Every now and then I pen a post that feels like a home run. When all is said and done, blog is loaded, picture looks ok, I do my mental trot around the bases, sitting back, satisfied, feeling as if I’ve done my job well, communicating meaningfully what I most wanted to say.
One of our most recent posts — entitled “What Changes My Opinion” — was one of those moments.
Pointing out the significant difference between argument and persuasion, we discussed only one is rooted in humility. And it’s the humility of another that changes opinion, as opposed to the refining of any talking points.
Perhaps precisely because I was enjoying the duration of that mental trot, I landed on a related question. It went something like this…
“So how long do I have to be humble?”
Help me understand.
“So I get this idea — that humility is what convinces people that there’s reason to listen to me. The slams on social media, to your face or elsewhere, lack integrity and are totally unproductive; they don’t do what I want them to anyway; they change no one’s opinion. If anything, it makes the other person want to think less like me.
So you’re saying I engage, stay humble, and really listen to the other person.
How long do I have to stay that way?
I mean, doesn’t there come a time, when I can say: I’ve been humble long enough? I’ve listened long enough. You’re not worth my time nor energy at this point. Just come back when you’ve seen things differently, figured out that you’re wrong, and finally think correctly and think like me.”
So you’re asking is there a statute of limitations on humility?
What a great question!
Is there an expiration date?
Is there a time when it no longer pays to be humble? … that it’s no longer good nor right nor true.
Part of what makes the question difficult is that humility can feel costly. It takes time. It requires patience. It asks us to keep listening when we are convinced we already understand the issue and know the answer. At some point, nearly all of us begin to suspect that continued humility is simply enabling someone else’s stubbornness.
But perhaps that’s where the real test lies.
Humility is easy when the other person is thoughtful, reasonable, and open-minded. Humility becomes a virtue when they are not. The value of humility was never that it guarantees agreement; its value is that it keeps us teachable, charitable, and honest. It reminds us that even when we’re right, we don’t possess all wisdom, all perspective, or all understanding.
I suppose there could be. But the moment when we let the humility go is the moment neither we nor our perspective is winsome or attractive.
Respectfully…
AR