intramuralist ™ – Page 84 – A Respectful Dialogue of Current Events

12/08/2016

not news

CEDAR PLAINS, PA — “After years of delays and mounting criticism from voters and political pundits, President Barack Obama finally followed through on a campaign promise he made in 2008 to spend one night alone in the abandoned Cedar Plains Family Fun amusement park, sources confirmed Wednesday.
At approximately 6 p.m. last night, members of the press reportedly looked on as Obama—carrying only a flashlight, a water bottle, and a backpack full of snacks—scaled the 9-foot-high chain-link fence and entered the derelict theme park, making good on a vow that had been a central component of his initial run for the White House.

‘Eight years ago, I made an oath that if I were elected president, I would spend dusk till dawn in this old, run-down amusement park, and tonight I am fulfilling my obligation to the American people,’ said Obama, who had been widely accused of favoring other legislative priorities above an overnight stay inside the dilapidated regional attraction that shut its doors in 2003. ‘Between now and sunrise, I will climb to the top of the Ripsaw roller coaster, I will throw a rock through the window of the snow cone stand, and just as I’ve said time and time again, I will wander around in the big concrete track where the Lazy River used to be. And to prove that I do not take your support for granted, I will also walk through the Hall of Mirrors at midnight,’ Obama added.”

Oh, did the Intramuralist chuckle when reading the above on “The Onion” — a news satire organization that’s been entertaining readers for the past 28 years. In other words, it’s not news. It’s fake.

As in any significant aftermath, new terms are coined, and the term “fake news” is now being introduced into our vernacular, after November’s perceived political earthquake. “Fake news” equates to “false and sometimes sensationalist information presented as fact and published and spread on the internet” (see Collins English Dictionary).

The incidents and events did not actually happen in the way in which they are reported. Hence, there exists concern that inaccurate news causes readers (who evolve into voters) to be misinformed and therefore make inaccurate conclusions.

Said concern is valid, in my opinion. But I’d like to go one step further in identifying that which is not news…

Remember that news is newly received, noteworthy information. As best as possible, it is an objective account. Editorials — or opinion pieces and opinionated pundits — are also not news. They are a subjective account; subjective is not synonymous with truth. Swaying an audience — albeit often arguably, unintentionally — is prioritized over offering objectivity.

In other words, if we only pay attention to the Huffington Post, the NY Times, Rachel Maddow, and Steven Colbert, we won’t have an objective (or accurate) perspective; if we only pay attention to the Drudge Report, the NY Post, Sean Hannity, and Rush Limbaugh, we also won’t have an objective perspective. Their political opinion skews their presentation of noteworthy information. Hence, this, too, is not news. That means the contributing journalists are also not news reporters. Opinion is altering the news.

Note Wednesday’s announcement, for example, that President-Elect Trump will nominate Oklahoma Attorney General Scott Pruitt to head the Environmental Protection Agency…

HuffPo’s headline read as follows: “DIRTY DEAL: Trump Picks Fossil Fuel-Friend to Head EPA”
Drudge lead with: “Trump’s EPA Pick Spooks Liberals and the Environmental Lobby”

The two accounts were covering the same story.

Popular FOX News host Megyn Kelly shared in an NPR interview this week that “too many millions of Americans aren’t listening at all to what the press tells them.” I wonder if “too many millions” aren’t listening because they’ve realized too many journalists are offering something other than news.

It’s tough. It’s tough to ensure that what we’re reading and hearing is both not fake but also not opinion. Both are not news.

Reporting on Obama on that Ripsaw coaster would be easier. More entertaining, too.

Respectfully…
AR

12/06/2016

(not) something lesser

Ok, I’ll admit it. I’m guilty. Totally guilty.

Sometimes I make this entire holiday season into something it was never intended to be. Sometimes I make it about materialism. Sometimes I make it about gifts. Sometimes I make it about something lesser.

Sometimes I pout. Sometimes I get something so stuck in my craw that I can’t emotionally shake myself out of it. I can’t always surrender to the Divine in order to help me navigate wisely through it. So yes, sometimes I focus on something lesser — not realizing that it actually is lesser.

A local church community created the below in video form last week. I thought it was brilliant — and relevant to each of us in different ways. It’s a message for Advent, a time of expectant waiting and preparation for future celebration. But sometimes we’re so busy that we miss the depth of the celebration. We miss what’s most important…

Everyone wants Christmas
To be meaningful
But, instead it becomes
Shop, shop, shop,
Credit cards
Traffic jams
To do lists
Useless gifts
Then off to church
Noel, Noel, Noel
Sometimes we’re just glad to survive it.
Did you know Americans spend $450 billion on Christmas every year?
EVERY YEAR.
So we ask?
How did Jesus celebrate?
Jesus gave
He gave himself
Relationally.
Incarnation.
Time, space, presence… (do you see where this is going?)
WHAT IF
you bought FEWER GIFTS
[that sweater she won’t like]
[that random gift certificate]
[that toy he doesn’t need]
And then instead of BUYING that gift
Give something valuable
LIKE
YOUR
TIME
Talk, eat, sled, bake, bike, read, play, create, craft
TOGETHER
Make gifts (like when you were a kid)
And remember that money you didn’t spend
What if you gave some of it away?
To the poor, the hurting, the lonely, the hungry, the sick, the thirsty
Since 2006 thousands of churches have been giving all over the world
That’s a lot of love… life
All because people
Spent LESS on gifts
And MORE ON relationships
LET’S FACE IT
Consumerism does not equal happiness, memories, meaning
Spend less on gifts
Give more on presence…

If we gave more on presence, I wonder what would happen… would our relationships be better? … would we be more empathetic? … would we be less accepting of division and writing people off? … would we learn to see more sides than our own?

I’m thinking I need to do this far more than this time of year.

Respectfully…
AR

12/04/201612/04/2016

what’s in a name?

We go by a lot of names…
Mom, dad, bro, sis, friend, foe, aunt, uncle, cousin, cuz, niece, nephew, grandma, grandpa, bestie, and BFF…
Engineer, astronaut, author, executive, critic, cook, customer service rep…
Actor, actress, flight attendant, and fireman…
Director, producer, priest, pastor, and salesman…
Mediator, negotiator, appliance repairman… spy, or a cool-as-a-cucumber secret agent…
Nanny, neighbor… teacher, student…
Client, patient, donor, doctor, even a volunteer.

That doesn’t count the more intangible…
Bridge-builder, helper, “the glue that holds it all together”…
Patriarch, matriarch… Leader.
Follower, believer…
Rebel, resistor…
Antagonist, protagonist…
Heroine, hero…
Rookie, veteran, pessimist, optimist, realist, and more.

Don’t forget our loyalties…
Cubs’ fan, Broncos’ fan, Duke Crazy, college basketball enthusiast…

And there’s a whole slew of those names…
Boilermakers and Bulldogs, Hilltoppers and Hurricanes (even Golden ones), not to mention the Ragin’ Cajuns and Green Wave.

We have our socio-political names…
Democrat, Republican, Libertarian… Conservative, Progressive, Socialist…
Feminist, capitalist, activist, and even the Polish Beer Lover in Poland (I kid you not).

And names identified via age…
The elderly, millennial, and Gen-Xer…

Or by our location…
Floridian, Californian, New Yorker.

Even the insults offer a name…
Bully, brute, villain, and bad guys.

We go by a lot of names.

That’s the bottom line. We can’t be identified solely by one.

Current culture seems to encourage a singular identity, i.e. “They’re just a ________!” Fill in the blank. Usually it ends with some kind of “-ist” or some kind of “-phobe.” And then that “-ist” or “-phobe” is somehow supposed to adequately explain all of another’s behavior or thinking, especially behavior and thinking that we don’t understand.

The inherent problem, however, is that one kind of name or a singular identification is inaccurate; it does not — and cannot — explain all who we are, all how we behave, and all how we think. It is not enough.

For the record (… and be prepared for my longest sentence ever here…), I am a Boilermaker, blogger, student, parent, child, friend, teacher, leader, Christian, coach, facilitator, female, John Grisham reader, administrator, donor, volunteer, Human Resource Director, mediator, special needs advocate, Hoosier, Buckeye, show choir nut, speaker, writer, work out enthusiast, cleaner, cook, encourager, loyal “Friends” rerun watcher, artist, piano player, pickle hater, pet owner, in addition to being a loyal fan of the Bengals, Reds, Gators, Colts, Packers, Pacers, and the WNBA’s Indiana Fever. I’m a fair-weather fan of many more and a zealous, unofficial member of fan clubs supporting Bon Jovi and Bruno Mars.

What’s in a name, therefore, I ask?

A lot.

But never enough.

Respectfully…
AR

12/01/201612/01/2016

shocking

Not everyone rooted for them. Not everyone was a fan. In fact, I can’t promise you a clear majority was in support. Some actively cheered against them. Others called them a national hero. It can be a bitter, vicious sport at times.

Soccer, that is.

Associação Chapecoense de Futebol, commonly known as Chapecoense, is a Brazilian football club — a soccer team. Soccer is a “big deal” in Brazil.

Chapecoense, itself, is a relatively small club; however, for the past two years, they have played in Brazil’s top division, Série A, one of the strongest leagues in the world. The 20 clubs in Série A are thus also a “big deal.” With any “big deal” and all the inherent loyalties, there will be both passionate opposition and support. There will be persons who actively cheer the team on… and persons who sincerely desire for them to fail.

Late Monday night, Chapecoense was on their way to what was touted as the most significant match in their club’s history. Yet as their chartered jet approached the airport, intending to land in Columbia, it experienced electrical failure and shockingly, fell from the sky. There were 81 people on board: 72 passengers, which included the team and 21 journalists, plus a crew of nine. Only five survived.

The death of almost an entire team is tragic — almost unspeakable.

The crash of the airplane is equally shocking.

It’s awful… awful and heartbreaking.

While there is nothing good in the heartbreak itself, what I do suspect is happening in Brazil, is nothing short of sobering…

Gone is any disrespectful opposition…
Gone are the sincere desires for one to fail…
Gone is an emphasis on the smaller picture.

My sense is that today in South America, Brazilians have been shocked into seeing the bigger picture; they have been shocked into remembering what is most important.

Also, no doubt amid the shock, one of the most meaningful moments from the tragic day of 9/11 was when George W. Bush stood on that rubble with his arm around the fireman from company 164. With a bullhorn in one hand (and no teleprompter in the other), the President yelled:

“I want you all to know that America today is on bended knee, in prayer for the people whose lives were lost here, for the workers who work here, for the families who mourn. This nation stands with the people of New York City and New Jersey and Connecticut, as we mourn the loss of thousands of our citizens.

[Shouts come from some far back in the crowd… something along the lines of “I can’t hear you!” To which Pres. Bush responds…]

I can hear you! [applause]

I can hear you. The rest of the world hears you. And the people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon! [The crowd screams and shouts with massive enthusiasm.] The nation sends its love and compassion to everybody who is here. Thank you for your hard work. Thank you for making the nation proud. And may God bless America.”

The cheers and the unity manifest in that moment were absolutely beautiful. Unity… harmony… it is beautiful. On that day, we were all Americans.

In Brazil, right now, they are all Brazilians.

Does something tragic have to happen in order to shock us into remembering the bigger picture? … to shock us into remembering what we are? … who we are? … and who we are together?
And… that what we are… together… is actually beautiful?

Respectfully…
AR

11/29/2016

the validity of the virtue

What would I most like to see?

What would I most like to see in all people… from all people… given to all people…

In all things… in sports, politics, relationships, families, you-name-it…

Instead of division… instead of the strife… instead of any arrogance, self-righteousness, or denigration… I wish for the following in all:

Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness
And self-control

That’s it. Easy. Well sort of.

Ponder what would be different if we never sacrificed any of the above… if we never deemed one of the above unnecessary… or if we never justified the omission of one.

I wish I would have never said, thought, or justified…

I’m so mad, I don’t need to love my neighbor well…
I’m so ticked off, I don’t need to be patient with another side…
I’m so right, I don’t need to be gentle, not to mention any thought of being kind…

I’m so something… something that dismisses the validity of the virtue.

And then we dismiss the need for goodness, faithfulness, self-control, etc.

Friends, against such things, there is no law; there are no restrictions. All of the above are always good. There is never a time synonymous with wisdom that omits any of the above.

Allow me to be more clear. I’m not always all that good at all of the above. Sometimes I’m not faithful, not gentle, and I have zero desire for kindness or self-control.

But my desire does not change what it good and true and right. What’s right remains right, whether I desire it or not. In fact, if my desire contradicts what is valid and virtuous, what is valid and virtuous is not what’s in need of change.

I offer great grace to those who struggle with one or more of the above. Allow me to humbly include myself in said mix, as I’m not sure any of us ever master the complete list this side of the human experience.

However, an inability to master does not preclude the need to work on it.
An inability to do it well consistently does not negate the need for growth.
And an inability to even desire such virtues never dismisses their validity.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control…

That’s it. Easy.

Well sort of.

Respectfully…
AR

11/27/201611/27/2016

picking teams

On Saturday, Michigan at Ohio State and Florida at Florida State dominated our flat screen (… congratulations, Buckeyes and ‘Noles). It was great. In fact, this whole week has been sweet; it’s “rivalry week.” Rivalry week means the fiercest rivals finally face off against one another.

They bring their so-called “A” games. Emotions run rampant. They leave it all on the field. That’s key: they leave it all on the field. When the contest is done, they remember that they have more in common than they do not; after all, they both love football.

Because we both love football, we remember that we are not defined by our “teams.”

One of the clear challenges in current culture is that we are encouraged to “pick a team — any team,” but when we do, the encouragers want us to stick with it, always. They forget (and they encourage us to join with them in their unfortunately, seemingly self-serving forgetfulness) that the “teams” are only subsets of what’s bigger. Remember that both Michigan and Ohio State fans each love football. If only they could remember that we are “football fans” first…

The Intramuralist is concerned at the numbers of persons who justify forgetting what’s first.

Let me first not negate the fierceness of the above. Oh, no… not at all. I will not deny it nor encourage said denial in any way, shape, or form. The passions run deep; they are based on valid perspective, and thus our loyalties are strong. Because those loyalties are strong, sometimes we need a self-imposed timeout — not a timeout to regroup and figure out how we can go “get ‘em” or sabotage somehow; rather, a timeout to gather our composure, re-commit to listening, and figure out how we can move forward together, respecting all people; that’s right: respecting all people — which means respecting the other “team.”

Eight years ago, in our early days of blogging, we penned a post about the change in quarterback for the Green Bay Packers. Many were thrilled with some new guy named “Rodgers.” Others had invested years of emotion and support in former QB Favre. There were reasonable, objective arguments on both sides of the playing field — although many could only see the reasonable and objective from one side.

“What should I do now?” I then asked.

“…do I support the team even though I thought the other guy would be a more effective leader?… or do I remember that I’m a Packers’ fan first, and in order for our team to near any level of greatness, I need to respect the QB, whether I previously cheered him on or not.”

Respect takes on many forms, friends. It doesn’t mean I have to be happy nor fake it when I’m not. While it manifests itself differently in each individual, there do exist three common threads:

One, listening.
Two, humility.
And three, no disparagement of the other team.

Let none of us be arrogant. Let each of us be gracious. No team or QB is perfect; let us not dissect the specks in the eye of another without first wrestling with the logs in our own. There is indeed a bigger “team.”

Remember, too, that “rivalry week” is more than one game or one sport. In fact, it’s also rivalry week in my family’s fantasy football league. I’m playing my spouse, my fiercest competitor. One of us will win; one of us will lose. And let me raise the stakes a little higher: with a loss, one of us (moi) may be kicked out of the playoffs.

At the end of the day, however — maybe after an intentional cooling off period — we will remember that we are a part of something bigger. Not only is it bigger; it also is what is best.

Respectfully…
AR

11/24/2016

a proclamation of thanksgiving

It was 1863…

January first brought us The Second Battle of Galveston. Three companies of Union forces under the command of Col. Isaac S. Burrell were captured or killed both on land or by sea by the armies of Maj. Gen. John B. Magruder. Magruder had prioritized the re-seizing of the city. 26 people were killed. 117 were wounded.

January later brought us The Second Battle of Springfield. Confederate General John Marmaduke attempted to overtake a Union supply point in Springfield, Missouri. It was unique battle in that it was an urban battle, fought actually house-to-house. It is estimated that 70-80 persons were killed and over 200 were wounded.

February was The Battle of Dover — March included battles at Brentwood, Thompson’s Station, Vaught’s Hill, and many more. April was the first fight in Charleston, South Carolina.

Look at the fighting… states, houses, peoples all attempting to harm one another. And the battles didn’t cease as the year went on. Suffolk, Vermillion, Fredericksburg, Gettysburg… these were fierce fights. In fact, the war was ongoing the entire year. It did not end until Pres. Andrew Johnson’s formal declaration on August 20, 1866 — over two years later.

And yet, on Thanksgiving in 1863, then Pres. Abraham Lincoln wrote this:

“The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God…”

In a year filled with unprecedented battle, Lincoln exhorted that we dare not miss the blessing… a blessing that is always present, always available… no matter the struggle… no matter the suffering… no matter what.

The giving of thanks is a beautiful thing… It takes the focus off of self; it reminds us of the source from which our blessings and bounties come; and it softens the individual heart.

Lincoln continued…

“… I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union.”

Lincoln acknowledged a day set apart, encouraging all to think of far more than self, to think especially of those who have suffered greatly — the widows, orphans, mourners, and more. Yes, there is much strife in this world. This is not — nor should it ever be mistaken as — heaven.

The great beauty of Lincoln’s proclamation is that in a year of unprecedented struggle and strife, he calls on all people to come together, kneel in both reverence and humility, and fervently ask the Almighty to heal our nation’s wounds.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends. May we spur one another on to good things. May we love our neighbor well, do our part in building unity, and may we sincerely embrace the restoration and full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility and union in our land.

Respectfully… with Thanksgiving…
AR

11/22/2016

a wild time for listening

Ponder that thought for a moment…

Of all that’s been said and written in the last two weeks… hashed and rehashed… ranted and raved… and the whole range of expressed and unexpressed emotion in our country — surprise, shock, glee, despair, fear, freedom, and so much more…

For all that’s been written, all that’s been said, this is a wild time for listening.

Few disciplines have greater value. Few behaviors teach us more. I speak not of just being silent, contemplating a reply — but rather being still… being intent on interacting, hearing, considering, and genuinely weighing the words and heart of another… being teachable… being willing and humble enough to recognize where we are off and where we could grow. Listening is an unquestionable virtue.

As author and activist Bryant H. McGill said, “One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.”

Exactly. Listening and respect always go together.

And yet over the past two weeks, people have justified omitting both.

People have justified concluding that listening and respect are no longer necessary if we disagree.

“… My passions are strong. My perspective is valid.”

I get it. And I applaud it. Each perspective is valid. And the diversity of our collective perspectives spurs us on as individuals and as a nation. But a valid perspective is lessened when listening is eliminated in the process.

The Intramuralist will never applaud dismissing the words and heart of a person simply because another comes from a varied theological, social, or ethnic background. The moment we justify such is the moment we stunt our very own growth… and the moment we have become the intolerant.

Tolerance does not equate to accepting all things as equally good, true, and right. But tolerance does mean being willing to co-exist with those who think differently than “me.” It means sincerely being willing to interact with persons of varied theological, social, and ethnic backgrounds. If I am only willing to respectfully dialogue with persons who think like me — regardless of what demographic categories another falls into — than I am by no means tolerant. Tolerance — and listening — mean that neither what a person looks like or how they think is a barrier to respectful dialogue.

And yet each of us, all around us at this time, have people tugging on our sleeves and ears, suggesting (not always so subtly) that another person is not worth it.

That is disturbing.

When we advocate for something less than listening, we dismiss the worth of another person. When we dismiss the worth of other persons in God’s creation, we get puffed up. And when we get puffed up, we are the ones who fail to learn and grow.

It’s been a wild time for listening these last two weeks. In too many places, it doesn’t exist.

May we always advocate for what’s better and more.

Respectfully…
AR

11/20/2016

the bubble of lalaland

Recently I experienced a tough conflict with a few friends. “Tough” means the conflict was deep, the passions were strong, and the people are important to me; we didn’t all feel the same way, and navigating through the conflict is difficult. Shortly after the conflict commenced, I got on a plane and flew to LaLaLand… ok, Orlando… Disney… No offense to all my Florida friends… it was a wonderful weekend away.

It was wonderful for many reasons — foremost being the ability to escape the prevailing, oh-so-beautiful “overcastness” of a November in the Midwest — where the first, coldest breezes signaling autumn’s end do far more than send a chill up one’s spine. I was able to exchange such loveliness for warm temps, sunshine, and a pretty spiffy, spanking new convertible.

It was a leisure trip — minimal work — a few professional meetings, but mostly just relaxing and basking in the sunshine.

Yet another reason for the trip being wonderful was that it provided for me a bit of a bubble… a cleared out, insulating space where I didn’t have to deal with anything but the warm temps, sunshine, and spiffy convertible.

I didn’t have to deal with the conflict.

In fact, not only did I not have to deal with it, but the beauty of the bubble is that it allowed me to escape reality for a while. I could go and frolic and bask in the Sunshine State’s sunshine… and thus escape and ignore what remained back underneath the overcast.

The bubble effectively insulated me from reality.

But a funny thing happens when you fly to the land of Minnie and Mickey for a weekend. You have to fly back.

Flying back means wrestling with reality.

The reality is that the conflict does exist and because the people are important to me, I’m going to have to work it out. I’m going to have to deal with some messy stuff. I’m going to have to humble myself long enough to admit my own wrongful thinking, and navigate through some challenging perspectives. I’m going to have to be still. I’m going to have to listen and learn from more than the likeminded. I’m going to have to respectfully articulate my opinion. I’m going to have to quit convincing myself that I have the sole valid take on the issue. And I’m going to have wrestle with the legitimacy of a side other than mine, even when that’s incredibly difficult for me to see.

Let’s be clear; it’s not that I need to simply lay down, submit, and surrender my opinion; it’s not that I have to dismiss the validity of my experience. No, my opinion is valid. Each of our opinions are valid. It’s more that we must each listen to each other. I must listen. They must listen. I must refrain from judgment. They must refrain from judgment.

Why? Because listening to others and refraining from judgment are keys to wisdom.

I will be very honest. I don’t always have a desire to listen. Sometimes it’s easier for me to just hang out in my bubble, insulated by the exterior, and not navigate through any tough conflicts. Sometimes it’s easier to go to Disneyland.

But I believe in loving all people well. I believe in respect for all people — not just the ones who see the world as I do. I believe in seeing life through the eyes of people who are different than me… even when it’s hard. They sharpen me. They help me grow.

Please, though… don’t think more highly of me than you ought. I make more than my fair share of mistakes and obvious errors in judgment. This isn’t easy. I just want what’s better, wiser, and more.

Also… it’s really hard to quit thinking about that convertible.

Respectfully… always…
AR

11/16/201611/17/2016

the election and the unthinkable

In case it isn’t clear, the Intramuralist is not a conflict avoider. It’s not that I love it, desire it, nor welcome conflict with open arms. It simply doesn’t scare me away. And I have realized that navigating through conflict wisely is undoubtedly one of the most effective means of growth.

Let me be clear: I am not speaking of growth for others; I am speaking of growth for me.

When not recognizing the growth opportunity, conflict has the potential to bring out the worst in us. In the last week, we have felt and witnessed “the worst”… name calling, gloating, violence, judgment, and disrespect… on all sides.

Friends, you can’t love your neighbor well if you only love half your neighbors.

Last week we had an election. It was tough; it still is. Many are struggling with the vote, even though no candidate tallied a majority; no one received 50%. That means whomever each of us voted for, we are each in the minority. But being in the minority is hard; it’s hard to process all that happened. There is grief. There is fear. There is celebration by some. But there is still grief and fear. We must be cognizant of all.

Allow me, if you will, to humbly share the events of my day last week… Tuesday, November 8th, Election Day…

As typical, I chose not to vote via absentee ballot. I enjoy physically going to the polls, catching up with my neighbors, interacting with those in my community. First, I ran into some old friends from baseball. Our sons played together when they were six (… that was 13 years ago!). I then saw another show choir mom, a man I coached with, a teacher friend, a couple couples from church, and another close family set of friends.

Then I saw Richard. Oh, wait… Three years ago, when I actually ran for a local precinct position — and lost, by the way — Richard was my opponent. We hugged, gleefully caught up, exchanged a few ideas, and wished each other well. I love Election Day.

You’ll remember, however, that going into last Tuesday, I had serious reservations about both primary party candidates. With no intended disrespect, I saw neither as all good or all evil. I saw neither as the Messiah nor as God’s gift for us all to somehow put our hope in. I saw each as a significantly, ethically flawed candidate, whose flaws were minimized by sincere supporters and carefully crafted PR campaigns.

I think perhaps what concerned me most leading up to that day, is that I also witnessed people screaming at only the flaws in the other — forgetting that both — no, strike that — forgetting that each of us, have ample dents in our armor… each of us have screwy sides… each of us are sinners with the opportunity to be saved by grace. I was grieved by the masses who only acknowledged flaws in persons other than self or in the likeminded. I foresaw conflict only increasing.

Friends, the way to navigate through conflict wisely, is to at some point pause long enough to quit pointing the finger at everyone else. It’s ok to observe. It’s ok to be hurt, frustrated, even angry. I believe it’s totally all right to utter “what in the *$&%^# [bleep] are they thinking?!” But at some point, in order to navigate through things wisely, we must stop and ask, “What here, do I need to learn?”

Exchanging the exclamation of “you need to learn” for the humble question of “what do I need to learn” is one of the most effective means of growth.

Back, no less, to Election Day, as I then did the unthinkable…

Even though the Intramuralist pays more than ample attention to current events in hopes of always encouraging respectful dialogue, I went to bed early Tuesday night. That’s right; I paid no attention. I left my laptop off and never turned on the TV. I watched zero tweets and results as they were coming in. I said my prayers — thanking the good Lord for this gift of life, praying for mercy and grace for all of us — and then slept very well.

My concern was copious both after and before the outcome, knowing that as a nation, we do not deal with conflict well. We fail to grow because we take turns justifying the name calling, gloating, violence, judgment, and disrespect. We get sucked into those PR campaigns. We ignore the flaws in one and promote the flaws in another. We have biased news sources. We are insulated by the likeminded. We don’t embrace true accountability. We get puffed up. We only see one side of an argument. We stop talking to the ideologically diverse. We unfriend. We judge. We limit grace. We then put hope into something other than the divine. All sides. We all do it.

I get it… it’s easier. Humbly asking what we must individually learn is harder indeed…

It is also the key to loving our neighbor well.

Respectfully… always…
AR