I pull up to that four-way stop countless times a week. There’s nothing atypical about the intersection. Two roads in a residential area… speed limit maybe 25… all arriving in all directions come to a full stop before anyone can proceed.
This particular morning there were four cars at the intersection that arrived at seemingly adjacent times. Not the same time, but certainly close.
Of no question, I was the last to arrive. It wasn’t debatable. I was the fourth of four.
The two cars to my immediate left and right were each there first. But there was also a pedestrian. In our neighborhood (and yes, elsewhere), pedestrians come first; they generally have the right away.
And so, after the pedestrians made their way across the street, after coming to a complete stop, the two vehicles to my sides proceeded to first move through the crossing, passing one another along the way.
It was then only me and the car directly across from me, time for us to cross on the same street in opposite directions.
I was turning left, in front of the other car.
I began to turn.
As the car opposite me simultaneously started to proceed, the driver came to an abrupt halt. Not only did she stop. She stopped close enough to me to look me in the eye. Let me say it a different way…
To glare.
It was indeed not a kind, good-to-see-you glare. Not at all.
I don’t think I’m going out on a limb here in saying that the driver coming the other way was clearly peeved — nettled by my attempt to turn in front of her. She looked at me, stared at me, and mouthed a few choice words (… appreciate the soundproof glass in my car…). While I couldn’t hear her, nor discern exactly what she said, it seemed her thoughts and words went something like this…
How dare you. I was here first. You know it. You saw me. How dare you try to turn in front of me! Are you that arrogant? Are you so privileged that you think it’s ok for you to go first? You know you are wrong; it’s my turn. Shame on you. Yes, shame on you. What you think is so wrong.
Yes, she is right. To turn in front of her would have been wrong. She was there first. I was there last. And while I’m no fan of shame, I’ll echo her words in shame on me if I believe I’m right…
But there’s one problem… one problem the driver of the other car did not know. And she did not know what she did not know.
The driver of the car coming in the opposite direction of me had her blinker on. She had on the blinker signaling she would also be turning in front of me. Traffic standards dictate then that we turn at the same time, each in front of the other.
But the problem was that she didn’t know what she didn’t know. She was unaware of her own turn signal, an action she would have had to initiate.
Because the woman was blind to her very own actions, she chose to lash out in disgust at those around her. She justified glaring, shaming and shouting because she was blind to her own circumstances.
It makes me wonder…
When am I so blind? When are we so blind of our own actions and circumstances? Even when right in front of us?
Sounds like pause before lashing out is wise…
Respectfully…
AR