thinking. Finding fault only in another’s thinking, she no longer needs to wrestle with any fault in her own. She also then fails to wrestle with any validity in the opinion of another. While perhaps unknowingly done, that seems potentially judgmental and lacking in grace.

I wish we did a better job as a society of recognizing that we don’t know how each of us cares for other people. We don’t know how each of us uses our time, talents, and money as a means of loving God and our neighbor well… however perceived little or much time, talent, and money we’ve been given… how do we each use it well?

Who among us supports the building of an orphanage in Romania? … who among us gives annually to the Down Syndrome Association? … who among us uses our vacation to build a water system in Kenya, where there is no clean water for a remote, unpublicized village? And who among us volunteers for Hospice, visits a prisoner, or personally packs backpacks of food for the homeless?

And if others don’t do what we do, does that mean that they don’t care? … does that mean that only the person who gives their time, talents, or money is caring? … only they are empathetic? … that only the giver of that particular time, talent, or money — or holder of a specific political approach — loves their neighbor well?

We don’t know what each other does. Isn’t it therefore possible that we care for others differently but still well?

There’s no need to compare what we each do; there’s also no need to judge. Judgment is merely another form of comparison. Judgment also too often justifies the ending of respectful dialogue. I was sadly struck, in fact, how this editorial’s author added that she’s “done trying to convince these hordes of selfish, cruel people to look beyond themselves.”

… hordes of selfish people … cruel…

Is that us? … because we care differently?

My point is that while I appreciate the compassion behind various approaches — from government paying for healthcare to wanting government to be solvent to building that orphanage in Romania — it’s inaccurate to assume that a different approach equates to caring lesser. It’s inaccurate to assume that only those who want to give their time, talents, and money as we do, are empathetic. And to then suggest that there’s no need to talk to another any more… well, that seems to say more about a person’s impatience and unwillingness to listen than it says about the holder of a seemingly opposite approach. It’s not just a singular set of people that need to “look beyond themselves.”

I’m reminded of an incredible book I read years ago, “What’s So Amazing About Grace?” by Philip Yancey. In it, Yancey shares tale after tale of generous grace offerings, extensions of practical love that are so much broader and extensive than I have ever done, much less even considered. Each instance was an intentional choice of grace over judgment, when truthfully, judgment is most always the easier path.

Seeing how hard it is for us to give grace to one another consistently — especially to those holding varied opinion — grace is amazing indeed.

Respectfully…
AR

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what’s most important

The stakes were high.

Each side wanted to win.

No side had any desire to lose. They refused.

And both sides thought this issue, this event, this moment in time, was most necessary to bring home a victory.

… We can’t be too sympathetic. We can’t give too much. We can’t totally listen nor give up much. We must stand our ground. We must support our side only…

And then it happened.

The man fell to the ground.

No pulse. No pulse.

Make no mistake about it; the man was a fan of only one side. He only rooted for one. And he rooted fiercely. He clearly sided with one over the other — maybe even uttered a few expletives. He firmly believed the opposing advocates were way off base.

One woman then loudly summoned all those in the audience. “Help!”… Her same-side supporter was now slumped over in his seat. “He’s weak,” another said, in realization that in the middle of this whole, fierce debate, help from any side was needed.

And help now.

A man had fallen to the floor. His life was in jeopardy. Would all those on opposing sides realize his life was in jeopardy? Would they react promptly to help him? Would they keep what’s most important, most important? Could they even see that?

Or would they let their support systems get in the way? … would they block what’s right? … and skew perspective?

I admit… the passions run deep… legitimately deep.

Let me diminish not anyone’s passion.

Those near started chest compressions. One of the men, in fact, leading the care for the stricken supporter was actually a supporter of the other so-called side.

He performed mouth-to-mouth… five to seven minutes… until medics arrived.

“He started breathing on his own a little and his pulse came back, and we were fortunate we were able to revive him,” said the supporter.

Fortunate…

That word strikes me… he knew we were fortunate… even… from the other… side.

Republican, Democrat…

Trump, Clinton…

Black, white…

Feminist, meninist…

The dividing lines run deep.

I wonder how many would have refrained from helping simply because of the side from which one hailed. That is a sad commentary on today’s culture… even upon today’s intelligent…

The University of Florida and Louisiana State University share a fierce, competitive rivalry. There is often a public back and forth, negative feelings shared, with little expressed compassion. They are both incredibly, athletically talented and competitive. And they want to win. Because of their continual, direct competition against one another, those Gators and Tigers don’t like each other very much. Sometimes we even hear the word “hate.”

This past week the two regular season, co-SEC champions squared off for the annual College World Series, and surprising to no one, the fierce rivalry continued. It was tough. It was rough. It was full of passion and deeply held opinion. Some of the words expressed on the playing field should be heard by no one.

On the night before game one in the best-of-3 series, an 87-year-old Florida fan apparently suffered a heart attack and had no pulse. The father of a star LSU pitcher helped revive him.

Thank you.

Thank you for being an excellent example to the rest of us. Thank you for focusing on what’s most important…. thank you for knowing when individual passions should be set aside… thank you for knowing when the name calling should be nonexistent… and thank you for knowing when we should each be shaken to our core, remembering that there is better and more that binds us together.

Respectfully…
AR

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healthcare

How can we best care for all people?
How can we best care for all people without spending money government doesn’t have?

I’d like to write about healthcare today. But truthfully, the Intramuralist is a little leery. I want to talk about the ins and outs, facts and effects, good things and bad. I want to wrestle with what’s good and true and right — and what’s not. I want to navigate through the varied opinions and approaches. I want to analyze and assess what could be effective. But I’m hesitant. I’m hesitant due to the current rhetorical climate and the potential onslaught of masses telling me there’s only one right way to think about this. I’m hesitant due to the vocal number who no longer see value in objective analysis… or… who are convinced they are objective. It’s far quicker to point fingers, denigrate and demean than it is to sift through the wisdom on all sides of this important debate.

Let me be clear… 

I don’t believe our legislators as a whole, on either side, are evil. I don’t believe they are motivated by evil. And I don’t believe the motives of either party are entirely impure nor solely designed to assure re-election, financially reward their supporters, or are a part of some grander, nefarious conspiracy to take over the world and put Lex Luther in charge.

What I do believe is that there exist varied approaches to maintain and improve the mental and physical care of the American people. I also believe there exists sincere disagreement with those approaches. Consistent with the mantra of this blog, it’s ok and often healthy for disagreement to exist.

But currently, it’s incredibly difficult to even wrestle through the disagreement and objections because the rhetoric is getting in our way.

I wish people would quit obstructing us… Stop proclaiming why one side is more honorable. Stop proclaiming why one side has handled this so wisely…

 Besides both parties being less than transparent in the development of their approach, representatives from both have also either lied or said some untrue things (… “If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor”… “Nobody on Medicaid is going to be taken away…”). Both have said some awful things (… the establishing of the Democrats’ “death panels”… the Republicans paying with “blood money”…). This sensational rhetoric skews objectivity and keeps far too many from impartially sifting through what is wise and what is not. Let’s be clear: no party these days seems to have cornered the market on wisdom.

The Intramuralist believes in the healthcare debate, both of the above-offered objectives should be pursued:

1. How to care best for all people.
And 2. How to care best for all people without spending money government doesn’t have.

I will admit, no less, to again being leery of the numbers of people who will attempt to exclaim that only one of the above motives is compassionate…

To care for all people — such as the teen in my community, tragically struck by lightning four years ago, who now has hundreds of thousands of medical bills annually — that is a compassionate motive.

To care without bankrupting government — preserving and planning for the other thousands of programs that aid and abet American workers, farmers, students, etc. that need financial support — that is a compassionate motive. Different approaches can be compassionate. Different does not equate to “mean” nor “cruel.”

But when partisans utilize such false or inflaming rhetoric, they no longer aid and abet the American people. They do not trust us to sort through what’s wise, discern effective solution, nor make our own conclusions.

Recently someone asked me what I’d most like to see happen in this whole healthcare debate. My response was that I’d like to see persons from all sides gather, have some coffee/a beer/whatever together, roll up their sleeves, and work together in crafting a bipartisan approach. Respect each other. Respect the compassion in another’s different approach. Find a way to care for all people without continuing to overspend. I believe we’d be better served if our leaders worked better together.

But I also desire our leaders and legislators to quit attacking the other party as so less honorable than they are. I’d like for the rest of us, too, to quit being seduced by their rhetorical lure. Yes, I desire more respect for one another… and more objectivity in the analysis.

Respectfully…
AR

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doctor, doctor…

For weeks, I didn’t answer their phone call. I give them credit. They tried multiple times. Sincerely. I just wasn’t in position to take the call. Between a graduating senior, a special needs teen, a house on the market, and frequent single parenting, it was less of a priority to me make my son’s annual doctor’s appointment.

I know… bad parenting award.

My special needs teen was born with a congenital heart defect. Being born with a life-threatening limitation, having it repaired, surrendering my inability to control the outcome… such is one of the most powerful, peace-giving, faith stories of my life…

What are those things in your life that are so big, you know you have to rely on something other than self?

But alas, I digress. It’s just hard not to give God credit when you know there is no way something could have happened outside of him. I praise God for what he did with my son. And with my family. And with me.

So for weeks and months last winter and spring, the local children’s hospital called me, attempting to schedule Josh for his annual cardiology checkup. It’s somewhat tricky. The cardiologists only have so much time for clinical assessments; appointments are limited. By late spring, no less, they quit calling.

As the light at the end of my figurative tunnel soon became clearer this month — and both grad festivities and house activities were winding down — I realized it’d be wise to schedule said appointment. And so I meekly returned their call.

Acknowledging that the delay was my fault, I attempted to schedule an appointment with our cardiologist for mid-July. Note: the Intramuralist & Co. are taking their talents to Central Florida next month, so an appointment here would need to happen ahead of time. There’s one problem; with limited appointments, there are no appointments available with Josh’s cardiologist until mid-August.

I didn’t do what I should have. I didn’t do what was most prudent. I screwed up. And now I couldn’t get my kid what he needed most.

Pause for a second…

In that scenario, how do we typically react? Do we cry out? Do we become demanding? … even when the error is “mine”?

The registration staff and I first decided to give one another a few days to think on it, discerning the wisest way forward. Maybe, in fact, there would be a cancellation we could take advantage of. After a week, it was concluded that there was no option in Cincinnati for us. We could not get in to see our doctor. We could see another doctor, but not one who was already familiar with Josh’s care.

That being the case, I asked for a recommendation in the Orlando area. If we need to start anew with another cardiologist, it seemed logical to us that we should start anew in our coming community.

The nurse on the phone called me later with three recommendations. As I asked about each, she commented that one of the doctors is actually still on staff here in Cincinnati — the families love him. Several from the midwest, in fact, are committed to traveling the 920 some miles in the future, because they respect this particular doctor deeply. 

I asked a few more questions, as this sounded like an excellent option.

The nurse shared that the highly regarded physician was transferring to a new, highly regarded healthcare facility in a new, expanding area of Orlando. “I’ve heard the name,” I pondered aloud to the nurse.

With Google Maps making us all look like more confident navigators than we really are, I quickly exclaimed, “It’s only two miles from our new house in Florida!!”

Had I done what I could have… had I done what I even should have… the end result would not have been this good.

Sometimes the biggest blessings come in spite of us…
… without asking…
… when least expected…
… in practical, wonderful ways.

Respectfully…
AR